Always On My Mind: A Bad Boy Rancher Love Story (The Dawson Brothers Book 1)

by Ali Parker

  "Then we'll have whatever you're wanting." She glanced down and picked up her water glass, taking a quick sip. "Tell me about Michael. If everyone thinks you’re dead… he obviously doesn’t now."

  “He knows the set up. He helped with it a little. Him and my brother are close.”

  “He and Lisa dated a little earlier this year before she finally started seeing Marc.”

  "Did they really?" Drake chuckled. "Why am I not surprised by that? Lisa is very much his type of woman. Bold, flashy and addicted to sex."

  "How do you know she's addicted to sex?"

  "She's bold and flashy. Everyone knows." He smiled and the room seemed to brighten.

  "What type of woman would you say is your type? If you and Michael cared for the same woman, then is bold and flashy your type too?" Sicily slipped her hands in her lap, pissed at herself for bringing it up. It was a cornered conversation that she prayed would result in her being his type, and yet she knew nothing could become of them.

  "That type of woman used to be what I went after, but the world I lived in before this one was dark and filled with sadness and death. I needed bright and flashy to keep my mind off of everything around me." He leaned back and rubbed his chest a few times.

  She started to ask why he did that. He seemed self-consumed, touching his chest and abs all the time, but maybe that wasn't it at all. His other comment had her, but he spoke up again before she could.

  "Now, my type of woman would be someone who knows how to look past my scars and love me for the man I might become. I'll never be great, but I'm working on being good." He shrugged, his answer tugging at her heart.

  "And you knowing Michael. He said you were once in business together. Was that in your darker days, as you put it?"

  "Yeah. I'll explain more when I can. I really don't want you running out on our first date. That would defeat all of this wise-ass tension we've been building up since you arrived in Bar Harbor." He smirked and glanced up to the waiter, who delivered them each a beer.

  She waited until he left to ask her question. "Is this a date?"

  "I hope it is. I want it to be."

  "Why? I'm not at all the type of woman who fits next to you, Drake. We're friends. Nothing more."

  "You're not interested? Not in the slightest?"

  "I'm interested in knowing more about you, in learning how to be healthy from you, in growing a friendship, but anything else... no."

  "I understand. I have more work to do, obviously." He chuckled, his resolve seeming to only grow where she was concerned.

  She needed to move away from the conversation about them. "Tell me about your brother. Is he still in Chicago?"

  "He sure is. My grandparents were immigrants from Italy in the thirties and my grandfather worked hard to build himself up as a businessman in Chicago. They opened loads of restaurants, but through a few too many hardships, they turned to a different string of businesses. My mom and dad had eleven of us. I'm in the middle somewhere. My older brother, D, is still there and my sister helps him with some of the businesses around. A few of my other siblings are involved, but I honestly needed a fresh start. I was always finding trouble and getting into the worst fucking situations ever. My brother asked me seven years ago after another long string of bad decisions if I wanted out. I said yes. There was a cost associated with getting me replanted somewhere else. I lost contact with most of them. They think I'm dead. Only Demetri knows the truth." He shrugged and picked up his beer, taking a long drink of it.

  "Why would they need to think you’re dead, Drake? What did you do?"

  "I'm not ready to let you in that far just yet. You're the first woman I've wanted to take on a date in five years. Let me take baby steps and I'll give you the chance to judge me like everyone else has."

  "I wouldn't do that." Sicily reached across the table, knowing all too well what it felt like to be judged.

  He chuckled, the sound sad and falling flat in front of her. "You'd be the first if you didn't."

  Chapter 7

  One Week Later

  The rest of the week was filled with trying to keep the shop afloat and searching high and low for someone to help fill in. It just wasn't happening. For some reason everyone in Bar Harbor was employed or too old. Drake had appeared on her doorstep a few times, offering to take her to lunch or asking her to go for a walk. She refused out of necessity to get things done at the shop, but the few times they did get together it was in the comfort of their friends.

