by Gia Riley
Once Kyler finishes his pep talk, he turns and faces me. “Before I go home to my boyfriend,” he stresses. “I suggest you stop worrying about how to win her heart, Dylan. You already have it, she’s just scared of losing yours. That Letty chick did nothing to ease her fears.”
Shell-shocked, I stare at the back of Kyler’s head as he leaves Zoe’s room. “I didn’t see that one coming.”
Zoe slides to the floor in front of her bed and looks defeated by both me and the alcohol.
Squatting in front of her, I wait for her to look at me, but she won’t. “I’m sorry, Zo.”
“I wouldn’t get naked with a stranger, you know. I’m not a slut.”
Her words knock me on my ass. I’ve spent years building this girl up, and then in one night, I’ve somehow made her think she’s trash. “I know you’re not a slut. I’m sorry. My head’s all over the place. When I saw you with him, I thought you stuck to that crazy pact to date someone else.”
“I’d only get naked with you,” she whispers. “I busted my leg. I tried to make you jealous with a gay dude, all so you’d want me and not Letty. New low.”
She can’t be serious. How in the ever loving fuck could she think I stopped wanting her? I’m a douchebag if I led her to believe that’s possible. “Hold up,” I tell her.
“What?” she asks as her eyes well up with tears.
“You occupy every part of me, Zoe. You know that. You have to.”
“Could you love me?” she asks with a trembling bottom lip. “Do you love me?”
I’ve never heard her talk about love before. As much as I wanted to believe we’d reach that point, both of us and not just me, I wasn’t convinced it’d happen. “Zoe, we had sex, and it changed us. And I’m glad because I’ve loved you since ninth grade. I’ll always love you.”
She blinks a couple times before pulling her hair off her shoulders and tying it in a mess on top of her head. A strand falls by her face, framing her jaw perfectly. “You promised me sex wouldn’t change us. You lied.”
“I didn’t lie, baby. We’ve changed, but it’s for the best. I like the changes. I like being more with you.”
“You do?” Her voice is scratchy from the alcohol and it makes her sound more like her sister. Another reason why I like sober Zoe better.
“I do.”
“You mad about Kyler?”
“Furious.”
She hugs her knees against her chest and rests her chin on top of them. “I tried hard. But I can’t do it. I just can’t.”
Here we go. I don’t want her to say it, but I can’t convince her we’re right for one another. She has to believe it, too. She has to want me, too.
“What can’t you do, Zoe?”
“I can’t stop these feelings. You’re my best friend, but I want you to be more than that.”
I wish we weren’t having this conversation while she’s three sheets to the wind, but at least alcohol is her truth serum. Thank god for small miracles.
“You love me, Zo?”
She nods and makes herself dizzy. Grasping fistfuls of air like it’ll somehow steady her, she giggles when she tips over. I catch her and she stares at me with her mouth half open.
“Kyler said you’d do that. And you did.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
Even though she can barely support her wobbly neck, I lean her against the bed. And when I shift my eyes, I notice hers locked on my mouth. “I love your stupid smile.”
“Thank you.” She’ll be so embarrassed once her buzz wears off.
“Not done,” she says with a hand in the air.
“Sorry, keep going.”
“I love those hot muscles when you walk around without your shit. I mean shirt. Makes me all bothered. Everywhere.” She points to her head and almost pokes herself in the eye. Then to her heart, and finally to mine. “I love you,” she says with a shrug.
“Zo,” is all that comes out once I get my mouth to cooperate with my brain. She deserves so much more than a little over half of her name, but it’s all I have. My heart’s pounding so hard, I can’t think straight.
“Don’t love her,” she says as a tear rolls down her cheek.
“Who, baby?”
“Letty. It hurts my insides when you flirt.”
Before she sheds another tear, I grab her and pull her against my chest. She doesn’t fight me. She just melts against my body. “You’re the only one I love. There’s nobody else. There will never be anyone else. I promise, Zoe.”
