Off to China
R. Couri Hay, who is the celebrity columnist for the National Enquirer and the star and producer of his own celebrity-interview show on Channel C, a local cable-television station, said over the telephone the other day, “I am going to China. I will be there over the holidays. It’s going to be very interesting, because, let’s face it, China has turned around. My God, I think they are going to be welcoming us with American flags. I’m going with Zandra Rhodes. You know who Zandra Rhodes is? Well, she’s in fashion. [We can’t seem to escape it this week.] Zandra is taking her sketchbook, because they have promised to open up some museums for us. I’m sure her next collection will have a Chinese influence. I am taking summer clothes and winter clothes. I mean, we’re going to hot China and cold China. I am taking jeans, of course, long underwear, L. L. Bean boots, my new Ralph Lauren baseball jacket lined with nutria. It’s in red poplin. I’m not expecting any trouble in China. I mean, they are embracing capitalism. I am going to dress in red, white, and blue—I don’t want people to think I am Russian, or something. That should be fun. I am hoping the hotels will be great. We’re not allowed to tip, but it was suggested to us that we take little trinkets. I am going to take key chains with the Empire State Building attached to them. That should be fun. We’ve also been told not to take any ties or suits. Absolutely no ties. Interesting. For me to go away on a vacation, I have to go to extremes to avoid gossip. I mean, I can’t just go to Europe, or something like that. That’s why I am going to China quick. With their new capitalist thinking, and our recognizing them, and all that, soon it might be like going to the Coast. I have been practicing with my chopsticks, though secretly I am hoping the food will be lousy, so that I can lose a few pounds. That’s what I would like while I’m there. A diet free of gossip and calories. We’re leaving from San Francisco and stopping off in Manila to attend a dinner given by Mme. Marcos. Then to Hong Kong, which is a pretty normal place. I think it’s so interesting how you get to places. We’ll be going to China by train from Hong Kong. That sounds interesting. When we get to China, one of the places we are going to is Sian. Sian is such a marvellous idea. I mean, this is so unseen by white eyes. Seven months ago, I went to Cuba, but I had to go by way of Mexico. When you go to these strange Communist countries, you have to go to another country first. On the way back, I had to charter a plane to the Bahamas. The pilot couldn’t speak English. Later, I found out we almost crashed. He couldn’t read the map. But how many people charter a plane from Cuba?”
—January 1, 1979
Office Workers
Our favorite highlights from The Steelcase National Study of Office Environments: Do They Work?, the published report of a survey conducted by Louis Harris & Associates, Inc.:
Eighty-two per cent of the office workers in this country have positive feelings about their jobs. There is little difference whether the person is male or female, or has been on the job more than six years or less than six years, and little difference whatever the type of job or the job level.
The three most important considerations that an office worker looks for in a job are clarity of the scope and responsibilities of the job, interesting work, and access to the tools, equipment, and materials needed to get the job done well.
During the past five years, seventy-three per cent of this country’s office workers have had a change in the location of personal work space.
Ninety-four per cent of today’s office workers feel that the way their personal work spaces look is important.
The two most important characteristics of a personal work space are how neat and well-organized it looks and the amount of privacy it affords. There is almost universal agreement on this among business executives and office workers.
More than seventy per cent of today’s office workers are satisfied with their personal work spaces.
Office workers on the average spend only 6.4 hours per day at or in their personal work spaces.
The Harris people interviewed one thousand and forty-seven office workers, two hundred and nine executives, and two hundred and twenty-five office designers. None of the office workers, executives, or office designers mentioned the importance of nice, clear, long corridors or of Coke machines. A nice, clear, long corridor is an important thing to have in an office because office workers are then able to trip up or do a fireman’s carry on an unsuspecting colleague. A Coke machine is important because an office worker can buy a nice, refreshing drink at it, stand around it and flirt, or sit on top of it stark naked while having a small nervous breakdown or while reading the poetry of Adrienne Barbeau.
—January 8, 1979
The World of Letters
Here is some information and advice that some editors of fiction (Thomas Congdon, editorial director of Thomas Congdon Books, E. P. Dutton; Thomas Dunne, executive editor, St. Martin’s Press; George Glay, editorial manager, Harlequin Books; Newton A. Koltz, senior editor, Bantam Books; Richard Marek, president, Richard Marek Publishers; Maureen Baron, executive editor, Fawcett Books; Betty Prashker, editorial director of trade books, Doubleday; Ann Reit, editor, Scholastic Magazines; Sol Stein, novelist and publisher, Stein & Day) gave to some aspiring fiction writers, each paying twenty-five dollars (including lunch), at the Overseas Press Club the other day:
Word of mouth is what really sells a book. An ad in The New York Times doesn’t necessarily help, but it’s nice for the author.
Royalty statements are made out only every six months, because making them out costs a lot.
A fiction writer can write about anorexia nervosa, abortion, death, and homosexuality in hard-cover books for young adults but not in soft-cover books for young adults.
Teen-agers feel the same things as adults; they just don’t have the words for them.
The teen-age book-publishing market is a flourishing book-publishing market.
