by Ivy Smoak
"Why are you telling me this instead of her?"
"Because I did enlist. I've only known her a few days. The whole thing is insane. Plus she's furious with me."
"What did you do?"
I wanted to say I didn't do anything, but that wasn't true. "She overheard the end of our conversation earlier. About her being a ten in bed and just a friend and shit."
"So that's why she's flirting with me? Well that's an ego boost for me. Not." He smiled.
"And I may have insinuated that she was a gold digger."
"Dude, chicks liked me before I was rich. Don't you forget it."
I laughed. "None of it really matters though. We barely know each other. Like you said about Melissa, long distance never works. And you two had been dating for months."
"It was more than that, though. We had fun, but I couldn't imagine being married to her. And I'm pretty sure she felt the same way. There was nothing for our relationship past college besides tons of fights on the phone. My advice to you is to tell Hailey the truth and let her help make the decision. Don't make it for her."
He had a point. But I would never ask Hailey to give up three years of her life waiting for me to be done with the marines. I had done it willingly for Penny, and I would never get that time back. That feeling of being stuck. That wasn't a way to live. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Chapter 23
Hailey
Monday
I grabbed the edge of the sink and closed my eyes. There was light music playing in the restroom and for some reason it made me even angrier. I needed the rap music that Tyler liked so much. I wanted it pumping through my veins. I wanted to throw things and curse and scream.
God, I felt like such an idiot. I shook my head and wiped my eyes. The reflection staring back at me in the mirror made me want to cry all over again. The extra mascara I had put on was smeared. I had been trying to look good for him. Now I just wanted to go home. I missed my dad. I had no idea what the hell I was doing anymore. I had almost died today. That gave me more clarity than I'd had in years. Life was too short. And my dad's days were numbered. I shouldn't be in a random restaurant in Texas. I should be with him.
I turned away from the mirror. We were only a two day drive away from Pasadena. I couldn't go back now. Not before I saw Elena. And I'd make it worth the trip. I'd get down on my hands and knees and beg her if I had to. My dad wasn't going to die. I'd get the money, go home, and everything would go back to the way it always was.
I swallowed hard. I just needed to get through two more days with Tyler. I could do that. With a deep breath, I plastered on a fake smile and walked out of the restroom. Just two days. I can do this.
Josh was laughing at something Tyler had just said. I couldn't help but think they were probably laughing at me. The poor girl from Indiana who was dumb enough to sleep with a stranger. Laughter at my expense. I kept the smile on my face.
"Hey, boys, I'm probably ready to call it a night. I'm hoping we can head out pretty early tomorrow."
"Already? It's only eleven," Josh said. He glanced at Tyler and then quickly added, "Yeah, actually, I'm pretty tired too. Let's head out."
***
The whole way home was awkward. Josh kept trying to make small talk which I wasn't in any mood to participate in. And Tyler kept looking at me with those big puppy dog eyes. Those beautiful blue puppy dog eyes.
I shook the thought away as I walked up the stairs. I knew he was right behind me, even though I was hoping he'd stay up later hanging out with Josh.
"Hails," Tyler said right before we reached our room. He grabbed my wrist to stop me in my tracks.
Finally, I turned to look at him.
"Hails, I'm sorry."
An exasperated laugh escaped from my lips. "Tyler, you don't have to say anything. We're on the same page. Whatever happened between us this afternoon was a onetime thing. It's not like there's a future between us. We're both going home after we get to California. Really, don't worry about it. I don't know why I overreacted. It's fine."
"I'm sorry about what I said."
"Which time?"
He shook his head. "It was just guy talk with Josh. Of course we're more than friends."
"Are we though? I don't even know you. And you certainly don't know me. So don't pretend that you do." I was trying to stay level headed but the alcohol was making it hard.
"Hails." He looked at me pleadingly.
I wished I had never asked him to call me that. He didn't earn the right to call me by my nickname. And it seemed like everyone who ever did call me by my nickname ended up betraying me in some way. Why hadn't I learned from any of my mistakes?
He took a step toward me.
"Seriously, Tyler..."
He grabbed the back of my neck and pulled my face toward his. God, I wanted to kiss him back. Every inch of my body was telling me to. But my mind wasn't. And I wasn't going to give into stupid impulses anymore. Especially when it came to Tyler Stevens. I pushed him off of me. "I believe Josh said you could sleep on the couch." I closed the bedroom door in his perfect face.
I leaned my back against the door and closed my eyes tight. What I said was true. We barely knew each other. So why the hell did this hurt so much?
***
I pretty much stared at the ceiling the entire night. I seriously needed to stop drinking around Tyler. It made me do the stupidest stuff. More than anything, I was embarrassed. What had I wanted him to say to his friend? That we were boyfriend and girlfriend? That probably would have been even worse than him saying we were friends. Especially since we hadn't talked at all about where we stood. I would have thought he was crazy. Instead, I had come out looking like the crazy one.