Her tears dampen my shirt and it kills me that I’m the reason she’s crying. But it doesn’t matter what broke the damn, all that matters is that she’s letting me in.
She raises her head and her glistening eyes gut me. “Do you think you could love me forever?”
“Yeah, Crash. I do. From the moment I found you tangled up in that net, I was done for. And then I fell in love with you when you picked a hair out of my spaghetti and took it to Shirley McHurley, the lunch lady from hell.”
Even though she’s crying, she manages a laugh. “That woman’s waffle. I mean awful.”
“Yeah, she was terrible. But she gave me one of my favorite memories, so she’s not so bad.” I swipe my thumbs underneath Zoe’s lashes, wiping away her tears.
She leans into my touch and I fall deeper in love with my brown-eyed girl. For the first time, the same amount of love looks back at me—it’s indescribable.
Her tongue darts out to lick her lips like she can tell I’m thinking about kissing her. She’s right, that’s all I want to do, every day for the rest of my life.
“Wait,” she says when I lean in to taste her. “If you kiss me, Dylan, that means we’re together. Is that what you want?”
I love the way she lays it on the line. She’s always held all the power, and she’s finally using it. “Being friends isn’t enough, Zoe. I want more.”
“You do?”
“Yes. We’re doing this.”
Another sweet smile appears. “So, you’re my boyfriend?”
“You’re my girl, baby.”
She blushes, but this time it’s not the alcohol’s fault, it’s mine. “Still gets me horny when you say that.”
“I’ll have to say it more often.”
I lean in for a kiss, but she swats me away. She pauses for a few seconds, trying to catch her breath. I’m worried she’s already changed her mind, but she lurches for the trash can and hurls.
She heaves her guts out, crying through all of it. I rub her back until she’s pale and exhausted.
“Dylan,” she whispers with a shaky breath. Her body’s still trembling. “Don’t remember this part. It’s gross.”
“Even with your head in the trash can, you’re still my girl. Just promise me you won’t forget this by morning.”
I don’t know what I’ll do if she wakes up with no memory of this conversation. We’re finally together and I could lose it all when the sun comes up.
“I won’t forget,” she promises. “I’m scared, but I love you.”
I lay her in the bed and pull the blankets over her. She’s asleep in seconds, still looking way too pale. I’m worried she’ll be sick again, so I climb in beside her, brushing a few hairs away from her face. “Don’t be scared, Zo. I’ve got you.”
Zoe
When I wake up, I have no idea what time it is. But I’m pretty sure I ran through a carwash without a car. My cheeks are wind burned, my throat is scratchy and raw, and my mouth is so dry I may have eaten a couple of those evergreen car fresheners along the way.
The only thing that isn’t messed up is Dylan. Having his arms around me has never felt so good, despite how tired I am. I get one eyelid open but the other one’s convinced it’s still nighttime. The bright sunlight peeking through the curtains could convince it otherwise, but it won’t listen.
“How’d we end up in my bed?” I ask Dylan as he traces the letters of my name across my back.
“Mornin’,” he says around a yawn
. He doesn’t look like he got much sleep. Something tells me that has everything to do with me. “How are you feeling?”
“Like death.”
Laughing, he leans forward and presses a kiss to my forehead. I’m thankful he doesn’t kiss my pasty lips.
“Do you want water?”
“I want an entire ocean. No, wait. Make it a lake. The salt would make me thirstier.” I peel my other eye open and when my vision comes into focus, I see Dylan staring back at me. He looks worried “What?”
He shakes his head and waits. For what I’m not sure.
“Do I have something on my face? I need to brush my teeth.” I climb out of bed, but he pulls me back and doesn’t let go. “You’re scaring me. What’s wrong, Dylan?”
“Do you remember last night?”
Last night.
It started with the pros and cons list. Shit! I scramble around the bed for my notebook, shoving my arms underneath all the pillows.
