“Oliver, I love you.” In that moment there was no doubt in my mind that I’d fallen madly in love with Oliver over the last four months of knowing him so intimately. It didn’t matter how many times my brain told my heart that nothing could come of it. My heart was open to his the whole time—taking in everything he gave and giving back everything I had.
“And, I love you, my sweet Kate. You’re my first.” He tipped his head forward until our masks touched.
“Your first?” I thought I knew what he was referring to. He was my first love, too.
“The first person I’ve ever said those three words to.”
My heart broke and swelled at the same time. He’d not known love before me.
“Oh, Oliver. That makes me so happy and sad at the same time.”
“No. It’s not sad at all. It’s magnificent. Don’t you see? I loved you before I even knew you. Why else would I have held those words and all of this emotion so deep inside my heart?” Tears welled up in his eyes but stayed put like he wasn’t ready to let go of our moment. As if the flowing of the tears would take some of the magic away with them.
“I wish you weren’t leaving—”
“Shhh.” Oliver’s finger crossed my lips to keep me from finishing my sentence. “We’re living in the moment, Kate. If we don’t talk about tomorrow, it’s like we have an eternity together.”
“Okay.” I pressed my face into the crook of Oliver’s neck as best I could with my mask and breathed him in. If I could only smell one thing for the rest of my life, I’d choose Oliver’s scent. Not cookies baking or newborn babies or puppies. Oliver. He smelled clean, but nothing masked his own personal musky scent. It was soft with an essence of brawn but uniquely sexy.
“Kate, I didn’t tell you that I’d never said I love you to anyone else so you would pity me. I’ve never trusted anyone as deeply as I trust you. I saved those words for the person I trusted the most in the world.”
“Oliver, all this time I’ve searched my heart for the words to describe how you make me feel. But each time we’re together only proves there are no words. So, I love you will have to do.”
“I love you is perfect.”
Oliver held me so tightly against his body I could feel his heart beat. His hair tickled my face and his breath was warm on my neck. All of which sent me into sensory overload. I had to think about breathing because that very moment with Oliver was like time stood still, and I found myself suffocating in the emotion of all of it. I needed the clock to stop. I truly felt like Cinderella at the ball, just waiting for the clock to strike twelve and her fairy tale would disappear before her eyes. Everything would go back to the way it was.
“What are you thinking, Kate?” My masked face was still tucked close to his neck and his hands pressed my body to his. It was obvious he hadn’t asked the question because of an expression he saw on my face. He could feel my thoughts. He was truly in the moment.
I remained still in Oliver’s arms. My only movement happened as I swayed to the music. My body perfectly timed with his.
“I don’t want tonight to end.” My voice was barely a whisper; I didn’t even want to hear myself say it out loud. It was as if time could stand still if we didn’t acknowledge its passing.
“Shhh. Be in the moment with me, Kate. Just as it is. As if the world has gone away and taken all the time with it. It’s just you and me in this moment and nothing else.”
Oliver’s hands moved across my back, up over my shoulders and down my arms. They moved slowly but with purpose, like he was memorizing every square inch of me he could reach. I slid my arms from over his shoulders to around his waist. My body, half covered by his black cape, quivered under his fingers. Everything with Oliver was sensual. His touch was like its own language and although I couldn’t have told you words for what he was saying to me, I felt every emotion he experienced in the way he touched me. And we were fully clothed, in public. I couldn’t imagine what he could do to me if we were alone, upstairs in a hotel room. The thought was so intense it made my heart race.
Just then Oliver pulled back and held my face in his hands. My hands slid from his waist to his biceps. He stared into my eyes and rubbed my cheeks gently with his thumbs. My lips parted so my breath could keep up with my heart rate.
There was absolutely nothing in that moment but Oliver.
Just Oliver.
“Kate, we need to get out of here. Just for a moment. I’ll go mad if I don’t kiss you the way my body wants me to.”
