“I love that your hands are on me, Oliver.” I swear Gretchen hadn’t inhaled since we walked in the room. All her words partnered with long, breathy exhales. She laid her head on his shoulder and he tucked his face in the crook of her neck.
I couldn’t tell if she was playing the part or if she was really as taken by him as she appeared to be.
And I had never been so uncomfortable in all my life; however, I was somewhat satiated by their actions as though I was, in some way, giving Oliver what I’d promised. But, there was a bigger part of me that felt guilty for intruding on such a sensual moment between two souls. Even though one of the souls should have been me. But I screwed that up royally in four short months. Four months ago I didn’t even know Gretchen, but it was then I laid the foundation for her to get her where she was now, literally in Oliver’s arms.
I watched as they stood still and held each other. And then he spoke.
“Lexi, the last few days have been hell and I needed you so badly. It was serendipity that we would be here today. I’ve been clinging to the hope of finally having you in front of me and that’s the only thing that’s kept all my parts together.” He pulled back and put his hands gently on each of her cheeks. I felt my own lips part. “I’m being pulled in so many directions and I feel different parts of me floating away. I feel like my life has become the scene in Titanic when all the passengers’ belongings are in the icy water, floating away aimlessly and in uncertain directions. I feel like each facet of who I am is simultaneously being pulled off by a current I can’t control and until this moment I felt cold and alone. But you’re my anchor, Lexi. You’re my mainstay.”
My knees went weak. His words were impeccable and so purposeful—not a single word out of place, and he said them with a passion I’d never witnessed. His heart spoke to me but Gretchen was reaping the benefits.
“Oliver, I don’t know what to say. I couldn’t possibly express myself the way you just have. I felt every word. Right here.” She took one of his hands from her cheek and placed it over her heart. His eyes followed it to where it met her chest and then she lifted her other hand to his face.
I couldn’t breathe.
Four eyes closed slowly and two faces leaned in even slower. Their lips met and Gretchen sucked in a sharp breath through her nose.
My heart literally skipped a beat. They experienced each other at that moment in time like the creation of a one-of-a-kind work of art. Something that could never be replicated. They were painting a picture with each word and each touch. I was captivated.
Their mouths moved in a peaceful, quiet dance…exploring, coaxing, tasting.
One look at Oliver’s lips and you knew exactly what they would feel like on yours. They were full and pouty and he had a habit of licking them. Goose bumps rose across my arms and I rubbed them away as best I could.
My heart felt like it would beat out of my chest. I longed to trade places with Gretchen but I couldn’t. I’d created this monster. I needed to come to terms with the fact that what they shared would never happen with Oliver and me. Even if he didn’t hate me after I told him the truth and we connected on a much deeper level. No one could ever have that kiss ever again. That was something Gretchen and Oliver would share forever. A small crack formed on my heart.
“Dude, this must be Autumn, right?” I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sound of Max’s deep voice as he walked into the trailer. He walked right past me and over to Gretchen, who had stepped back from Oliver and spun around when Max walked in. “Nice to meet you, Autumn. I’m Max. We heard you took very good care of Oliver last night. Thanks for getting him here on time this morning. When we saw you two leave the club last night, we joked that he may not even show up today.” He shook Gretchen’s hand.
She looked at me and raised an eyebrow. I assumed she was waiting for me to clue her in to what she was supposed to say, but I felt as perplexed as she looked. And then I remembered Oliver’s and Gretchen’s Twitter references.
“Nice. Max. You’re a knobhead. Fuck! You sure know how to ruin a moment!” Theo, Calvin and George walked in jabbering on about something but then they hit the wall of discomfort and stopped dead in their tracks.
“Uh…sorry. Um…” Max shook his head and poor George tried to decide if he wanted to leave or laugh about how awkward the situation was. He opted for the latter. Calvin and Theo waved at Gretchen, smiled at me and then left. I received just enough attention to let me know I wasn’t actually invisible.
“Max, George, this is Lexi.” The boys exchanged a loaded glance and then walked over and shook then kissed Gretchen’s hand one at a time.
