by Lee, Nadia
So why was he insisting on staying together? “Avoiding personal defeat” seemed like a feeble excuse, something he’d made up on the fly so he didn’t have to give her the real reason.
And if it weren’t, why should she care about his personal defeat? Catherine was right. What about Amandine’s future? What about what she wanted? She needed more than “avoiding personal defeat” to stay with Gavin. If he hadn’t figured out that nothing less than love would do after three years and three months…
“I hate to say it, but Catherine has a point,” Brooke said. “You deserve a man like the one she talked about. You shouldn’t stay with a guy who doesn’t love you just because you’re pregnant.”
Amandine rubbed her temples. She’d been content, even hopeful, until Catherine had shown up. If only she could erase everything her cousin had said from her memory…
Eighteen more years. Did she want to spend that much time with a man who didn’t love her just because they had a baby together? What would she do if she realized her situation was really hopeless? Would she have the courage to start over?
Even if she did, would it be possible in her mid-forties?
Gavin stalked inside, his face dark and grim.
Amandine forced a smile. “How was your visit? Everything go well?”
He nodded. “As expected. Mother sends her regards.”
“Luna’s making dinner.”
“I don’t have time.”
Of course.
“I have to return to the office soon,” he added.
No surprise there, either. “I’ll ask her to pack something for you then.” When she started to rise, Gavin stopped her.
“Brooke, can you give us a moment?” he asked.
“Sure.” She left.
Gavin sat next to Amandine. “What did Catherine say?” His gaze bore into hers, like he could will her thoughts to surface on her face.
“This and that.” She shrugged. “She wanted to return your wedding band.” Amandine handed it to him. “So now you have two.”
“That I do.” He stared at the original ring, then took the replacement off and put it in his jacket pocket. He threaded the original ring onto the finger.
“I thought about what you asked me last night and… I’m wondering why you married me.” She looked at him, at the old ring now back on his hand, hoping and waiting.
He looked back at her, his dark gaze shuttered.
“Why, Gavin? You could’ve married anybody. It didn’t have to be me.”
He hesitated, then finally said, “I thought you’d make a good wife. You’re smart and loyal and—”
“I’m not a dog, Gavin.”
“I never said you were.”
She jumped to her feet, hugging herself. “You might as well have. Your actions have proved it over and over again. I was just too stupid to see it.”
“Amandine, you’re upset.”
“Upset? I’m furious!” She flung an arm. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to be constantly pushed onto others because your husband can’t be bothered? You started hiring people to groom me, feed me—dress me, for fuck’s sake—like I’m some kind of helpless puppy.”
“That’s not—”
“Did you really think Josephine could fix me?”
“Jesus, I thought having clothes selected for you would lessen your workload after you started doing all those fundraisers and charity work.”
“No. You hired her so she could make sure I wouldn’t wear anything that would embarrass you.”
“Oh for— Amandine, wear whatever you like. Okay?”
“How can I, when Josephine doesn’t buy anything that I like?”
“Then tell her what you want.”
“She only listens to you.”
“Then fire her!”
“How am I going to fire somebody you hired without consulting me? She works for you, not me.”
Gavin rubbed his face. “We’re a couple, Amandine. We’re supposed to be able to talk about stuff like this if it’s been bothering you so much.”
She folded her arms. “When?”
“What?”
“When are we supposed to talk about it? When you’re at work? You never have time to talk. Our ‘movie nights’? They were your idea, but you hardly ever made it on time. And now you don’t come at all.” She started pacing. “For the love of god, Gavin, I didn’t even get to tell you I was pregnant! You had to find it out because I dropped a sonogram printout.”
“You had an opportunity to tell me—”
“When? In the private jet? Which you bought for…I don’t even know why you bought it since you know I don’t travel much. Or during our anniversary dinner? Oh wait, that’s right.” She snapped her fingers. “You were with Catherine.”
“Calm down, Aman—”
“I’m through being calm!” She slashed the air with her hand. “You always give me things to make up for the fact that you never have the time or the energy for me. I’m an afterthought, something you take for granted. But you won’t give me anything of yourself, not even the baby, since you’re going to take it from me if I decide to leave you. Ridiculous, isn’t it, when you and I both know that you don’t have the time for a baby.”
“That’s enough!” Gavin stood up. “What’s wrong with you? What the hell did Catherine say? That I came on to her? I did no such thing. She’s lying.”
“She didn’t have to tell me that. I trust you. I hope the feeling is mutual.”
“Yeah, well, I’m an expert on investing, and I’m not investing myself in anything or anyone I can lose. To Jacob, or anyone else. It’s not worth it,” Gavin said, then looked somewhat surprised, as though it wasn’t something he’d ever planned to speak out loud.
Suddenly it dawned on Amandine. She’d heard whispers of Jacob stealing Gavin’s girlfriends. He’d ended up with Catherine, too. Amandine had assumed it was just a rumor, but maybe not. “You think I’d leave you for Jacob?”
Breaths sawed in and out of Gavin. “Not for Jacob, no.”
How could she have not seen how hopeless their situation was? If she’d had the guts to speak her mind sooner, they would’ve avoided wasting so much time. “Nothing can make me leave you except yourself. I married you because I loved you,” she spoke through the cold lump in her throat. “There’s no point in continuing this joke of a reconciliation anymore. I’m going to divorce you, Gavin. And no, you cannot have the baby. I’m going to fight for it with everything I have. I’m entitled to at least that much.” If I can’t have your love, I want to have something of you—the baby we created together, so I can give it all the love in my heart. “But you can keep your money. All of it. I don’t want it.”
