Always On My Mind: A Bad Boy Rancher Love Story (The Dawson Brothers Book 1)

by Ali Parker

  “Great, Mom. I’ll let him know. Love you both.” She hung up and stood there for a minute, smiling. Her parents were nuts. As if she were going to go back in the room and tell Jason, ‘Look, I know we like each other, but my daddy said …’

  She shook her head, laughing under her breath and walking back to the room, a sense of anticipation sitting on her shoulders.

  “I’m starving. Let’s go grab something to eat and talk about the meeting tomorrow over a beer afterwards. You want to?” Jason walked over toward her, standing beside her as she pored over an open file on the small desk in the hotel room.

  Rebecca looked up at him and enjoyed the warm smile she got in response. “Sure. It’s almost five, so I think we should be able to get everything done and enjoy dinner together.”

  She stretched and stood, closing the folder and moving toward the bed, her boots deposited there after her conversation with her mother. She wanted to change into sweatpants and a sweatshirt, but hated to put forth that persona in front of someone she was considering dating.

  “What are you in the mood for?” he asked and moved to pick up his coat, pulling it on and eying her.

  “I think fish or chicken and veggies would be nice. Wonder if the hotel has a restaurant. That would save us from going out into this freezing cold weather again.”

  “And not drive the Lexus every chance we get? No way, woman.”

  She laughed, almost agreeing out loud with him. The car was something else. She’d have to look into getting one when she got home. He seemed to enjoy it as much as she did.

  Realization dawned on her that she was beginning to think about a future that involved them being together. She looked up at him as he walked closer.

  “What?”

  “Nothing. Just thinking about if there’s an ‘us’ in our future.”

  His eyebrows went up, but he didn’t say anything.

  She finished zipping up her boots and stood up, adjusting her dress and reaching for her coat. He moved in to help her put it on, smoothing the collar and carefully pulling her hair loose from the back.

  “Thanks.”

  He touched the side of her hair, and a smile lifted one side of his mouth. “I want there to be an ‘us’ now. I’m just waiting on you to let me know if you’re free or if you need to work through a few things.”

  She reached out and touched his arm, rubbing his shoulder as she let her eyes take in the straight line of his nose, the high, strong set of his cheeks and fullness of his lips.

  “I’m almost sure I’m free.”

  “Well, let me know how I can push you past almost and take your freedom away.” He laughed and reached for her bag, handing it to her and walking to the door to hold it open. “Let’s grab some dinner and talk a little bit more about us before we get into the dryness of our meeting tomorrow.”

  “I’m down for that.” She walked past him into the hall, a bit of trepidation settling over her at the thought of having to be open and honest about some of her fears.

  He wouldn’t want to talk about their age difference, but if she were being completely honest, for her it was a big deal. She wasn’t looking for a casual fling, because she was starting to think that something long-term was necessary. She wasn’t getting any younger, as her mom reminded her more and more frequently lately.

  The valet had been happy to take the car off their hands.

  “Two tonight?” the host greeted them as they walked through the door of the large steakhouse.

  Jason moved to the front and nodded at the host, talking with him as they walked back to the table. He reached back to help Rebecca remove her coat and slipped into the booth across from her, a smile on his handsome face. “You look beautiful, by the way.”

  “Me?” She set her purse down and reached up to fuss with her hair.

  “Yes, you.”

  “I’m in the same thing I was in earlier.”

  “I know, but the cold makes your cheeks and little nose red, and brings out the fiery color of your hair.” He shrugged and pulled his napkin into his lap. “You’re just stunning to me.”

  She wasn’t sure what to say. No one had ever called her stunning. Pretty, beautiful, lovely, sure, but stunning? No.

  “Thanks,” she whispered, her facade dropping a little as he smiled and chuckled. “What?”

  “You. You have such a wall built up around you where men are concerned. Why?”

  She took the cold glass of water in front of her and lifted it to her lips, wondering how much to open up to him and deciding it was make-it or break-it time. She licked at her lips and leaned back as the server approached. They ordered drinks and Jason ordered them spinach dip and two salads.

  “I’m starving.” He laughed and crossed his arms over his chest. “Spill, beautiful. Tell me why.”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know, but I guess it has to do with wanting my high school bestie to love me and watching him leave me instead. He never really saw me as anything more than a friend to hang out with or as someone to lean on when his latest conquest didn’t work out. But I was head over heels in love. I guess I just decided after he left that everyone else would leave me too. He knew me better than anyone, and I poured my heart and soul into him. I know it seems silly, but I guess I felt like if he didn’t want me, no one else could either.”

  He shook his head, keeping quiet and letting her just get it out.

  “So every guy I dated after he left—” she paused and looked up at him, “and there weren’t many—I compared to him. Or, really, compared to the him I wanted him to be. He was never the prince I’d fashioned in my thoughts, but you couldn’t tell me that. He was everything, and there was even still this little tiny part of me that hoped that one day he’d come back for me and we’d get married and …”

  She felt emotion swimming through her words—the sadness of so many wasted years while she’d hoped for Kade to come back and get her. She’d thought that surely he would return and everything would be as it was supposed to be, but it wasn’t. She pulled her napkin to her face and touched the corner of her eyes, a sad smile touching her mouth. “I’m sorry.”

