Always On My Mind: A Bad Boy Rancher Love Story (The Dawson Brothers Book 1)

by Ali Parker

“Thank you. I’m almost surprised that Trisha invited me.”

  “Oh yeah? I assume she did because I hadn’t told her that you and I had a chance encounter this morning already.” Rebecca looked to her left, trying not to breathe in deeply and enjoy the scent that belonged to Kade alone.

  “I thought you guys shared everything.”

  “We do, but I was waiting for later tonight to tell her about you being in town. She thinks she surprised the hell out of me by inviting you here.” Rebecca chuckled at the irony of it all.

  He smiled down at her, turning her around a sharp turn in the dance floor and missing all of the people that danced alongside him. He’d been practicing over the last sixteen years, because the boy she’d gone to prom with had tripped all over her feet and kicked her twice that night. She smiled in remembrance.

  “I wanted to tell her, but it seemed selfish of me to steal that moment from her, so I just went along with it. Almost thought I was being punked.” He wagged his eyebrows and memories assaulted her that she thought she’d tucked far away.

  So many good times together, and yet that nagging feeling of always wanting more than he seemed willing to give sat between them.

  Tonight it was a little different, though. He seemed ready and willing to give more, and yet she wasn’t sure if that was the answer she needed at this junction in her life.

  Why had things changed? Simply because she found herself worthy of a younger man and his attentions? Because she’d felt the warm touch of someone funny and intelligent like Jason and wanted to explore it?

  Maybe, but she felt like it was something more, something she’d have to dissect later in the quietness of her thoughts.

  “You look so serious. What in the world are you thinking about while we’re dancing with a thousand other sex starved bodies around us in this sea of music?” He tilted his head a little, his strong jaw locked as if he were preparing for her emotional breakdown—which would never come.

  “We have a lot to talk about, but I don’t suppose this is the place or the time. I’m just walking down memory lane by myself and coming to the end of it with more questions than answers, I suppose.” She shrugged and let her gaze move to the floor, the rhythmic movement of their feet giving her a sense of peace about the situation.

  Trisha would simply die if she knew how uncomfortable this made me. Her poor friend was making victory signs as she sat at the table, and Rebecca couldn’t help but laugh. How ridiculous this night was turning out to be, and it had just begun.

  “Well, I think I might be able to fill in some of those answer boxes for you, but we might need to go to a place other than this to do that.”

  She looked up at him, his voice loud and clear as his lips pressed against the side of her head. His closeness was comforting, she supposed, but not exciting, like she’d envisioned it would be in her dreams. This moment was supposed to be overwhelming, sensual and filled with carnal promise, and yet she felt like she was dancing with the big brother she’d never had. How was that even possible?

  “I don’t think tonight is that night, but we can have lunch this week and talk about everything.” She smiled up at him, trying to force herself to just enjoy being around an old friend again, but it was so different. He was basically a stranger to her, a man that had been resurrected from the past and was most likely nothing like the creation she’d forced him to be in her imagination.

  “Sounds great.”

  For a moment, they danced in silence, and Rebecca found her mind wandering. She imagined for a moment that she was dancing with Jason instead of Kade, and a slight thrill went through her, her breath catching in her chest. What would it be like to be pressed up against Jason in the same way that she was dancing with Kade now? Surely she would feel more than this. Wouldn’t she? Or was she simply grasping for something that didn’t truly exist?

  The song ended and Kade turned her around, bowing slightly before catching her attention. “You want to dance again or grab our beers and hang out with Trisha?”

  “I’m getting old, so the beer sounds great. Let’s dance again later?”

  “Anything you want,” he murmured, his gaze moving across the slinky material of her dress. She almost cursed herself for wearing something so form-fitting, but turned and walked toward Trisha, the heaviness of Kade’s hand pressing on her lower back.

  Do all guys do that? Is it just instinct to reach out and guide the poor lost female in front of you by pushing a moveable joystick in her lower back?

