by Ivy Smoak
He grabbed my hand and didn't look down at his hip. "I got it a long time ago. It's nothing."
I could tell it wasn't nothing. But I also didn't want to talk about our issues. I wanted to convince him that it could be more than whatever it was right now. If I could convince him of that, then I'd have more time to learn about him. "Fine, I'll beg," I said, going back to our original conversation. "I want you to come back to Indiana with me."
"Hails..."
"I know it's not the big city, but you grew up in Delaware. You're used to small towns."
"It's not that. I..."
"Look, I've gotten used to falling asleep next to you. I don't want to stop doing that." I smiled at him as seductively as I could and unbuttoned his shorts.
"Hails, I can't..."
"I promise my town isn't as small and boring as you might guess." I kissed the side of his neck. "Plus, I'm pretty sure you enjoy my company."
His fingers dug into my hips.
"Come back with me," I whispered in his ear. "We can figure it out one step at a time."
He had stopped protesting. Instead, he tilted his head so that his lips met mine.
Silence was never consent. But I took his silence as a yes. I knew it was fast and crazy, but Tyler and I just seemed to fit. We were two pieces of a puzzle that used to be broken. Now it was whole again.
Chapter 28
Tyler
Wednesday
"Hailey," I whispered against the back of her neck. My stomach was twisted in knots. I tried to tell her I couldn't come back with her last night. The problem was that I wanted to. I wanted to go back to Indiana and figure it out one step at a time like she said. It wasn't an option though. Three years. I would never ask her to wait three years.
I breathed in the smell of her. Today she smelled more like roses than cinnamon. It was the sweetest smell in the world. I wanted to stop time. Somehow, I was always a little too late. With Penny I was too late. If I had met her a few days before her husband, maybe she would have ended up with me. With Hailey I was too late too. If I had met Hailey four days sooner, maybe I wouldn't have been motivated to suddenly change my whole life. I could have gone back with her. I wish it didn't feel like I was throwing my life away, but it did now, now that I didn't feel so alone.
I should have just told her about basic training. I didn't mean to lead her on, but I knew that I had. She thought I was thinking about coming back with her. When in reality, it wasn't even an option. I slipped my hand off her skin and rolled away from her in the bed.
I had royally fucked up. She had asked me if I had ever intentionally broken anyone's heart. Now I was worried that I was doing it to her. And that was the last thing I wanted to do. She deserved so much more than I could offer. She deserved better than me. It felt like I needed her though. Before we had run into each other, I had given up. She made me feel better. It was greedy of me to need her. It wasn't right. So why the hell did it feel so right?
Even though the sun hadn't risen yet, I climbed out of bed and pulled on a pair of athletic shorts.
Hailey moaned in her sleep. It was the softest, cutest noise in the world. Everything this girl did seemed to get to me. All I wanted to do was climb back in bed and hold her in my arms. But I couldn't get used to that. A future between us was never going to happen. I pulled on a pair of socks.
"What are you doing?"
I turned around. Hails was sitting up in bed, the sheets clutched in her hand, barely covering her naked breasts. She looked so beautiful. The moonlight streaming through the blinds made her eyes sparkle in the darkness. She was breathtaking.
I realized I had been staring at her and cleared my throat. "Going for a run. Go back to sleep."
She glanced out the window. "It's the middle of the night, Tyler."
I didn't really have anything to say to that. Telling her I was trying to run away from my feelings for her wasn't exactly a reason I felt like sharing. I turned away from her instead and picked up my sneakers. There was nothing to say. I needed to run because I was frustrated. And honestly, I was scared to death.
"Can you...come back to bed for just a few minutes?"
Reluctantly, I turned back toward her. I immediately realized that I had mistaken the sparkle in her eyes. It wasn't from the moonlight. She was crying. No one should look that beautiful when they were crying.
She wiped underneath her eyes. "Sorry, I just...I had a bad dream. And I thought...well, never mind." She wiped underneath her eyes again.
