by Susanna Carr
She paused and stared at Sean. Was he serious? She then saw the spark in his eyes and realized he was being deliberately provocative.
“Witchcraft?” Keith Bennett’s voice dripped with disapproval.
“There’s no connection,” Isabel claimed. The book explained that while a love potion was designed for a specific person, an aphrodisiac was supposed to increase sexual desire in anyone who ate it.
“Both are designed to make a person act against their will.”
“I believe that’s what the reading circle said in their letter to the editor when they recommended people boycott any store that sold it,” Isabel said.
Sean drummed his fingers against the table. Her responses were confusing him and he was deciding which tactic to take. “Do you believe an aphrodisiac is like a love potion?”
Of course she didn’t. She also knew that he didn’t. He’d probably already read the assigned book because the man didn’t start an argument without having all the facts. Sean would appreciate that aphrodisiacs were more about food chemistry than hocus-pocus. Certain foods contained vitamins and minerals that increased the body’s production of hormones. The results were subtle, though, and had little effect.
So he had taken the other side of the debate just to get a response out of her. She wasn’t going to play. Not today, not ever. “I don’t know enough about aphrodisiacs,” she answered. “That’s why I’m reading the book and trying the recipes.”
“If you will excuse me. I’ve heard enough.”
Keith abruptly got up from the table and walked out of the dining room. Isabel sighed and rubbed the ache that had bloomed in her forehead. Even when she tried to be on her best behavior she seemed to make someone upset.
“Am I your intended victim?” Sean asked in a teasing tone.
Victim? Sean Hawkins was no one’s victim. She was the one who was vulnerable and exposed, but she wasn’t going to act like it. Isabel slowly turned and faced him. “Excuse me?”
He smiled. “Are you going to try those recipes on me?”
She gave a tight, closed-mouth smile. “I don’t need aphrodisiacs to get you into bed.” Apparently all she needed was an overbearing father giving him an assignment to babysit her.
“Then why are you wasting your time reading the book and preparing the recipes?”
She didn’t consider the book club a waste of time. It was fun and made her try something different each month. It was a safe way to break out of her gilded cage.
“Because, as you know, in the book club we apply what we read to our daily life,” Isabel said. “And if I was going to approach the aphrodisiacs using the scientific method, I would have to give them to a man who has either no interest or only a slight interest in me.”
Sean’s smile disappeared. “You will not try an aphrodisiac on anyone, and you are not cooking for another man.”
His territorial attitude surprised her. She’d assumed he’d only wanted them to be exclusive to make his assignment easier. But the possessive tone in his voice suggested otherwise. It confused her.
She decided not to respond to his command. She picked up her fork and played around with her dessert. The silence between them grew. It unnerved her.
“I’m beginning to think I skipped a chapter in the seduction book,” Sean murmured.
“What do you mean?” Isabel hated how her voice came out in a croak.
“This must be the ice-princess move. The don’t-look-don’t-touch routine. It’s very effective,” he said in a growl. “Because throughout dinner all I’ve wanted to do is leap over this table and—”
Isabel dropped the fork onto the plate with a clatter and placed her hands on her lap. She could imagine Sean vaulting over the table. To her horror, she wanted that. She wanted to see some sign that what they’d shared mattered to him.
“It’s not an act,” Isabel said, avoiding eye contact. “If you must know, my rebellious streak is waning.”
There was a heavy beat of silence. “I don’t believe it,” Sean said.
“You were right,” she continued as she twisted the linen napkin in her hands. She had to get the words out. She had to end this. “It wasn’t going to last long.”
“This wasn’t a streak,” Sean argued. “You were showing your true self.”
Isabel shook her head vigorously. “No, my old self is the real me. It’s natural. It’s more comfortable.”
She wondered if he was going to believe anything she said. The old Isabel truly did not suit her anymore. Even playing her old self for one evening had been difficult. The role felt like a cardigan that had shrunk, and she was bursting at its seams.
“Just because it’s easier doesn’t mean it’s the real you,” Sean argued.
Isabel studied him. She saw the tension in his face, the lines bracketing his mouth deepen. Sean was annoyed. No, that wasn’t right, she decided. He was concerned. Worried. Why? He should feel a sense of achievement. His mission was accomplished.
“I don’t understand why you’re arguing about this,” she said irritably as the anger flashed hot inside her. “Isn’t this what you wanted? For me to revert to my old ways?”
He pressed his lips together. “Initially, yes, but—”
“Wasn’t that the whole point of sleeping with me?” she blurted as her anger began to slip out. “Not the first time. That was just an accident.”
“I didn’t accidentally sleep with you.” Sean glared at her. “How does one accidentally have sex?”
“The other times were intentional,” she admitted as she gave him a bitter look. “That was part of the plan, wasn’t it? But when my father asked you to rein me in, I doubt he meant in the bedroom.”
* * *
SHE KNEW. Sean went completely still as a coldness invaded him. She knew everything. How? The agreement had been strictly between Keith and him.
