"You know why, Melissa." He slid onto the seat I'd vacated. "Don't you remember? I've never been able to perform with a condom on. Oh, and for your information, not everybody uses them."
"Even though the consequences were to catch a sexually transmitted disease and pass it on to me—the woman you profess to love too much to have a bit of dirty sex with." I sneered. "It's funny how you didn't mind infecting me in the process, just because the sex wasn't as enjoyable for you with a condom on. You disgust me."
"I'm sorry. I never thought it would happen to me. I'm choosy. I don’t sleep with just anyone."
"Not choosy enough, obviously. You selfish, pathetic little man."
Gavin shuddered as I spoke, apparently shocked by my words. I'd never spoken to him with such venom.
"Calm down, Mel. You know you shouldn't upset yourself like this. You'll make yourself ill again."
"Make myself ill again …? You're having a laugh. Are you honestly saying I'm doing this to myself? I've been well for years now, but let me make things clear—if I do take a wrong turn, the blame lies solely with you—not me. Got that?" I stormed from the room.
***
Gavin shrugged as his overwrought wife walked out. They had a long way to go before their life could return to normal, but at least he had hope. He figured, while they lived under the same roof, there had to be hope.
Mel hadn’t mentioned either of them moving out, which he was grateful about—he knew he deserved all she could throw at him. They’d been together a long time, which must count for something. He still loved her, she meant the world to him—he needed to prove it to her that’s all.
Chapter 2
I woke to the shrill peel of Gavin's alarm clock.
He fumbled for the button, muttering expletives.
I closed my eyes, feigning sleep, and stayed that way while he got ready for work. I didn't possess the energy to face him.
I sensed him beside me at one point and braced myself, expecting the usual kiss on the cheek. Instead, he stroked a finger along my jawline before leaving, closing the door quietly behind him.
I had hoped he would go in one of the girls' rooms last night, but instead he’d slipped into bed beside me. I hadn’t slept a wink. Gavin dropped off after a couple of hours tossing and turning, but I just lay there, listening to his snores. It felt like we were in the middle of a terrible nightmare.
I shuddered, still bruised and confused after last night's confession.
I'd expected a myriad of excuses. Thought he'd explain what a huge mistake he'd made—an ill-fated one-off, that he’d regretted ever since, blah, blah, blah.
That couldn’t have been further from the truth.
I needed to get today's appointment out of the way before deciding what on earth I would do about everything. Doctor Collins said the results of my blood tests would be sent to the clinic. But I already knew, in my heart, what they'd tell us.
We still led an active sex life. Maybe less frequent in recent years, but active all the same. That's what confused me more than anything—I'd never turned him away, not once in thirty years.
I dragged myself out of bed and stood under the shower for close on half-an-hour. Although I wasn’t working today, Liz, our neighbour, would be around soon for her morning coffee. She came most days and, although I loved her dearly, I couldn’t confide in her.
***
At 3pm, Gavin tooted the car horn, and I grabbed my jacket off the hook and met him out at the car.
When we pulled up outside the clinic, I froze, as though glued to the seat by the weight of the dread inside me.
Gavin came round to my side and opened the door.
I hesitated, then picked up my handbag from the foot-well and forced myself from the car, ducking out of the way as Gavin bent to kiss my cheek.
I wished I had brought a scarf or a hat or something to disguise myself. I needn't have worried. There were people from all walks of life in the waiting-room, from a teenage boy to an old woman and lots in between. I figured the clinic must cater for all different illnesses, not just HIV and AIDS. When a young woman entered with a cute baby boy, I prayed the tiny tot hadn't got anything nasty.
Gavin sat on the edge of a plastic seat, chewing at his thumbnail, his knee bouncing up and down. His anxiety showed and although I hated him right now, I desperately wanted to pull him into my arms, to assure him everything would be okay.
A kind-faced, middle-aged woman called our names and I let out an unintentional squeal. I put it down to a reaction of my tightly coiled nerves.