I dropped my sneakers on the floor and climbed back into bed. Seeing her cry made my chest ache. It completely trumped the twisted feeling in my stomach. I just wanted to make her happy. I wasn't sure when that had become the most important thing to me, but it was. I pulled her into my arms.
She immediately pressed her face against my chest as she wrapped her arms around me. She clung to me like she needed me. I closed my eyes. God, I needed her too.
"It's okay," I said and ran my fingers through her hair. "It was just a dream."
She shook her head. "I'm sorry, I just keep having it over and over again. And when I wake up I think it's real." Her cold tears trickled down my chest.
"What is the dream about?" I kissed the top of her head. I still wanted her to open up to me. Even though I knew how one sided that was, because I hadn't opened up to her either.
She didn't say anything for a few minutes.
I took her silence as her not wanting to talk about it. "It's okay, Hails. It was just a dream."
She shook her head again, smearing her tears against my chest. "You've never told me about your family. Tell me about them."
I pressed my lips together as I looked down at the top of her head. "It's just me and my mom."
She looked up at me. Her eyes were still teary. "Are your parents divorced?"
"Um...no." I ran my hand down her back. "My dad actually passed away a few years ago. Well, not really a few anymore. Five years ago."
She pulled away from me. "Shit, Tyler I'm so sorry."
"It's okay. You couldn't have known." Because I don't talk about it.
"I'm so sorry."
"It's fine, Hails."
"What happened? If you don't mind me asking, that is."
I didn't really want to talk about it. But she had stopped crying. I didn't want her to start again. "It was a car accident."
She nodded. "Were you two close?"
"Yeah, we were."
She was starting to blink fast, like she was about to cry again. She reached out and splayed her fingers against the left side of my chest, right on top of my heart. "Sometimes the worst things happen to the best people."
We just stared at each other. Something unspoken seemed to settle around us. She was everything good. I certainly didn't feel that way about myself. But she seemed to see it in me. That warmed me to the core.
She let her hand fall from my chest as she snuggled in close to me again. "Is that why you said your biggest fear was dying?" Her breath was warm against my skin.
"Yeah, I guess." The lie came out before I could even stop it. The truth was more complicated than that. I learned a lot from my dad's death. But it was mostly to live each day to the fullest. To go after what you really wanted. I looked down at the girl lying on my chest. Maybe that's why I was scared of death now. I couldn't go after what I really wanted. Because what I wanted was Hailey. I was terrified of dying in combat without ever knowing what my life with her could have been.
"Thank you for staying."
I wanted to tell her I wasn't going anywhere. That I could be there whenever she needed someone to catch her when she fell. But that couldn't be me. Instead, I just held her until she fell asleep again. Then I slipped back out of bed and went for a run while dawn was just starting to break.
Chapter 29
Hailey
Wednesday
I reached out my arm and felt the empty sheets beside me. I rolled over to Tyler's empty side of the bed and breathed in the smell of freshly cut g
rass and mint. It was the only thing that could seem to soothe me recently. I had woken up in the middle of the night in tears, dreaming about my father dying before I got a chance to say goodbye. It was ridiculous. He had at least four months to live. Longer after I talked to Elena.
The closer we got to Pasadena, the less I wanted to get there. A small part of me was terrified of seeing her. It had been 15 years since we had last spoken.
But now that I had a glimmer of hope that Tyler might come back with me to Indiana, nothing seemed quite so bad. With him, nothing seemed as daunting. I slowly opened my eyes and smoothed my fingers along his pillow. He knew what it was like to lose a parent. He knew how painful it was. Josh had told me that Tyler hadn't been the same after the accident. His dad's accident had to be what Josh was talking about. Tyler had been close to his dad. Maybe as close as I was to mine. Five years didn't change that. He was healing from heartache and healing from loss. I could make it better. I wanted to. Because he made me feel better than anyone else had in a long time.
