Always On My Mind: A Bad Boy Rancher Love Story (The Dawson Brothers Book 1)

by Ali Parker

  “Do you ever wonder what your life would have been like if you’d married her?”

  I smeared a French fry through the blob of ketchup on my plate. “I don’t wonder. I know. It would have been like living in hell.”

  “That bad?” She adjusted in her seat and picked up her burger, turning it in her fingers as if trying to figure out how to eat it without wearing it.

  “She’s spoiled and nasty, used to getting her way, and blew through my money like it was her own. She was hard to please and more often bitchy than not.”

  “But you were in love with her?”

  “No, I thought I was. We’d been together for so long that everything had become routine. There weren’t any surprises unless you count her sleeping with my brother. I was really pissed off that Ted did that, I mean, it was a shitty thing to do, for both of them, but in a way, I was thankful. I didn’t have to go through with the wedding. I’d realized not long after the engagement that I didn’t love her, but since it was what our parents expected and what we had planned, I couldn’t back out without a good reason. She’d ask for money for the wedding and I’d give it to her, but once it was all called off I realized she’d not paid the first deposit or bought anything for the event.”

  “I’m sorry she did you that way.”

  “I’m not. I saved a fortune in divorce costs, not to mention she wanted to have a family right away. I’m happy. Today’s the best day of my life and it’s not just because my dreams are coming true. It’s because you’re here to share it with me. I know what Ella and me had wasn’t love, because it was nothing like what I feel for you.”

  She dropped her burger to her plate and smiled. “Does that mean what I think it means?” Her eyes were wide and I could almost feel the anticipation between us in the air. I wasn’t sure how to express everything I felt for her, but I needed her to know how special she was to me, and that I was indeed falling in love.

  “Yes,” I said. It was all I could say.

  Chapter 32

  Sarah

  I wasn’t sure why I couldn’t speak, but David’s admission of his feelings gave me what could best be described as stage-fright. The moment the word yes left his lips, I felt as though a huge spotlight was turned on me, as if everyone in the diner around us was listening, even though I knew they weren’t.

  It didn’t seem to bother David much, he couldn’t stop beaming, and he’d been that way since we’d left Richard’s office, even while talking about his past with Ella. I couldn’t believe that was so much worse than I thought. She’d used him, and broken his heart, and while I would never ever do that intentionally, I worried that my own admission of my feelings would seem less genuine on the heels of his own.

  Before I could stew on it, the waitress brought our check. David took out his wallet and paid telling her to keep the change. She flashed a flirty grin and thanked him, and then sauntered away. He was a good guy, genuine and generous through and through.

  “You ready? We still need to go to your apartment and get my guitar.” I nodded, still lost in a battle of thoughts, and he seemed content to give me space.

  On the way back to the apartment we didn’t talk much. I kept my attention on the road and he played with his phone. I pulled into my parking space and checked the time. “We can go up for a few, we’ve got time.”

  He nodded. “Sounds good. I want to call the hospital.”

  “Sure.” I shut off the car and we got out, him once again giving me space as we went up to my apartment.

  David went right to the couch where he called his parents and I went to my room to put a little more space between us.

  I sat on the bed and thought back to the last time I had felt this nervous with Rick. He was pressuring me to commit and I wasn’t sure it was the right time. The problem was, I did have strong feelings for Rick at the time, but I wasn’t sure it was love. The problem wasn’t my feelings, though, it was Rick’s. The suspicions of his infidelity had proven true too many times and I didn’t think I could give him my heart. In the end, I decided to take a chance on him, only to be disappointed, to be heartbroken, and now I felt myself on the same precipice.

  I wanted more than anything to be with David, and to give him my whole heart. I knew he’d take care of me and love me more than anyone else could. But for some reason when he admitted his feelings, I’d choked.