Dylan grabs my hands and steadies me. “Relax, Zo.”
I take a deep breath and think about what came next.
I remember getting changed and putting makeup on. Not that it mattered because Letty was hogging all of Dylan’s attention. Her—that girl is why I drank so much. She was all over Dylan and I didn’t like it.
I remember the porch and Kyler.
I met Price.
Whiskey. Or was it scotch? It was amber colored and tasted like absolute shit. But it warmed me from the inside out and made sitting outside in the cold bearable.
Eventually, I came back inside like I was floating on a cloud. I think Kyler carried me. Because I hurt my leg when I fell.
Dylan.
I told Dylan I loved him.
“We’re together,” I tell him. “Like real boyfriend and girlfriend, right?”
“Thank fuck,” he says before he melts back into the mattress.
He thought I’d forgotten. Or more like I wouldn’t remember. God, how much did I drink?
“You okay with that still?”
I’m a terrible person. He shouldn’t even have to ask. Why did I let my guard down and drink so much alcohol? I’ve never behaved like that before. Keely has, many times, but never me.
I’m the good twin.
The responsible twin.
But I was a complete idiot in front of Dylan’s friends and our neighbors.
“Zoe?”
“Sorry, I was going through all the stupid things I did. I’m choosing to blame you.”
“You can blame me all you want if it means nothing’s changed since last night.”
“Nothing’s changed,” I tell him. “I still want to be with you. But can you forget about the stupid things I said?”
He shakes his head and runs his knuckles down my cheek. “Nope. You’re a cute drunk. A little frustrating, but very sexy.”
“Sexy?” I question. “We went to bed with all of our clothes on. Shit, did I throw up on you?”
Laughing, he kisses my cheek. “I want to kiss your lips, but I know you’d be horrified if I did.”
The two times I’ve slept in his bed, I woke up with eye boogers and bad breath. This time, I may even have throw up on myself. If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is. “Hold that thought,” I tell him.
I brush my teeth, wash my face, pry the hair tie out of my knotted hair and try to turn it into something presentable. It ends up being a little less than a birds nest but bushier than a typical ponytail. When I’m no longer a total mess, I go back to bed and climb in beside my boyfriend. That sounds crazy.
“Feel better?”
“Yes, but you couldn’t have gotten much sleep. I won’t be offended if you want to sleep in your own bed from now on.”
“We could always knock the wall down and have one big bedroom.”
I’m not sure I’ll ever be comfortable enough to give up my own space. Maybe that’s something that comes with time, but right now, the thought terrifies me. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I need someplace to go when you’re driving me crazy.”
“Ah, come on, Zo. I’ve been your boyfriend for less than twenty-four hours. Humor me. Pretend the idea isn’t repulsive.”
I’m tempted to pinch Dylan, but he’ll think I’m completely crazy if I do. I just can’t believe this is really happening. “That sounds so crazy. I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to calling you my boyfriend.”
“Why not?”
“You’ve always been my Dylan.”
“I’ll still be your Dylan. That’s never going to change, Zo.”
As soon as his lips touch my neck, I shiver and grip his biceps. Another hazy memory filters through my groggy brain. “I said something about your muscles, didn’t I?”
“You did. It was pretty amazing.”
“What did I say?”
“That you love my muscles.”
“That’s not terrible.”
“And that walking around without my shirt on makes you hot.”
My face is on fire, I know it is, and I try to bury it against his warm chest. The same one I had verbal diarrhea over a few hours ago. “Never let me drink that much again.”
“Why did you drink so much? It’s not like you.”
“I needed lady balls to go through with Kyler’s plan. He said it’d take less than five minutes to get your attention. Otherwise, you could have woken up in bed with Letty this morning.”
“Zo, I never wanted Letty. I was just being nice because she was the only girl and I didn’t want her to feel awkward. I was hoping you two would hit it off, but you were both jealous of each other.”
