by Ali Parker
"No, you don't need to do that. I can find something to just pay some of the rent and buy groceries. I don't want to burden you at all. I feel horrible having to put in my notice with all of the time and energy you've put into my career over the last few years." Kari rubbed her fingers together absently, her emotions threatening to choke her. The last thing she needed was Steve being nice.
He was the one who had demanded more from her, the one who’d pushed her past her breaking point and every time he had, she'd come out on top. He was the reason her photos were as good as they were. He was the reason she'd stepped far out of her comfort zone and into places and situations that she never thought possible. Her job had helped not only make her a damn good photographer, but given her the willingness to pretend to be fearless until she truly was. She leaned up and grabbed a Kleenex from the small box on his desk, touching her eyes with it as emotions swam over her vision.
"I am too doing that. I will miss you like crazy, but here's to hoping you'll come home when your heart heals." He leaned back in his chair and pushed a few more buttons on his computer, a smirk running across his thin lips. "Have you seen this place? Looks like an old-timey Normal Rockwell painting. Are you sure you know what you're signing up for?"
She shook her head and let herself be completely honest. "I have no idea, but if I've learned anything from you over the last few years, it's to be brave and walk into the unknown as if you've visited it a thousand times."
He smiled. "That's my girl."
***
Their goodbye had been quick, a stiff hug between them, but their parting words had given her comfort and renewed her sense of adventure. Life had thrown such a curveball her way, and yet because of it she was moving away from home, learning a new place and willing to eventually meet new people. The prayer was that she would meet someone who would love her the way she wanted to be loved - the way she loved.
Her phone buzzed in her purse and she checked it, her brother, Marc making sure they were still meeting for an early dinner in Times Square. She confirmed and got into her car, resting her head on the headrest before bringing the car to life. More than anyone in the world, she would miss her little brother. He was her very best friend, her closest companion, the one quick to jump each time she needed him to, to defend her and to love her with silly openness.
He was a jerk to most, a whore to many, and yet he was a perfect gentleman, a prince to her. She adjusted the rearview mirror to look at herself, her makeup smeared from crying. She fixed her eyes and smiled at herself.
"You got this... you can do it." She nodded and readjusted the mirror, focusing on the traffic around her before pulling out into the mid-afternoon busyness.
Parking was a nightmare and yet something like hope sat on Kari, her thoughts distracted by the very idea of a 'new beginning'. She was so grateful for the opportunity to move with two of her closest friends, the childish part of her excited to have roommates again and not be alone so often. She'd moved into the small apartment a year before, when she and Frank had starting getting more serious, the two of them wanting a place to spend time together without Sicily's excessive cleaning or Lisa's harping on him. Lisa hated him with a passion and was more than thrilled to remind him every chance she got.
Kari smiled at the thought, parking her small Honda in a covered garage and slipping out into the small space afforded her. Marc had chosen a quaint Italian restaurant for dinner, simply because it was Kari's favorite. She shut her door and walked quickly, hating the thought of being in the closed space. Her artistic side screamed for fresh air and open spaces. She jogged to the small elevator, the parking garage completely filled and yet not a soul was in sight. The workday still had a few hours left to it.
She moved back and held the small door for an elderly couple as they walked out, the little old woman helping to hold up the man. Kari smiled and nodded as they thanked her, her heart squeezing painfully in her chest as she slipped into the metal box and pressed her back against the far wall. She wanted love so badly that she'd almost settled for someone who would abuse her emotions with his lack of care.
"I'll be more careful this time," she whispered to herself as she walked onto the busy streets of Times Square. Being careful meant not falling for the first handsome man who holds the door open. It meant not saying 'yes' to anyone until she was assured of who she was as a single woman. Four years of belonging to someone left her quite unsure of who she was in the world. This change from New York to Maine would only compound that, but once she got settled, she could focus on learning more about herself.
