by Curtis Bunn
Maurice was embarrassed, and Dr. Fields could tell.
“There’s no need to feel awkward about your wife telling you what she wants. It’s—”
“Smack my ass,” Juanita said.
“Are you serious?” Maurice asked.
“Hard,” she answered.
“Seems like I might need to step out of the room and give you all some space,” Dr. Fields cracked, and everyone laughed.
“But seriously,” she went on, “this is a classic breakthrough. Juanita has been wanting to say this for a long time. Longer than you could imagine.”
“Here’s the thing, honey,” Juanita said. “I am all of what you see and I am more than what you see. You understand?”
“I do now,” Maurice answered.
“And I’ll tell you this,” Juanita added. “We have, for us, been through some stuff the last few months. And I guess I caused a lot of it. I’m sorry. But I’ll tell you this: a passionate woman is worth the chaos.”
Maurice smiled. Juanita let out a sigh of relief. She’d had her fling with Brandon, survived it without her husband knowing the full extent of it, and finally, it seemed, put a charge into Maurice to put more romance into their lives. She accepted there was no such thing as a perfect woman, even if she had tried so diligently to be exactly that.
But she was so relieved to share what she had been holding in for years that she could hardly contain herself. And she was relieved to see that Maurice did not mind that she was less than perfect or worse. Unleashing all that freed her up, and her husband’s accepting of what she revealed combined to revive her interest in her vows.
For the first time in a long time, she felt the potential for fulfillment in her marriage. The expression of what she wanted, what she truly wanted, inspired her to embrace a life with her husband that could be fulfilling. That was short of perfect, but it was enough.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
HARSH REALITIES
RHONDA
Rhonda was surprised at how well she slept. She had seen Diane Keaton in a movie say she slept in the center of the bed to make it feel less empty. She tried it and it worked.
She was disappointed to see that she had not received a return text from Lorenzo. She had come to know his schedule, and he rose each morning by seven. It was eight.
Her initial concern was his well-being. Then she wondered if that text Olivia received was from him and she went back to his house. She also guessed if he had another woman over and could not respond to her. Rhonda’s mind played cruel games on her, so much so that she contemplated driving over to his house to see if there was a car in his driveway.
I’m better than that, she thought. Then she had a second thought: No, I’m not.
And so she freshened up and took a ride over to Lorenzo’s home. There was not a random car in the driveway, and Rhonda let out such a huge sigh. She went back home and this time called him.
He answered. “Why aren’t you sleep?”
“I was asleep, but now I’m up and you’re the first thing on my mind.”
“So, what’s going on with your husband? Did you work it out?”
“Work it out? I told you he left. I’m on my own now. I’m actually trying to see you. When are you available?”
“Well, that’s hard to say right now. I have to work at the bar every day this week, which is good for me. The more experience, the better I will be.”
“We live five minutes apart. There has to be time to see each other.”
“I’m sure there will be. We have to figure out when. We’re kind of working when the other person isn’t.”
“I need to get out of the house, so maybe I’ll come down to the bar. I’ll have one drink and watch you make drinks and talk to you in between.”
Lorenzo did not respond.
“Hello?”
“Hey. I’m sorry. Doing some paperwork. Okay, you’re coming to the bar tonight? That’s what you said?”
“If it’s okay with you.”
“Sure. I’ll see you down there.”
“I could stop by for a few minutes before I go to work and get a little pick-me-up, if you know what I mean?”
“I do, but I can’t this morning. Like I said, I’m doing some paperwork that has to be submitted to some lenders this morning.”
“Oh, okay. One more thing: Did you get my text last night?”
“I did, but I got it in the middle of the night. And I would have texted you this morning, but I decided to wait until later.”
“Okay. I would ask you about Olivia, but we can talk about her when I see you tonight.”
Rhonda did not feel good about the conversation, but it was early in the morning and she let it go. She went through her workday morning without issue, but was perturbed when Olivia told her during lunch that she had heard from Lorenzo that morning.
“What did he want?”
“It was seven in the morning and he texted me about the weekend.”
“Really?” She thought: This man just told me he received my text and didn’t text me because he was busy, but texted her at seven in the morning? I don’t like this picture.
“Yes, girlfriend. I think he’s more determined to get with me since I rejected him. Men are a trip. They hardly have interest in you until you make it clear you’re in control. They’ll either do one of two things: Move on to the next one if they don’t have an out-of-control ego; or pursue you like crazy because their ego cannot accept the rejection. That’s what’s happening with Lorenzo. He’s not that interested in me. But since I spent all that time with him and would not give in, he’s determined to make me his challenge. Men. It’s so transparent.”
“So what are you going to do? Since you know this, why not ignore him? Last thing you should do is go out with someone you have no interest in.”
“Yeah, but I do have an interest. I don’t know how much of an interest. Maybe I’m wrong about him and he’s sincere.”
Three days back on the market—and far from officially single—Rhonda felt competition. She was determined to go to the bar and turn Lorenzo’s head and help him to continue to ward off Olivia.
