The Jack Tales

by Richard Chase

  So, when he saw they were all asleep, Jack pulled ’em off the horses and piled ’em all up in a stable trough. Drove the horses back to his house, put ’em in his daddy’s barn.

  III

  Jack’s daddy took the horses up to the doctor next mornin’; came back, told Jack, says, “Jack, you needn’t fool with that girl any longer. The doctor says you got to come up there tonight and steal a rabbit out the pot, hit on the fire a-cookin’, and him and his girl and his old woman all a-settin’ there watchin’ it.”

  Jack says, “Well, I can try.”

  That night the old doctor and his wife and his girl were all settin’ in the house watchin’ the rabbit and hit a-cookin’ in a big pot on a old-fashioned fireplace.

  Directly the girl looked out the door, says, “Oh, papa! There goes a big rabbit through the porch.”

  “You pay no attention to that rabbit. You watch the one in the pot.”

  So they set right on. Pretty soon the old lady says, “Law me! There’s another’n! Why, hit’s a heap bigger’n the one we got in the pot.”

  “You set back down now. Never you mind about them rabbits. You watch the one there on the fire.”

  Then Jack he crawled up close to the door and turned a great big rabbit loose right in the house. The old doctor jumped up out of his chair the first one, hollered, “Lordamercy! Look yonder what a big rabbit! Come on, you all, let’s catch him!”

  They all jumped up and started after that rabbit, ran it all through the house, under the table and under the chairs, till fin’ly they were all down on their knees a-pokin’ around after it under the beds. It ran against the screen door directly, jumped out in the yard and got away.

  They came back in to the fire; the old doctor says, “You better look at your rabbit, old lady, see does it need any more water.”

  The old woman went and raised the lid and there wasn’t a thing in the pot but the gravy.

  Old doctor says, “Blame Jack! I bet it was him got it.”

  IV

  Next mornin’ Jack’s daddy brought the rabbit up there and showed it to the doctor. Came back directly, says, “Jack, I done told ye, you might as well quit tryin’ to court that girl. Now the doctor says ye got to steal the sheet off the bed, tonight, and him and his old woman upstairs a-sleepin’ on it. Said he’d have ever’ window nailed down and ever’ door locked tight, and said if you was to try to climb in at ar’ window he’d shoot ye.”

  “Well,” says Jack, “all I can do is try.”

  So that night the old doctor and his wife were a-layin’ in the bed upstairs, heard somethin’ rattle against the side of the house, looked over at the window, saw a head raise up and gouge against it.

  “Hello, Jack! Ever-when you break ar’ winder light out of there, I’ll shoot ye sure. I got my pistol here.”

  The head jerked back down. Came up again directly, soused against the window, Wham!

  “You look-a-here, Jack! I done told ye. You break just one light out of that window and I’ll sure shoot. I mean what I say now.”

  The head jerked back down. Next thing it came up again, rammed right through that window, broke out ever’ light in it. The old doctor raised up his gun, shot three shoots. They heard somethin’ fall and hit the ground, made an awful racket; then ever’thing was real quiet.

  Fin’ly the old lady says, “Oh, law me! You’ve done killed Jack!”

  The old doctor listened to see could he hear Jack runnin’ off, says, “I didn’t go to kill him. I just wanted to scare him a little.”

  “Well, you’ve sure done killed him. I heard him hit the ground. Now what you goin’ to do?”

  “Well, I don’t know.”

  “You better not let him lie there all night. Somebody’ll find him, and the sheriff’ll come down here tomorrow, take you off to jail. Why, hit’ll be first degree murder, and they’ll hang you sure.”

  “Well,” says the old doctor, “I reckon I better go down and drag him off somewhere and get him hid.”

  The old doctor got up and went on down. He was so scared he left ever’ door standin’ wide open.

  His old woman thought she heard him come back in directly, holler up to her, “Old lady! Old lady!”

  “What ye want now?”

  “I got to have somethin’ to wrop him up in. I might get the blood on me and that ’uld be a bad proof; it ’uld sure be known it was me done it.”

  “Well, there ain’t a thing up here to wrop nothin’ up in.”

