I chose a seat on the western side of the dining hall, right in front of the floor-to-ceiling window. The sun was still shining and I was glad to catch some warm rays at the end of what appeared to have been a beautiful mid-week day on campus.
I hated that I hadn’t heard from Oliver because there was so much he struggled with all at the same time, but there was relief in our reprieve of conversation. Because I wasn’t lying to him if I wasn’t pretending to be Lexi.
Even though I’d been alone for three days, I chose to sit away from the hustle and bustle in a quiet part of the dining hall and slurp my soup and drink my water. And it was lovely.
Gretchen: Hey. How are you feeling? Psych has been boring without you.
And, she’s back.
Gretchen sent me three texts since her complete change of heart that happened mere hours after she threatened me. Each text got nicer. Her colors were changing again.
Me: Sorry. Doctor’s orders. I’ll be there Friday.
I really hadn’t seen a doctor, but she didn’t need to know that.
Gretchen: Prof Woods gave us some research tips on Monday and then told us to spend today’s class time at the library looking up recent psych articles about famous people.
Me: Did you?
Gretchen: Of course. Still there. Maybe we can get together before Friday’s class.
Me: Sounds good.
Gretchen: Have you heard from O?
Me: Nope.
That shut her up. The rest of my dinner was delightfully quiet.
I walked out into the quad and decided to do something I’d seen other fellow co-eds doing since August but had never done. I was usually too driven to waste my time with public relaxation. I noticed all the people relaxing on the grass in the quad and I made a decision to treat myself. I headed back to my room, grabbed a big blanket, my journal and the current book I was reading.
I had no idea how long I’d been sitting there, but the sun had gone down and it was a little darker than it had been when I first copped my squat. I had been paging through my book by the light from the nearest lamppost. I wasn’t reading a damn word but I got in a lot of people-watching. I purposely tried to not think about anything. Just watch. Just take in what was in front of my eyes and let that be the only place my focus went. My mind needed a rest.
“Hey. Kate, right?” A beautiful specimen of boy stood before me. His shoulders looked quite familiar. I couldn’t see his short blond hair under the backwards baseball cap but I did notice his crystal-blue eyes. Eyes that had been hidden behind an expensive pair of aviators at the Billabong Festival.
“Hey, Jason. How are you?” I smiled. I wasn’t sure if what I was doing would come across as flirting and that little insecurity alone made me nervous.
He dropped his backpack and sat on the corner of my blanket. His grin revealed that beautiful smile filled with straight, white teeth.
“I missed seeing you out at the house Sunday night.”
“Yeah. Sorry about that.” I really hadn’t even considered going but I didn’t want to be rude. “I got a bad case of sushi poisoning that day.”
“Fat Salmon’s?”
I smiled and nodded.
“That place won’t be around much longer. You’re the fourth person in a week I know of who got sick from eating there.” He smiled and then waved to a couple guys who called his name as they passed by my blanket.
“So, Sunday was a good time?” I had no idea what else to say. I fanned through the pages of my book just because my hands needed something to do. I was so out of my element when it came to small talk and cute boys, especially when there wasn’t an ounce of alcohol in my bloodstream.
“It was rockin’. Hey, listen…” He tore off a piece of paper from a notebook inside his backpack and jotted something down on it. “Here’s my number. Maybe we could hang out sometime.” He stood and brushed off the seat of his jeans.
“Sounds good. Thanks.” He had no idea he’d just given his number to an awkward girl who’d never called a guy in her life.
“Good to see you again, Kate.” He waved and walked away.
Holy hell, he was gorgeous. My stomach was in knots and this time it had nothing to do with sushi.
After Jason walked away, I was watching two guys doing the uncomfortable hug thing when I noticed a figure walking toward me. I tried not to stare but it was hard to see further than ten feet ahead of me, and I was one to always be aware of my surroundings. For safety’s sake. By the gait, I knew it was a guy. He passed the blanket but then quickly plopped down next to me, which seriously startled me. He was a little closer than I was comfortable with so I scooted a few feet away before I even looked to see who it was.