  I’d always hoped that in my life I’d have better luck than my mother, and though I felt I had that with David, I also couldn’t go into it lightly or take it for granted like my mom had for so long. She’d lost out so many times not making up her mind, wanting it all and never choosing what was best. I’d vowed my whole life, that if I ever found someone that loved me like I know David does, I’d never let them go. So why was I so nervous?

  “You okay?” I raised my head and found him leaning in the doorway.

  “Yeah, I’m good.” I stood as he closed the distance between us. I hated that he’d found me in such a vulnerable state.

  “You’ve been pretty quiet. I hope I didn’t make things weird earlier, but I mean, we do know we’re getting closer, and we’re taking a huge step together already with my music, so I didn’t think I was too far out of line.”

  “No, not at all, I think I just wasn’t sure how to react.” I was so confused I wasn’t sure what I was unsure of. I was standing on the high dive of life, but I was too afraid to jump even though I knew the water was fine.

  “It’s okay. In case you didn’t notice, I wasn’t sure what else to say either. I guess it’s too much greatness for one day.” He took out his phone and glanced at it. “I’m just going to grab my guitar and we can go.”

  As he turned to go, I grabbed his arm and pulled him to a stop. “Why didn’t you know what to say?”

  “I think it’s probably the same reason you didn’t. Because our feelings are too real, and words just seem inadequate?” His brow raised and he lifted his chin. “At least I hope that’s why you couldn’t.” He searched my eyes and I smiled to reassure him.

  I relaxed knowing he’d understood. It wasn’t that I had doubts about how I felt, but I had doubts about how to express what I was feeling. Words were inadequate, but our feelings weren’t. I stood up on my toes and kissed him, and he pulled me closer, deepening the kiss as if to reassure me, his strong hands lifting me up and carrying me to the bed where he sat, pulling me to his lap. I didn’t protest, though I knew we should get a move on, but he held me there, caressing my hair, my back. Neither of us spoke and it was like we just needed that moment to let it all sink in.

  My nerves calmed and after a moment he whispered in my ear, “We better go.” I stood and pulled him to his feet, and we left, the quiet moment stretching out for minutes more.

  ***

  The clear, soulful sound of David’s voice rang out, filling the studio. I stood behind the glass with the producers at Broken Branch and watched as their faces lit in recognition of David’s talent. They whispered amongst themselves and there were a lot of nods and smiles shared, which was definitely a good sign.

  David looked and sounded like he was made for the setting, and I knew things were going to happen for him when one of the producers, Bob, leaned in and whispered close to my ear. “Where’d you find this guy?”

  I smiled as my heart filled with pride. “Oklahoma, in a little dive bar about ten hours from here.” I thought of the first time I saw him up on Kinsey’s stage singing, owning every note. I’d known I could get him here from the start, but what I didn’t know was how hard and fast I’d fall in love with him.

  “He’s a natural. I haven’t heard smooth tones like that in years. He’s sure got an impressive range.” I nodded in agreement and turned my attention back to David.

  He stood behind the glass, playing and singing his heart out and every now and then he’d glance at me, as if he was tuning everyone else out.

  As he sang his final note, the room erupted around me in praise. David was grinning from ear to ear and h
is face turned red.

  Bob spoke into the mic so David could hear him. “That’s an impressive first run. I think you’re good to move on to another song.”

  David nodded and began playing his intro and then his voice filled up the room as he sang one of his grandad’s songs. The style was so different from the last, but that only proved how much variety he had in his vocal ability.

  Bob glanced back at me again. “It’s not often we even get a demo that clean on the first try. He’s going to make this an easy afternoon.”

  As he sang, I thought about the cabin and could imagine the two of us there. I’d never even seen the place, but I already had ideas of colors and furniture I wanted to decorate it with. I’d make sure it was filled with things we’d enjoy together. I could see us spending long nights in his personal studio and then we’d retire to the big bed he’d always dreamed of. I’d make sure it was plush and comfy, like a soft cloud beneath us. We’d have it all, and most importantly we’d be able to travel back home, and help his parents with the ranch.