This looked bad. Panic rose inside him as he stared at Isabel’s pale face. He had to be very careful what he said next or he would lose Isabel.
No, he had already lost her. Now he understood why her appearance tonight had unsettled him. The dress and the pearls were her armor. She was holding the world at bay. Holding him at bay. Disappointment welled inside his chest.
Isabel arched her brows. “You have nothing to say?” she asked with false sweetness. “Understandable. There’s really no excuse.”
Sean clenched his hands into fists. He felt his lungs squeezing closed as his stomach twisted. He had caused Isabel pain, and he’d done more than bruise her confidence. She had abruptly halted her transformation because she didn’t trust the encouragement he had given her. She suddenly didn’t feel safe with the choices she had made.
“Keith asked me to find out what was going on at your book club,” he said slowly as he weighed his words. “He believes your new friends are a bad influence.”
“And the only way to find out the truth was to take me to bed?” Her voice rose with disbelief. “Try again, Sean. There was more to this plan than you’re letting on. Why did you sleep with me?”
“Why did you sleep with me?” he countered.
He watched her eyes glitter with pain and anger. She pressed her lips together and he knew she was holding back hurtful words and retorts. When her expression went blank, he realized she’d decided to tell the truth. “Because I wanted to,” she replied with great reluctance.
“Same here.”
She scoffed at his words. “No, you didn’t. You made it very clear that sleeping with me was a mistake and that you’d never make it again.”
“And I meant that at the time. I didn’t like how out of control I was with you. I have spent most of my adulthood mastering the emotions that destroyed my relationship with my family and almost ruined my future. But one kiss from you, and I was driven by my emotions.”
/> “Well, congratulations, you have finally mastered your emotions because what you did to me was completely unemotional. It was cold and calculating to take me to bed just so you could shape me into the biddable woman you wanted me to be,” she accused. “I should have expected something like this from you.”
“It’s time to refresh your memory,” Sean said as he leaned forward and rested his arms on the table. “What we shared in bed was real.”
Isabel tossed her napkin on the table and mimicked his stance. “No, what we shared was fake,” she bit out. “You told me you wanted my sensual side all to yourself. But you were really trying to manipulate me into being the prim and proper lady everyone wanted.”
“I could never hold you back.” And, much to his surprise, he liked her aggression in bed. She didn’t hide anything when they were alone. “Your bold spirit always broke through. It may have scared off your past lovers, but it doesn’t scare me.”
She stiffened. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He realized he had inadvertently uncovered something she had never discussed. She had been too sensual or too assertive for her previous men. It hadn’t fit with her good-girl image. None of her boyfriends had noticed her naughty side. Once she had revealed that side of herself, those men hadn’t had a clue what to do with her.
“Did you hear me complain about it?” he asked. “No, not once. Because I loved it. I love the restraint you show in public and the wildness you display in private.”
Isabel leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. “But you had an ulterior motive. To keep an eye on me for my father.”
He should have known his private agreement with Keith would haunt him. “How did you find out about the favor I was doing for your father?”
“I overheard you in the house yesterday.”
“I see.” He wondered how much she had heard. Had she heard him defend her choices? Or give one accolade after another about her to her father? His feelings for her had become so obvious that Keith had given his blessings for him to date Isabel. “Did you also hear me tell your father that he didn’t need to worry about you or your book club? That you have no interest in causing a scandal, you just want a chance to be who you really are?”
She drew her head back and gave him an uncertain look. “No.”
Sean sighed and speared his hands through his hair. “Then you probably didn’t hear how I defended your friends.”
“I’m supposed to take your word on all of this?”
He motioned toward the study. “Go ask your father.”
“Oh, I will confront him on this, believe me.” She pointed at Sean in accusation. “But you can’t defend what you did to me.”
Sean splayed his arms out as the frustration burned through him. “I slept with you because you’ve been in my thoughts and dreams since I met you. I slept with you because I couldn’t stand the idea of not being with you. And it’s not just for the sex. Why do you think I’ve attended these Sunday dinners for the past three years? I’m here to spend time with you.”
“And you decided to start this fling when it served your purpose,” she said quietly.
He slumped against his seat and gave a deep sigh. “It’s not like that.”
“You supposedly want to be with me, and yet you tried to make me into something I’m not.”
“When?” he asked. “When I encouraged you to take risks? When I pleaded with you to go for it?”
She frowned and abruptly pushed her chair back. “It doesn’t matter anymore. This conversation is over. We are over.”
“Don’t say that,” he said as the panic clawed at him.
“Pretend this fling never happened,” Isabel said as she stood up and marched out of the room. “I know I will.”
* * *
ISABEL RUBBED HER EYES and stared at her computer screen. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t focus on her work. The quiet of the library didn’t soothe her as it usually did. Today it grated on her nerves. She needed some noise, some distraction to crowd out the thoughts and doubts in her troubled mind.