  Trisha squealed as they approached and Rebecca painted a smile on her face, her facade tight and in place.

  “Are you surprised? Please tell me you almost peed yourself!”

  Rebecca moved beside her friend, picking up her beer and finishing it in three long drinks. “I almost peed myself. When the hell did you find out that Kade was in town?”

  “Just today. My mother saw his name in the paper as the new owner of a construction company in town and called me because of that massive crush you had on him. Remember?” Trisha laughed loudly, her first beer sitting beside a shot glass that had been licked clean.

  “You had a crush on me?” Kade asked, leaning around her and placing his forearms on the table, his attention on Trisha. “I need to hear about this crush.”

  Rebecca rolled her eyes. “While you two talk about the obvious I’m going to get another beer. You guys want anything?”

  Kade shook his head no, but handed her a twenty and pointed to Trisha. “You want another beer?”

  “Of course. This party is just starting! It’s like a high school reunion.” She laughed loudly as Rebecca turned and walked toward the bar, her thoughts less than pleasant about the idea of a high school reunion.

  “Was I really living in a state of complete ignorance to think this would be a good idea? What was I thinking? Kade was just supposed to turn back up, be Mr. Charming and sweep me off my feet, and then we what, live happily ever after?” She stopped in front of the bar as the handsome young bartender caught her attention.

  “Hey, sweet thang. Pick your poison?”

  She almost responded with, ‘you’ in hopes of getting out of the club and clearing her head from her head-clearing night. Jacked up.

  “Corona for me and a Budweiser for my friend.” She leaned against the counter as he extended his hand. She put the money in it and he smiled.

  “No, baby. I need your ID. We card anyone under twenty-five in here.” He winked at her and moved to get the beers while she searched for her ID.

  He came back and placed the beers down, leaning over to inspect the ID she held in her hand. A smile spread across his face. “Is this shit fake?”

  She pulled it back and looked at it, confusion crossing her features. “No. I’m really just that old.”

  “Well, you had me fooled, and I see a lot of people and a lot of IDs. You, miss thing, are blessed to look ten years younger than you are.”

  “I guess. Tonight I feel every bit of my age plus yours.” She huffed and took the beers, accepting the change and thanking him.

  “Age is just a number, lovely. Have fun tonight, and remember that the most beautiful thing on a woman is her confidence.” He winked at her and moved to take care of the next customer.

  She turned and walked back to the table, taking a long drink of her beer. Jason had mentioned that one of the reasons he was so taken with her was her confidence, her intimidation of others. She hadn’t tried to be so intimidating, but it just came naturally as you proved yourself worthy of certain levels of respect in the business world. The only way to really get approval and attention as quickly as was needed in her line of business was to almost demand it with the way you carried yourself and the company you kept.

  “Thanks for the beer.” She handed Trish hers and then gave Kade his change.

  “No problem at all.” He looked down at her beer. “Corona, huh? I would’ve pegged you for a Budweiser girl.”

  Trisha lifted her Bud in the air and let out a whoop
. Rebecca laughed at her friend and shook her head. “I’ve changed a lot, I suppose. You’ve been gone longer than you were here, so I’ve grown from being a little girl with pipe dreams to a woman with plans.”

  His eyebrow lifted as he bit at his lip. She felt a chill rush down her spine; the carnal glare he gave her was one that she might have begged for a few years back. It still tugged at the part of her that wanted to experience intimacy with Kade McMillian, but that feeling was reserved for the boy she’d once loved. The man that stood before her wasn’t that boy anymore. The question really was whether she was still that same girl?

  Her phone buzzed, saving her and Trisha from the uncomfortable silence that ensued as she tried to figure out what she was doing in a bar with Kade. She pulled it from her pocket and realized it was Parker’s number, the missed calls showing that he’d called a few times in the last ten minutes.