  Home. I’d used the word as if his home were my own. It felt like my own though, I’d gotten so used to the kitchen, cooking up meals for those men, and picking the garden and milking the cow. I’d enjoyed every minute of it, except for the snake. But I’d even live with that little critter if I had to.

  I let out a long breath. I missed the place. I even missed playing cards with his brothers. I hadn’t ever had any brothers or sisters. I hadn’t ever belonged to a family before with my mother shifting me around. The closest thing to a large family was when my grandmother would invite her neighbors over for those Sunday dinners. But I felt like I did now, with the Dawsons.

  The thought of him ever going back home without me, uneased me. I knew right then that I never wanted to be without him again. Not one single day. I wanted more quiet moments like we’d shared in my bedroom. Moments like that when the entire world could go on or stop and it wouldn’t matter, because nothing mattered in that moment except for us.

  The song was over, but I stood stone still as they congratulated him. When he came out of the room, they shook his hand and patted his back, but he bee-lined for me, pulling me into his arms for a tight embrace.

  I love this man. I knew it with my heart and soul.

  I’d been so worried about finding a way to give David his dreams that I didn’t realize he was giving me mine. All I’d ever wanted was a family, a home, and to be loved. David was already proving he would provide that.

  “That’s an impressive first day, David. We’ll get the rest of your papers ready, but you’re off to an amazing start. You have a bright future ahead.” Bob patted his back again and then turned to play back the recordings.

  As we listened together, hand in hand, I realized that for the first time in a long time I felt complete. And as we walked out to the car afterwards, I pulled him to stop and face me. The evening sun was setting, creating a soft glow behind him. “You were amazing.”

  “I was so nervous. I thought I’d sound like an old toad frog.” I laughed at how ridiculous the thought was. There was no way he’d ever sound like that.

  “Do you like Nashville?” He narrowed his eyes and placed his hands on my shoulders. It wasn’t until then that I realized my eyes were filling with tears.

  “Where’s this coming from?” He studied me, his brows pinched tight with concern.

  “Do you want to stay here?” I pressed on, urging him to give me an answer. I needed to know if he wanted to stay in the city or if he was willing to return to the country.

  “I’m happy anywhere as long as I’m with you.” He took my face in his hand and stroked his thumb against my cheek. “What’s the matter, aren’t you happy?”

  “When we’re done here, can we just go home for a bit?” His warm lips pressed against my forehead.

  “Yes, we’re going home now.”

  “No, not here. Oklahoma?” His lips turned up at the corners as the warmth of his arms wrapped around me.

  “I love that you think of there as home. Of course we can, but I’d like to stay at the cabin. I’m not entirely ready to return to the daily grind, but we could have a lot of fun there too. It needs a lot of work if you’re up for it.”

  “I’d like that. Since I quit my job I’ve been thinking. I’m tired of living here in the city and I’d like to settle down somewhere else. I don’t have anything here now, other than Jenn, and we can see her when we visit or better yet, stick her in a guest room for a weekend. She might be a good match for one of your brothers. But not Ted, I think she’d kill Ted in his sleep.” David nodded in agreement and we shared a laugh. “I think it’s kind of exciting that we’re not bound to this place. You heard Richard; we can live wherever and fly in when necessary. I love the sound of that, don’t you?”

  “What I love the sound of is us living together, but sure. Wherever.” He lifted my chin and met my eyes. “I love you, Sarah.”

  “I love you too.”

  Epilogue

  David

  “So what’s it like being famous?” Luke nudged me against the fence post where I sat watching Mason work a horse in the round pen.

  “I’m not famous. It’s only been a few months.” The lunch bell brought my head around and it was sure nice hearing it again. It seemed like ages since I’d been home, but it had only been a month. I headed to the house, seeing Sarah on the porch waiting.