So when she got home that evening, she did not bother to have dinner. She wanted to make sure she got into one of her form-fitting, head-turning dresses that was sure to reel in Lorenzo. She decided to first watch a little CNN to see what was going on in the world. She hadn’t turned on a TV for three days.
When she got the television on, she was disappointed to learn the service had been suspended. It was Eric’s job to pay the bill. And since he hadn’t, Rhonda had to figure out how. First, though, she had to figure out where the bill was. She was that detached from it. Lorenzo handled that. It was something she decided she would figure out later.
Instead, she washed a load of clothes. When she came out of the laundry room, she screamed. Eric stood in front of her.
“What are you doing here? You scared the shit out of me.”
“It’s still my house. Came to get my things.”
“Can we talk for a minute first? Please.”
Eric gave in. They sat in the family room.
“Please don’t apologize again,” he said. “I get it. You’re sorry.”
“Can I explain myself? I don’t want you to hate me. This might not make sense to you, but I’d like to try.”
“I already know. You’re upset—were upset—with me because I got fat and didn’t want to do a lot of stuff you wanted to do. That’s it in a nutshell. If it’s something more than that, go ahead. Tell me.”
“No, that’s right. What I want to say is that I had never done this before. I could be wrong, but I didn’t feel like you cared—about me, my needs, my wants. Anything.
“And think about this, Eric: When was the last time you called me ‘baby’? When was the last time you called me anything affectionate? I’m a full-fledged woman; I need that.”
“Are you blaming this on me?”
“No. Never. I will say that when y
ou and that woman were about to have an affair—you would have if she didn’t mess up and call when I was using your cell phone—I forgave you and stayed.”
“You forgave me after texting the woman back acting like you were me. You forgave me after you made sure we hadn’t done anything. But whatever the case, that was your decision. You stayed. I’m a man, and for me, I couldn’t stay. I couldn’t live wondering if you’re not sneaking to see someone else. I love you, but I love myself more.”
“I understand; I’m not trying to complain or talk you out of anything. I just . . . we’ve been friends for so long, Eric. It would kill me if we faded away. We don’t have a child that would force us to communicate. I don’t want to lose you as a friend. That’s important to me.”
“I appreciate you saying that. And maybe we can get there. Right now, I’m still fucking pissed. My world—both our worlds—are turned upside down. Now I’ve got to try to make some sense of it.
“And the last thing I will say is this: I won’t tell any of our friends why we’re in this place. They like and respect you and I don’t want that to change. Besides, this is our business. No one else’s.”
“You’re a good man, Eric. Thank you.”
“Yeah, apparently not good enough.”
He struggled to get up from his seat, but did—and headed upstairs. That last salvo stung Rhonda. She stayed in her chair in silence until Eric finished the last of two loads to his SUV.
“You were, are, good enough. You have to know that,” Rhonda said.
“What I know is that you gave up on me. I didn’t have to get as big as I am. But I did. And I could have done more things with you. I’m trying to be fair right now. Still, you broke your vows. You dishonored yourself. Forget about me. I didn’t expect this from you. I didn’t deserve it.
“I give you credit: You’ve inspired me to live, to lose weight, to enjoy all Atlanta has to offer. I hate that it came to this, but it is what it is now. I have to leave you because you don’t want me. If you really wanted me, you never would have turned to someone else. And because you did, I could never trust you. I couldn’t.”
Eric shook his head and turned and left the house. Rhonda was sad, but relieved that he’d listened to her and hopeful that they could develop a friendship in the future.
Her immediate future, though, was to connect with Lorenzo. So, when the time came, she slipped into the beige dress that emphasized her figure and breasts, and after a long primping session in front of the bathroom and full-length mirrors, drove downtown to the Glenn Hotel to see the man she hoped would help in her transition to single life.
The bar was not busy, but there were a few tables of patrons celebrating someone’s birthday in the lounge chairs. Only a woman and two men sat near the right end of the bar. Lorenzo was in front of them, laughing and conversing when Rhonda slowly made her way behind them and to the end of the bar. The heads of the men turned and followed her every step, including Lorenzo. Immediately, she knew the dress had the desired effect.
After a minute or so, Lorenzo excused himself and greeted Rhonda.
“Don’t you look nice tonight,” he said, placing a small napkin in front of her. “What can I get you?”
“Thank you. I will take a healthy dose of you.”
Lorenzo offered a sheepish grin. “Okay, how about something to drink?”
“You,” Rhonda said.
“Okay, how about I make you something I think you’d like?”
“Sure. You do know what I like.”
She was embarrassed at how she threw herself at Lorenzo. The pressure of knowing she was competing against other women, especially Olivia, sparked her to overreact. But she enjoyed it. She hadn’t openly flirted in years, and it brought her back to her youth.
Lorenzo presented her a drink and a few sips later, she found herself settling down.