  He moved from his side of the table to hers, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and kissing the side of her head. “It’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it.”

  “No, I want to.” She leaned against him for a minute and then straightened up, putting her napkin back in her lap and happily taking her red wine from the server. She took a small sip and reached for him as he started to move. “Stay here.”

  “Of course,” he said softly, leaning back and turning his body to face her a little, his knee pressed into the side of her leg.

  “I passed up a few really great guys, and being where I am now, I don’t really regret it, but I’m so disappointed in myself.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I made Kade out to be something much better than he was. I created a lie and then blamed him every time a relationship didn’t work.” She laughed and the sound fell flat. “Hell, I haven’t dated much at all in the past two years, simply because I knew a time would come when we’d cross paths again.”

  “And he came home a few days ago …” Jason’s voice dropped off as he seemed to understand who this boy from her past was. She turned her head to look at him.

  “Yes. Kade is that boy, and honestly, seeing him was nothing like I thought it would be.”

  “It was better, or worse, or …”

  She could almost feel the sickened panic in Jason as he questioned her, his demeanor still kind and caring, but the emotion in his gaze giving him away.

  “I felt nothing.” She shrugged, leaning back as Jason let out a breath.

  “That’s disappointing.”

  She huffed and looked over at him, unable to keep herself from smiling. “Yeah, but having connected with you the night before changed things. I’m thinking that, if we hadn’t spoken at the pub or had breakfast Saturday morning, then I’d be sitting here with him.”
>
  “Would you rather be here with him?” Jason took a long drink of his beer, his eyes on her.

  “No. I’m afraid I’d be with him and feel just what I feel for him now, which is nothing.” She shrugged and moved toward the table, dipping a chip in the gooey dip in front of her.

  “That’s good … for me.” He smiled and moved his arm from her, following her lead and digging into the dip in front of them. “Tell me about us, Becca. Where are we at?”

  She wiped her nose on her napkin and scooted a little away from him so she could turn and face him better. The serious look on his face made her smile.

  He was going to be a strong partner in her firm one day, his demeanor and maturity so fitting for what they did. The question was whether or not she would be able to get past some of the humps in their relationship to partner with him in life.

  “Are you folks ready to order?”

  Rebecca smiled and pulled out the menu, ordering the fish and veggies and leaning closer to let her arm brush Jason’s as he ordered the largest steak they had.

  Chapter 20

  Jason moved back across from Rebecca after the server left, and she raised her eyebrow, as if questioning him.

  “I want to see your expressions as we talk about this. I’ll move over there and paw at you later if this goes well.”

  She laughed and reached for another chip. “No pressure, right?”

  “None at all.” The seriousness of his voice and the stern look on his face laid open truth in his words.

  “I want to try us.” She held up her hand before he jumped in with celebration, which he seemed poised to do.

  “But?” he asked.

  “But, I need to work through a few things with you first.”

  “Us working together?”

  “No, I think we’re good there. But I’m not comfortable with mixing business and pleasure. I want everything to stay very professional with us at work. I don’t care if the office knows we’re dating, but we’ll not be touching or ‘pawing’ at each other in the office.”

  “What if I close the door?” He bit at his lip, looking far too attractive for his own good.

  She rolled her eyes and laughed as their salads arrived. “Anyway … I just don’t want anyone creating drama. I’ve worked hard, and so has Parker, to make the firm what it is. I just don’t want to taint our reputation by being …”

  “Anything other than completely professional. I agree. What else?”

  She moved her fork around her salad as he took a few bites of his, the next subject the important one, and yet the one that bothered her the most. She looked up from her plate and sighed.

  “Our age difference?” he asked and she nodded.

  “I wish it wasn’t a big deal, but it is. I’m not looking for flings, to be honest, and the idea of us moving into something serious, like … like …”

  “Like maybe thinking about marriage and kids one day?”

  She nodded, grateful for his willingness to fill in the awkward parts that were so important for her to get off her chest. “Yes, something like that. It’s just a huge difference. I’m going to be old and you’ll still be young.”

  He laughed and reached across the table, opening his hand for hers. She slipped her free hand into his grasp and looked at him with her brow creased.

  “You’re not that much older than me, Becca, and I don’t care about age now and I won’t then. I don’t want to date girls my age. I’m too mature for them, and I see things in life differently from most other people. I always have. When you get to know me, you’ll understand, I promise. Don’t let our age be a barrier to what could happen between us. It will never be for me.”

  She watched him for a minute, the heaviness of being the older one between them sitting on her shoulders. “I know, but I only have a few more years to have kids, and that’s not fair to you, should things actually work out for us in the long run.”

  He smiled, squeezed her hand and pulled his hand back, picking up a chip and rolling it around in the dip in front of him. “I know you’re just now noticing me and just now considering me for a relationship, but I’ve been pining after you for a year. This isn’t puppy love or love at first sight for me. I’ve been interested in you since the first month I started at the firm. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman, and you wouldn’t be if you were twenty-two. You’d be immature and unwilling to see things deeper with me. I want an older woman … no, I want you, and I have for far too long.”