“Wow. Nice to finally meet you,” Max said then turned to me, perplexed. “So are you Autumn…?” Oliver looked like he was ready to murder Max. I jumped in to save the poor guy.
“Sorry. I’m Kate, not Autumn.” The words scalded my tongue. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what had happened the night before. Oliver left a club with some girl named Autumn and stayed the night with her. I suddenly wanted to bleach Gretchen’s mouth.
“Kate.” Oliver walked over to me and took both of my hands in his. “I am so sorry. I’ve completely ignored you. I was so taken by your sweet friend Lexi. I found it hard to have a complete thought once I laid eyes on her.” He kissed me on both cheeks. Oh. My. He smelled amazing. His hair tickled my face and when he brought my hands up to give each of them a peck, he pressed them against his chest, which was bare.
“It’s fine.” It wasn’t fine. Gretchen had been the recipient of everything that, if I was honest with myself, I’d admit I dreamed of since the first time Oliver tweeted me. Of course, I kept telling myself it was a stupid little fantasy and I’d never have the opportunity to actually meet him. And so, I poured my heart into him, hoping to get him through the dark times as he faced them, all the while knowing there’d never be a chance we’d be this close to one another.
And yet, here he was. Close enough to feel his breath on my face. Close enough to see the depth in the darkest brown eyes I’d ever gazed into. Close enough to tell him the truth. But so far away from a moment like I’d just seen him share with Gretchen. My heart ached.
“Dude, we came back to grab you for that radio interview we’ve got to do…” Max looked at George who looked at his watch and then finished the sentence.
“…four minutes ago.”
“Dammit. Can you wait here? We will be about an hour.” Oliver turned away from me and pled with Gretchen with those big brown eyes.
“Um, Kate. Can we stay?” She never even looked in my direction. She was completely smitten by the man who stood before her. Who wouldn’t be?
“No, remember? We have that assignment due on Monday. We need to go. Now.” I left the room without her. I couldn’t bear another scene like the one I’d just endured. Besides, I was so pissed and bewildered by the fact that Oliver apparently was on a groupie sex binge last night and then could be so deep and bare with Gretchen about how his heart felt. I didn’t get it.
How does someone do that?
I waited a couple seconds outside the door then walked back in and took Gretchen by the wrist. There was no way she would have voluntarily left that room.
“It was nice to meet you all.” I pulled her toward the door. When I looked back, Oliver blew her a kiss and she touched her lips but didn’t say a word. I wondered if she was as disgusted as I was about the tryst he entertained less than twelve hours prior.
“I’ll call you later, Lexi. We can make plans for tomorrow. We’re staying in D.C. for a bit, and then we head home.” Oliver winked.
“That will be amazing!” Gretchen’s eyes fluttered a little and I knew exactly what she was thinking at that moment. She couldn’t have cared less about who Oliver had slept with the night before because she was in this for one thing. She wanted to be next. I could read it all over her face. And I was not about to let that happen.
The whole shit-ball of a situation was going to hit the fan tomorrow. I
needed to get everything out in the open with Oliver before Gretchen had a chance to wrap her legs around him. Finding out the truth after they’d slept together would only take this quandary to the next level of unbearable for him, and I couldn’t bear to be responsible for one more thing that could hurt the sweetest man I’d ever known.
I’m so sorry, Oliver.
Six
That night, every time I closed my eyes I saw Oliver’s lips on Gretchen’s. I was exhausted and I couldn’t live through that moment of my life one more time without going insane. I got up and turned on the light and grabbed my journal from between my mattress and the bed frame. I threw a K-cup in my coffee maker and prepared myself for an all-nighter. I was an insomniac in the making.
I pulled out my journal and began jotting down a rough recall of another summer conversation with Oliver. I was at our community pool when he started a “Twenty Questions” kind of game via DM.
OliverPh5: Lex, you busy? Our flight has been delayed. I’m bored. Wanna play a game?
Me: I’m at the pool. What game?