She wanted to paint. She'd done so as a child, but had put it up when she got too busy in high school, and then through the divorce of her parents, there wasn't much color in the world to paint about. Kari realized that it was something that weighed heavily on her still. She needed to reach out to her father, but the situation with Frank made her angry at him all over again. How could he have cheated on her mom? She was perfection.
"Because he's a bastard, just like Frank... just like all men." She walked into the small cafe, the aroma of garlic and fresh tomatoes rushing to greet her. She stopped and let her shoulders drop, her eyes closing as she breathed in deeply and let the smile that tugged at her mouth lift her lips completely.
"Ahhhh, Kari. How's my girl?" Geno, the owner of the restaurant walked toward her, his large body pouring out from the sides of his small crimson stained apron. She laughed and walked into his hug, groaning as he squeezed her far too tight and lifted her from the ground.
"Hey... watch it, big boy." Marc walked up and extended his hand, Kari pulling off her small, lightweight coat and handing it to her brother. It was early spring, and yet the weather hadn't decided to act like anything other than winter.
"Who-a you calling big, meathead?" Geno turned to Marc and playfully patted his stomach, the older man's accent heavily Italian. Marc winked and pointed to his sister.
"Did she tell you that she's leaving us?"
Geno gasped and turned back to Kari as they started to walk toward "her” table. "What is he-a talking about? You cannot leave us. I make-a you favorite food."
Kari reached over and slipped her hand into Geno's arm, snuggling into the side of him. "I know. I just need to get out of here for a while. I'll be back. I promise."
"Did a boy do-a this?" Geno looked at Marc before he pulled out the seat and motioned for Kari to sit. She did and her brother filled up the restaurant with his thoughts of Frank. After he and Geno stopped bashing the jerk, Marc sat down and smiled across the table at her.
"Sorry. I hated that asshole the day I met him and hate him more now." Marc offered her bread from the small white basket that sat between them.
"Well, at least he won’t be in the family now." She shrugged and took her bread, pulling her napkin in her lap. "Thanks for bringing me here. I love this place."
"Yeah, I know. Remember that guy you dated in high school? What was that old boy's name? Oh yeah... Vinny." Marc laughed as Kari rolled her eyes. "Wasn’t he Geno's nephew or something?"
"He was my godson. Horrible boy. He's in jail now for stealing a bunch of liquor from old man Whistler’s." Geno's voice bellowed behind Kari as she chuckled. "You guys wanna try my new raviolis? Stuffed them a few minutes ago with goodness and a-love."
Marc pretended to gag. "I'm good with chicken parm, but I'm sure Kari will try your girly-ass concoction."
Kari swatted at her brother before turning to look at Geno, the warm smile on his portly face wrapping a sense of belonging around her. Could she go to another state? A place where there was no belonging? Where her brother wasn't going to be a stone's throw away?
"You try it for me, Kari? Your brother is too a-scared. He's a chicken." Geno started to flap his large arms and make bird noises. Kari turned back in time to see Marc's face flush. He raised his hand and waved at the restaurant owner.
"Oh, hell no. We'll both eat it. Pack my chicken parm for my dinner and I'll let you know exactly
how your love pastries taste." Marc looked down at Kari, his eyebrow raising as if he'd won a great argument. She simply laughed, unwilling to correct him. Geno had very much won the argument as they were both forgoing their favorite meals and trying something new he had worked up in the back.
"Well, the good thing is that no matter what Geno makes, it's always delicious." Kari buttered her bread, sinking her teeth into the warm gooeyness.
"Yeah, well don't tell him that. His ego is already so big that I think we might have to start greasing the damn doors to get him through." Marc laughed and shoved a whole piece of bread in his mouth, smiling and letting a few crumbs fall back out.
"Gross. I swear... when are you going to grow up?" Kari mumbled at her brother as she enjoyed the wide smile on his face, her memories keeping him as a spunky seven-year-old kid with the same goofy grin.
