by Gia Riley
“They’re not throwing you out. They’re just making you move into graduate program housing.”
She exhales a shaky breath. “The three-times-as-expensive housing. I can’t afford it. Nobody can afford it.”
Her dad would gladly cover the cost, but Zoe won’t let him pay for school. She said it wasn’t his fault he had twins and he shouldn’t have to drown in debt the rest of his life. I think it boils down to the fact that she saw her mom leave this earth too early, and she doesn’t want her dad to work until his last day like she did. She wants him to have a long retirement with money to do the things he’s never gotten to do. “We’ll figure it out.”
“For once I wish Keely was going to grad school with me. I’d suck it up and share a place with her.”
Zoe fights the twin connection, but they still have it—that unbreakable bond. “I thought you were looking forward to some independence?”
“I guess I was holding out hope that the housing department would take pity on me and change the policy. My letter was so persuasive.”
“You wrote a letter?” Leave it to Zoe to cover all her bases. I bet there was even a pros and cons list. She’s famous for coming up with those to weigh options and prove her most spectacular points.
“Of course I did,” she tells me with a hint of a smile. “But it was for nothing.”
“You tried, Zo. That’s all you can do.”
“I know,” she says.
The silence that fills the room isn’t awkward, it’s never like that with us, but I still sweat. The thoughts swirling around in my head will freak her out. At best, she’ll throw her pillow in my face and tell me I’m crazy.
“What if . . .” I say on a whim. “You could always move in with me.”
With wide eyes, she swallows. “I can’t do that, Dylan. Plus, you only have one bedroom. We can’t share a bed for the next two years.”
We could share a bed, but that’s not what I had in mind. I knew she’d never go for that. “I’ll buy a pullout couch and sleep there.”
Her eyes soften when she realizes I’m taking this seriously. “You love your place and worked hard to get it. I can’t ask you to sleep on a couch.”
“Then I’ll move someplace with two bedrooms and you’ll have a room all to yourself.”
She takes the letter from me and folds it back up. Once it’s back in the envelope, she says, “That’s too much trouble. And more money than we have.”
“But you’d do it for the right price?”
“I dunno,” she says. “Maybe, but it’s a moot point because it’s not possible to find a bigger apartment that costs less than what you pay now.”
That’s all I needed to hear. I’ll make it happen.
She grabs a piece of chocolate from under the blanket and I laugh as she pops it into her mouth. “What else is hiding under there?”
“Just two candy bars. I have a stash for bad days.”
Zoe’s already had her fair share of bad days. She doesn’t need more. “You’ll figure it out, Zo. You always do,” I tell her, even though I’m the one who’s going to do all the figuring.
“I’m just pissed.” Her voice cracks. No matter how composed she’s trying to stay in front of me, she’s overwhelmed and freaking out.
But she won’t be once we’re roommates. If she fights me on it, I’ll make her write me a letter.
And then I’ll write one back with all the reasons why she’s wrong.
I found my grand gesture.
Dylan
“It’s all yours, Dylan,” the landlord says as he places two shiny keys in the palm of my hand.
I can’t believe I’m doing this. “Thanks for making this happen so fast,” I tell him with a nervous grin plastered on my face.
When the idea struck, I thought it was a longshot. And now here I am, three days after my conversation with Zoe, getting the keys to my new place—our new place. That’s as long as I can still get her to live with me. She said she would, but she also said it wasn’t possible because of the money. I won’t tell her about the money.
She’ll say it’s crazy, that living together is a rash decision that I didn’t think through. But I did, well as much as I could in three days’ time. During those three days, I either continued to watch Zoe stress, or I did something about the problem. So, I pulled money from my savings and I found a place big enough for two.
Clutching the keys in my fist, I let the metal dig into my palm. The place is great, but I wish I could give Zoe the apartment of her dreams. One with top of the line cabinets and floors. A reading nook like the one her mom made at the house because she loves studying so much. Mrs. Allen said if her daughter spent all that time with her nose stuck in a book, she should be next to a window with the sunshine on her face.
I can’t give her that, or even a bathroom to herself, but someday, I’ll give her so much more. For now, I pray what I can offer is enough to make her move out of the dorms. Maybe even put a smile on her face again.
As I dial her number, I start to worry. In my head it all made sense, and I didn’t think about what would happen if she said no.
“Hey, Dylan.” Her sweet voice instantly calms me.
“Hey, Zo. You busy?”
“Keely’s about to drop me off at the dorm. Why?”
It’s now or never. “Have her drop you off at Beans instead.”
“More coffee? Aren’t you hyper enough?”
“He wants to talk about me,” Keely says in the background.
If Keely knew what I needed to tell Zoe, she’d lose her shit. I also realize it’s not the best idea to spring new living arrangements on one sister so soon after dumping the other.
“I don’t want to talk about Keely,” I tell Zoe. “But I could use your help if you’re not busy.”
“Are you at Beans now?”
“Yeah, a block away.”
“I think I see you. We’re at the train tracks.”
Turning toward the intersection, I spot Keely’s car speeding through the intersection, ignoring the yellow light. In typical Keely fashion, she bumps the curb with her tire like she does every time she parks along the street. Those hubcaps don’t stand a chance with her behind the wheel.
