I grabbed two wine glasses from a shoebox in my closet and a bottle of red wine Hayden gave me the day I moved in. Her family owned a winery so apparently serving alcohol to minors was their method of free publicity—she had a bottle for each girl on our floor. I didn’t drink all that much and had never even opened it.
In less than five minutes we were drinking wine on my bed. I would give my left breast to be able to snap my fingers and have the big Lexi lie disappear. I wanted so badly to enjoy every moment I spent with Oliver but that dark cloud of lies floated just above my head.
“Well, Kate, you drank that kind of fast. Shall I pour you another?” Oliver winked and I held my glass out.
“This is so relaxing. Just what I needed.” I smiled.
Three glasses of wine later, I laughed at everything Oliver said. He, on the other hand, was sober but just as entertained by me. His tolerance for alcohol was significantly higher than mine. It was common knowledge that Oliver could down an entire bottle of wine during the first set of one of their shows.
“I’m really enjoying myself, Kate.” He leaned into me with his shoulder. We were still on my bed but the more we drank, the harder the pull was to become horizontal. Oliver was all propped up on my pillows with one foot on the floor and his other leg behind me against the wall.
So, there I was, comfortably propped in the space between his legs.
“This is fun, Oliver.” I hated thinking that Oliver was only in town for a short time.
“What are you thinking, Miss Kate?” He poured me the last bit of wine, while his glass sat unused on the desk. He preferred his directly from the bottle. It was probably good the wine was gone; I was definitely drunk. I tossed my head back to get the hair out of my face and I lost my balance and fell sideways onto Oliver’s chest. He sucked in a big breath and panted out the next but very quickly helped me back to sitting upright.
“I was thinking…” I tried to swallow my embarrassment with the last of my wine. Oliver took my glass and set it on my desk. I had the fleeting thought to not finish my sentence but it took my brain too long to decipher that message and I just went with it. “I was thinking how cool it would be if you just went to school here.”
“It’s always been my dream to go to university, Kate. I’d love to stay here.”
Whew, I was safe. He didn’t read between the lines of what I was really saying. I want you to stay and be my boyfriend with the wine and the candles and us in bed…
“It’s the timing that sucks, huh?” I yawned. I knew this would be the worst time ever for a budding new group to part ways to check some things off their bucket lists.
“Yeah. That’s part of it.” Oliver rubbed his face with both hands then sat up. The warmth of his body so close to mine set the left side of me on fire. I’m pretty sure I stopped breathing.
“Part of it?” I was enjoying feeling Oliver’s chest rise and fall next to me. The soft hoodie he wore rubbed against me with each breath.
“Kate, I’ve not told anyone this, but I’ve become less certain that this life is what I want.”
I turned and tucked my knees under me, still positioned right between his legs. I tried to use my hands to help with my drunken balance issues but they landed right on his thighs instead of my bed. We both glanced down at them and then back up at one another.
Dammit! I didn’t want him to think I was trying to touch him. I was just stupid clumsy when I drank. I pulled my hands from his legs and tucked them between my knees and continued our conversation.
“What are you saying?”
He sucked in a couple deep breaths.
“I love writing and recording music. I love being in touch with a side of life most people never get to experience. I am in awe of the love and admiration I feel from complete strangers while I’m on stage. And I love making new friends like this.” He tilted his head toward me and his curls tickled my nose. “But, I could take it or leave it if something else stole my heart. Don’t get me wrong; I love what I do. I’m not looking to quit anytime soon. I just don’t feel the need to ride the wave into my fifties. Some bands have done that and they’re fucking legends. And that’s amazing. But, I don’t think that’s me.”
“So, what would you want to do next?”
“That’s just it. It’s not something I have planned out. It’s not something I assume will happen by a certain age. It’s just me turning the pages, not knowing when I’ll get to the next chapter or what it will bring.” He leaned into me and lay back against my stacked-up pillows.
“Oliver, there’s something I need to tell you, and it’s going to be really hard to explain.” I took a few deep, cleansing breaths and tried to commit everything about our final moments to memory.