  Sicily hated to watch the fire inside of him dwindle, but whatever he was fighting against, he seemed to be losing. She joined the gym during the week and asked for Violet to help train her, the girl sweet and immediately becoming a much needed force of positivity in Sicily's life.

  The week had ended, and with Marc coming into town that night, everyone was excited. Being around Lisa, one couldn't help but take on some of the joy that overflowed in the air around the pretty redhead.

  Sicily walked into the house Friday afternoon and let out a soft chuckle. Marc stood up from the table and moved toward her, picking her up in a bear hug. They had grown close as friends over the last six months, the guy too much like a brother not to let him into her heart.

  "I swear you're paying more for this traveling back and forth with Lisa than you are on school." Sicily moved back and teased him playfully.

  "No shit, right? My girl won't let me quit school, but each time we have to leave each other that option sounds more and more enticing." He glanced over his shoulder as Lisa walked up and popped his butt.

  "We're going dancing tonight. We're grabbing a sandwich here and then we'll meet up with Kari, Jake and Drake at the club. Let's get rolling on dinner and then go get dressed, chica. Tonight's the night you get laid." Lisa reached out and tugged at a long strand of Sicily's hair.

  "Um, no it's not." Sicily shook her head and moved around her friends into the small kitchen. Marc and Lisa had already laid out a spread of sandwich options. Her stomach growled angrily as she picked up a pickle and popped it into her mouth.

  "What? Why not? Drake is totally into you. Sex would be a great release for you, Sis." Lisa moved up beside her and wrapped an arm around her neck.

  "Firstly, I'm not discussing my pathetic sex life in front of Marc, nor am I in the mood to put on something tight and shake my fat ass."

  "Your ass is actually super nice." Marc moved up beside Lisa, putting his arms around her neck.

  Sicily snagged a piece of turkey and moved into the hall as Lisa agreed with her man.

  "I'm not listening to this. I'm getting in my pajamas." Sicily walked into her room and noticed a card on her bed. She picked it up and opened it, the message from Drake.

  Hey,

  Not sure I can make it to the club tonight. I'm waiting to hear from my brother. My mom's not been doing too well. Just didn't want you to think I was standing you up.

  Lunch soon. I want to see you. Stop putting me off. Friends - remember?

  ~D

  Concern filled her chest as she reached for her phone, wanting to check on his mom. She stopped herself, realizing that she couldn't do anything to help him anyway. They weren't together, and any comfort she offered him would simply be out of her need to be something important to him.

  Lisa showed up in the door of her room and knocked on the door frame. "Come with us. Please."

  "No. I'm tired and this note from Drake says he's not going. How did it get here?"

  "He stopped by a little while ago and asked me to give it to you. I didn't want to forget, so I dropped it on the bed." Lisa walked in and pulled Sicily into a hug. "You sure about tonight?"

  "Yes. Don't force me. I'm tired and honestly can't imagine anything better than a long, hot bath and a night in front of the TV."

  "Okay. I understand. Don't wait up for us. It's party animal time."

  Marc let out a long howl from the kitchen, the man having ridiculously good hearing.

  Sicily laughed and pointed to the door
. "Close that on your way out."

  Her phone buzzed as Lisa slipped out. It was Drake. Twice in one day was a little odd.

  Drake: You there?

  Sicily: Yeah. How are you? Mom doing okay?

  Drake: Why does it feel good to hear you call her Mom?

  Sicily: Don't be a girl. Your mom, not mine, silly. Are you okay?

  Drake: Forever withdrawn from me. Yeah, I'm good. She went into the hospital, but D says she's out. I need to go see her, but...

  Sicily: She doesn't know you're alive?

  Drake: No one does. So fucking lonely sometimes without all of them.

  Sicily: I understand. I miss my family too. Especially my mom.

  Drake: You guys close?

  Sicily: I lost her in January. Heart attack from obesity.