  “I’ll be right back, guys.” She set her beer down and turned, walking toward the entrance to the club as worry clung to her. Why would Parker be calling so late on a Saturday night? He was usually early to get to bed. Being a morning person took loads of energy, and Parker pulled it off well. A smile touched her lips at the thought of her old friend.

  She finally reached the exit door, a scantily dressed cowgirl opening the door for her. “Ya’ll come on back, ya hear?”

  Rebecca just smiled and moved out into the cold night, hitting the call back button on her phone. Why did Texans use the term ya’ll when it was one person or ten thousand? She sighed with relief as Parker picked up, his voice strained.

  “Where the hell are you?”

  “I’m out with Trisha. What’s up? You okay?” Panic flooded her at the angst in his voice. Parker was rarely a basket case when it came to his emotions, but she could hear the tension in his voice.

  “I’m at your house. I just needed to talk.”

  “Oh. I’m stuck here at Nite Moves on FM 1960 in North Houston. Come get me and I’ll have an excuse to get out of here.” She looked around the parking lot, shocked that people were still piling in. It had to be after midnight.

  “You sure? I don’t want to mess up your groove or anything.” He laughed, but the sound fell flat.

  “My groove went to bed an hour ago, and things couldn’t be more awkward here, to be honest.” She shivered and moved back toward the door, yelping softly as her back hit the cold glass.

  “You okay?”

  “Yes, it’s just freezing out here and I don’t have my damn coat.”

  “Okay. I’m coming to get you. Be there in fifteen minutes or so.”

  She hung up and rushed back toward the entrance, slipping in with a group of older females and feeling a sense of trepidation that she might one day belong to that crowd. Being thirty-four and not being married or having kids was one thing, but being fifty or sixty? She felt her heart sink at the idea. It was a fine way to live if you were good with it, but truth be told—she wasn’t.

  Looking back, she realized she’d wasted so many years and so many great dating opportunities because of some strange fantasy that she’d harbored that Kade would return and they’d be able to pick up where they never left off.

  She and Kade had never made it past being great friends, but she’d convinced herself that all great love affairs were built on friendships. Having a solid foundation to work from, things you both loved to do and share, seemed to be the best way to promise a strong, long-lasting relationship.

  She reached the table to find Kade and Trisha gone. Looking out on the dance floor, her two oldest friends were dancing, laughing at what had to be humor in old memories. She had no doubt they were rehashing several events that involved her making a fool of herself. She’d done that more times in high school than she could count, but those events and struggles had made her who she was. She sat down, checked the clock on her phone and took a long drink of her beer.

  She was worried about Parker, and yet so grateful that he was coming to get her. Tonight had been a mistake, and that mistake was compounded even further with the fact that Kade was here and seemed to be expecting something from her. Anger brushed across her senses at how ridiculous that very thought was. He’d left with nothing more than two words on his breath and then shown up a few days ago and expected what?

  Isn’t this what you wanted?

  Not really, but then again, her wants were rather confused at the moment. The song ended and her friends moved back toward her, pulling her from her thoughts. She smiled at them and moved off her stool, lifting her beer to her lips and finishing what remained in the bottle.

  “Trying to get drunk, Becca?” Kade smiled and moved beside her, reaching out and squeezing her shoulder with his large hand.

  She winked and looked at Trisha. “I’m going to have to cut out early. Parker is headed this way to get me.”

  “Oh no, what’s wrong?” Trisha’s face fell as concern swept across her features.

  “It’s something to do with him, but I don’t know what. I assume relationship issues.” She shrugged and turned toward Kade as he began to question her.

  “Parker from down the street? Like, when we were kids?”

  She nodded and smiled. “Yeah. He was a few years older than us, but one of my best neighborhood buddies.”

  “And you guys are still friends?” Kade asked, his brow raising a little.

  “Business partners too,” Trisha filled in before starting to pout. “We were supposed to close down the bar together. Tell him to get another shrink.”

  Rebecca laughed and leaned over to hug Trisha. “It’s all good. When a friend’s in need, I’m not going to put him off.”