“Where?” I needed him to kiss me.
“Come.” He sucked in a breath then turned. My hand naturally slid inside his and I followed him across the dance floor and through the immense doorway out into the lobby. He walked directly up to the main desk.
“Hello. I’d like to check into my room.”
Oh, dear God, he got us a room.
He pulled his wallet from his back pocket and slid his ID across the counter to the young girl clueless as to who he was until she saw his name. Her hands began to tremble and she looked around at her colleagues, visibly shaken. She tucked her long blonde hair behind her ears and blinked a bunch of times before she looked back up at Oliver.
“Of course, Mr. Walt. Let me just get you to sign here.” She slid some paperwork toward him and tried to make an “x” where he was to sign but what she made was completely illegible. She cleared her throat a little then leaned toward us.
“I’m such a huge fan.” Her hands shook as she took the signed paper from Oliver and handed him our key.
Our key.
“Thanks, love.” Oliver winked and I thought she’d pass out on the spot.
I was suddenly terrified. It’s not that I wasn’t ready to share something deeper with Oliver—I was. But I was overcome with the feeling that this would be how we said good-bye. As we walked to the elevator I pictured myself standing at a kitchen island in a house I didn’t recognize. A man stood next to me; he was faceless and definitely not Oliver. There were three children eating their breakfast across the counter from us and I was looking off into the distance daydreaming about what could have been. The rock-star fling I’d had in college. I didn’t want this night to be just a memory one day.
The doors opened and surprisingly we were the only two people to get on. We stepped inside and when the doors closed, Oliver took both my hands in his, but before he could say anything, I spoke.
“Oliver, I don’t want it to be like this.” I couldn’t catch my breath.
“Love?” He took a step back and untied his mask then let it fall into his hands. He reached up and untied mine as well. His hand grazed my cheek and I closed my eyes at the sensation of his skin touching mine. The heat his skin left behind warmed my face.
The doors to the elevator opened and we stepped out just as another masquerade couple looking a bit disheveled and flushed swooped in. They folded into one another in the corner and their lips met just as the doors closed.
“Come. We can talk inside.” Oliver took my hand and led me to our room. 1156. I committed it to memory, storing all the details and emotions in a private corner of my mind. A place I knew I’d visit often after Oliver left.
The click of the door unlocking with the keycard sent a jarring sensation through my body. I knew what Oliver anticipated happening in our room. My body was screaming for his hands but I wasn’t sure my heart could handle it. Not like this anyway.
When the door slammed behind us, I jumped. I actually felt my feet leave the floor. I could see rain pouring down in buckets outside our eleventh-floor window. There was something alarming about the sudden change in weather. Just then lightning lit up the sky and a low rumble of thunder rolled through.
“Darlin’…hey, what’s wrong? Your body is quaking.” Oliver pulled me under his dark cape. Somehow it felt even closer than when we were dancing and I wasn’t sure how that was possible. But my body responded almost immediately and I felt a sense of calm wash over me. I closed my eyes and breathed him in. I could
get high off him.
He rubbed my back with both hands and his body started to sway. And then he sang.
“Darlin’ I got you, just don’t let go of me.
Don’t let go, don’t let go.
Darlin’ I got you, just don’t let go of me.
Don’t let go, don’t let go.”
His chin rested on the top of my head as he sang those two lines over and over again. I could hear his voice as it resonated through his chest. The vibrations tickled my cheek.
“You wrote that for us?” I knew the answer before I asked.
“I wrote that to you.” He squeezed me into him so hard it pressed all the air from my lungs. “Now, tell me what’s got you so restless.”
I pulled away from him and started to pace back and forth, looking around the room as I did. The room was enormous and decorated to the hilt. The bed looked bigger than any bed I’d ever seen but I tried not to look at it because the notion that we could end up there had me a nervous wreck.
“Oliver, I just don’t want things to get away from us and then…I just don’t think the timing is…” I stomped out of frustration for not having the right words.