I slowly sat up. And had I thought the sex was amazing too? Hell yes. So what was I doing? The problem was that once I was angry, it was really hard for me to calm down. I wanted to talk to him about what having sex with me meant to him without seeming like a lunatic. He'd had sex with nine other people. He was still in love with some girl from New York. So where did that leave me?
His rebound. Second place. I crawled out of bed. It was better if we went back to being friends. That way neither one of us would get hurt. I just needed to play it cool and brush off last night like it was no big deal.
I nodded my head to myself as I got dressed, as if that could convince me that I could play it cool. I opened the door and quickly closed it loudly to ensure that I wouldn't overhear any disgusting conversations this morning. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I was surprised to see the couch exactly as it had been last night. I made my way into the kitchen. Josh was standing there in sweatpants and no shirt. It spoke volumes of Tyler that I felt literally nothing. Josh was good looking and fit, but I was pretty preoccupied by my feelings for his friend. Also, the kitchen itself was rather distracting. Like the rest of Josh's house it was perfectly pristine. The stainless steel appliances actually shimmered, as if they had never been used.
"Good morning." I said.
He turned around. "Hey. Do you want some coffee?"
"Absolutely." I slid into one of the stools at his counter.
"Milk or sugar?"
"Black is fine."
He handed me a cup.
"Where's Tyler?"
"I dropped him off at the repair shop a little while ago." He sat down in the seat next to mine.
I swallowed my sip. "Is he coming back?"
Josh laughed. "Of course. They just said it would be another hour. He should be back any minute."
"Oh, okay." I took another sip of my coffee.
"He's not going to leave without you, if that's what you're worried about." Josh smiled.
"Psh. No." I had been a little worried. For a second I had let myself think he had abandoned me in Texas.
"You know, he told me about your fight last night."
I shook my head. "I wouldn't really consider it a fight. Just a misunderstanding. It's not a big deal."
"Right, right. Wel
l, maybe you should tell him that."
I laughed. "And why is that?"
"Because he's walking around like a sad puppy."
"Maybe he deserves to be."
"Or you could cut him a break," Josh said with a smile. "He's been through more than you probably realize."
I wanted to take this opportunity to learn about Tyler from his friend. It was probably wrong, but I couldn't resist. "You mean because of Penny?"
Josh shrugged. "Yeah that. And other stuff."
"What kind of other stuff?"
Josh got up and opened the fridge. "I don't know. The accident he was in messed him up pretty bad. Do you want some cereal or something?"
"What accident?"
"You should really be asking him about this stuff. How about a bagel?"
"Yeah, a bagel is fine." My head was spinning. What kind of accident? "How long have you two known each other?"
"Since freshman year of college. We rushed the same frat. We've been friends ever since."
"So, you know Penny?"
"Yeah. I know her." He popped a bagel in the toaster and leaned against the counter on his elbows.
"What's she like?"
Josh shrugged. "Nice. Too nice, really. I don't even think she realized she was leading him on. That's the kind of thing that messes with a guy's head." He grabbed the bagel when it popped out and handed it to me on a plate. "Cream cheese okay?" He slid a tub of it across the counter.
"Yeah, thanks." I stared down at my bagel as I spread cream cheese across it. My mind was going a million miles a minute. "Why do you think he's so hung up on her?"
"Because she's pretty and understanding and completely unavailable."
"Unavailable?"
"Yeah. He just needed something to hold on to when they met. If you ask me, he just liked the idea of her more than anything. She's always just been a distraction."
"Why did he need something to hold on to?"
"Because of everything he lost."
Chapter 24
Tyler
Tuesday
I pulled my phone out of my pocket. There were a dozen missed phone calls and two voicemails. I clicked on the first one.
"Mr. Stevens, this is Officer Daugherty from the NYPD. We haven't heard back from you regarding our case. We will be issuing a warrant for your arrest if you don't return to New York for..."
I pulled the phone away from my ear and pressed the delete button. Apparently blocking one number from the NYPD didn't block all of them. I blocked this number too. I wasn't going back to New York. Nothing could make me go back there.
I leaned against the brick wall of the repair shop and stared out at the barren street ahead of me as I pressed on the other voicemail.
"Sweetie, it's your mother. I just...I wanted to apologize about the other night." She cleared her throat. "Would you please give me a call? I love you."
The voicemail beeped, signaling the end of the message. I pressed on my mom's name in my phone and put it back to my ear. It only rang once before she answered.
"Hi, sweetie. How is your road trip going?"
The fake optimism in her voice didn't fool me at all. But I was going to let her pretend that everything was okay. I didn't need to second guess my decision. It was too late for that anyway. "It's good. I stopped at Josh's."
"In Texas? You're making good progress."
"Mhm."
"How is he doing? I haven't seen him since you two graduated."
"He's doing great. His business really took off." He offered me a job that I would have accepted in a heartbeat a few days ago.
"So, just a few more days now?"
I looked down at my shoes. "Yeah, Mom."
"You know, I was wondering, are you going to be able to call me during basic training?"