He reached for his water and took a large drink, swallowing loudly before wiping his mouth. "I have to grow up? Says who? I love being a kid. I have two more years of college and then I'm going for my master’s degree. Seems to me like growing up would be a horrible waste of energy. I need to focus on school, silly girl."
She rolled her eyes, agreeing with him. "Yes... growing up is a horrible waste of energy. Forget I said it."
"Already done." He winked and she chuckled, sitting back as their salads hit the table before them.
Chapter 5
Dinner with Marc had been exactly what she needed, the time with her brother had renewed her sense of self-confidence and given her a fresh outlook on things. He was silly and childish, but it was his unwillingness to fully accept all of the pressure that the world pushed on him that gave her permission for reprieve. He was riding a full scholarship for basketball, the team at NYU a total joke, but her brother was the glue that held them together, the fuel that forced the other players to strive to be better. He was immature, but when focused on a task, there was nothing that could stand in his way.
Marc walked her to the car, his hands rubbing his belly as if waiting to feel the subtle kicking of an infant from deep within. He looked over at her and grinned before holding the door to the elevator for her.
"I'm so stupid full," he groaned and slumped against the wall of the elevator as she reached to press her floor.
"You ate your lunch, half of mine, and your chicken parm. Why didn't you just save that for tonight?" She turned toward him, crossing her arms over her chest, her own stomach aching from far too much bread and butter.
"Because I didn't want to tote it and..." he paused as she started to protest, his finger coming up as if he held some great secret. "... and... I hate using the microwave. Did you know on CNN the other night they were saying that the waves it emits are harmful to our cells? I mean like maybe cancer causing type shit."
Kari rolled her eyes and walked out of the elevator, turning to look at her brother as he pretended to limp behind her. "You broke the microwave momma gave you?"
"Um, yeah. Can I have yours, seeing that you're moving in with the red-headed hottie you let taunt me yesterday?" He stopped beside her car, leaning against it and puckering out his bottom lip.
She laughed and swatted at him. "Yes, you can have the microwave. Cancer causing..."
He chuckled and reached for her, pulling her into him and groaning about his stomach as she squeezed him. "I'm going to take off a few days and help you move to Maine, okay?"
"Really?" Kari looked up at him as he smiled down at her.
"Yeah. Not like dad’s sorry-ass is going to come from California to help you." He shrugged and hugged her once more, moving back as she started to get in the car. Kari stuck her head out and lifted her eyebrow.
"You're not just going because of Lisa, right?"
He snorted and backed up, his hands in the air. "Lisa? Who's that?"
Kari shook her head and shut the door. He was so full of crap it colored his eyes brown. She laughed at her own stupidity, her heart content, if for just that moment.
***
The next few weeks went by much faster than they should have, Sicily and Lisa moving things from Kari's small apartment over to theirs in order for the moving truck to only have to show up in one location. Her brother had a few tournaments and she got to see very little of him, so the thought of him coming with them to Maine for the transition and to stay for a few days made her feel better. Her mom had been over every night after she had gotten off work, her body achy and sore from being on her feet at the hospital all day, but she'd assured Kari that she wasn't as old and decrepit as everyone kept making her feel.
Kari stood in her living room, the area bare and seemingly spotless.
"It looks like no one has ever lived here." She turned and looked at Sicily over her shoulder, her friend leaning against the doorframe, her dark hair streaked with dust from their deep cleaning session.
"And yet you made many memories over the last year here." Sicily smiled and pointed to the crack in the sliding glass door that led to the small balcony. "Remember when Lisa got drunk at the 4th of July party we had over here?"
Kari laughed, covering her mouth with her hand. "Hell yes. I thought we were going to have to take her to the hospital. She needed stitches."
Sicily rolled her eyes. "She refused and made us figure out that liquid glue crap, remember? Your landlord had a freaking cow when we told him that not only was the door chipped from Lisa's head, but the floor was streaked with blood."