I closed my eyes tight and breathed in Tyler's scent. This didn't have to be the end. It could be the beginning of something wonderful. And today I wasn't going to worry about seeing Elena. Today I was just going to focus on having fun with Tyler. We were less than two hours away from the Grand Canyon. This was the part of the road trip that I was most excited for.
A buzzing noise pulled me out of my thoughts. I yawned and grabbed my phone off the nightstand. I quickly slid my finger across the screen, but the call had already ended. It also wasn't my phone. I had accidentally picked up Tyler's. Before I set it back down on the nightstand, I stared at his home screen. There were a dozen missed calls from a blocked number as well as six missed calls from a different number. I glanced at the hotel door. I wasn't sure when Tyler was coming back. But I couldn't help how curious I was to see who was calling him nonstop.
At the same time, if we were going to be more than a summer fling, I needed to trust him. I placed his phone down on the nightstand and turned on the TV. It was another broadcast about James Hunter's shooting. His fate still looked bleak. It had been over a week since he had been in a coma. They showed a picture of James and his wife at their wedding, smiling. Normally I'd be sucked into the story, but I couldn't seem to focus on the news. I bit my lip as I stared back at Tyler's phone. Yes, I needed to trust him, but I also needed to know that he was trustworthy. Who would call him so many times? And why would a number be blocked?
Fuck it. I picked his phone up and typed in the number that had called him so many times into my phone. The first result in Google was a precinct for the New York City Police Department. I swallowed hard as I scrolled through the rest of the results. It was definitely the number for the NYPD. Why would the NYPD be calling Tyler?
We had both joked around about how we were running from the cops. But I never thought he really was. I stared down at the blocked number on his phone as my mind raced. What had he done? I tried to think of anything he might have said that would point to something. God, is he really a criminal? There was absolutely no way. Tyler was the sweetest guy I had ever met. A bit angry at the cards he'd been given maybe, but not a criminal.
All that I could think of was the fact that Josh said he had been in an accident that messed him up. But Tyler had said the accident that killed his dad was five years ago. That couldn't have anything to do with this.
And then it hit me. There was one more thing Josh had said. In the conversation that I had overheard between him and Tyler, Josh had said, "So you only have a few days of freedom left?" And I couldn't really remember the rest, except for the fact that Tyler had said, "I don't regret it."
Oh my God. What did he do? What horrible thing didn't he regret?
Tyler's phone buzzed again, signaling a voicemail. It was from the blocked number. Without hesitating at all, I clicked on it, thankful that it didn't require a password. I put the phone to my ear to listen to the voicemail.
"Mr. Stevens, this is Officer Daugherty with the NYPD. Penny has informed us that she wouldn't like you to be a part of the investigation, but since you did not report for questioning, we are issuing a warrant for your arrest. You are now officially our lead suspect for the shooting and attempted murder of James Hunter." The line went dead.
James Hunter? I stared at the television screen. The James Hunter? The one that was dying in a hospital bed in New York City while the whole country held their breath? A picture of James with his wife flashed across the screen again.
My hand shook as I removed the phone from my ear.
The caption on the screen read, "Penny and James Hunter, minutes before the shooting."
Penny. My heart seemed to stop beating. The red hair. The blue eyes. That's Tyler's Penny?
I was hitchhiking with a murderer.
Chapter 30
Tyler
Wednesday
I walked into the hotel room to see Hailey throwing her clothes into her duffel bag. She immediately turned her head to me. Her eyes seemed to grow when she saw me. Her hair was haphazard like she had just rolled out of bed. And I'm pretty sure her tank top was on backwards. She looked adorable, like she was rushing to make sure she wasn't going to delay our departure. I knew she was excited to see the Grand Canyon, but now I just wanted to stay in the room as long as possible.
"Hey," I said. "Just let me take a shower real quick and we can get going. Unless you want to join me?" I walked over to her.