  Sicily put her phone down as tears burned her gaze. A soft cry left her as the memories washed over her, as if they had just happened moments before. The conversation with her mom had been comical, the two of them fighting over the kind of man Sicily should be looking for.

  One minute they were teasing each other and the next her mother stood up, her hand sliding over her heart as a look of fear washed over her pretty face.

  Sicily's heart fluttered in her chest remembering the horror of her own screams as her mother dropped to the ground. She was non-responsive and dead before the ambulance could show up. How long had she held her in her lap, singing softly to her, trying to get her to come to? How many prayers had she uttered?

  The phone rang and she picked it up, not wanting to answer, but feeling so far beyond alone once again.

  "Hey," she whispered into the phone.

  "I didn't mean to upset you, Sis. Are you going dancing with the group?"

  "No. I can't." She sniffled, not wanting to let Drake know how much she needed someone - anyone to fill up the loss inside of her. Was another person capable of doing that or was she forever damned to suffer?

  "I know. I have too much going on to deal with pushy, horny guys and loud, aggressive chicks."

  Sicily laughed, a soft snort leaving her. She pressed her hand over her mouth, hating the sound of it. She sounded like the little pig she was.

  "I love the sound of your laugh. It's comforting to me." He paused. "Can I come over? I won't stay long. I just... I don't want to be alone right now."

  Tears blurred her gaze again, the overly aggressive alpha male on the phone having a very different side to him that she wanted to see firsthand. It scared her like hell to witness it though. It would break her down completely. She needed to fix someone, to belong, to matter, to fill their emptiness. As long as he didn't need that in his life... they were good.

  "Yeah. I'd like that."

  ***

  They hung up and Sicily changed into a pair of sleeping pants and a tank top, not caring at all how she looked. Drake wasn't coming over for a date, but to talk as friends. If they could work on their friendship for a while, she could get in better shape. Once she was healthy and thin maybe things could move into something more. He wouldn't want it before then.

  The kiss the other night was just him being a horny male with all his friends hooking up but him. Typical.

  She got a glass of tea and made herself a half of a sandwich while she waited on him. Marc and Lisa were gone from the house, the smell of their cologne and perfume filling the place. Sicily breathed in deeply, letting the sensual aromas roll over her. It would feel so damn good to let Drake have her tonight. Just for one night if he wanted a soft place to land. They could make love and then she would send him home, their friends with benefits thing a one-night deal.

  The doorbell rang and she spilled her tea on her white shirt, cursing softly as she cleaned it up. She walked to the door and opened it, still wiping at herself.

  "Hey. Come on in. I spilled my damn tea. Clumsy fool." She smiled and walked back to the kitchen, ignoring how good he looked.

  The dark gray sweats hugged his waist and accentuated every slope of his muscular frame. The white t-shirt he wore left nothing to the imagination. She needed to slow her heart, to douse her hormones in cold water, to chill the fuck out.

  "I love tea. I can't remember the last time I let myself have a glass." His voice was rough as if he were lost in thought.

  "So is tonight one of those nights you're wanting to let yourself go completely wild and have a glass?" She turned to him and smirked, unable to help herself from teasing him.

  "Tell me to go." He took another step toward her, the look on his face almost haunting.

  "What?" Sicily set the pitcher and glass down before crossing her arms over her chest. "Why?"

  "I came here because I needed the warmth of a woman, Sicily. I want it to be you. I don't want us to move from friends to a one-night stand. Tell me to go." Sadness rushed across his handsome features and she had to stop herself from taking him in her arms and promising him anything he wanted.

  "Sit down at the table and tell me what's up with your mom. I'll make you a sandwich and you can indulge in a glass of tea, and then you're going to go. I'm not capable of being anything to you for just one night."

  He sat down, running his fingers over his chest and letting out a long painful growl. "I'm so pissed at myself tonight. I need to be in Chicago beside my mother and yet... I left that life so long ago."