“Wait. Can I play you that tune I was thinking of?” He leapt off my bed and lunged for the guitar.
“Of course you can.” I couldn’t understand why I continued to allow people to derail my plan to tell Oliver the truth. It was like the universe was working against me. But I did really want to hear the song.
Oliver strummed quietly and tuned Marlow’s guitar as he walked back over and sat on the end of my bed. He strummed it a couple more times then played some chords and his eyes closed. I watched his body absorb the sounds of the guitar. I could almost see the wave of each sound enter his body and be gone just before the next strum. It was as natural to him as his own breathing. Music was what filled Oliver with life—it gave him a soul, it was what he held onto to make the world around him bearable. I’d never known someone as deep and spiritual as Oliver Walt. I thought I knew just from being a fan and watching videos of their performance but I’d barely scratched the surface of all that Oliver was made of.
He let his head fall back. His eyes remained closed. The music he created on the spot beneath his fingertips captivated every sense within me. Right down to the scent of the candles that seemingly became more noticeable as he played. I took in every nuance of the moment. He was all alone somewhere in his own little world, and as I watched he unfolded an audible masterpiece before me. He painted each sound with his fingers across the strings of Marlow’s guitar. There were no words, just notes. Just perfect.
I closed my eyes and experienced each mystifying intonation within the chords. For Oliver to be able to pull the sounds from his soul, tie them together and play them just the way he wanted was unfathomable to me.
There was a long, slow strum, which highlighted the individual note of each string. Then the sound faded into silence. I slowly opened my eyes and was welcomed with a broad smile that warmed my insides.
“That was really beautiful, Oliver.”
“You’re beautiful.” His voice was soft and his smile gentle. And as quickly as he said it, he blinked a few times, which made me think he was desperately trying to figure out how to recant his words.
“Um. Thank you?” My eyes darted away from his. I don’t know why I said it as a question. His compliment made me uncomfortable—I think mostly because it had only been minutes ago that he confessed he was no longer interested in Lexi. I just wanted to dissolve into my covers and disappear.
“I’m sorry that makes you uncomfortable, Kate. I’m just telling you the truth.” He slid a little closer to me and let Marlow’s guitar slide gently to the carpet. Then he took my hands in his and this time he didn’t let go right away. I sat straight up but with my head down, looking at our hands in my lap. My insides trembled. I hoped he couldn’t feel it by just holding my hands.
The silence drowned out every coherent thought in my mind.
“Look at me.” Oliver’s voice was just above a whisper. He lifted my chin. His touch was so light, the sensation exploded into goose bumps across every square inch of me. I knew he wouldn’t notice, though, because his eyes were locked on mine.
My heartbeat sprinted to a pace that made it hard for me to breathe evenly. To fill my lungs with the oxygen they craved, I let my lips part. But, when I did, Oliver’s gaze dropped to my mouth and he grazed
his own bottom lip with just the very tip of his tongue.
“If I’m being totally honest, Kate, then I must share one more thing with you.”
I hung on his every word.
But then his phone buzzed and I slipped a little from my trance when he pulled it from his pocket.
“Sorry, Kate.” He tapped in some kind of correspondence on his screen then looked up at me with an apologetic smile.
“It’s Lexi.”
Lexi? How is Lexi texting him? I’M LEXI!
He shoved his phone back in his pocket and reached for my hands. “Kate, tonight has been lovely. Friends like you are just one of the reasons why I’d love to stay here.”
Was that what he wanted to tell me? Or did Gretchen just ruin one more moment with Oliver? I was stunned and confused so I forced a smile but said nothing.
Oliver kissed both my cheeks and squeezed my hands in his. “Gotta go. Taking Lexi to a movie. Gonna give it another go.” He took a deep breath and a hopeful smile spread across his beautiful face. “This was nice, Kate. I’d like to do this again.” I smiled but couldn’t form a single word as my mind struggled to make sense of how Gretchen could have texted Oliver. He hugged me then left.