Maybe Dylan’s the one who’s suffering from a killer hangover. I’d never pretend I didn’t see green as soon as I saw Letty close to Dylan. Her presence felt threatening, and I wasn’t a fan. But for her to be jealous of me, well that makes absolutely no sense. “I don’t understand. I didn’t even speak to her.”
“You didn’t have to. She knew I wanted you, and that I was pissed Kyler was with you.”
“You told her you liked me?”
“Didn’t have to. Everyone within a five-mile radius knows I care about you.”
“Oh,” is all I can say.
“Yeah, oh.”
This is the part of the night that’s sobering. Because had one thing gone differently, I might not have woken up in bed with Dylan this morning. And that makes me sad. “What if Kyler hadn’t come over? I would have come back inside, and I would have gone to bed thinking you were hooking up with Letty. We wouldn’t have ended up together, Dylan.”
“We can play the ‘what if’ game all we want, but it didn’t work out that way, did it?”
“I guess you’re right.”
“I know I’m right.”
“Well regardless of that mess, did everyone leave? Or are they asleep in our living room?”
“They figured us out and left hours ago.”
“Oh,” I say again.
Dylan leans in and kisses me, sliding his hands underneath my shirt as he does. Goose bumps break out all over my skin. We’ve had sex and slept in the same bed, yet it’s like he’s touching me for the first time.
When he tugs on my leggings, I have to stop him even though I don’t want to.
“What’s wrong, Zo?”
“Nothing.”
I wiggle out of his arms and he rests his head on his hand, watching me. “Something’s bothering you. I can tell.”
“Nothing’s wrong. I think we should wait for sex.”
“I wasn’t trying to have sex with you. I just wanted to touch you.”
“We should wait for the touching, too.”
I expect him to be mad, but he gives me one of his charming lopsided smiles that almost melts my clothes off whether I like it or not. “Don’t do that,” I warn.
“Do what?”
“Look at me like that.”
“Okay, so no touching. No removing clothing. And no looking.”
“Exactly.”
“Zoe,”
he says. “What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?”
“We can do whatever you want tonight. Just not right now.”
“Zoe.”
I’m so embarrassed, I’m afraid to look at him. Even a peek out of the corner of my eye is too dangerous. Dylan’s always been able to read me, and he’ll see right through my lame excuses if I try to come up with one.
“Tell me what’s bugging you.”
I’ve already made a fool out of myself last night, surely one more thing won’t make that much of a difference. “I didn’t shave my legs this morning.”
“Of course you didn’t. You just woke up.”
“No, I mean I didn’t shave them yesterday morning.”
“Zoe, I promise I could give two shits about some stubble on your legs.”
“Well, since we’re being so honest, I don’t remember if I shaved them the day before either. I’m practically a hippy in the winter. It’s just so cold in the shower and I try to be fast so it’s less painful. That means I skip shaving sometimes. Okay, a lot of times.”
Dylan laughs so hard, he almost knocks me on the floor. If he thinks I’m joking, he’s in for a rude awakening when he touches me and realizes I have some serious growth to deal with.
When he calms down enough to speak, he grabs my face and kisses me hard on the mouth. I let him because kissing keeps him far away from my legs. He has that little sparkle in his eye I’ve learned to be wary of when he says, “Come, Jane. Tarzan take you back to jungle.”
Before I can yell at him for making fun of me, he has me tossed over his shoulder and he’s running for the bathroom.
I pound my fists against his back, begging him to put me down, but he doesn’t until we’re standing in front of the shower. Slowly, I slide down the length of him and my whole body shutters.
“What are we doing in here?” I try hard not to laugh along with him, and I end up squinting my eyes and mashing my lips together. It only makes him smile wider.
“Relax, Crash. I promise your legs don’t bother me.”
“How long are you going to call me that?”
“Depends how your next death-defying stunt goes.”
“I figured you wouldn’t let it go. A girl breaks one bedpost and it haunts her for life.”