  Sicily worked to put together a healthy version of a sandwich for him, her hands trembling at the high emotions that ran in the air between them. She wanted to take him to her bed, to kiss him everywhere and make him feel something besides the pain and worry that sat on him. One night would never be enough. She'd not survive that. He had to go.

  "Can you not talk to Demetri and have him explain what's going on?"

  "No. It's a long story. I'm the only child that doesn't really belong to my Dad. My mother had an affair with my father's best friend and my dad never knew it."

  "How do you know that's true?" Sicily set the sandwich down in front of him and poured him a tall glass of tea before sitting down too.

  "My real father is a piece of work. He found me and pulled me into his world. He's D's boss now because I pulled my brother into that same world. I didn't know how to survive it without him. Now he's lost in it."

  "What world is this that you keep referring to?" Sicily pushed the sandwich closer. "Eat. Please?"

  He picked up the sandwich and took a deep bite of it, groaning as he closed his eyes and relaxed in his seat. His pain was almost palpable, the weight of it pressing against her.

  "I can't talk about it, Sicily. It's too dangerous." He opened his eyes and moved them across her face and down her body. "Would you do me a favor? It's a lot to ask, but I need it from you so badly."

  "I can't, Drake. I'm not that type of woman. One-night stands aren't..."

  He cut her off. "No. I need you to stop talking negatively about yourself. I'm going to take Violet's place with you at the gym. I want you to see what I see. I need to watch you fall in love with the beautiful woman that you are again or for the first time. I don't want to fix you. I want to give you a new vision of who you are. Of who I see you are already."

  Sicily tried to stop herself, but she couldn't put the brakes on her actions. She moved toward him, sinking down on the floor between his legs and wrapping her arms around his waist. She leaned in and pulled him into a warm hug, wanting to stay there forever.

  His arms wrapped around her as his lips pressed to the top of her head. "I need to go or I'm going to stay whether you want me to or not."

  "I want you to stay." She moved back and glanced up at him.

  He smiled down at her before bending over and brushing his lips by hers. "I want to stay so bad it hurts, but until you need me to stay for you and not to heal me... I can't. You deserve better, and when you're ready... I will be too."

  She nodded, melting against him as he tightened his hold on her. This was the first friendship she had ever had that left her panting for far more than friends were granted. She needed his
attention and wanted his perspective, but more than anything, she was desperate all of a sudden to heal her heart so he would work to heal his.

  Was there really a chance that they could be together? Could she let her guard down just enough to let him in? If he moved into the spot she wanted for him, he was forever stuck. There was no way she was letting him go. Ever.

  Chapter 8

  Sicily jerked up in bed from a nightmare, her skin covered in chill bumps and a light sheen of sweat. She took a shaky breath and pressed her fingers to her eyes, forcing the tears back. How many times would she have to dream of her mother's death only to wake up alone to face the sadness of that one loss all over again?

  Drake had finished his sandwich and left after another long hug the night before. He wasn't at all the man she thought him to be, which was good and bad. Thinking of him as a total jerk helped keep her emotions in check, seeing that her hormones were running amuck.

  She glanced at the clock and let out a short scream before propelling herself off the bed. She was late. The alarm didn't go off. Tearing through her closet, she tugged down a pair of white pants and a pink top. She slipped sandals on her feet and she was out the door. Kari stopped her before she ran out, the other girl on the phone, her expression serious.

  "No. I'll tell her. Sure. Be careful, baby." Kari hung up and released her hold on Sicily. "Jake just called and said someone set fire to Judy's. The roads are blocked off and they've asked all shops to evacuate for the time being."

  "Oh no. Was it accidental? Was anyone hurt?" Sicily dropped her purse by the door and walked to the couch, tugging her phone from her pocket as it buzzed.

  "He didn't say. We'll go up there in a little while. No need to rush up there now. They won't let you in anyway." Kari shrugged and walked to the kitchen. "Coffee?"