Kari laughed again, walking over to the door and kneeling down to touch the crack. "Do you think we truly ever heal from these chips in our glass doors?"
She turned to look at Sicily as her friend moved toward her. She knelt as Kari felt emotion overwhelm her. "The carpet is all better. No sign of the accident at all."
"I know," Kari responded, "but the carpet was ripped up and completely replaced. The door is still cracked because it's permanently here."
"No, the door isn't permanent, it's just too expensive to replace. I think it gives the door character. There isn't anything that we can't heal from, Kari. We just have to mourn when it comes upon us to do so. We have to lean on our friends and we have to be willing to give things another try."
Kari shook her head, accepting the offered hand of her friend. "I don't know. I'm not sure I'm ready to try again."
"Of course you're not. It's far too soon, but someone will come in and remind you of all of the great things there are to love about being in a relationship."
"How do you trust someone after you've been betrayed?" Kari asked, her eyes moving from Sicily to Lisa as she walked into the room, her eyebrow raised.
Sicily turned to look over her shoulder before looking back at Kari. "The next guy doesn't deserve the predisposed emotions from the last. He deserves a chance, just like Lisa does, or I do, or you do..."
Lisa clapped her hands. "Enough of this emotional shit. Let's wrap it up and go grab a beer at Addey's. I love that place and I'm going to miss it. I need fried pickles and ranch. Who's down?"
Kari raised her hand in the air as Sicily stood and helped her up. "We are. Let's go shower up and then get greasy."
Sicily laughed and took another look around. "We did it. You're all packed up and everything is clean. A beer and some greasy food is high on my list of things to do."
"Only thing missing is getting it on." Lisa waggled her eyebrows as Kari laughed and walked past her toward the door.
"No one wants to hear you talk about the ‘d’," Sicily chided, walking out into the hall with Lisa and Kari behind her.
"The 'd'? How old are you?" Lisa laughed.
"Vulgar is what you are." Sicily laughed back and reached over to push at Lisa.
Kari slipped in between them and held up her key. "I'll mail this back later next week. I'm thinking it's going to be a while until I'll need a place of my own for the ‘d’ or anything else."
Lisa elbowed her and waggled her eyebrows. "You might be surprised. I hear the men in Maine go crazy over us city girls."
> "Who told you that?" Sicily asked, moving down the two flights of stairs in front of them.
"They did." Lisa shrugged and jogged down behind them.
"I hate they," Kari responded, looking back to smile at her two friends.
"Wait... I'm serious. I want to know who they is. I've been asking this for years and have yet to get a real response." Sicily pulled the keys to the U-Haul out from her pocket and jiggled them. "Anyone want to drive this behemoth?"
"I want to ride a behemoth, not drive one." Lisa laughed and pulled the door open to the passenger side. "Shotgun."
"So damn crude," Sicily murmured before walking toward the driver’s side.
"At least she's authentic about it." Kari slipped into the backseat and let herself melt into the worn leather chair, her back aching, her muscles tired from moving. Marc was scheduled to help them first thing in the morning at Lisa and Sicily's house. They had some large furniture that would have to be loaded in the truck and with everyone quitting their jobs, money was tight.
She would be glad to get on the road. Two weeks of saying goodbyes to everyone was getting to be a little much. She closed her eyes and let herself drift off, her dreams of the blue waters of Maine she'd witnessed on the Internet earlier during the week. A sailboat would be nice, as would a sailor.
***
"Hey, sleepy, get up."
Kari yawned and stretched, the sound of Lisa's voice pulling her from her peaceful dreams. The large truck was parked crooked across the driveway, Sicily cursing her bad parking skills and Lisa trying to calm her. Kari got out of the back and walked toward the house, her need for a shower driving her to reach the door first.
"I call shower first," she muttered, lifting her hand in the air.
"Oh, hell no," Lisa and Sicily joined in unison. Kari just laughed and shrugged.