His face was partially shadowed by the black hood of the hugely oversized sweatshirt, which was a little creepy. I squinted but the dark glasses he wore only added to what looked like a disguise. Which was a little more than creepy. Everything happened in slow motion. My heart pounded. This was the point in a movie where the girl on the blanket screams and runs away.
As that thought crossed my mind he slid his glasses down his nose, and there was no mistaking those eyes paired with the couple of curls that bounced out from under his hood. I sucked in a breath through my nose, which welcomed in his familiar musky scent.
“Hello, Kate.” The smile and accent sealed it for me.
“Oliver. Hi.” My heart rate shot up even higher when I spoke his name. I tried to keep my breathing even. He was so unbelievably overwhelming and he’d only said two words.
“You look a little lonely here on this soft blanket by yourself.” He rubbed the blanket with his hand and slid his dark glasses back up his nose.
“I’m not lonely now. But, aren’t you afraid of being recognized? Won’t you be mobbed if someone realizes who you are?” I wanted him to sit on that blanket with me for as long as he possibly could but I also knew how much he disliked crowds of screaming, groping fans.
“One would think, wouldn’t they? But, I have actually been walking around this beautiful campus all day and I haven’t been spotted once.” He glanced over the top of his glasses and made a sweep with his eyes across the quad.
“So, that’s what you did today? Just walked around?” I wanted more than anything to reach out and touch him, but I needed to be chill and just be the Kate he knew me to be.
“I do my best thinking when I’m out for a good stroll.” He pulled his knees up to his chest and laid his head on its side across them. He smirked at me. “And do you do your best thinking on a blanket while you pretend to read a book and write in your journal?” He picked up my book and paged through it. I reached for my journal and secured it in my lap so he would refrain from paging through it. Its contents matched his heart.
“I do.”
“So, what’s Every Day about? And, this David Levithan guy, is he your favorite author?” He closed the book and laid his hand on top of it as though he was checking for a pulse.
“I have lots of favorite authors; he’s just one of them. The book is about a guy who wakes up each morning in a different body and in a different life than the day before. It’s the way he’s lived his whole life so he knows no different. But he falls in love with a girl and it seems, no matter who he is each day, he’s still drawn to her. Over and over again.”
Oliver drew in a quiet, staggered breath, shook his head a little and then let out a long sigh. He took off his glasses and rubbed his face.
“So, are you and Lexi great pals?” He glanced around the quad.
“Um. Not really.” I wasn’t sure what the right answer was to support this giant charade, but I knew the truth would feel better than one more lie. I just hoped I didn’t regret that decision later.
“Really? I just assumed, I guess, since she brought you backstage.” His eyes searched mine but for what I wasn’t sure.
“She and I are merely acquaintances. We have a class together and just happened to be near one another the day of the concert.”
His eyes continued their search.
“You don’t much like her, do you?” He could feel my prickled attitude.
“I don’t. Sorry.”
“Please don’t apologize. I could use your shoulder if you don’t mind. You know, now that I know the two of you aren’t tight. Could I speak to you in strict confidence for a moment?”
“Of course you can, Oliver.” Oh sweet Jesus, I just convinced him he could trust the person that’s responsible for the lie that could crush him. Me.
“I feel like the guy in your book, Kate.”
When Oliver spoke, I hung on every word. He was incredibly insightful and so sensitive to the world around him that he continuously opened my eyes to new ways of seeing my world. It was almost like he lived in a parallel universe and in the one the rest of us were in, but he had a higher level of thinking than most people could attain. He was fascinating. I wanted him to say more.
“How so?”
“Here’s a glimpse into my life this past year. A new day means a new city. A new day, a new source of anxiety. A new day, a new rumor to dispel. I sometimes wake up feeling like I’m not the same guy I was when I fell asleep the night before.” He crossed his arms in front of him on the blanket and laid his head on its side, facing me.