But he worked the other end of the bar for several minutes at a time, leaving Rhonda alone. Finally, though, a man noticed her when he came into the lounge area and made his way beside her at the bar. He was tall, wearing a suit with the necktie undone, as if he were coming from a business dinner.
“Mind if I sit here?” he asked.
“Ah, no, that’s fine.”
“Steve Reese,” he said.
“Hi. I’m Rhonda.” She extended her hand to shake.
“Nice to meet you. But I don’t shake hands.”
“Really? Looks like you had dinner with business people. You don’t shake their hands?”
“Only extreme cases. Otherwise, I tell them. Want to catch someone else’s germs, shake their hands.”
Rhonda was unimpressed. The guy stayed for five minutes and talked the entire time about subjects she had little interest in. Never a question about her. Finally, it became obvious that she was not interested, and he left. Three other men came with various levels of “game” that Rhonda came to recognize as the downside of being single: Lame, uninteresting men who could not hold a mature, intelligent conversation.
“I see you’re not lonely tonight,” Lorenzo said.
“I came here to see you. But you won’t give me any attention. What’s up with that?”
“I’m here now. What’s up with you? Lots happened the last couple of days. You okay?”
Rhonda took a deep breath. “I’m okay. I’m going to be fine, in time and with your help.”
“My help? I’m not sure what I can do. You’re going through a divorce, last thing you need is to have me still in the picture.”
She was taken aback. “What? What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that we both have a lot on our plate, so I’m not sure how much I’ll get to see you.”
“That sounds like a blow-off to me,” Rhonda said. She didn’t mean it, but she said it to be reassured. “If you don’t want to deal with me, say so.”
“I don’t think we should be together—at least until your divorce is final.”
Rhonda was stunned.
“Wait. Are you telling me that now that my husband has left me that you don’t want to deal with me?”
“I’m saying something like that. Look, I will be completely honest with you. You know I like you. And one of the reasons I like you is because you don’t make waves. You never asked me about other women, other than Olivia, because she’s your friend. So that said to me that you only wanted sex. Why wouldn’t I go with that program?”
“But now that I’m on my way to being single, you’re not interested?”
“Single? You’re not single. Look, you’re still wearing your wedding ring.”
Rhonda, in the confusion that came with her husband leaving, never considered taking off her ring. It did not occur to her.
“I forgot.”
“That’s what I’m talking about right there. You’re not in your right mind right now.”
“I know exactly what I’m doing and exactly who I was dealing with, and I’m ashamed that I didn’t see it earlier. You used me for sex.”
“Hold up,” Lorenzo said. “Don’t play the victim to circumstances you created.”
“Wow. So that’s it? You’re interested in me when I’m married, but the idea of me being single turns you off? What kind of shit is that?”
“Listen, it is what it was. I’m not trying to be a bad guy here. I’m preparing you for your new life.”
“You could have done that by simply being a friend. Instead, you make me feel like shit.”
“I’m gonna make you another drink. But don’t feel bad about anything. We had fun, right?”
Rhonda felt stupid. Her mother’s words rang in her head. The look of Eric’s disappointed face flashed into her vision. She sat there for a moment embarrassed and disgusted.
Her first instinct was to try to persuade Lorenzo to reconsider. But she found something in herself that she would need in her new life: strength.
She recalled something that she had read that empowered her: A strong woman will stop trying if she feels unwanted. She wo
n’t fix it or beg. She’ll just walk away.
And so, Rhonda rose from her bar seat and headed for the exit. She turned to wave to Lorenzo, who waved back with a small smile. Rhonda then folded her fingers, leaving only the middle one upright, as she vanished behind the door.
CHAPTER THIRTY
THE AWAKENING
STEPHANIE
After she deleted all e-mails to and from Charles, Stephanie exhaled at the computer. She then took a long, hot bath, falling asleep in the tub. She only awoke when the water finally began to get cold.
It was the bit of rest she needed to move on with a most important day: doctors called to say the swelling in Toya’s brain had reduced significantly and she would be taken out of the coma; and Stephanie would have the tough conversation to end it with Charles.
The news of her sister gave her joy. But dealing with Charles would come first. She got dressed and called him.
“I’m sorry about that drama last night. Had no idea he’d be there,” he said.
“I know. I know. I’m sorry, too. Listen, can we meet for a little while? I have to be back at the hospital in about two hours. They are going to take Toya out of the coma, thank God. But maybe we can connect at the Terrace Room at the Lake Merritt Hotel.”
Charles agreed. Stephanie had practiced what she would say, but never came up with anything that she thought worked. She decided she’d wing it.
She got there first and scored a table near the window, overlooking the lake. She was not hungry, but craved coffee. And after her coffee arrived, so did Charles. She rose from her seat and they had a long embrace. He kissed her on the top of her head.
“Thank you for coming and for supporting me last night. It really meant a lot.”
“I wish I hadn’t left my jacket.”
“Me, too. I’m also glad you all did not get into a fight.”
“We’re men, you know? I understood his position. And I couldn’t back down from him. Anyway, I’m glad to hear that it sounds like progress with your sister.”