  The frustration on his face and in his voice moved her, her heart wanting so badly to let go. She simply nodded and took a bite of her salad.

  “Age is off the table for me. Tell me you’ll work to move it off the table for you. My arms feel the same as a man your age, and my heart beats just as hard as his does. My age just means I get to love you longer than some older guy might.”

  She laughed and nodded. “Okay. I’ll work on letting it go.”

  “What else?”

  “Everything else is rather superficial, based on those first two issues. People are going to think differently of me, but I’m not quite sure I care.”

  “Well, people that know you really well might, because they know we work together and know that you’re a little older than me, but people who we just meet will have no clue. You look my age and I look yours. We meet in the mid-twenties perfectly.”

  She nodded. He was right. She did look younger than she was, and his maturity pushed him up the ladder a little.

  Their food arrived and she sat back, looking across the table at him as he gazed at her. Nothing in all her life had ever made her feel as beautiful as the way his eyes moved across her. By the look in his eyes, she knew he was entranced, full of lustful plans. She breathed in deeply, a smile touching her lips as he asked if there was anything else between them that was holding them back.

  She enjoyed the fire that lit up in his gaze as she whispered the truth. “Only this table.”

  They spent the rest of dinner walking through the landmine of hormones that filled the space between them. Discussing their approach for the Vandenbilt meeting helped to calm the situation. Now that they’d decided that working on a relationship was a go, Rebecca was almost nervous about the next step. What would happen tonight? They were in the same room with one bed, and she knew what she wanted to happen, but was he thinking the same thing?

  She droned on about the meeting, pulling out files as the server worked to clear all their dinner plates and offered dessert. She looked at Jason to see if he was interested and smiled as he looked at her. Dessert would just prolong the evening, and it was almost eight as it was. She wanted a hot bath and time to snuggle up to him, if nothing else.

  “I’m good.” She shrugged, leaving it with him.

  “I’m thinking I have my dessert staring at me.” He winked, and the server chuckled and walked off, Rebecca’s cheeks burning.

  “So bold,” she whispered.

  “I know what I want. I’ve wanted it for a long time, and the thought of getting it is almost overwhelming.”

  “You have no filter,” she said, laughing.

  He stood up, leaning over to sign the check and looking up at her. “I have way more filter than you’re giving me credit for. Come on. Let me show you what unfiltered looks like.”

  She slid out of the booth, her body tense at the idea of what the night held for them. It’d been at least two years since anyone had seen her naked. Would he still think she was stunning after she bared herself to him?

  Am I baring myself to him?

  Fear rushed into her chest, and she slipped her hand into his as he moved around the tables and people. He turned and smiled at her, obviously happy that her hand was in his. He pulled her fingers to his mouth and pressed a warm, soft kiss to them as the valet pulled up the car.

  “I was just being bad in there. I have waited a long time for you, but I’m more than willing to wait forever if you want me to.”

  She moved closer, the
cold wind attacking her as she pressed herself against his side. “No, I just haven’t been intimate in a long time.”

  He leaned down and brushed his lips across hers, reaching out to cup her head as his body turned and pressed against hers. He kissed her again, his fingers massaging the base of her head as he explored her mouth, his tongue soft and wet. He groaned a little and reached around her with his other hand, flattening his palm on her back and pulling her closer.

  “I haven’t either,” he whispered and ran his nose along the line of her jaw. She closed her eyes and all of a sudden didn’t care if they worked together or how different their ages were. It felt divine to melt into him—the strength in his hands and the soft whisper of his deep voice. She felt faint, reaching out to grab onto his shoulders as her knees went weak. He pulled her tight, wrapping both arms around her as the car pulled up.

  “Tell me again why we didn’t go to the hotel restaurant?”

  “I tried to tell you,” she mumbled, a drunk smile rushing across her lips.

  She was a ball of nervous anticipation by the time they made it back to the hotel, Jason doing a great job of making simple conversation that didn’t deaden their lust but certainly didn’t throw fuel on the fire. She got out of the car, thanking the bellman and then walking into the warmth of the hotel. People filled every corner of the place, the conference attendees not seeming to have a ride around town. She was almost grateful for Parker and his ridiculous idea of a rental car. If they’d stayed at the hotel restaurant, it might have been a longer wait than their drive back from the restaurant. She felt Jason’s hand on the lower part of her back as he moved up beside her, excusing them all the way through the crowd. They slipped into the elevator and moved to the back as twelve other people piled in.

  She stepped back, looking over her shoulder in an apologetic way toward him as her back bumped into his chest. His fingers found her hips and he pulled her the rest of the way back, her body resting against his and all questions about whether or not he had sex on his mind being disbursed. He leaned up and kissed the side of her neck, her teeth driving into her lip so as not to make it obvious that she was close to coming unglued in front of an elevator full of people. His thumb rested on the top curves of her rear, and the soft sound of material being massaged added to the sensation of him touching her.