Some fiction editors will buy a proposed book after seeing only a sample chapter and an outline. Sometimes an outline will be enough, sometimes a sample chapter will be enough.
Catch your reader in the first three pages.
Every chapter should make the reader want to go on to the next.
Chemistry is very important between writer and editor.
Big scenes are very important in a novel.
Deep editing is very important in putting a novel together.
Tremendous plot is not always important in writing a novel.
If you have been a nonfiction writer and want to be a fiction writer, that can be very frightening. Journalists are afraid of length; that may be why it is hard for them to write fiction.
—February 12, 1979
Over Here
A quick tour of the Antiques and Memorabilia Show at the Statler Hilton with the man in charge, Mort Berkowitz:
“Over here, we have some Joe Franklin sheet music. Do you know Joe? Joe was into nostalgia long before anybody else. Joe was here for two days. You just missed him … . Over here, everything from old shawls to umbrellas, including old plates … . Quilts here … . Porcelain to Chinese pots … . This is some old scrimshaw. Scrimshaw is engraving on bones or ivory—made popular on Nantucket in the time of Moby Dick … . And, of course, silver, which is always popular … . Antique jewelry. Sequins are pretty popular now that disco is in vogue. Any twenties or thirties fashions now that disco is in vogue. Did you know that this is the largest nostalgia show in the city? Nostalgia is very large. So many people long for the good old days, long for something meaningful. I mean, they long to regain their childhoods, don’t you find? …You see those hats? Beautiful … . Of course, the Beatles are ever popular. And meet Helene, who is one of the largest Betty Boop collectors in the world. Hi, Helene … . This is really Art Deco. I don’t know if you know Art Deco. Do you know Art Deco? …That’s not an antique. That’s just a little horse Kenny’s mother gave him. You don’t know Kenny … . A collection of tokens and coins. Richard, what were tokens used for, again?”
“Tokens were used as ads
in giveaways to entice business and also to supplement the coins of the time.”
“Thank you. That was very eloquent, Richard. What more can I say? …Over here, some books that we all read as children … . Oh, here is something interesting. Stuart, can you explain what this is?”
“This is a viewer for stereo cards and cabinet photos. The original piece, which looked just like this one, was invented in the eighteen-fifties by Antoine Claudet. Ten years later, the American manufacturers made the model that you are now looking at. Actually, this is a copy, in cherry wood. It is priced at three hundred and twenty-five dollars.”
“Thank you, Stuart. Very good … . And, of course, there’s Charles Lindbergh. He is ever popular. O.K.? O.K.”
—February 19, 1979
Cat
“NEWS AND PHOTO TIP:
“When: Monday, February 26th—11 A.M.
“Where: 1 Times Square, at 42nd Street (main floor).
“Why: The cat chosen for the role of Uncle Elizabeth in the forthcoming Broadway musical I Remember Mama, starring Liv Ullmann, will be introduced to the press. I Remember Mama will open on Broadway May 3, after its world-première engagement in Philadelphia March 9-April 21. Tara Kennedy, 7, who plays Miss Ullmann’s youngest child in I Remember Mama and is the owner of Uncle Elizabeth in the musical, will be there to meet her stage pet. Tara comes from Scranton, Pa. She and the lucky feline will be making their Broadway débuts. Uncle Elizabeth’s understudy will be introduced to the press at the same time.”
Was the cat a big cat?
No. The cat was not a big cat. The cat was a very small cat.
Did you get very close to the cat? I mean, did you touch the cat?
No. I did not get too close to the cat. I mean, I am a little afraid of cats.
Did the cat have blue eyes?
No. The cat did not have blue eyes.
Did the cat look happy?
I wouldn’t be able to tell a happy cat if I saw one. People say little babies don’t smile. It’s just their stomach griping. Someone said cats live the life of Riley.
Did the cat have a name?
Someone said that the cat’s name was Jonesy.
Where did the cat come from?
Someone else said that originally she belonged to an actress but that the actress went to California to do television and couldn’t take the cat.
Is the cat a light sleeper?
No. The cat is not a light sleeper. The cat is a regular cat sleeper.
Was the cat frisking about?
No. The cat was not frisking about. The cat was very passive.
Was the cat’s coat beautiful?
No. The cat’s coat was not beautiful. The cat’s coat looked damp. It was raining that day.
Is the cat pretty?
No. The cat is not pretty. Not even for a regular house cat is the cat pretty.
What color is the cat?
The color of the cat is calico. From where I stood, not too close, the cat looked very dirty.
Did you fall in love with the cat all the same?
No. I did not fall in love with the cat all the same.
What does the cat like to eat?
I don’t know, but she looked very thin.
—March 12, 1979
G-L-O-R-I-A
At a party that Doubleday (the publishers) gave for Gloria Vanderbilt, the author of a new book called Woman to Woman:
… . … . … . . (Sharp intake of breath) “Gloria!”
… . … . … . . “Gordon.”
… . … . … . . (Sharp intake of breath) “Gloria!”
… . . “Ruth.”
… . … . … . . “Margaret.”
… . … . … . . “Tammy.”
… . . “Sean.”
… . … . … . . (Sharp intake of breath) “Gloria!”