OliverPh5: I choose something and you ask me a shitload of questions to try and figure it out.
Me: 20 questions.
OliverPh5: So, you’re limiting the length of our game?
Me: No, silly. That’s what the game’s called. 20 questions.
OliverPh5: Let’s just play. No rules.
Me: Ok. You got something ready?
OliverPh5: *nods slyly*
Me: You’re funny. OK. Is it a person, place or thing?
OliverPh5: Person.
Me: Oliver! That’s not how you play. Now everyone on this side of the pool is looking at me because I’m cracking up!! ROFLMAO!
OliverPh5: You’re quite mean. You know that?
Me: I am NOT mean. You’re supposed to only answer yes or no questions.
OliverPh5: Shit! You and your rules!
Me: LOL. Is it a male?
OliverPh5: No
Me: OK…um. Is she an actress?
OliverPh5: No
Me: Is she a real person?
OliverPh5: I suppose she could be.
Me: THAT’S NOT A YES OR NO ANSWER!
OliverPh5: *gives you the finger* NO!
Me: Is she a character from a book?
OliverPh5: No. A fairy tale.
Me: - -
OliverPh5: Now the people in the airport are staring at ME bc I’m cracking up at how pissed you’re getting over this! LOL!
Me: Snow White?
OliverPh5: Nope.
Me: Maleficent?
OliverPh5: Who the FUCK is that?
Me: *crying!*
OliverPh5: You’re a bully!
Me: No. You just need to brush up on your fairy tales
OliverPh5: You can tell me about Maleficent another time. Now, guess.
Me: Rapunzel?
OliverPh5: No
Me: Cinderella?
OliverPh5: WE HAVE A WINNER!
Me: Why did you choose her?
OliverPh5: She’s my favourite princess.
Me: Oliver Walt, King of dark, seedy lyrics has a favorite princess.
OliverPh5: Yep. But don’t tell anyone ;)
Me: So, that’s your favorite fairy tale?
OliverPh5: No…WE are my favourite fairy tale.
That would have been the perfect place for me to have said something along the lines of:
“What if you were the Prince? Would you have been angry that Cinderella pretended to be someone she wasn’t?”
I closed my journal and snuggled down into my fluffy bed then fell asleep in the wee hours of Sunday morning wishing I could wake up and my life would have rewound to the day I had the idea to make the Lexi Cartwright Twitter account. Because I wouldn’t have. And maybe Oliver would’ve been just as smitten with me. The real me.
****
I woke to the sound of a heavy fist on my door. I was someone who needed time to make peace with being awake. Being woken up violently and unexpectedly is not something I tolerated well. So, unless you are on the other side with pizza or chocolate…or Oliver…you must beware of my not-so-kind reaction to you.
I flung my door open. Gretchen stormed past me into my room.
“Kate! Has Oliver called or texted you?” She started to pace.
“Gretchen.” I growled under my breath and crawled back under my covers. I’d have to help her from there because I was exhausted. I grabbed my phone and looked at the time. “Gretchen. Dammit! It’s only seven o’clock! What the hell?”
“Kate, I’m sorry. I know it’s early.” She continued to pace and run her hands through her hair. That’s when I realized she was showered and had her makeup applied perfectly. It wouldn’t surprise me if she just woke up looking that good. I shook my head, slammed my eyes closed and then rolled them under their lids.
“No, he hasn’t called or texted.” I waved my phone in the air then huffed and fluffed my pillow. He really hadn’t, but I wouldn’t have adjusted my story if he had.
“We have to figure out a way that you can stream all his texts and stuff to me so I know what’s going on at all times.”
I sat straight up and glared at her. “Whoa. You need to back up. This is not a game we are playing any longer, Gretchen. I needed you for a couple minutes. That’s it. Today I’m telling him the truth. Got it?”
