Always On My Mind: A Bad Boy Rancher Love Story (The Dawson Brothers Book 1)

by Ali Parker

  He rocked against her, his breathing so heavy. So hot. He groaned loudly, his body stiffening as he gave himself to her. She rocked back against him, her visual locked in place, her desire skyrocketing for the man she wanted more than her next breath.

  Why had she denied herself when he was close? Why hadn't she forced them to explore what they could be? The thrusting stopped, the hands holding her sliding away. She leaned over and pressed her arms to the bed, reality ushering in coldness and shame.

  "Damn, that was fantastic." His voice was thick, shattering the last bit of the fantasy.

  Lisa steeled herself, standing up and turning, a wicked smile on her lips. "Good. The house is yours and you have my number. Don't be a stranger."

  She walked to pick up her clothes, the good looking man popping her naked butt as she took her things and slipped into a small bathroom in the hall. She refused to look at herself in the mirror, knowing the minute she did, she would break down.

  When had all of this fallen apart? Sex was her favorite pastime, her go-to workout, her most comforting activity. So what if she had more testosterone than a fifteen-year-old boy. She was in charge of herself and only had to answer to one person.

  "Me." She glanced at the mirror, tugging at her hair and fixing her pearls. Lisa finished dressing quickly and walked out with her head held high. She wasn't ashamed of fucking a stranger or doing it for a quick sale on the house. She was mortified that she needed Marc in the middle of the activity to feel anything.

  "Bastard," she grumbled and walked from the house, her signed contract in her bag and a bone to pick with the man that crept into her heart and never once touched her panties. "Complete bastard."

  Chapter 2

  Lisa sat in her car for a few minutes in the darkness. The pretty white house they had rented from Jake turned out to be perfect for the three of them. Or rather four. Jake was there most of the time since he and Kari had started dating. It had been a few months and the two of them were already talking about moving in together. It wouldn’t be long before the marriage talk came up for sure.

  Getting out of the car slowly, Lisa pushed back the need to let her emotions go. Crying wouldn't solve much, but it was on the list of things to do that evening. She would put on a good show for her friends and then excuse herself, feigning exhaustion. The wind picked up from the bay and ushered in a cool breeze, Maine perfect for the first month of summer.

  She walked into the house, Kari and Sicily arguing over something in the kitchen, a jar of tomato sauce being hustled between the two of them.

  "I sure as fuck hope there is a top on that sauce. I'm not paying our landlord when you two dick up the kitchen." Lisa dropped her stuff just beside the door and walked toward her friends, bending over to slip her shoes off.

  "He's outside working on a loose board on the porch. We'll spill it and tell him it was you." Sicily stuck out her tongue.

  Kari moved to offer a hug, Lisa accepting it and pressing her cheek to her friend's shoulder.

  "What's wrong?" Kari asked, moving back to rub her hands up and down Lisa's shoulders.

  "Nothing. Just really tired."

  "I call bullshit." Sicily turned and crossed her arms over her chest.

  "I'm hungry and tired. That's it." Lisa shrugged and walked toward the hall. "I'm going to change. Don't spill that sauce and blame it on me you hookers. Jake knows I'm too classy to cook."

  "What's that supposed to mean?" Sicily's voice rose an octave, the pitch giving Lisa a laugh. She knew the buttons to push on her friends to bring forth hours of entertainment and she wasn't beyond doing it. Anything to keep the topic of conversation off herself. She wasn't in the mood just yet to dig into her demons.

  She slipped out of her clothes, tossing the sexy bra and panties into the bin with more emotion than needed. She shouldn't have slept with him. What was his name? Michael something or other. Surely he had heard her moan out Marc's name ten times. He didn't seem to care. Sex was sex and she agreed wholeheartedly. She could care less if her partner focused on her or imagined her to be the Queen of England. She laughed sardonically at her thoughts before slipping into jeans and a t-shirt, her sports bra being the contraption of choice for the evening.