When I open Zoe’s door, I acknowledge Keely first. She smiles but doesn’t attempt conversation. I’m okay with that, for now.
She gives Zoe a menacing glare, and I wonder what they’ve been discussing.
“Don’t stand me up again, hooch.”
With a defeated sigh, Zoe says, “I won’t. I said I’d be there.”
I can’t get a read on what’s going on between the two of them. Zoe looks tired, and I can tell she hasn’t been sleeping well. “Are you okay, Zo?”
She watches the taillights of Keely’s car until they’re out of view. Only then does she turn her head and acknowledge me. “I’m okay.”
I want to reach for her hand, but I’ve done it so many times lately, I’m worried she’ll ask me what the deal is. But the urge to touch her is too strong, and before I can stop myself, I’m tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
Judging from the sadness in Zoe’s eyes, she’s close to crying. Instead of letting it all out, she walks toward the coffee shop, only pausing once she’s in front of the window.
“Zo,” I whisper as she leans her head against my shoulder. “Want to tell me about it?”
“Can we get the coffee to go this time?”
“Sure, I have something to show you, anyway.” I lead her inside with my hand on the small of her back. I have so much to say, but I hold back until I can find out what’s going on inside that pretty little head of hers. “If this is about Keely, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make it harder for you.”
She looks at me with her warm, brown eyes, shredding me to pieces. “What are you sorry for? You’re allowed to go out with whoever you want.”
“I know, but I couldn’t stay with Keely just for the sake of staying. We both know s
he’s not who I want.”
She shakes her head, her gaze falling to the checkered floor tiles. “Dylan, I have no idea what you want these days. I was surprised when you got with Keely. And even though I didn’t expect it to work out, I wanted you to be happy.”
“I wasn’t happy, Zo.”
“I know,” she whispers. “But that’s not what’s bothering me. It’s just stress—from her, school, everything lately.”
“Still, you can talk about her if you need to. Nothing’s changed.”
She waits until we each have a coffee in hand before she says, “The other day Keely was talking about what it’ll be like after graduation. All this stuff about how she’ll be moving back home and I’ll be staying here. How I’m throwing away the best years of my life by keeping my nose in a book. How I need to get serious about dating and stop drowning myself in my future career. I thought I had it all figured out, but I guess it made me realize how much I don’t.”
“That sounds like Keely.” Why now? I can’t figure out why Keely would suddenly want her sister to date. She’s never seemed to care about anyone’s dating life but her own. And I’m not thrilled with her planting ideas in Zoe’s head. Because if Zoe listens, I’m fucked.
“She made me feel like a loser for going to grad school. Like it’s a waste of my time.”
“You’re not a loser. If going to grad school is a waste of time, then we can waste away together. Plus, doctors find degrees helpful.”
She doesn’t disagree, but she doesn’t laugh, either. “The housing letter added to it. Dylan, I’m a planner and you’ll tell me I have plenty of time to get it all figured out, but time is flying by.”
“We’ll figure it out together. Don’t worry about it, Zo.” Nothing makes me happier than knowing I can end her worries tonight. As soon as I show her the new apartment, all the stress will disappear. “Now, tell me what else is bothering you. There’s gotta be something else making you so sad.”
Zoe takes a sip of her coffee, and I can tell she’s trying to figure out how to word the next part. “Well, she was going on and on about dating, and how I don’t give people a chance. But she doesn’t realize that I’ve never been asked out. Other than you taking me to dances, I’ve never gone out with a guy. For the first time in my life, I started to wonder why that is. What’s keeping me from that kind of connection, besides school?”
“There’s nothing wrong with you, Zoe. You’re perfect.”
“I’m not perfect.”
“Damn close.” She blushes and I want to tick off all the reasons why she’s the first thing I think about every morning. My day’s empty unless I have at least one conversation with her. I need her laugh. Her smile. I just need Zoe.
“She’s trying to hook me up with Chaz again.”
“You don’t have to date just because she says you need to. That will always be your choice. And Chaz is a shit option.” He’s an asshole, and there’s no way in hell I’d let him get within three feet of her.
I wouldn’t let anyone near her, because she’s mine.
“It’s time. I know it is,” she says. “I’m not sure how to date though. And that makes me feel like the loser she says I am.”
I nod toward the doors, realizing there’s no time like the present. If anything can make her happy, it’s this apartment. “Come on. There’s something I need to show you.”
With her shoulders up around her ears, she brings her warm coffee to her lips, following me back into the cold. Her legs move double-time to keep up with me, and when we get to the apartment, she climbs the stairs to a place she doesn’t yet know belongs to the both of us.
“Who lives here?” she asks as she tries to peer through the front window.
I shrug, not wanting to ruin the surprise. Once the door is unlocked, I take back my earlier statement and reach for her hand, pulling her inside. I need to hold her for this.
Standing in the middle of the empty living room, I set my coffee on the floor and dig into my pocket. She watches, smiling when I pull out a candy bracelet, just like the one from the Sweetheart Dance when we were freshmen, and every year after that. It wasn’t a coincidence I was always single when the dance rolled around. That was our time.