Gavin leapt to his feet. He waited while I picked up my handbag and jacket, then, putting his hand at the small of my back, he guided me behind the woman.
The room she led us to could double as a shoe-box—a table and four chairs almost touched the walls. A small window had been opened but didn't create any relief from the stifling heat.
"Take a seat and Doctor Morgan will be with you in a tick," she said, and then left.
"It's hot in here." I undid the neck of my blouse and fanned myself, feeling claustrophobic.
Gavin jumped up and tried to open the window further, but it had been bolted in place. "Shall I open the door?"
I shook my head. "No, I'll be okay."
Doctor Morgan—a little woman in her thirties, with a head of unruly strawberry blond curls, came into the room. She had a file tucked under her arm.
After all the formalities, she got down to business.
"How are you both?" She glanced from me to Gavin.
We both nodded, giving tentative smiles.
"Now, I want you to feel at ease with me. I'm not going to judge you. I'm here to answer any questions and, believe me, there's nothing I haven't heard a thousand times already—nothing will shock me." She smiled. "Afterwards, I'll advise you where we go from here." She placed the opened the file on the table in front of her.
An awkward silence followed as she read the notes.
"Now, I have had the results of your blood tests, Melissa."
My heart stopped. The room seemed to be getting smaller, and I struggled to breathe.
"The initial tests have returned a positive result."
She waited for her news to sink in.
A riot started in my brain and I couldn't control the tremors that engulfed my body.
"We will send off to the lab for a Western Blot, which is a more definite test. We won't get the results back for a few days, but because you've been exposed to the virus, there is a high chance it will confirm you too, are HIV positive."
"I understand." I nodded, my voice sounding quite civilised considering I wanted to strangle Gavin there and then.
Gavin reached for my hand but stopped. Clearly thinking better of it, he pulled back and sat on his hands instead.
"Would you like me to get you a glass of water? Give you a few minutes alone?"
"No—no thanks, I'll be fine." My voice sounded weak and shaky.
"Now, can you tell me what you already know about HIV?"
Gavin cleared his throat. "I've done some research so I know a bit more than I did. It's an incurable virus that affects the immune system and will develop into AIDS without treatment."
"Yes, that's right. Generally when a person is diagnosed HIV positive, we check their blood count which shows us how advanced the infection is. Can you tell me, Gavin, do you have you any idea when you contracted the virus?"
"No, not really." Gavin exhaled loudly and fidgeted in his seat.
"I'm sorry. These questions are very personal. You were asked if you wanted your wife present, weren't you?"
"Yes, I was and I do. She needs to hear all this too."
Doctor Morgan nodded and wrote something down on her notepad. "How many partners do you think you had unprotected sex with in the past say … ten years?"
That had been my question too. I wondered if she'd get more information than I'd been able to.
Gavin shrugged. "I don't know."
She scrib
bled something down.
"Approximate numbers will do—five?—ten?—more?"
"More."
My head snapped around to look at him and I couldn’t help it, but my lip curled in disgust. I didn’t care if Dr Morgan could see my sneer.
Gavin wouldn't meet my eyes.
More scribbling.
"Lots more? Twenty? Fifty? Hundreds?" She shrugged. "Thousands?"
I shuddered.
"Hundreds." He glanced at me, his eyes pleading for forgiveness.
My breath caught in my throat. How could this be possible? Hundreds! This nightmare kept getting worse and worse.
"Do you know any of these partners? Would you be able to contact them to inform them they also need to be tested?" The doctor continued.
"No. They were all random."
"I see." More scribbling followed.
"Were these partners men, women or a mixture of both?" She glanced up from her pad giving Gavin an I'm-sorry-about-this, smile.
Gavin froze then glanced at me and back to the doctor.
I was puzzled by his hesitation. "Women," I said, glaring at Gavin for confirmation.
Prickles starting at the nape of my neck descended down my entire body and my heartbeat thudded. The truth suddenly dawned on me as I looked into Gavin's tear filled eyes.
"Gavin, tell her." I still scrambled around for some reasonable explanation.