… . … . … “Remember when she dieted down to a hundred pounds?”
… . … . … “Today, as you know, publishing is packaging.”
… . … . … . . “From where I stand, I can see a book titled Beyond Defeat.”
… . … . … . . “That is Gloria Jones.”
… . … . … . . “You mean …?”
… . … . … “Yes. There are an awful lot of famous Glorias here tonight. I am the least famous of them.”
… . … . … . . (Sharp intake of breath) “Gloria!”
… . . “Jerry.”
… . … . … . . “Did Gloria design the suit and blouse she is wearing?”
… . … . … . . “Gloria only designed the blouse.”
… . … . … . . (Sharp intake of breath) “Gloria!”
… . … . … . . (Sharp intake of breath) “Gloria!”
Titles of some chapters or sections of Gloria Vanderbilt’s book: “The Bright Garden of Memory—and Taste,” “Early Me,” “Learning More About Myself,” “The Romance of the Self: Fortuny, Karinska, Adolfo,” “Discovering Yourself,” “The Spirit of the Artist,” “Menus and Recipes.”
There are many pictures in Gloria Vanderbilt’s new book. Almost all of them have captions, and all of the captions perfectly describe the photographs: “Gloria in 1941.” “Gloria in 1953—in a publicity photo for The Swan.’” “At sixteen Gloria on the brink of Hollywood.” “Gloria dressed as a medieval damsel, Old Westbury, 1935.” “The famous Sphinx photograph—Gloria wearing a Mainbocher gown.” “Gloria in 1971—‘the past few years have greatly expanded our sense of what we can be.’” “Gloria, with Carter Vanderbilt Cooper, wearing one of her Faraway coolie hats.” “Gloria at work in her studio.” “Gloria returns Wyatt Cooper’s smile at a Broadway opening.” “Gloria in the Ten Gracie Square days.”
—March 19, 1979
The Ages of Woman
The Fragrance Foundation invited Dr. Susan Schiffman, Associate Professor, Department of Psychiatry, Duke Medical Center, to make an after-luncheon speech at the Plaza Hotel one day last month. Dr. Schiffman was asked by the Fragrance Foundation to try to explain to the guests, about two hundred perfume manufacturers and suppliers, an idea that the Fragrance Foundation had come up with, the idea being “The Five Fragrance Ages and Stages of Woman: Pre-Teen, Teen, Young Adult, Middle Age, Matron.” From where we sat, this is some of what we heard Dr. Schiffman say:
“Thank you for a lovely introduction. Chemical senses are the most evolved … little bumps on your tongue … little oranges … emotional seat of the brain … a rat’s brain … tongue … taste buds … olfactory receptors … turnover every ten days … moth-eaten by the time you get to be fifty-five … for some reason, turnover every thirty days … taste and smell acuity … taste buds … olfactory receptors … olfactory … hormones … taste and smell … depressed … a weight problem … mother and father saying territory to be established … I run a weight-loss unit … area of the brain … developing cigarettes for the Arabs … smell has something to do with territoriality … territoriality … of shame among young women … the first use of fragrance may be to define … very interested in female psychology … in the thirties, more comfortable … sexuality … emotional stimulant … sexual reason … overweight women … ten million receptor cells in the olfactory system … don’t know what it is about musks that makes them, you know, so musky …”
—April 9, 1979
Festival
A press conference announcing a second Woodstock music festival. Some fragments from an exchange between the producers (whose backers include a record company and a film company) and the press:
“Ten years ago, a little magic happened that touched the nation, the world.”
“I don’t think we are fools.”
“The reason that we want to do it is that since Woodstock there have been a lot of music films made and none of them had what ‘Woodstock’ had. The ten years since Woodstock have not been as exciting as the sixties.”
“The tenth anniversary was a good time to do some of the things we hadn’t been able to do last time. There is so much new t
echnology today that you didn’t have then.”
“One word I would use to wrap up the whole thing is ‘energy.’ Try to turn that energy on.”
“The kids, the youth …”
“No cultural event that sums up the seventies. This has been a down decade, full of inflation, you know. No sense of optimism.”
“Where will you hold this festival?”
“Even if I knew, I wouldn’t tell you.”
“We talked to the youngest, most exciting bureaucrats in this state. They believe in New York. They want us to stay here.”
“How much money is going into it?”
“Money is coming from the record deal and the film deal.”
“Six million dollars. Last time, we spent three million dollars. With inflation, everything is double.”
“How much do you hope to get out of it?”
“Nobody is trying to get rich and retire from this.”
“I’ve been involved in Indian projects for a while.”
“Money. It’s a real boring subject.”
“Can you recapture the spontaneity?”
“Yes. No matter how much you plan, you can’t kill spontaneity.”
“We are not trying to kill the looseness of the event.”
“What acts are you going to sign?”
“Can’t say.”
“You said you would never touch another rock festival. You said the first Woodstock was the worst disaster. Now …”
“No.”
“It’s an epochal festival.”
“I could stand here until four o’clock and tell you what we are doing.”
“What about drugs?”
“What about drugs?”
—April 23, 1979
Unveiling
Talk Stories Page 10