I threw myself on my bed and like I used to when I was seven years old, I screamed as hard as I could into my pillow, which reminded me how sore my stomach muscles were.
Me: Gretchen! How exactly are YOU texting Oliver?
Gretchen: I’ll always be one step ahead of you, Kate. Don’t underestimate me.
Me: Tell me how!
Nothing.
I felt like my head was going to explode. I didn’t know how to hold tight to this world that unraveled beneath me.
Nine
“Wait! Are you serious?!” I could tell MacKenna covered her phone with her hand. Although muffled, I could still decipher what she said. “Girls! It’s Kate! She’s coming to Beta Sig with us!”
MacKenna’s room erupted into squeals and giggles.
I rolled my eyes but smiled, too. “I’m jumping in the shower now.”
“See you at nine. We are so excited to get you wasted!”
“Whatever. See you in an hour.” I hung up and practically sprinted to the showers.
****
When I opened the door to the incessant knocking coming from five pairs of hands, MacKenna, Emily, Jules, Ally and Hayden stood before me stunned.
“Oh. My. Hell! Kate! You look unbelievable!” MacKenna shrieked and jumped up and down like an idiot.
Jules and Emily took my hands and twirled me like a ballerina as they took in every detail of my hair, makeup and outfit.
“Kate! I’ve never seen your hair so perfectly coiffed. It’s not in a bun!” Ally hadn’t moved; she was still standing in the hall holding the door open.
“Your body is rockin’ in this dress, Kate! Holy shit!” Hayden spoke and shook her head at the same time.
I owned one dress. One. It was a simple plain black, cotton tank dress. That’s it. Nothing special. But it was rare for me to wear anything that accentuated my curves. I wasn’t stick skinny like Gretchen—I had curves. My boobs were bigger than hers, my waist didn’t look like a Barbie doll’s and the size of my ass beat hers, but not in a Kardashian way.
“But no to those shoes.” MacKenna took me by the hand and dragged me behind her all the way down to her room. As fate would have it, our feet were exactly the same size. She had these black suede ankle boots that I had to admit made the whole outfit.
“Guys. I’m terrified to go anywhere in this getup! This so isn’t me.” I sat down at MacKenna’s desk and looked in the mirror at my makeup, something else I didn’t typically wear. I don’t know what girls did before YouTube tutorials. I nailed the smoky eye like nobody’s business. I looked hot. But I wasn’t comfortable in the least.
“Here. One for each of us.” I turned and Emily had six tall shot glasses filled with something brassy sitting in a line on her vanity.
“What is that?” I stood and wrung my hands.
“We are each doing one—don’t be a pussy, Kate.” Ally flipped her long hair over her shoulder, grabbed the shot glass on the end and downed it in a blink.
We all stood next to each other at the mirrored vanity counter and five of us downed our first shot of the night. Ally was one ahead of us.
“Yuck!” I tried to control the muscles in my face but whatever I’d just swallowed was rancid and my face contorted into a shape that would have made it impossible to pretend I liked it.
“Tequila!” They all sang like it was the punch line of a joke and snapped a picture of the six of us, which included my screwed-up tequila face.
“Note to self: Never order tequila.” I wasn’t sure how liquor would hit me, but before we even got to the sidewalk out front, I could feel the brassy drink’s positive effect on my nerves.
Beta Sig was a couple blocks off campus on Fairmount Avenue, a beautiful, tree-lined street that funneled partygoers toward the fraternities every weekend. It was where most of the fraternity houses were, so the trees were wrapped in white lights and the houses were meticulously kept. They weren’t the trashy frat houses you saw in the movies; they were huge. Beta Sig was a brick Tudor mansion.
Before we got to the front door, the girls reminded me of the three major perks of MacKenna’s connection to Beta Sig that the rest of us could benefit from.
One, no lines. Jack would come out and escort us in so we didn’t have to wait.
Two, bottomless beer. The new pledges would be instructed to fill our beers throughout the evening.