  “Mighty good of you,” Kade muttered, obviously less than happy.

  “Thanks.” She smiled as if he’d meant the compliment. “I’ll touch base with you tomorrow, Trisha. Text me when you get home.” She looked over at Kade. “Nice to catch up with you tonight. I’m sure we’ll be in touch.”

  She didn’t wait for either of their replies, but dropped her empty beer bottle in the nearest trashcan and walked back into the cold night air, Parker pulling up a few minutes later. She jogged to his car and got in quickly, slamming the door and leaning back with a loud exhale.

  “Sorry for pulling you away from your night out.”

  She laughed and buckled up. “You mean saving me from a disaster in the making?”

  Chapter 14

  Parker’s fingers beat along the steering wheel as he pulled out of the night club, his eyes a little puffy and his blond hair a mess. She wanted to pry, but wasn’t exactly sure how to start. He’d come to her apartment needing her shoulder to lean on, so leaving her night out on the town was no problem, but whatever was bothering him seemed to be worse than anything she could imagine. She waited a few more minutes before pushing.

  “Okay, spill.”

  He looked over at her, his eyes wide as he ran his fingers through his hair. “What?”

  “Spill. You came over to the house looking for me and then were willing to come all the way to North Houston to get me at midnight. What the hell is going on?”

  He shrugged and looked back at the road, the freeway empty in front of them. “I just needed to talk to you. I went home after last night and thought about our conversation and how right you were that I had no ability to change Mina. She is who she is and I married her knowing that.”

  “Good for you.”

  “Yeah, so I thought.” He let out a shaky breath. “You know, the truth of the matter is that I don’t love her. I’m not in love with her, I’m just in love with the idea of being in love, I think.”

  This wasn’t good.

  “You’ve mentioned multiple times that you’re happy with this new life, Parker. What changed all that?” Rebecca turned a little to face him, her legs coming up and tucking into the seat with her.

  He glanced over at her, his eyes moving to her legs and then back to the road. “I don’t know, but I think I’ve always hoped that I would fall in love
with her eventually. What happened with Cindy left me exhausted and just needing someone to care about me.”

  “So you choose a stripper to be your prime candidate?”

  He glared at her and she held her hands up, apologizing.

  “No, but she was a sweet girl and has had a hard life, Becca. It’s not like everyone comes from a middle class white family like us.” He huffed and continued. “Anyway, I have been struggling with wanting her to want more for her life and really wanting her to be more like me. I know that’s wrong, but it’s true.”

  “I can understand that. Having someone behave and act like you would make things easier and more predictable.”

  “Exactly, but after our talk last night, I realized that you’re right. So, I went home and told her that I loved her for exactly who she was and that I would support whatever future decisions she made.”

  “That’s great,” Rebecca said softly, knowing the story wasn’t over. Otherwise Parker wouldn’t be sitting in the seat next to her driving like a bat out of hell and huffing every five seconds.

  “I thought so too, but then tonight I told her I was going to the office for a little while, which I did. I wanted to work on the project for Vandenbilt that you locked down for us last week. By the way, he wants you and an associate to fly to Cushing on Tuesday and visit with him Wednesday morning first thing.”

  She wanted to question Parker’s right to make that kind of commitment on her behalf, but now wasn’t the time. “Sounds good. I’ll take Jason with me and we’ll lock down the deal.”

  She knew Parker was hurting, simply by his lack of poking and teasing her over going on an out-of-town business trip with Jason. Dread slipped down her chest and she pulled her arms around her, causing Parker to reach out to turn up the heat.

  “Anyway, I’d forgotten my office keys, so I made my way back home after stopping for a quick sandwich at the local deli, and she was with another guy … in our bed.” He swallowed hard, his face paling.

  “Oh my God. You can’t be serious.” Rebecca clasped her hand over her mouth, shock rushing down her nerve endings. She wasn’t sure why she was shocked, but the fact that Parker had to walk in on something like that was sickening. No wonder he looked like hell.