"No, doctor. They were men."
"No!" I cried. "No, that's not true. Tell her, Gavin. That's not true. Please!" I begged him, clawing at his hands.
He gripped my hands in his and fixed his gaze on mine. "It's true, Mel. I'm bisexual."
I gasped and jumped to my feet. Head bowed, my hands clasped my cheeks.
"Melanie, please, hear me out."
I shook my head. "I can't do this." I grabbed my handbag and jacket, hauled on the doorknob and fled through the gap, not waiting for the door to fully open. I had to get away from this new and devastating knowledge.
Gavin walked from the clinic an hour or so later. His usually stiff posture seemed loose, his shoulders slumped, and he dragged his feet as though he had no fight left. His suit jacket hung from his fingertips and trailed on the ground behind him.
I observed him from the bench outside the main doors, and my stomach contracted at his beaten appearance.
He didn’t notice me until I called his name. His face lit up.
"I thought you'd gone," he said.
"I did.” I shrugged. “Then I came back."
"I'm glad."
We walked to the car in silence.
Half way home I glanced at him. "What did she say?"
"Can I tell you when we get home? I think we both need a brandy."
Gavin never drank in the middle of the day, so I knew to expect even more bad news.
I nodded, conflicting emotions tearing through me. Deep down I didn't want to sympathise—especially after his latest bombshell, but I still cared for this overgrown child. And somehow, the fact that Gavin hadn't slept with other women made things a little easier to stomach, in some sort of twisted logic.
As we turned onto the street, a cry escaped my lips. Our eldest daughter's car was parked on the grass verge in front of the house.
"Oh no! I don't believe it."
"What? What's wrong?" Gavin stared at me.
"I forgot Yvonne and Keith are here to stay for a few days."
Gavin slumped in his seat. "Oh shit." He sighed.
"You go in. I'll run to the supermarket to get something for dinner. We need to act normal. Promise me, Gavin, they can't find out."
"Where should I say we've been? She'll wonder why I'm not at work."
"You'll think of something. You've had enough practice lying over the years."
"Not now, Mel. Please. Not now."
Chapter 3
I arrived home, my arms laden with groceries.
Everyone seemed in good spirits in the lounge. Gavin had turned on the charm and, thank goodness, Yvonne didn’t seem the least bit suspicious.
I could breathe again.
Yvonne came through to the kitchen as I put the groceries away.
"So what are your plans while you're here, Vonny?"
She pulled out a stool from the breakfast bar and climbed up. "I'm going with Krystal tomorrow for a dress fitting."
"Ah, yes. I forgot that's what you came for. When is the wedding?"
"Not until July. I told Krystal today, I'm more like an old maid than a bridesmaid. Do you think I'll look silly at my age?" She tossed her golden brown hair dramatically.
I laughed. "How can you be an old maid? You're married."
"You know what I mean. Bridesmaids are usually young."
"Of course not silly, you're gorgeous. Krystal wants to watch out she's not upstaged by you."
Although biased, as every mother is, I wasn’t blind and felt certain Yvonne would be the envy of most girls her age. She had a knockout figure, my grey eyes and Gavin’s colouring. Her complexion was flawless and her small even teeth gave her cutesy smile a Meg Ryan look.
"You must be joking." She snorted. "Have you seen Krystal lately?"
I shook my head. "No, not since, gosh …" I paused from my chore of stacking the tin cans in the cupboard while I racked my brain. "I think I saw her last at your wedding."
"That was five years ago. Well, let me tell you, you won't recognise her. Her hubby-to-be paid for a boob job, a nose job and eye lift. She’s got fantastic hair extensions, and she hardly eats anything—she's gorgeous."
"Sounds like it." I curled my lip.
"No honestly, Mum, she is."
"I believe you, but she has always been pretty without all that lot."
"Yeah, but what's wrong with preserving your looks as you get older?"
"Older? Are you kidding me?" I bent to shove a tray of steak into the freezer. "She's only twenty-eight, the same age as you. Want a brew?" I reached for the kettle.