Oliver threw his head back and laughed loud.
“Don’t laugh at me. I’m trying to tell you something and words don’t flow for me the way they flow for you.” At that moment I was overcome with emotion and tears streamed down my face. “DAMMIT!” I wiped the tears away before Oliver reached me. He took me into his arms again.
“You are undeniably the cutest girl on the planet! And I wasn’t laughing at you. I was admiring your adorability.”
“Adorability? Are you sure that’s even a word?” I laughed into his chest.
“You’re questioning Phobia5’s lyricist? Seriously?” He let go of me and giggled. He took off his cape and threw it across the long fainting couch that was just beyond the bed then turned toward me again and took my hands in his. “Now, tell me what’s wrong, love.”
“I’m not ready to…” I stammered yet again. I was furious with myself for not being able to find the words.
“Kate, I’m not ready to either.”
I was speechless. I didn’t have to find the right words with Oliver; he could read them in every stutter and nuance of the movements of my body. I let out a big sigh.
“Really?” I sat down on the edge of the bed and flopped backwards onto the feathery duvet. I laid my hands across my chest and tried to convince my heart it could stop beating a mile a minute.
Oliver mimicked me and flopped down next to me on the bed. Every ounce of my being was hyper aware that Oliver Walt’s body was joining me on a giant hotel bed. Parts of my body that Oliver couldn’t see clenched at that realization.
“Kate. Oh, sweet Kate, what ever will I do with you?” Oliver rolled to his side and propped his head up on his hand.
“You said your body would go mad if you didn’t kiss me the way it wanted you to. You rented a hotel room for us. What did you expect me to think?” I couldn’t decide if I was relieved or embarrassed by the fact that I thought Oliver wanted to have sex with me but then it turned out he didn’t.
“Kate, please don’t get me wrong. I would love to…I mean, I’d be all over…” He rolled his eyes and chuckled. “Kate, listen.” Then he cleared his throat and sat up. I followed suit and turned to face him. “There is nothing about this moment that doesn’t make me want to slowly undress you and make slow, passionate love to you all night long. I’d love to give you a bath and kiss you all over.”
“Oh.” My body reacted in one huge, exaggerated shiver, which made Oliver’s night. A sweet, yet naughty smile spread across his face.
“But, my sweet, I’ve longed for the moment when I would share something that intimate with someone I love with all my heart. Maybe you’ve made love before, but—”
“I haven’t.” I spoke before I thought about what I was admitting to. Something I’d never told anyone.
“But you said you’d been with a boy. Charlie was his name?” Oliver’s head tilted to the side as he tried to make sense of what I was trying to say.
“Oliver, I got really drunk at a fraternity party at the beginning of the school year. It was only the second or third time I’d ever had anything to drink. I let Charlie walk me to my dorm after and he helped me into bed. He was being nice.” A tear rolled down my cheek and I looked away from Oliver.
He took my chin between his thumb and forefinger and turned my face toward his. “Kate?” I could almost see his blood pressure rise.
“One thing led to another and we were naked.”
“Did he—” Oliver couldn’t say the word.
I shook my head hard. “No. No. It was consensual. I wanted to…at that moment. But I lost my virginity to a boy I didn’t love. And it’s something I’ll regret for a long time. It’s not how I wanted my first time to be. I’ve never made love with anyone. I had sex with Charlie. You can’t make love with someone you don’t love.”
“So, one day we will be each other’s firsts.” It was the sweetness in Oliver’s face and the gentle, loving tone of his voice that told me I’d been saving myself for Oliver Walt and never even knew it.
I smiled in agreement.
Oliver took my face in his hands and his pouty lips brushed gently across mine. “Kate.” Just the way he said my name was like a whole song. His tongue slid between my lips and joined mine in a feverish dance that left me breathless. I fell back onto the bed and Oliver’s mouth never left mine. My hands were tangled in his hair. He pulled his head back and he sang.