  “Just get the handiest thing there is.”

  “I don’t know what it ’uld be ’less’n I took the sheet off the bed.”

  “Well, get it quick and throw it on down here.”

  So she rolled up the sheet and throwed it down.

  The old doctor came back up directly just a-laughin’.

  The old woman says to him, says, “Now what in the world are ye a-laughin’ at?”

  “Why, that wasn’t Jack. Hit wasn’t nothin’ but a old scarecrow he had fixed up, put his hat on it. He weighted it down with a big rock. That’s what you heard strike the ground.”

  “Well, I’d like to know why you came back in here hollerin’ for somethin’ to wrop him up in. You tell me that.”

  “Why, I never hollered for nothin’!”

  “You did, too. Now, where’s my sheet!”

  “What sheet?”

  “My good sheet I throwed down to ye. What you done with it?”

  “You throwed it down!” Says, “Law me! I bet five dollars I know where your sheet’s at.”

  Next mornin’ Jack’s daddy brought the sheet back, says, “Here’s your sheet, doctor. Jack says he’d like mighty well to get his girl now. Says he’s got evidence you tried to shoot him last night. Got three bullet holes in his hat. Said he’d not go down and tell the law yet awhile.”

  “Oh, he can come on and get the girl now,” says the old doctor. Says, “You tell Jack he needn’t say nothin’ to nobody about no shootin’.”

  So Jack married the girl and went to work. And as far as I know they’re a-doin’ well.

  Cat’n Mouse!

  One time the boys’ daddy decided he’d give ’em a hundred dollars a-piece and let ’em go out by themselves to see what would they do with it. Told ’em to be gone one year and then to come back so he could see which one of ’em made the best out of his money.

  Well, the three of’em set out together down the big road. Then Will says, “Now, when we come to where the road forks three ways, we’ll separate. There ain’t no use in us goin’ all together.”

  So when they came to a crossroad, they stopped and talked awhile, and directly Will called Tom off to one side and they went to whisperin’, then they both came over to Jack and throwed him down and took every cent of his money, divided it, and left Jack a-layin’ there. Will took one side-road and Tom took the other’n. Jack got his senses back pretty soon and set there a little while tryin’ to study what to do. Then he decided he’d go on and see what luck he might have, so he walked out in the middle of the crossroads and throwed his hat up in the air. Whichever road it landed in, he was goin’ to go that way. Well, his hat landed in the road straight ahead, so he took it and on he went.

  Hit was an old road, not traveled much, and pretty soon Jack landed ’way out in a lonesome wilder-ness of a place. Went on, went on; the road pretty nearly covered up with grass and briars, and directly he came to a fine-lookin’ white house out there. Jack could see signs of somebody livin’ there and he had to have some place to stay the night. He hated to holler ’cause he was so ragged and dirty, but he ’lowed there wasn’t nothin’ like tryin’, so he hollered hello and waited awhile. Nobody came out, so he went to the door and pulled the doorbell. The door opened and a big cat came out. Jack didn’t know what to think of that. The cat sat there lookin’ at him and there didn’t no person come to the door, so Jack hollered again, “Who keeps house?”

  “Cat ’n the mouse,” says the cat.

  “Law me!” says
Jack. “I’ve done got to a country where cats can talk.”

  “Yes,” the cat told him, “there’s an old witch out here. She got all my family but me and my sister. She witched her into a cat, then to a mouse, and me into a cat. She’ll try to witch me into a mouse tonight.”

  Then Jack looked and saw a mouse creep out one side the door, says, “Well, is there anything I can do to keep the old witch from botherin’ ye?”

  “Probably might be,” says the cat. “You can help me, but my sister, she’ll stay a mouse. There can’t nothin’ be done for ye, once she gets you into a mouse. You stay here by the door tonight and kill any kind of big varmints you see and it’ll keep the witch off.”

  Well, Jack got him a big club and got before the door, and when it got plumb thick dark all sorts of bears and painters and big wild animals came up the steps and Jack ’uld knock ’em and beat ’em with his club, kept on fightin’ all night. Next mornin’ that cat came out and it was a little bigger, looked a little bit like a girl.