  She moved to her window and looked down. Jake was working hard as the sun set behind him over the water. She never thought she would covet what Kari or Sicily had, but the relationship between Jake and Kari had started out shaky and built to something incredible. They finished each other’s sentences and looked at one another as if no one else was in the room.

  "Such a fucking pansy." Lisa walked to her bed and flopped down, her desire to have something like that with Marc leaving her weak and disgusted.

  She laid there for a while until a soft knock at her door pulled her from her internal ramblings.

  "It's open."

  "You decent?"

  "Depends on your definition." She chuckled as Kari opened the door and walked in. She closed it behind her and sat down on the edge of the bed, reaching over and brushing Lisa's hair from her face.

  "How long have we known each other?" Kari asked.

  Lisa rolled on her side, pulling herself into the fetal position and reaching over to flop her arm across her friend’s legs.

  "Since freshman year."

  "And what about my life don't you know?"

  "Nothing. I mean, I know everything. We're best friends."

  "No shit. So spill. What's going on with you? It's been three months of you walking around here like a zombie. Talk to me or I'm going to sic Jake on you."

  "You'd share Jake?" Lisa looked up and laughed as a pillow landed on her face. She pushed it off and laughed again. "Dude, look... I'm not sure how to figure out what's going on myself. It's a waste of time to get you guys involved in something I don't understand yet. I just need to work through these feelings inside of me and when the time's right, I'll talk to you, okay?"

  Kari reached over and brushed her fingers through Lisa's hair again. "Okay, but I'm worried. Sicily is worried too. I'm here and I can help figure it all out if you'll talk to me, but... I'll wait until you're ready."

  "I had sex with a really hot client today. He's exactly the type of man I want between my legs." Lisa shrugged, her voice void of emotion.

  "Sounds delicious. Why do you sound like it was a chore?"

  "It was. All I can think about is..." She rolled onto her back, a long sigh leaving her as she pressed her hands over her face.

  "Marc?" Kari asked, reaching over and squeezing Lisa's forearm.

  "Yes. I haven't been able to actually go through with fucking someone since he left. Today I forced myself to and all I could picture was..."

  She pulled her hands down, glancing at her best friend. No need to finish the statement. The pale look on Kari's face gave credence to her friend understanding.

  "He's your brother. I shouldn't be talking about this with you."

  "I understand your feelings though. Have you talked to him? Are you guys texting or anything?" Kari laid back on the bed, turning to face Lisa.

  "No. We had a long talk before he left and decided that our worlds were far too different to try anything. And we were right. I'm out of college and in the prime of my life. He's still got three years left in school."

  "That's just activities that you guys are going through though. Those things don't define who you are and who you can love."

  "I don't love him."

  "I'm not saying that you do. I'm saying that obviously there is something between you guys that hasn't been explored. Maybe part of getting past the what ifs is exploring what could be."

  "He's probably dating someone, Kari. He's really hot and he's a bad boy. Everyone wants one of those."

  "He's not a bad boy. He's a whore."

  "Yes. My favorite type of bad boy."

  "I'll never understand you." Kari laughed, reaching over to pull Lisa into a hug. The door opened and Sicily stuck her head in.

  "Oh, so you guys decide to
make out and I don't get an invite? Beautiful."

  "As if. I'm a hot dog at the ball park kinda girl, Sis. You know that." Lisa moved from the bed, standing up and stretching. "I was just whining to Kari about not fucking Marc while he was here."

  "On that note... I'm out." Kari laughed and got up, moving from the room like her butt was on fire.

  "That’s what's bothering you?"

  "I guess. I can't shake him."

  "Then go get him."

  "You mean go back to New York and bring him back with me?"

  "What do you think you should do?" Sicily moved to stand in front of her, the look on her friend’s face comforting. She didn't grow up with sisters, but Kari and Sicily were pretty damn close to filling those spots.

  "I need to see if fucking him is all I think it is."

  "Is it just about the dirty?"

  "The dirty? How old are you? The dirty in adult speak is fucking. Say it with me."

