by Sharon Sala
* * *
Laurel couldn’t come out and ask Bonnie about the bad dreams without giving away the fact that Jake had told her, so she kept waiting for a moment to work it into the conversation. Before she knew it, the week flew by until it was time to take Bonnie back to the doctor to have the stitches removed.
* * *
Laurel raced through work. Bonnie’s stitches came out today, and she was dreading a repeat of the day they’d put them in. Instead of riding the bus home, Laurel was picking her up at school, and she needed to hurry. Hoping to set a good tone for the visit, she stopped at the pharmacy on Main to pick up a snack for her to eat on the way to the appointment.
LilyAnn Dalton was at the front register checking out a customer when Laurel walked in. “Afternoon, Laurel!” LilyAnn said.
Laurel waved and went straight to the candy aisle, chose a small bag of gummy bears, then grabbed a soft drink from the cooler on her way to check out. The other customer was gone, and LilyAnn was waiting when Laurel set her purchases on the counter.
“Will that be all?” she asked.
“Yes, thanks,” Laurel said, and handed her a five-dollar bill, trying not to think that she was spending that much money on what her mother called junk when money was always so tight. “When’s the baby due?” Laurel asked as LilyAnn counted back her change.
LilyAnn rolled her eyes. “Not soon enough,” she said. “It’s a toss-up every day as to which swells faster, my feet or my ankles.”
Laurel nodded. “I remember, but the end result is well worth it, even the first few months of sleepless nights.”
LilyAnn grinned. “Have a nice day.”
“You too,” Laurel added, and left as quickly as she’d arrived.
She was on her way to where she’d parked when someone called out her name. She stopped, then turned and saw Jake hurrying her way with a sack in his hand.
“Hi!” he said. “I’m glad I saw you. I’ve been carrying this around with me for days, and when I saw you go into the pharmacy, I came running. I haven’t been able to quit thinking about what Bonnie told me, and I have something I think might help.”
“We haven’t been able to have much discussion on the subject. She clams up when she doesn’t want to talk, and I didn’t push it. I’m actually on the way to school to pick her up, and I’m dreading it. She gets stitches out today, and I bought snacks in hopes it sets a good tone.”
“Then my timing is perfect,” Jake said, and handed her the sack. “This is for Bonnie.”
Laurel pulled a stuffed bear out of the sack, and then when she saw what was pinned on the bear’s chest, she gasped. “No, Jake! You can’t give away your—”
He stopped her with a look, and then his voice was shaking from emotion and anger. “You don’t understand. I’m somewhat fucked for life because of PTSD and the inability to have one good night’s sleep anymore. They gave this to me for living, and the man who saved my life is dead now. They shouldn’t give out medals for staying alive. Stuff like this belongs to the ones who didn’t come home. It’s just how I feel. Now Bonnie needs to feel safe, and this might help. Just tell her that his name is Brave Bear and that he got his medal because in Toyland he did some very brave things, and now that he’s come to live with her, he will keep her from being afraid.”
Laurel was speechless. Her emotions were in free fall, and she wanted to throw her arms around his neck because she felt his torment and sorrow as surely as if it had been in her. And the thoughtfulness of what he’d just done was beyond anything she would ever have expected.
She clutched the bear to her chest. “Thank you, Jake. Thank you so much. This is amazing.”
He shrugged. “Hey, I remember being scared and I was a grown man. It’s tough to be little and have to go through the hard stuff. You’ve both had your share.” He felt emotion welling and didn’t want to cry. Tears came so damn easy these days, so he bolted. “I’ll see you around,” he said, and walked away.
Laurel saw the slight limp in his walk and the way he held himself stiff and upright, like he was waiting for another blow, and it hurt her heart to know he was sad like Adam. It was also scary.
Adam’s suicide had come out of nowhere. She’d been oblivious to the signs until after he was gone, and now she saw signs everywhere. Jake Lorde was a good man, but he was damaged goods, and in her experience, that made caring about him dangerous.