She held up her wine glass. "Dad insisted. Shall I get you a glass?"
I raised a hand, shaking my head. "A bit early for me, thanks."
"I'm on holiday so any time is wine o'clock for me." She giggled.
"Don't be having too much before your dinner." I couldn't help myself, always the nagging mother.
"You want to tell Dad then, he's hitting the brandy."
"Oh, is he now?" I wiped my hands on a tea towel and walked through to the lounge.
Gavin and Keith were engrossed in a discussion about football. They paused mid-sentence when they noticed me standing there.
"Oh hi, love, do you want a brandy?" Gavin jumped up and headed for the drinks cabinet.
"No thanks, I'm having coffee and I think you should too."
"We're all right, aren't we, Keith?"
Keith, ever the lawyer, looked smartly dressed in a pair of formal grey trousers and white shirt. Only the absence of a tie and the open neck of his shirt suggested he might be on holiday. He nodded, a goofy smile on his upturned face.
"Never-the-less, you've had plenty—you'll ruin your dinner," I admonished both of them.
"Nonsense. I fancy a drink and a drink I shall have." Gavin waved his glass in front of him.
I knew there wouldn't be any point arguing. I didn't want to cause a scene in front of our guests. Seething, I fixed a firm smile on my face and glared at Gavin.
I'd almost finished the dinner when Gavin, more upbeat than I'd seen him in ages, rushed through to the kitchen.
"I need another bottle of wine for the table. Did you know your daughter's a lush?" He laughed.
Yvonne appeared behind him. "Hey, cheeky, don't blame me. You keep filling my glass."
He bent over and chose a bottle of wine from the rack before reaching into the top cupboard for glasses. "You don't have to drink it."
Yvonne laughed. "Would be rude not to."
Turning quickly, Gavin collided with the bar stool Yvonne pulled out earlier, and crashed to the floor. The glasses exploded s
ending shards flying all around the room.
"Gavin! Bloody hell. Calm down for God's sake. You're going to kill yourself," I said.
He sat up—looking a little dazed. Then he lifted his hand up to show me. Blood poured from his palm.
Yvonne reached for a cloth off the sink and grabbed Gavin's hand before I had chance to react.
"No!" I yelled at the top of my voice. "Get away from him. Now!"
Yvonne dropped the cloth and Gavin's hand and stepped back in shock.
"Get out of here. Go on. Get out!" I ushered her forcefully from the kitchen and closed the door.
"Shit, Mel. That was a bit full on," Gavin said.
"You think so, do you? You're spurting contaminated blood all over the place. Do you understand the implications of that?"
"Of course I do, but if you wanted to keep it a secret you have a funny way of going about it."
"So letting you bleed all over our daughter is preferable?"
He shrugged.
"Grow up, Gavin. You know, for an educated man you can be stupid at times."
Once I'd bandaged Gavin's hand, I cleaned up the glass. At least the casserole in the oven wouldn't have any glass in it. We could still eat dinner.
Yvonne popped her head around the door. "Safe to come back in?" She eyed me warily.
"Yeah, course it is, love. I just didn't want you to cut yourself, is all.”
I caught the worried glance she sent to Gavin.
"I'm okay, sweetheart. Mum fixed me up."
"Dinner's almost ready," I said. "Vonny do you want to set the table? You'll need to get the best glasses out of the dresser."
"No probs."
She seemed okay again. No doubt a bit confused by my outburst, I'd never screamed at her before. Then again, I'd never been in this kind of situation before.
"Are you up to talking?" Gavin asked, once Yvonne and Keith had gone to bed.
"I guess so." I followed him into the lounge.
He handed me a glass of amber-coloured liquid.
"No, Gavin. I won't drink this."
"You will." He pushed the glass into my hand before pouring another and sitting next to me on the sofa.
Psychological Thriller Series: Adam Stanley Boxed Set: Behind Shadows, Positively Murder and Mind Bender Page 24