“Don’t be a bitch, Kate.” Gretchen turned on her heel and glared down at me. “Listen, I’m not done being with him.” She cleared her throat and sat on the end of my bed. I could see her purposefully change her attitude to fit the situation. “Yesterday was so intense, I was still shaking when I climbed into bed last night. It couldn’t hurt to keep this up a little longer, right?” Her eyes went straight to puppy-dog mode. “And wouldn’t it be easier to tell him after he heads back home?”
“Gretchen, the relationship Oliver and I have is deeper than what you’re imagining. It would be so very wrong to let this play out and then break the news to him over the phone or via text when he’s thousands of miles away.”
“Oh.” She truly didn’t see the harm in it. That said a lot about her integrity.
“It doesn’t bother you that he spent the night with some groupie just hours before he was falling all over you?” It bothered me. Once his fling with Autumn came to light, it made everything he’d just said to Gretchen seem insincere. I was almost glad that wasn’t my moment. Almost.
“You see, that’s where I’m confused. I thought you said he hated groupies but he was with that Autumn chick.”
“I lied to you, Gretchen. I just couldn’t risk you trying to hook up with Oliver yesterday. He has sex with groupies all the time.” The game was over. I didn’t need to worry about Gretchen trying to sleep with Oliver, because my plan was to tell him the truth, ASAP.
“Well, then, that’s all Lexi is to him, right? She’s another one of his groupies. Just one he had to wait a little longer for. Let me have this one, Kate. This isn’t your kinda gig anyway.” She actually looked down her nose at me. I had to shake it off or the tangent the conversation would have taken wouldn’t have been a good one.
“You’ve got this all wrong, Gretchen. Oliver doesn’t think of Lexi as a groupie. They have a really deep connection. She’s kept Oliver’s biggest secrets and she’s helped him through some of his lowest times. It’s a sincere friendship.” It seemed strange to talk about Lexi like she was someone other than me.
“Sincere? And yet you refer to her in the third person. Come on, Kate, please.”
I wanted to claw the condescending look off her face.
“No.” Tears stung my eyes.
“Kate, think about it. You’re helping him through Lexi, right? You’re allowing her to empower him and build him up. That’s not a bad thing. You’re not using this guise for any ulterior motive. That would be an awful thing to do. But you’re putting Oliver first. And you don’t have any hopes of actually being with him, right?”
“Excuse me?” I couldn’t h
ide my offense. “Why would you say it like that?”
“I mean, you’re not hoping to tell him the truth and then be a couple, right? You’re just interested in helping him. Like an altruistic gesture.”
“Of course.” I lied through my freaking teeth. All along I’d been telling myself that there was no way I would fall for him. I was much more realistic in nature. I didn’t have teen heartthrob posters in my room. I wasn’t the girl who dreamed of a celebrity falling for her.
Being realistic is one big reason I never dated in high school. I had no expectations for high school boys. Quite frankly, I saw them as hormone-induced assholes. After puberty, boys turn into raging hard-ons with legs. Sex is all they think about. It’s all they want. I wasn’t ever going to waste my time with that. So, I never expected to fall for Oliver—and I’m not sure I realized I had until I saw his hands on Gretchen.
“Well, then what’s the harm in keeping Lexi alive for Oliver’s mental state?” She batted her eyes at me.
“Because it’s a lie. And nothing good comes from a lie. Besides, I’m not going to keep the lie going just so you can steal a piece of Oliver.” I fell backwards onto my pillow, squeezed my eyes shut and hoped she’d be gone when I opened them.
“Steal a piece of him? What’s that supposed to mean?”
Please just disappear. Go away, Gretchen.
“Look, you’re never going to talk me into this. The answer is no. I’m not figuring out a way to keep this lie going any longer.” I threw my covers off and stood up. “Now, you need to go.”
“Kate, please—” She stood and backed toward my door, batting her eyes the whole way.
“I’m sorry, Gretchen. What you’re asking me to do is just not how I deal with things.”
She turned and walked out. I locked the door behind her. I could have climbed back into bed and slept for hours but I needed time to decide what and how to tell Oliver the truth. I climbed back into bed but not to sleep, to think of how I could tell the truth without breaking Oliver’s heart.
When I Lied Page 7