She was still shaking as she glanced at the time and then made a run for the truck. She set Brave Bear beside her as she drove toward school and glanced down once at the stuffed toy and grimaced. “I could have used a brave bear a time or two in my life,” she muttered, and then drove into the school parking area and parked.
She got out at a jog and ran to where other parents were waiting, and didn’t have to wait long before the doors opened and teachers emerged with their classes. One group went toward the buses while another group moved to a different location to be picked up by parents, and she saw Bonnie in the crowd.
Good. She remembered to give the teacher my note.
Laurel waved.
Bonnie broke into a big grin and tugged her teacher’s sleeve, then pointed. The teacher saw Laurel and waved as she let Bonnie go. Moments later, Bonnie hugged her mother and started talking. “Walk and talk,” Laurel said, as she took Bonnie by the hand and led her to the truck, then lifted her into the seat.
The moment Bonnie saw the bear, she stopped talking. The reaction surprised Laurel. She thought Bonnie would be excited.
Bonnie pointed. “Mommy, who’s that for?”
“He’s for you. Jake gave him to you. He said his name is Brave Bear. He said the bear did some very brave things in Toyland, and so they gave him a medal. That means Brave Bear is a hero. Jake said to tell you that anytime you feel afraid or sad to hold Brave Bear close because his job is to help you feel safe.”
Bonnie picked the bear up and hugged him in such a solemn moment Laurel didn’t know how to react. She slid behind the wheel and closed the door, then leaned over and buckled up Bonnie and her bear.
“What do you think?” Laurel asked.
Bonnie’s eyes were wide, her voice almost shaking. “Jake doesn’t want me to be afraid anymore,” she said.
Laurel reached out and brushed flyaway curls from Bonnie’s forehead. “I don’t want you to be afraid either, my sweet girl. You know that, right?”
Bonnie nodded.
“And you will talk to me anytime you are afraid, okay?”
Bonnie hesitated and then held the bear against her chest as she looked at her mother. “Sometimes I have bad dreams.”
Laurel’s heart was breaking, but she couldn’t let on that she already knew that and knew why. “Sometimes I do too,” Laurel said. “What do you dream about?”
Bonnie shrugged, hugged the bear, and then blurted it out. “I dream about Daddy.”
“Well, so do I,” Laurel said. “And my dreams aren’t happy either.”
Bonnie’s surprise came out in her voice. “Really, Mama? You have bad dreams about Daddy, too?”
Laurel nodded. “What makes your dreams bad?”
Bonnie lowered her voice. “I can’t remember what he looked like. Do you think that will make him mad?”
Laurel sighed. “No, he would never be mad. Do you want me to find a picture of him to hang in your room?”
“Maybe,” Bonnie said.
“Well, whatever you decide… Don’t worry about it, okay? You know there’s a rule that daddies can’t be mad at their children, right?”
Bonnie smiled. “That’s what Jake said.”
“Well, he’s right, and even though he’s not a father, he would still know all the rules because he’s a guy.”
Bonnie nodded, then laid the bear in her lap and began tracing the shape of the medal with her fingertip. “What does this medal mean, Mama?�
�
“It’s called a Purple Heart. They give it to soldiers who are wounded or who died during a war. It stands for bravery.”
“I love Brave Bear,” Bonnie said. “Can I take him inside the doctor’s office when they take out my siches?”
“Stitches, and yes, I think that’s a great idea.”
“I won’t be afraid then,” Bonnie said.
Laurel squeezed Bonnie’s little hand. “Honey, it’s okay to be afraid of something, but facing it anyway because you have to…that’s what it means to be brave.”
Bonnie hugged the bear again.
Laurel handed her the little bag of gummy bears and opened the soft drink and put it in a cup holder in the console between them. “Let’s go get this over with, what do you say?” Laurel asked.
Bonnie popped a gummy into her mouth and then leaned back in the seat with Brave Bear riding shotgun beside her. “Yeah. Over with.”
Laurel took a big, deep breath and then exhaled slowly. God, how she loved this girl.