  “Now tonight,” she says, “the old witch’ll send middle-size varmints. You see can you keep them off, too.”

  Jack picked around that day and got what berries and such he could find to eat, cut him a middle-size club and when it commenced gettin’ dark he got by the door again. Then all kinds of pizen snakes and wildcats and weasels and boomers and ground hogs came and tried to get in. Jack hit at ’em with his club and knocked ’em off the porch and kept on a-givin’ it to ’em till daylight. Then the door opened and that girl came out. She was pretty near the right size that time, but she still had some signs of a cat’s claws and whiskers and ears.

  She says to Jack, “You done fine last night, Jack. Now tonight she’ll send all sorts of little varmints. You’ll have a time of it, I expect.”

  So Jack eat a few blackberries and huckleberries that day and whittled him out some paddles and swatters and took up his stand by the door when night came; and all sorts of pizen scorpions and insects and spiders and hornets and big ants came up and tried to cross the door sill, but Jack went to work with his swatters and his paddles and it was a sight in the world how he went after ’em. He thought there’d be a pile of dead things there when it got daylight, but when it got light enough for him to see, there wasn’t a thing there on the porch.

  Then the door opened and there stood the prettiest girl you ever looked at.

  “You did real well, Jack,” she says. “You come on in the house now and I’ll fix ye somethin’ to eat.”

  She baked Jack some cornbread and fixed him some coffee, and while he was eatin’, she says to him, “Now, you won’t have nothin’ to contend with tonight but the old witch herself. You got shet of all the plagues she had. Now, when she comes in you be sure and not let her do anything in the world for ye. I’ll hide, and you and the old witch can go to it. You remember now, if you let her do one thing for ye, she’ll witch us both into cats.”

  So that night that girl went and hid somewhere, and Jack he found him a needle and some thread, pulled up ’fore the fire and went to patchin’ his old raggedy coat. It wasn’t long till a little ugly old wrinkled-up woman came hobblin’ in the door, looked like she was about a hundred years old. Her nose and her chin was so long they hung down a-wobblin’. She got a chair and pulled up close to Jack, says, “Howdy do, Jack.”

  “Howdy do, ma’m.”

  “Let me do that for ye, Jack. It looks so awkward seein’ a man try to patch.”

  “No,” says Jack, “I’ll do my own patchin’.”

  The old witch looked sort of out-done, but Jack kept right on, and directly he got up to fix him a little supper. Got some meal and a pan and started mixin’ bread.

  “Let me do that for ye, Jack. I never did like to see a man try to make bread.”

  “No,” says Jack, “I can fix bread all right.”

  Then he went to the fire, raked him out some coals and set the skillet over ’em. Then he cut some meat and started it to fryin’.

  “Let me ’tend the meat for ye, Jack. I never saw anything so awkward as a man tryin’ to cook.”

  “No, thank you, ma’m,” says Jack, “I don’t want you messin’ with my meat. I’ll ’tend it myself.”

  Well, when Jack turned around to get his bread that old witch got hold of the knife and went to turn Jack’s meat over. There was an old flesh fork a-hangin’ there, big old fork they used to cook meat on. Jack grabbed that up and ran at the old woman with it, hooked her and rammed her right on in the fire. He held her down between the backlog and the forestick and such a crackin’ and a poppin’ and a fryin’ and a singein’ you never heard. Jack kept her there till she burnt up.

  Then there stood that girl just a-laughin’, says, “You sure got her then, Jack. There’ll not be no more witchery done around here.”

  So she fixed Jack a nice supper and the next mornin’ when they went out that place was just full of fine livestock—chickens and hogs and sheep and cattle and horses—and the road was cleared out and the crops all standin’ in the fields.

  That girl says to Jack, “Ever’thing here belongs to you now, Jack, for killin’ that witch.”

  “You too?” says Jack.

  “Well,” she says, “yes; if you say so.”

  “I’ll sure say so,” says Jack; “you’re the main part of the property.”