"I really don't know."
"Okay."
"I'll call you whenever I can, though. Don't worry about that."
"I know, sweetie." There was an awkward silence. "Are you driving safely?" She always asked me that whenever I went anywhere. Even if it was only a few miles away. And I wasn't about to tell her I had gotten in an accident yesterday. She'd freak out.
"Of course."
"Good. I worry about you, you know."
I nodded, as if she could see me. She was the only person in the world who worried about me. She was all I had. "I love you, Mom."
"I love you too." There was another awkward pause. "I'm sorry, but are you sure this is what you want? It just seems like you made this decision without really even thinking it through. It's not like you. I thought you loved your job. I thought..."
"Mom, we've already talked about this. It's done." There was a lump forming in my throat.
"But..."
"It's only for three years."
"Three years is a long time."
I knew that better than anyone. "I'm going to be okay."
"Just be careful. Promise me you'll be careful?"
I looked back out at the nothingness in front of me.
Someone cleared their throat from beside me. I turned to see the owner of the repair shop holding up a clipboard, trying to get my attention.
"I have to go. I'll call you again soon, okay?"
"Promise me, Tyler."
Instead of responding, I pulled the phone away from my ear and pressed the call end button. I wasn't going to make a promise I couldn't keep.
"We're all set," the man said. He looked down at the clipboard. "It took a little longer than we expected. It's going to be $750 for the repairs and labor."
"That's fine." I followed him back into the building. I wasn't going to haggle with him over a price. The only thing that mattered was that Hailey and I were both okay.
***
The voices I had heard when I opened the front door were suddenly hushed. I walked into the kitchen where I had originally heard them talking. Hailey and Josh both looked over at me. I'd have to be an idiot to think they hadn't just been talking about me.
"What's up, guys?" I said.
"Just telling Hailey your life story," Josh said with a smile.
I laughed it off. I wasn't that interesting. "You all set, Hailey?"
"Yeah." She didn't make eye contact with me at all. "Let me just go grab my stuff." She excused herself from the kitchen.
"Seriously, what were you two talking about?" I said and sat down next to Josh.
"She was asking why you were still hung up on Penny."
I found that interesting. I thought she wanted nothing to do with me. But now she was asking questions about me? "What did you tell her?"
"I said you liked Penny because she was unavailable and you just needed a distraction when you met her."
"That wasn't why." Fuck, was that why?
"Whatever you say, man." Josh placed his coffee cup down on the counter. "I think you two still have a lot to talk about."
"I don't think she's really that interested in talking to me anymore."
"Don't worry, I handled it."
I laughed. "Handled it? What is that supposed to mean?"
"It means I created a mystery for her. Now she's dying to talk to you again."
"What mystery?"
"I dropped the bomb about your accident. And how much you lost."
I shook my head. "That's not exactly a story that fixes the fact that she hates me. I doubt she cares anyway."
"Oh no, she definitely took the bait. You owe me one."
"I don't want her pity." Josh had always been good at playing the game. But I didn't want to play Hailey. Really, I just needed to keep it in my pants and drop her off in Pasadena and forget. Trying to make it more than that was just going to hurt both of us.
"Take what you can get, man," he said and clapped me on the back. "Anything else you need before you head out?"
"No, I'm good. Thanks for letting us crash here."
"Well, there is one thing you can do for me."
I laughed. "I didn't say I owed you one."
"
But I say you do. I just fixed your relationship with Hailey plus I didn't let you sleep on the street last night. And I didn't get upset about you banging Melissa."
"Yeah, maybe I do owe you one. Or a few."
Josh smiled. "Then come work for me when you get out. It'll be just like old times."
"I might just take you up on that."
"Take him up on what?" Hailey said as she walked into the room.
"I was just offering your friend a job," Josh said.
"Oh?" She glanced at me and then immediately looked away. "Well, thanks for letting us stay here, Josh. I really appreciate it." She gave him what I thought was a pretty awkward hug. Maybe she was regretting being all over him last night at dinner. Thinking about it again made me feel sick to my stomach.
"Don't mention it," Josh said. "It was great meeting you."
"You too." She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "You ready?" she said to me without really looking at me.
"Yeah. It was great seeing you, Josh." I gave him a much less awkward hug.
"How about you don't wait over a year to talk to me next time?" he said as we all walked toward the door.
"I won't. Maybe I'll come visit you again soon too," I said. And I meant it. Out of everyone I know, Josh lived closest to the base.
"I'm holding you to that!" he yelled after me.
Hailey and I were both silent as we got into the car. I was pretty sure that's how it was going to be the rest of the way to Pasadena. As long as I didn't look at her. Because whenever I did that, I just wanted to rip all her clothes off again. I started the ignition and waved goodbye to Josh. In three years, I probably would take him up on his offer. Hopefully I'd make it till then.
"I'm sorry about last night," Hailey said as soon as I pulled onto the road.
I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. "You don't have anything to apologize for."