  Luke caught up, leaving Mason behind. “You’re going to get me tickets, right?” I’d heard the same thing from Ted and Mason earlier that morning.

  “Yes, but I only get so many so if you’re planning to bring a date, you might be shit out of luck. Ted wanted two and so did Mason.” My brothers were settling down with their ladies and poor Luke had yet to have any luck as far as he’d admitted.

  The crisp fall morning had given way to daytime heat, and Sarah offered me a cold drink as I stepped up on the porch. “Thanks.” I gave her a quick peck as Luke stepped up beside me.

  “Hey, where’s mine?”

  “Fine, here.” I leaned over and kissed my brother’s cheek and he pushed me away, wiping his face.

  “That’s not what I meant.” He punched my arm and went inside.

  Sarah laughed as I put my hand on the small of her back, and then we went into the house where Mama was waiting at the table.

  Sarah went to the kitchen as I took a seat next to Mama who leaned over and lowered her voice. “Would you tell that girl of yours that I’m not an invalid. She wouldn’t let me set the table.”

  “I don’t think she thinks you’re an invalid, Mama, she’s just trying to give you a break, is all.” Sarah returned to the room and placed the serving spoons on the table next to the food.

  “Thank you, honey.” Mama gave her warmest smile, but it fell as soon as Sarah’s back was turned. “I love her to pieces, Davey, but if she keeps this up I’m going to strangle her.”

  My dad walked in and sat beside her at the head of the table. “Are you still in here pouting, woman? It won’t kill you to take a break. You cooked the meal now let her serve it.”

  Mama minded her manners and I made a mental note to remind Sarah that Mama needed to feel like the queen of her kitchen. As everyone gathered around the table, I was glad to be home seeing them all so happy. Ted had been seeing Lauralee again, finally, and Mason had been rumored to be interested in a girl from a farm across town. Luke teased playfully with Sarah. Those two were like kids with their teasing and I was glad that my little brother thought so much of my girl.

  Mama was doing better and Dad had even started taking it a bit easier allowing Ted to take the reins. He’d even warmed up to the cell phones and allowed Luke to show him how to use one.

  As we passed the food around the table to load our plates, Dad tapped his fork on my plate to get my attention. “So how many shows have you done so far?”

  I glanced at Sarah for a little help and she held up seven fingers and continued passing food around. “Seven,
but that was just over a two-week period, we’re just kicking into gear. I’ve been in the studio several times too and we’ve already made two trips back to Nashville.”

  Mama patted my arm. “How’s the cabin project coming along? Are you getting any time to work on it with all the music?”

  I nodded, taking a bite of my food. If I didn’t get to eating those two would keep me busy talking. “Yeah, Sarah’s been a big help and we had a good month to get it livable.”

  “The first two weeks were the hardest,” said Sarah, who was finally fixing her own plate. She’d taken the time to make sure everyone had plenty.

  Mama pushed her food around her plate but finally took a bite. Dad had told me that she didn’t have the appetite she once did and that she wasn’t eating as much these days. I could tell that she’d dropped weight, but the doctor said it was a healthier one than before the surgery, but it was still bad seeing her that way.

  The table went quiet as everyone ate quickly, lunch wasn’t usually so formal, but Mama and Sarah had wanted to do something nice since we were all together again. I took the silence as my cue to finish off my plate.

  Ted was the first to leave the table and I imagined he’d heard enough about my career. According to Luke, he was still bitter and not about the workload he’d had to cover while I was off living my dreams, but the fact that our parents had given me the cabin.

  As much as I hated that it bothered him so much, I was thankful they had given us that place to be together. Sarah and I needed our own place and it had been so amazing watching her there, the work she’d done cleaning and scrubbing, painting, and patching. She’d made it ours, choosing things I’d love and asking me what I wanted. Her ideas were so thoughtful, taking in consideration my style as well as her own and blending it so we both felt at home. I wanted her to be at home there, in my heart it wasn’t just my cabin, it was ours.