Here goes nothing. “It’s been a long time since I gave you one of these, Zo.”
“It has been a long time.” She stares at the sugar on the string the same way she did the first time I gave it to her—like it was diamonds.
I slide the bracelet onto her wrist and I swear she shivers once it’s in place, and not from the cold. “There’s no dance to take you to tonight, but I have something more important to ask you this time.”
“Yeah? What’s that?” she asks with a tender smile on her face.
I could go into some long, drawn-out speech about grand gestures and shit, but I’ve waited long enough for today. Without a shadow of a doubt, this is the right time. It’s time to take a leap of faith. “As of today, this apartment is mine, but I’d like it to be ours. You’ll be able to move out of the dorms and next year, you won’t have to move at all. You’ll already be home. No more worrying about expensive housing that makes you cry.”
“What?”
“I guess what I’m saying is, move in with me, Zo.”
Her coffee cup almost slips out of her hand, but after she regains her composure, she holds onto the cup with so much force, her knuckles turn white. “I can’t believe you did this,” she whispers in awe as she stares at me. “You’re serious? You want us to live together?”
“That’s exactly what I want,” I tell her as I stare into her eyes. “You said if I could make it happen that you would.”
“I know what I said, Dylan. But holy shit. This is a big deal. A huge deal.”
“It doesn’t have to be. Accept my offer and I’ll make things better for you. I want to make you happy.” She doesn’t respond and I feel the rejection coming. “It won’t be so bad. We’re together all the time, anyway.”
“God, Dylan. I don’t know what to do with you anymore.” I think she’s being funny, even a little sarcastic, until I hear her sniffle and see tears drop from her lashes. I did this so she wouldn’t cry, and I’ve reduced her to tears.
“Shit, you don’t have to, Zoe. I thought it would solve problems, save us some money, and when I walked you home every day, we’d both be going the same direction. It made sense in my head, but all I did was freak you out.”
“No, you’re right. All those things are true,” she says, confusing me more.
If I did the right thing, why is she so upset?
I can tell she’s suffocating inside her puffy coat, so when she turns and walks out the front door, I don’t stop her. The last thing I want to do is push her away, so I give her all the space she needs, hoping she’ll come back when she’s ready.
But as I lean against the wall next to the windows, watching her shoulders shake, I feel helpless. All I can do is watch her swipe at the tears falling down her cheeks as she sits on the front steps leading to our new apartment—as far away from me as she can get without going home.
This apartment is ours in every sense of the word.
Zoe Allen has me.
But I need her to want me.
Zoe
All of my prayers have been answered, yet I’m sitting on the porch crying my eyes out. Despite what it may look like, I’m not the least bit sad.
I’m scared.
I’m scared because Dylan’s given up his apartment. He’s put me first for the millionth time and I’ve been getting so many mixed signals, I’m petrified we’re about to destroy the friendship we’ve spent years building.
Dylan’s always been there to pick me up when my world crumbles. When my sister gives me a hard time, he builds me back up. If I’m struggling with an assignment, he listens until I work it out. When my mom passed away, he dried my tears and gave me hope. He swore it wouldn’t hurt that bad forever.
I’ve never returned the favor, not well enough at le
ast. And I don’t know if I can give him what he needs or be the girl he thinks I am.
Blurring the lines of our best friend status scares the ever loving shit out of me. If we fell apart, I don’t know what I would do. Or if I could recover. Dylan’s my rock, and I can’t lose him.
On the flip side, I can’t afford to be stubborn and stay where I’m at either. And that leaves me with one giant dilemma. Do I risk it all and take the gift being offered? Or do I play it safe and find a way to pay for a place of my own?
My course load is so heavy it doesn’t leave much time for a job, but I could find something on campus, the library maybe. Anything to earn money for rent.
I’ve never lived on my own before. Even in the dorm there are hundreds of other people around, which I like. It makes me feel a part of more than myself.
God, Zoe. Think.
No matter how hard I rack my brain, I can’t come up with a better alternative than Dylan. Mom would tell me to go with my gut, and my gut always leads me to him.
I dry my tears, despite new ones already falling, and run back inside. My chest is tight and I’m on the verge of hyperventilating, but I want this.
“Dylan?” I call out as I round the corner of the foyer. At first, I don’t see him in the dark, but then I notice the outline of his shadow leaning against the window, and I move.
Because of him, I’m no longer scared to live in a town all by myself. I’m not worried about what life will be like without my obnoxious twin, and I’m looking forward to leaving the dorms behind, for good.
I stop to set my coffee cup on the floor and then slam into Dylan with a hug big enough to knock him off balance. He doesn’t let us fall though; he holds on tighter, lifting me off the floor.
“Thank you so much,” I tell him over and over until he’s laughing so hard, he might drop me this time.
“Is this something I need to get used to?” he says into the strands of my hair covering his face.
“What? Me jumping on you?”
“Well, I wouldn’t mind that, but you were crying two minutes ago, and now you’re smiling so big your teeth are sparkling. Is this one of Zoe’s many mood swings?”