“Darlin’ I got you, just don’t let go of me.”
And then his lips were on mine once again. One of his hands moved from my face to my waist and down to my hip. My body tingled and blood surged to my extremities. We were winded and panting. I tasted him as if he was the last morsel of nourishment on the planet. And I needed him. I needed to feel his body pressed against mine. I needed to feel his breath inside my mouth and his hands on me. And I didn’t have to worry about things going too far. I felt safe with Oliver. I knew where our boundaries were. We trusted each other. There would be nothing to regret.
A loud, shrill alarm called an end to our moment. We both shot up off the bed. I wasn’t sure where the sound was coming from. I started to panic when Oliver took my hand.
“It’s my phone, love. Relax. That’s the ringtone I have set for our management company. I’m sorry, I need to make sure it’s nothing urgent.” He rustled through the hidden pockets on the inside of his cape. I sat back down on the bed and tried to catch my breath. “They never call at this hour. I’m sorry, love.” He put up his finger to let me know he’d be just a moment. “Hello?”
“It’s okay.” It was probably a good time to take a breather anyway. I slipped my shoes off and pulled my legs up underneath me so I could see into the mirror above the dresser. I pulled a couple bobby pins from my hair and tried to re-do the parts that had fallen.
“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Oliver’s volume stopped my breathing and his enraged demeanor caught me completely off guard. His brows furrowed. He began to pace. I could see beads of sweat break out across his forehead. He watched the floor intently and ran his free hand through his hair. And then all of a sudden he stopped dead in his tracks. His free hand fell to his side and he made a fist. He squeezed and released. Squeezed and released. His head slowly raised and his eyes locked on mine. But the Oliver I’d just been with was gone. Anger blazed in his eyes and he breathed heavily through parted lips.
I’d never seen him like that. I was terrified.
Twenty
“I see.” Oliver growled into the phone and his menacing glare reduced me to tears. Suddenly the man I could read like a book turned arcane before my eyes. His body was tight and stoic. His mouth went from a thin line to pursed as he listened to the voice on the other end of the phone.
I stood because sitting felt too passive. I hoped the irate mannerisms Oliver was displaying were not directed at me, but ba
sed on his composure and his locked gaze, I couldn’t be sure. Visions of Oliver beating the life out of Pierce boiled up inside my mind. I had never seen Oliver angry, and at that moment I knew I never wanted to see it again.
“Prepare a statement? What the fuck am I supposed to say?” Oliver rubbed his forehead and turned his back to me.
My brain tried to push me toward the door, but there was no way my heart would leave Oliver when he was so upset. The air in the room seemed thick and hard to breathe. There was an ache in my chest that threatened to swallow me whole. I couldn’t make sense of what had transpired in just under two minutes but whatever it was, it was big.
I wrung my hands and shifted my weight from one leg to the other, hoping and praying Oliver would turn around and tell me everything was okay.
He turned toward me but everything about his demeanor told me my prayers had gone unanswered. Then he turned away again. Everything was definitely not okay. He stood before the window, every line of his body tense as the storm raged outside. The symbolism in the image was deafening.
Oliver ended the call and tossed his phone next to his cape on the fainting couch but he didn’t turn around. He put one hand on his hip and ran his other through his hair. He grasped a handful at the top of his head and held on for dear life. I watched his shoulders as he inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. Once. Twice. Three times.
The silence was suffocating and I couldn’t take it one moment longer. “Oliver.”
He spun around and in two long strides his face was within an inch of mine. I held my breath, not sure what was coming next.
“Hand me your phone.” Oliver spoke through gritted teeth.
I pulled my clutch from the dresser and handed Oliver my phone. His cold hand brushed mine as he took it, but my body didn’t react the way it had been all night. The storm that had been silenced by the emotion we’d been sharing inside our room was now was louder than ever. The walls shook with thunder and lightning cracked loud with each bright bolt.
When I Lied Page 23