“And the girl?” I couldn’t believe I let the words spill from my mouth but that’s just what they did. Conversation became easy when it was with Oliver; I found myself letting unfiltered thoughts out. And now that we spoke in person and on the phone, I had to be careful. When it was messages and texts I could proofread and delete anything before hitting send.
“The girl.” He blinked a couple times and I was glad he’d taken his glasses off. It was so much easier to read his expression and it was finally dark enough that he didn’t need to hide behind the glasses.
His mouth opened and closed a couple times in what looked like poor attempts to respond to my question.
“I’m sorry. That was a silly thing for me to ask—”
“No, actually, it wasn’t. I think my soul was yelling for you to ask it. It’s pretty cool that you heard it. We’re connecting, Kate.” He bumped into my shoulder with his.
“I guess we are. Connecting.” Oliver and Kate had been connecting all along but he didn’t know that. To him, I was a stranger.
“Maybe we’ve known each other in a different life.” He winked.
A different life.
“Maybe.” What seemed like a different life, the first days of knowing Oliver, wasn’t that long ago. Definitely not a lifetime ago.
“So, the girl.” He cleared his throat. I would have let him off the hook if he hadn’t brought it back up again. It would have eaten a hole in me for not asking but I would have done it just so I didn’t put him on the spot and make him uncomfortable. He let his eyes close slowly and he breathed in a couple slow breaths. “I longed to meet Lexi. Our connection was so deep and it happened so fast, like our souls knew there was no sense in taking things slowly. I trusted her from the very start, from across the ocean, Kate, and I couldn’t explain it. Still can’t. The guys thought I was crazy. They kept telling me she was just a lunatic fan pulling me in. But that wasn’t it. I’ve never experienced anything like it before. I don’t trust people, Kate. I really don’t.”
“Trust is a big thing. You can’t give it away too soon.” My own words drove a stake through my freaking heart.
“That’s the thing, Kate. The only people in my life that I trust are Max, Theo, Calvin and George. But, they’ve been my mates since we were kids. And they’ve never given me a reason not to trust them. But there’s just something about Lexi…something’s been off since we met backstage. It’s like behind the wall of texts and messages she was free to be herself but in person, she doesn’t want to let her guard down. I guess that’s what it is; she seems guarded.”
She was guarded. She was my stand-in. How was I supposed to respond to what he said? Each time I made excuses for Gretchen, it just layered the lies. I needed to stop but my knee-jerk reaction was to help soothe his heart.
“But, Oliver, you have to also see it from her point of view. You’re so famous; you have this huge aura when you walk in a room. It could be unsettling to her.”
“But, why not to you, Kate? Why is this so easy for us?” He motioned between us with his hand.
“Some things you can’t explain, ya know. They just are what they are.”
“Well then, as it stands, what Lexi and I are is…is…well I don’t think we’re much of anything. I just don’t feel that connection I’d assumed would just pick up where our texts left off. I truly don’t think we are much of anything.”
For a minute he just laid there on his stomach, next to me. His head turned toward me and rested on his crossed arms. I lay in the same position, with just a couple inches between our noses. He smelled so good. His face had a mischievous twist to it under the cover of his giant hood, with his curls tucked around his face. And instead of enjoying the connection I felt with him, my brain tried to sort out whether his proclamation made it a good time to tell him the truth. Or would coming clean be hitting him while he was down?
“They just are what they are.” He whispered it first. “They just are what they are.” The second time he said it, there was a slight glint of a tune that tied my words into a sweet package. He made what I’d said timeless.
I smiled. And probably blushed but it was too dark for him to see. “I like it.”
“Is there a music classroom around here somewhere?” He sat straight up and quickly adjusted his hood as a group of girls walked by with Phobia5 playing loud on one of their phones.
“Sure, why?” I sat up across from him.
“I need a guitar.” He touched my fingers then pulled his hand away and shoved it in the front pocket of his hoodie, which hurt my feelings.