As soon as we walked in, I knew what “three” was: hot guys. If the DNA from Zac Efron, Channing Tatum and Dave Franco were bottled and a houseful of boys were created from it, it would be Beta Sig. Hot damn, I forgot how happy the Beta Sig house made me.
I’d been there before, the first time being the night I met Charlie and we hooked up. I was mortified that I’d let things get out of control that night. So, I’d been blowing Charlie off ever since. It wasn’t like I was raped. What happened that night was consensual and Charlie was a nice guy. I never felt like it was his intention to seduce me; it was something we both gave in to. I needed to just forgive myself for the mistake and move on.
“Kate. Wow! You look…Wow!” Speak of the devil.
“Thanks, Charlie.” I smiled and took a sip of my first beer of the night, which tasted much better than tequila. Truce.
“Hey, I need to go do a pledge sweep. Ya know, make sure they’re all doing what they’re supposed to be. Save me a dance maybe?” He winked and flashed me a handsome boyish grin.
“Sure, if I get up enough nerve to dance, I’ll be sure to come find you.” I didn’t want to be a bitch. I knew college hookups were as commonplace as a first kiss for our generation. He didn’t deserve to be treated like an ass because of my lack of tolerance for alcohol and a minor lapse in judgment.
“Didn’t you guys hook up at their semester kick-off bash?” Emily looked at me with an inquisitive yet empathetic smile.
“Yeah, against my better judgment.” I finished my beer.
“What do you mean? Charlie is hot! You’re a lucky girl, Kate Green. One lucky girl.” MacKenna smirked and got the attention of a couple pledges, who marched right over to fill our empties.
I didn’t understand how some girls were so laid back about hook-ups. My mom didn’t raise me to be a prude, but I sure as hell respected myself enough to see sex as something precious and intimate, and I had hoped my first time would be with someone I loved deeply.
I decided at that moment that I couldn’t undo what had been done. I would start over and stop chastising myself for something I couldn’t change. I’d learn from my mistake and not let it happen again. I’d save my second time for someone I loved deeply.
“All right, ladies, give me your hands.” Another handsome face that made my stomach do a single flip.
“Jason Drexl, when are we gonna hook up?” MacKenna slid up to Jason’s
side and laid her head on his broad chest. She was such a flirt.
“Well, it would have to be a one-time thing, Mack, because your boyfriend would feed my dick to the garbage disposal if I even looked at you the way you’re looking at me. Tempting, Mack, very tempting.” He winked and kissed her on the top of the head.
“Did you number them, man?” Jack Griffith sidled up behind MacKenna and lifted her up off her feet. She squealed, turned her head over her shoulder and took his mouth captive.
“Well, I was trying to, Jack, but your girl and I were having a chat.” He smirked at MacKenna and then focused his attention on the rest of us. “Okay, girls, I need to number your hands.”
We all must’ve given him a strange look because he burst out laughing. “It’s for a game we’re playing later. May I have your hands, please?”
We stuck our hands out and he wrote a different number in Sharpie on the backs of each of our hands. I was ten.
“Okay, ladies, when you hear the whistle, you need to come back to the foyer.” And with that, he moved on to the next group of people that had just come through the front doors. But our eyes followed him for a couple more minutes. Jason Drexl was one of the Lord’s finest creations.
“What kind of game are we playing? Does anyone know what game this is?” Ally couldn’t just go with the flow. She needed upfront details for everything. I had a feeling that was why she never pledged a sorority.
“I’m sure they’ll let us know the rules when it’s time to play.” I reached over and rubbed her back. She chugged her beer.
“That will help.” And then in a sing-songy voice she added, “Oh, pledges…I have an empty cup!”
We hung out in the foyer and chatted while the pledges made sure our cups were never empty. And, that’s when I realized bottomless drinks could be my downfall. I was tanked and we hadn’t even been there an hour.
A whistle blew and we all spun to look up to the landing midway between the first and second floor, right in front of the huge stained-glass Beta Sigma Beta coat of arms.
When I Lied Page 11