  Sicily rolled her eyes and moved to the door. "So vulgar. Come eat dinner and let's plan a trip to New York for the early fall."

  "I'll be right there." Lisa turned back to the window, Jake no longer on the porch below. Waiting until her friends could go would be more comfortable, but she didn't have that long. Whatever was unraveling within her was changing her world for the worst. Pretty soon sex would seem like dry stale toast. The horror of the thought alone stabbed at her.

  She touched the glass, her fingers spreading across the shiny surface as her mind moved through the images of Marc behind her, his hands so controlling, his demands beautifully acceptable. She was usually in charge, most men bending the knee and beckoning to her every whim, but something inside of her whispered of a different promise where Marc was concerned. Surely he would be the one to bring her to heel, to drag her into something so powerful and overwhelming that she would do or give anything to be a part of it again - if even for a moment.

  But could she handle it if he did? Would she accept it?

  "Hey, Kari said to come get you." The masculine voice behind her caught her attention. She turned and smiled at Jake.

  "Thanks." She moved toward him as he walked down the hall. "I sold the big white house across the lake from us. Billionaire from New York needing a weekend getaway."

  "More New Yorkers? What's the world turning into? Our little paradise is soon to have an overpopulation of strip malls and then what? High rise buildings? I shudder to think." Jake looked over his shoulder and smirked as they walked into the brightness of the kitchen.

  "I think it's the overpopulation of bakeries that should be our first concern. Judy's was more than enough." Lisa grabbed a hand towel as Sicily turned to get it. She twisted it around in the air and released it, popping her friend’s butt.

  "Hey. There should be a good bakery on every corner. Besides, men like women with a little junk in the trunk." Sicily shook her hips and Lisa laughed.

  Her sweet friend had put on a few pounds since arriving in Maine, but Lisa wouldn't be the one to tell her. They had put the finishing touches on Sicily's Bakery at the end of the spring and it was doing well. Both bakeries in town were working in tandem together, each serving different options to the people of Bar Harbor.

  "You like junk in the trunk, baby?" Kari moved toward Jake, turning and pressing her back to him.

  A smile spread across his mouth as he slipped his hands on her hips and leaned down to kiss the side of her neck. "I love your trunk no matter how it comes."

  "I'm going to vomit up shoes and I'm not wearing any. Save that lovey shit for another time please." Lisa winked and walked to the refrigerator, opening it and pulling out a bottle of white wine. She contemplated drinking right from the bottle, but decided against it. Sicily would have a coronary and Jake might too. Kari would join her and the room would be divided with no sense of reconciliation.

  "Lisa needs an excuse to go to New York for a getaway. She misses some of her friends and the local hangouts." Kari moved from Jake, winking at Lisa as she turned to see what her friend was up to.

  "I do?"

  "Yes, you do," Sicily chimed in. "The fall might be too long. What's a good excuse for going back?"

  "Funeral?" Jake asked.

  "No one's dead." Lisa got a glass from above the sink and poured herself some wine.

  "Wedding?" Kari added in, moving to sit at the kitchen table, her hand finding Jake’s back. Lisa adverted her eyes from them, not wanting to get too sentimental.

  "Birthday?" Sicily threw her part in.

  "Hmmm... my birthday is around Christmas, but my mother's is Saturday."

  "This Saturday?" Jake asked, his eyebrow lifting. "Can you get away?"

  "If I get the hottie billionaire to finish the paperwork tomorrow I just might can."

  "Your mother would be thrilled," Kari added.

  "That's never a reason to do anything." Lisa bit at her lip before lifting her glass to her mouth and drinking down the tart liquid in four large gulps. "Something to think about for sure... something to consider."

  Chapter 3

  Lisa tossed back and forth all night trying to decide if going to see her mother would be a good idea. Her parents would love it, but she wasn't going for them. She wanted to see Marc. If he wasn't willing to see her...

  She walked into the kitchen, her cream-colored suit hugging her figure. The silky crimson shell under her jacket helped to bring out the color of her hair, as if the fiery mess needed any help. She tugged at her necklace, stopping beside the coffee pot as someone moved in behind her.