An hour later, they were in an examining room in the doctor’s office, waiting for him to come in. Bonnie was sitting on the exam table with Brave Bear in her lap. She hadn’t uttered a word in almost five minutes, which was so not Bonnie. Laurel couldn’t help but worry that a meltdown was imminent. Then the door opened, and Dr. Moses, Bonnie’s regular pediatrician, came in.
“Good afternoon!” he said, dropped Bonnie’s file onto the table beside her, then plopped down on his rolling stool and wheeled it up to the exam table. He eyed the stuffed bear, and when he realized that Purple Heart was real, he spun toward Laurel, still pointing at the bear. “Really?”
She nodded. “She’s been having a hard time and a friend gave it to her.”
Dr. Moses turned back to Bonnie. “I’m sorry stuff’s been rough lately. I understand you’re here to have some stitches removed?”
Bonnie sighed. “It really hurt when the doctor hemmed my chin. Is it gonna hurt like that when you take them out?”
Dr. Moses grinned. “Hemmed it up, did he?”
She nodded.
“So let’s take a look first, okay?”
She tilted her head back without hesitation, but Laurel saw her take a firmer grip on the bear. The door opened behind Laurel, and the doctor’s nurse came in carrying a small tray with what he would need to do the job.
“Oh, these look great!” Dr. Moses said. “They shouldn’t hurt much at all. Are you ready?”
Bonnie held Brave Bear tight. A tear rolled down her cheek, but she didn’t budge. “I will sit very still.”
“I want you to lie down so your neck won’t get tired, okay?”
She nodded and didn’t argue when the nurse laid her back.
“You’re doing great, sweetheart,” Laurel said.
“Thank you, Mommy.”
“So, here we go,” Dr. Moses said, and, without wasted motion, swiftly clipped the first stitch and pulled it out. Then another, and another, and Bonnie hadn’t moved or let out a peep.
Laurel was amazed and grateful all at the same time.
Dr. Moses snipped another, removed the stitch, and laid it on the tray his nurse was holding. “One more and we’re done,” he said, and before Bonnie could blink, it was gone. “The end!” He laid the surgical scissors on the tray and then wiped the area with an alcohol swab to clean it.
“That’s it,” Dr. Moses said. He helped Bonnie sit up, then leaned down and very ceremoniously shook the bear’s paw. “Good job, sir! She was very brave.”
Bonnie ran her finger along the scar and then looked at Laurel. “It feels just like the ones on Jake’s head!”
Dr. Moses looked over at Laurel. “Jake Lorde?”
She nodded.
The doctor glanced at the Purple Heart again. “Okay then,” he said softly, clearing his throat.
“Can we go now?” Bonnie asked.
“Yes, you may,” Dr. Moses said, and helped her down from the exam table. “You and Brave Bear take it easy, okay?”
Bonnie nodded.
Laurel took Bonnie by the hand. “Is the nurse bringing the charge sheet here, or will it be up front at the desk?”
“No charge,” Dr. Moses said.
“Really?” Laurel asked.
“Yeah, really,” he echoed. “If the hospital puts ’em in, taking them out is on the house.”
“That’s good news for today,” Laurel said, leading Bonnie out the door and then out of the office.
The doctor’s nurse arched an eyebrow. “You are such a softie,” she said.
Dr. Moses shrugged. “Not really,” he said.
“Yeah, really,” she said, echoing his words only moments earlier.
Dr. Moses pretended to frown and pointed toward the door. “Go find something to sterilize,” he muttered.
He could hear her giggling all the way down the hall.
* * *
When Laurel and Bonnie went one way after school, Jake went another, all the way down Main Street to The Curl Up and Dye. He needed a haircut, but hadn’t bargained on a roomful of women in various stages of having their hair colored, curled, and cut. The Curl Up and Dye definitely lived up to its name, and to his relief, he wasn’t the only man waiting for a haircut.
Peanut Butterman was kicked back in a chair, waiting a turn. Like Jake, he was a walk-in, which meant you waited until they could work you into their schedule, and since Jake didn’t have anything else to do, he didn’t mind the wait.