She heard a knock at her open office door and was grateful for the interruption. Isabel saw her friend Sydney standing at the threshold. She was a welcome sight.
“You look like hell,” her friend said.
“Thanks,” Isabel replied and made a face. She knew she hadn’t been able to hide the fact that she hadn’t slept for the past couple of days.
“Laura and I decided we need an emergency book club meeting tonight,” Sydney announced. “Don’t worry, no boys allowed this time.”
“I appreciate the offer, but I’m fine.”
“How can you say that?” Sydney asked as she looked at Isabel intently. “It’s only been a couple of days since you broke up with Sean. Have you heard from him?”
“He’s been calling and texting. And then I got these yesterday.” She motioned at the flowers on her desk. She could avoid his calls but she hadn’t been able to throw away the flowers. The exotic arrangement had a special hidden meaning. Sean could have given her a traditional bouquet of roses but instead he’d gone for something striking. Something that suited the bolder side of her. The gesture had surprised her, along with the note that had simply said “Please forgive me.”
She wanted to forgive him, and his words continued to linger in her mind. Had he really been interested in her all this time? Was she the only reason he attended the Sunday night dinners?
Isabel wanted to believe she meant something to him. He had made her feel wanted and desired. Cherished and adored. Loved. Had it all been an act? Now she wasn’t so sure.
But she wished she hadn’t been so open with him. Showing her true self had been the biggest risk of all. It was safer to hide.
Laura rushed to the office door, nearly bumping into Sydney. “Uh...Isabel, I just wanted to give you a heads-up.”
Isabel took a deep breath and rubbed her eyes again. “Whatever you did, we can fix it.”
“No, it’s nothing like that.” Laura paused. “Well, there is something I did but we can deal with that later. I just saw Sean walking up to the library.”
Isabel’s heart leaped against her ribs. She wanted to see Sean and yet she had to avoid him. If she talked to him now, she would tell him how she felt. It would be uncensored and it would reveal how much she loved him.
“It’s a public building,” Sydney told Laura. “He’s allowed in.”
“Oh, I think he’s coming here for Isabel,” Laura said and wiggled her eyebrows.
Isabel was tempted to lock herself in her office. But it would only delay the inevitable. Sean wanted one last showdown. He wanted the last word. Fine, she decided. She was going to let him have it and then they could move on, once and for all.
Isabel slowly got up from her seat and calmly stepped out of her office. She warned herself to act cool and confident. Show no emotions. Hide behind the prim and proper facade.
And her plan evaporated when Sean entered the building. Her breath hitched in her throat as he strode toward her. His expression was as severe as the lines of his black pinstripe suit. It took a moment to register that he was carrying the blue-and-green-printed stiletto heels. The blue ribbon ankle straps dangled between his fingers.
He stood in front of her and she couldn’t think of a word to say. The shoes were incongruous next to his professional attire, almost dainty against his masculine hand.
“You forgot these.” He held them out to her.
She clasped her hands in front of her. She wasn’t going to get any closer to him. She didn’t trust her restraint. “They are not mine.”
“They should be.”
Isabel straightened her shoulders and met his gaze. There was no gleam of battle in his light blue eyes. She couldn’t quite tell what he was thinki
ng. “I don’t want them.”
“Yes, you do. And you should have them.” His voice dipped. “Not just own them, but wear them.”
She felt a blush scorch her cheeks. She didn’t want everyone to know about her collection of shoes and her hesitancy to wear them. It revealed too much about her shortcomings.
Isabel was very aware of her friends watching the exchange. “Let’s...” She paused and looked back at her office. No, she couldn’t be alone with Sean in that room. “Let’s step outside for a moment.”
She gestured at the door he had just entered. Sean’s expression didn’t change. There was no relief or triumph in his eyes. He was determined. Focused. She led him out to the front of the library and halted at the bottom of the steps.
“I meant what I said before,” Sean said in a rush. “I think you are perfect the way you are. But that doesn’t mean you have to hide your sensual side.”
“I didn’t hide it. Not with you. Look at where that got me.”
“You do hide,” he said as his gaze traveled down the brown printed dress and flat shoes. “It’s why you won’t wear the sexy shoes. You’re afraid of that side of yourself. You know it’s very powerful and you’re not sure you can control it.”
Damn. Her lips parted in shock. How had he guessed that? What had given her away? “Why would you think that?” Her voice was barely above a whisper.
“I feel the same way when I’m with you,” he confessed. “I didn’t like feeling out of control. Not at first. I didn’t want my emotions to rule me, to cost me what I’ve worked so hard for. It took me some time to realize that I don’t have to worry about that when I’m with you.”
“But I have to worry about it when I’m with you. You said I was perfect the way I am. It wasn’t a compliment. You were trying to keep me from exploring. Why else would you suggest I keep my wild side hidden?”
He rubbed his hand against the back of his neck. “Honestly, I always felt that I had to hide my true nature. Until I was with you. With you I could let go and you would be there with me every step of the way.”