  "I talked to my brother last night."

  Lisa turned to face Kari. "Oh yeah? Anything interesting?"

  "He was overly excited about you coming into town. He told me to tell you to let him know when you got in so he could take you to dinner."

  "I'm not sure I'm going yet." Lisa turned back toward the counter, the smile on her face hurting her cheeks. No way was she looking cheesy in front of anyone. She slipped the sugar spoon into her coffee, the drink way the fuck too sweet now.

  "I think you should. You guys have some things to talk out and your parents would be thrilled I bet."

  "Yeah, you're probably right." She turned and shrugged, her expression locked into place. "Why do you think we have something to talk about? I'm not telling him that he's wrecking my sex life."

  "I think you'll find that you’re wrecking his too." Kari laughed and walked to the coffee pot. "Scoot over. I need something to help wake me up. I'm so damn tired all the time."

  "Pregnant?"

  "No. Hold your tongue. We're not even married yet."

  "So? People have kids all the time without getting married."

  "My mother would be in front of Jesus to give me a look about that, Lisa."

  "I think Jesus has more to worry about than you and someone you love bringing a bundle of joy into the world." Lisa waved her hand in the air, lost on how they ended up on such a strange subject. "Tell me more about me dicking up Marc's sex life."

  "Vulgar." Sicily walked into the kitchen, stretching and yawning loudly. "I think I've gained weight. I hate to get on the scale, but tell me the truth."

  "Nope. Super-hot like the day I met you." Lisa winked at her friend, swallowing the truth. No way in hell she was saying anything.

  "I think you look great, but you have to feel good about yourself too. Do you think you've gained weight?" Kari finished making her coffee and moved to the table, leaning back and crossing her legs.

  "I just said I did. This is your way of saying I have."

  "I didn't say it. Just for the record." Lisa moved to the table, setting down her coffee and fixing her necklace. "More about Marc. Pronto. I have to go."

  "Mom just said he's been acting like he's had his heart broken since getting back to New York. She blames you."

  "Of course she does. You mom thinks I'm the spawn of Satan."

  "More like a spawn of the Incubus gods." Sicily laughed and wagged her eyebrows.

  "I think it's a succubus, b
ut good try toots." Lisa picked up her coffee, taking another tentative sip and growling. "So sweet it's nasty."

  "He's depressed and she thinks it's your fault. My brother hasn't been depressed his whole life." Kari tapped her fingers on the table beside her.

  “Then I can’t go visit your mom. I’m not going to have her berating me. It’s not my style.” Lisa shrugged.

  “That’s not her style. She’ll pretend she doesn’t know anything and treat you like family. She’s a good woman and a great mother. Go see her for me. Hug her for me?” Kari’s eyes misted. "Go to New York tonight or tomorrow morning and fix this thing between you guys. Do what you need to do, but come back the Lisa we love and leave him the Marc I know."

  Lisa moved to the sink, dumping her coffee out. Without a snappy comeback she exhaled and turned to face the two most important people in her life.

  "I’ll go see your mom, but I’m not sure I can deal with the Marc situation. Seems like there is no fixing this unless we give love a try and I'm not willing. He won't be either. Lust is the ultimate. Marc is its king and I am its queen."

  She picked up her purse and walked out as they sat in shock, the truth always seeming to stun people.

  ***

  Lisa drove in silence to the small real estate office she had decided to rent when business picked up. Her assistant was an older woman with a sweet disposition and tolerance for cursing. She had two sons in the navy and had lost her husband several years back. She was grateful to be with Lisa, and Lisa was beyond blessed to have Trisha keeping her in line.

  "Morning beautiful." Lisa smiled as she walked in, dropping the mail on Trisha's desk. A crown of white hair pulled into a bun sat on her head, her thin face lifting in a smile. She could be Lisa's adopted grandmother, not like her own parents had ever thought to introduce her to their parents.

  "Hi youngin'. How are you?"