Her response was the harsh zippering of her duffel bag. She immediately pulled it off the bed and over her shoulder. "I actually have to go. I wanted to thank you for taking me as far as you did. I really do appreciate it more than I can say." She looked down at the ground as she tried to step around me.
"Hails, what are you talking about? We're almost there." I grabbed her shoulder before she could pass.
"Don't touch me, Tyler." She shifted her shoulder away from me.
I lifted my hand off of her. "What the hell is going on?"
"You lied to me." She looked so hurt.
"I never lied to you." Fuck, that isn't true. But I didn't mean to. I didn't want to anymore. I wanted to tell her about basic training. I needed to. Before I could say anything else, though, she tried to brush past me again, so I stepped in front of her.
She immediately took a step back. "Really? Well maybe people from the east coast have a different definition of lying. But from where I'm from, it's very simple. When you don't tell the truth, you're lying, asshole."
"Hails, I was going to tell you. If you'd just let me explain."
"Explain? You've had days to explain, Tyler. And I don't care that you didn't tell me. I just care that you lied about it."
I had withheld information from her. I hadn't let her in. But honestly, I had never lied. Was she talking about something else? "I don't know what you're talking about."
She pointed to something behind me. "You said that she wasn't your type."
Before I even turned around I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. Hails had been obsessed with the story of the shooting ever since I had met her. Sure enough, the TV was on mute, but there was a picture of James and Penny on the screen. Oh, shit. "I didn't lie, Hails. I said that I don't have a type. And I don't." Penny had come crashing into my life and I fell for her. I didn't have a thing for girls with blue eyes and red hair. I had a thing for Penny. Had. It was the first time I had used the past tense when thinking about my feelings for her. And I knew it was because of the girl standing in front of me seething. I was falling for her. I was falling for her when I couldn't have her.
She laughed, but it sounded forced. "Really? You're going to pretend she's not everything you ever wanted? God, something is seriously wrong with you. You've been watching me watch the news this whole time. And you never said a word. You know both of them. They're in pain and there is absolutely no emotion on your face. You're a monster."
"You think I'm not hurting for her? I am. Every day he doesn't wake up kills me."<
br />
"Why, Tyler? James is dying. Every doctor that they've interviewed thinks so. The girl that you love is about to be single. So what the hell are you doing in the middle of the desert with me? Go get your prize. You won."
"I didn't win." How could she think so little of me to believe that I'd find joy in someone suffering? Someone I care about deeply. I wasn't a monster. I was trying to move on. I was trying so hard to leave the past behind but it continued to follow me everywhere. "I don't want to go back to New York. You have to believe me. I'm where I want to be."
"Give me a break," she said under her breath.
"Hails, I want to be here with you. I do."
"Bullshit! Don't feed me some insincere line!"
"What do you want me to say? Penny was the love of my life? My best friend? What do you want from me?"
"Tell me the truth!"
"The truth is that our relationship is over. I told Penny I loved her and she told me she'd never feel the same way. She told me she'd rather be alone than with me. She didn't even want me to come to her wedding. I meant nothing to her and she meant everything to me." I swallowed hard. "Everything." My whole body suddenly felt cold. "I can't even look at her without feeling like I lost. I'm just trying to figure out who I am without her."
"So that's why you did it?"
"Did what?" I didn't want to be talking about Penny with Hailey. I was trying to start over. I needed to start over.
"You're insane." She tried to walk past me again but I reached for her wrist. She immediately pulled away. "Touch me again and I'll scream. I swear to God, Tyler." Tears were streaming down her cheeks.
"Would you just talk to me? You knew all this already. You just didn't know it was Penny. Why does this change anything?"
Hailey shook her head like she couldn't believe what I was saying.
"If you're upset about Penny..."
"I don't even care about that! I knew you were still in love with her. I let you use me to help get over her because I can't seem to resist you. That's on me for being stupid. That's not why I'm upset."