Back in the work area the Conklin twins, Vera and Vesta, had seen him come in. Although neither of them was married, they both had high admiration for the opposite sex.
Vera was into body shapes and couldn’t help admiring Jake’s long legs and wide shoulders, while Vesta was more into looks and kept cutting glances at Jake’s handsome face.
Vesta poked her sister’s arm and arched an eyebrow.
“I saw him,” Vera whispered. “Looks a little bit like that actor, Chandler Tate.”
Vesta rolled her eyes. “Channing Tatum, you goof, and yes, he does, only bigger.”
“Yes, bigger and better,” Vera added, and then grabbed the curling iron and started putting curls into her client’s hair with speedy precision.
Vesta was closer to done and was the first to finish. “The next one’s mine,” she crowed, thinking it was Jake.
“And that would be Peanut Butterman,” Vera stated.
“Well then,” Vesta muttered, and walked her client to the front so she could pay. She kept eyeing Jake as she waited for her client to decide which credit card she was going to max out and then finished the transaction. “Alrighty then. You’re up next, Peanut.”
Peanut followed her, eyeing Ruby as he took a seat, and then leaned back in the shampoo chair so Vesta could wash his hair. Vesta was scrubbing away when Peanut let out a big sigh and then closed his eyes. “Dang, Vesta, that feels so good I could let you do that all day long.”
Everyone turned to see what wonderful thing Vesta Conklin was doing.
Vesta’s eyes widened as a pink flush rolled up her neck, but she was grinning from ear to ear. “Well, I do what I can,” she drawled, and deepened the intensity of her scrubbing.
When Peanut groaned again, all the women grinned.
Jake was sitting up front smiling, reminding himself not to open his mouth once they started on him, and as fate would have it, the next stylist free turned out to be Ruby.
Ruby collected her money, then glanced at Jake as her client left. “Hello, Jake. Did you come in for a haircut?”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said, then stood up and followed her back.
Ruby seated him in a shampoo chair next to Peanut, put a towel under his neck, and turned on the water to get it at a good temperature. “Are you settling in okay?” Ruby asked.
“Yes, all thing
s considered, I’m doing pretty good,” Jake said.
“That’s good to hear,” she said, and began washing his hair, and then within seconds felt so many scars beneath her fingertips that it scared her. She stopped immediately. “Uh…I… Did I hurt you?”
It took Jake a couple of seconds to figure out what she meant. “Oh no, those scars are old. Don’t worry.”
“Right,” Ruby said, and finished the shampoo and rinse, then moved him to her chair for the haircut. “So what are we doing here?”
“Same haircut only shorter…at least an inch shorter.”
“Got it,” Ruby said, and then ran her fingers through his hair in several different directions to see how it had been cut before she picked up her scissors.
She combed off a section, then began cutting, and the more she cut, the more rattled she became. The scars were everywhere, some thicker than others, some jagged, some shaped like half-moons. She could only wonder what other scars he had beneath his clothing. It was a shocking and visible reminder of an ongoing war so far away.
The twins knew something was wrong because Ruby was never this quiet. Even Vesta, who’d been halfheartedly flirting with Peanut, had the good sense to stop talking.
Then Peanut went up front to pay, and when the doorbell jingled as he left, Ruby lost her composure. Quiet tears rolled with every snip of her scissors, but Jake didn’t know it. “Sweet lord,” she finally muttered, and laid down her scissors. “Excuse me just a moment, Jake. I need to blow my nose.”
He thought nothing of it until he glanced up and saw the tears. “Hey, Ruby, those aren’t about me, are they?”
She waved a hand and disappeared into the back room.
“Well, hell,” Jake muttered, and glanced at the other women. “Sorry I freaked everyone out here. It’s just that I’ve lived with them long enough that I don’t think much about them anymore.”
Ruby came back wiping her eyes and blowing her nose, her voice rising with every step. “Well, I’m thinking about them for you, okay? What happened, Jake? Who did this to you and how?”