  So they went and got two fine horses and hitched ’em up to the surrey, and went to the store and got Jack a new suit of clothes and then found ’em a preacher and got married. Jack he went to work about the place ’tendin’ to his crops and his livestock, and that young woman she cooked and did the washin’ and the milkin’ and churnin’ and all; and then Jack got to studyin’ how the year was about up. So he told the girl about how he and Will and Tom had started out, and said they’d better fix up pretty soon to go back and see his daddy.

  So they got ready and pulled out with the team and buggy one mornin’. Jack had got his old clothes and throwed ’em in under the seat. That girl had a pet fox and they took it along too.

  They came in sight of Jack’s house and he said to her, “You wait here a minute. I want to see what all’s done happened while I been gone, see if Will and Tom got back yet.”

  Then he put on his raggedy old clothes, put that fox under his arm and went on to the house.

  His father saw him comin’ and came out to the gate, says, “Hello, Jack. Glad to see ye. You look like you must not ’a had any luck; I see you got the same suit of clothes.”

  “Will and Tom come?” Jack asked him.

  “Yes, they got in early this mornin’. They got new clothes and both of’em married nice-lookin’ women. You wait here, Jack, and let me go get you one of my suits of clothes so you’ll have somethin’ better to wear when you come in.”

  “No,” Jack told him, “I’ll just go ahead like I am.”

  So he went in the house, and when Will and Tom saw him in his same ragged overhalls and coat, they com-menced laughin’ and makin’ fun of him; and their wives they slipped around and pinned dishrags to his coat-tails. Jack didn’t pay no mind. He talked to his daddy and his mother awhile. Ever’ now and then he’d squeeze down on that fox and it ’uld say,

  “Gold enough

  But none for you.”

  Will and Tom they couldn’t understand that. Then directly Jack went on back where he’d left his wife. He got his good new suit of clothes on again and then him and his wife drove the surrey on down to the gate. Hitched the horse and Jack took the pet fox under his arm.

  Will looked out and saw ’em, says, “Who’s that?”

  Tom came and looked. “Ain’t nobody we know. It’s rich folks. What you reckon they want?”

  Their wives, they came and peeked around the door. And about that time Jack’s mother looked out the window, says, “That’s Jack.”

  “No!” says Will. “Why, that can’t be Jack.”

  “Yes, it is, too,” says Tom. “It is Jack, and look what a pretty fine-dressed woman he’s got.�
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  “Law me!” says Will’s wife, “hit’ll not do for her to see the way I am.” And she ran and hid under the bed.

  Then Tom gave his wife a shove, says, “You run hide somewhere quick. Don’t let her see you in that old cotton dress.” And she jumped off the porch and crawled in under the house.

  Jack brought his wife on in and made her known to his daddy and his mother, and Will and Tom just stood around.

  Fin’ly Jack’s wife said to ’em, “I thought Jack told me you boys was married. Where’s your wives at?”

  “Mine’s under the bed,” says Will. “She can come out if she wants to.”

  She crawled out from under the bed, had feathers and dust in her hair. Then Jack’s woman asked if the other’n was home, and Tom’s wife she scrambled out from under the floor with her hair full of trash and dirt all over her. Jack’s wife spoke nice to ’em, and they all talked on awhile. Jack squeezed down on that fox directly and it said,

  “Gold enough

  But none for you. ”

  And by that time Will and Tom knowed what it meant.

  Well, Jack took his daddy and his mother on back with him and his wife, and they was all independent rich. Will and Tom never did do much good. And Jack and his wife and his folks they lived happy.

  Jack and King Marock

  One time Jack met up with a stranger said his name was King Marock. King Marock was a roguish kind of feller, liked to play cards, and he was some kind of a witch too, but Jack didn’t know that. Jack and King Marock got to talkin’, and directly the King bantered Jack for a game of cards. So they started in playin’, and Jack got beat seven times, but he had a little money left and kept right on, and then he turned it on King Marock and beat him six times straight, cleaned the old King out of every cent he had. So King Marock told Jack he’d play one more hand and bet Jack’s choice of his three girls against the whole pile. Jack said All right, and he won again. But time he laid his cards down, King Marock was gone, and Jack couldn’t tell which-a-way he went nor nothin’.