“You working on a song?” He was so close to me but he didn’t hear my question over the tune he continued to hum. My fingers tingled from his touch. I closed my eyes and tried to make the memory permanent. The sound of the tune coming straight from his soul hypnotized me. I stayed completely still and relaxed for I don’t know how long. But the sudden chill to the early evening breeze sent a shiver through me that I couldn’t hide from Oliver.
“Come on, love, it’s getting chilly. Let’s go somewhere warm, shall we?” He stood and reached for my hand to help me up. Then his hand went straight back into its assigned pocket.
“My friend Marlow has a guitar. I know she’d let me borrow it.” He nodded and smiled.
I hated that the last sweet hour or so had been overshadowed by the crushing blow Oliver would take when I told him the truth. I was Lexi. Gretchen pretended to be Lexi. I wanted to be his soul mate. But, now, so did Gretchen.
As much as I hated it, I actually was more comfortable with her intentions when she just wanted to screw him. But now that she’d made it clear what her feelings are, that she was falling for him, that just made everything even more of a mess.
Oliver was such a gentleman. I grabbed my journal and he grabbed the blanket and my book. We walked to my dorm in silence but I could feel him next to me like I was tucked inside him and just floated along with his steps.
“So, Kate. You’re holding onto that journal pretty tight. You ever share what’s inside it?”
“No, it’s all private. Just things my heart needs to process.”
“Sharing the things that haunt your soul can be pretty freeing, ya know?”
“I don’t share the things I write in here.” I squeezed my journal a little closer to my body.
“Understood.” And that quickly he dropped it. “The tune running through my head that went with your words, Some things you can’t explain. They just are what they are. I thought if I could pluck the tune on my guitar, I could make it a permanent memory.” He blew some stray curls out of his face as we walked through my door. He threw the blanket we shared on the end of my bed.
“The girl next doo
r is the one who has a guitar. I’ll go see if we can borrow it.” I’d only spoken to Marlow a couple times but I’d seen her with her guitar on campus, so I knew she played.
“That would be perfect, Kate. Then I could play it for you.” He smiled and sat down right in the middle of the rumpled covers on my bed. Just the sight of him amid my covers sent a warm sensation to the pit of my stomach. I left the door cracked a little so it didn’t lock.
Marlow was happy to let me borrow her guitar; however, a short—but way too long—conversation ensued about why I needed it, how long I’d been playing, my favorite style of music. Lies. Lies. Lies. Because why would she trust someone who’s never played the guitar and has no interest in ever playing with her guitar?
No, Marlow, I don’t play. Oliver Walt is hiding out in my room, you know the HOT lead singer from Phobia5, and he wants to play me a tune he’s written to fit something I said that inspired him.
Yeah, that would have gone over well.
I returned to a much different room than I’d left.
“I hope you don’t mind; I nosed around a bit to find these.” Oliver stood by my window and lit every last one of my candles. He didn’t really have to dig to find them. I loved candles and had plenty. He just rearranged them throughout my room, some on my desk, a few on my dresser, a couple on the fridge and a scattered few on my book shelves. The glow of their flickering flames lit all at once captivated me. I used them mostly to cover up the stale smell of all my room’s previous inhabitants; I’d never actually used them for lighting. But it was obvious I’d do all right in a blackout because Oliver had created a beautiful sanctuary lit solely by candles.
“Oliver, it’s lovely.” I carefully stood the guitar against my closet door and looked around my room. When my eyes landed on my futon a lump formed in my throat. My polar bear comforter was still in the washer in the dorm laundry room. Thank God because I hadn’t given it a second thought until that moment. Of course, I could have just said I borrowed it from Lexi but I didn’t need to put any more lies on top of the pile I’d already created.
“It really is, isn’t it? Do you have any wine?” His accent melted me. Every single time he spoke, each cockney inflection pulled my heart open a little more and Oliver Walt climbed in a little deeper.
When I Lied Page 10