“Amandine…”
“I can’t live with you like this, Gavin. I’m not happy.”
His Adam’s apple worked. “Are you…are you truly unhappy? With me?”
She nodded, closing her eyes with the pain of her heart splintering. “I’m miserable, Gavin. I can’t live my life feeling…unwanted.”
It took a while before he finally said, “I see. I’ll have my lawyer call yours.”
When she opened her eyes, he was gone.
* * *
Gavin stumbled into the Bentley waiting outside. “Office,” he croaked.
If Thomas noticed anything odd, he didn’t comment. The car pulled smoothly away.
Gavin’s head rolled listlessly until it rested against the back of the leather seat. His gut twisted as he replayed her words. He’d never known he’d made her so miserable. She knew she was risking a nasty legal battle by trying to take the baby with her, and still she didn’t care, so long as she could be free of him.
He racked his brain. Where had he gone wrong? Had his mother been right, and it was a case of too little too late? Was it something Catherine had said?
He’d focused most of his life on work, trying to multiply his wealth and his clients’ in every way he knew how. He was good at it too, and beating the market—winning—ma
de him feel like a god. It was as addictive as cocaine, and he craved the high from each victory.
But it wasn’t worth making Amandine miserable.
His mother was right. What could he do with another twenty billion? He should’ve paid more attention, listened to his gut, and realized Amandine was not at all like the other women out there, like Damien had said. It shouldn’t have taken this long for Gavin to realize he’d been a bad husband, who took advantage of Amandine’s good, accommodating nature.
He sighed. No matter how much Gavin wanted to hold Catherine responsible for poisoning his marriage, he ultimately had nobody but himself to blame. If he hadn’t been so blind, Catherine wouldn’t have been able to influence Amandine. And Amandine wouldn’t have decided to cut her losses.
What should I do?
He was good at finding out what needed to be done. But now no matter how he examined the problem, there was only one course of action left for him to take, except it would’ve been preferable to stick his finger in a live socket.
Closing his eyes against the ache in his heart, he pulled out his phone and dialed Craig’s number.
“Gavin. What’s going on?” Craig asked, not wasting time with how are you?s. Clients didn’t call this late at night when they were doing well.
“Amandine wants to leave me. Told me to keep all my money.”
“Congratulations.”
A bitter taste spread in his mouth. What kind of lawyer congratulated his client on an impending divorce he didn’t want? “I intend to provide a large settlement for her.”
“Why? I thought you said she didn’t want any money.” Gavin could hear a fiduciary scowl in Craig’s voice.
“It’s something I’m offering. That’s the least I can do.”
“All right. Depending on how much is on the table…could be a pretty smart strategy. That way she can’t change her mind about money later and claim you took advantage.”
Gavin’s hand tightened around the phone. He hated Craig’s reasonable voice. Never mind he was just doing his job. “She can have half my assets.”
Craig sputtered. “Half! That’s way too much, Gavin. Half a percent is plenty enough, given the prenup.”
“Just do it. That’s why I hired you.”
“You hired me to give you good legal advice.”
“I am the client.”
Craig sighed. “You sure you don’t want to think it over? There’s no rush.”
“No. My mind’s made up. But there are some conditions. Here are the most important ones…”
Chapter Twenty-Three
GAVIN PLOPPED DOWN in the lawn chair in his mother’s garden. The party she’d hosted had ended a bit earlier than planned, but it looked like everyone’s feathers were unruffled. There was nothing his mother couldn’t do when she set her mind to it, and the family rarely disobeyed her will.
If she could change Amandine’s mind too…
It’d been over a week since he’d moved out of the house. He and Amandine no longer had any communication. That was what their lawyers were for.
The sky had darkened, although the sun was still streaking most of the horizon with a golden orange. Gavin drank bourbon straight from the bottle. It felt like nothing would be enough to numb the emptiness he’d been feeling ever since Amandine had announced she’d fight tooth and nail to be rid of him.
He’d been that much of a failure as a husband.
“Mom’s gonna ground you if she sees you like this.” Meredith took a seat next to him.
“Like what?”
“Drinking and brooding and generally unpleasant.”
“I’m too old to ground.”
She cocked an eyebrow. “You sure?”
“I’m returning to L.A. tonight.”
A small smile appeared. “Chicken.”
Meredith looked like him, though shorter and feminine and with long hair. Some idiots in New York and Hollywood had said she could be an actress, but Gavin knew there was no way. She liked to eat, had a particular weakness for cheeseburgers and fries, and didn’t care that the camera added twenty pounds.
She shoved a glass his way. “Pour me a finger.”
“There’s hardly enough for me.”
“The bottle’s more than half full! Don’t be greedy.”
Sighing, he shared.
She chugged it down and made a face. “God, that’s disgusting. I don’t know how you drink this stuff.”
“It costs more than what some people make in a week.”
“Is that why you drink it?”
“No. For the medicinal effect.” A fantastic painkiller, no prescription required.
“Hope it improves your mood then. You were a dick to Ethan and his date at the party.”
He made a face. “I don’t trust her. She’s a Sterling.”
“And this is relevant, how…?”
“Ever heard of Sterling & Wilson? TLD’s arch-rival?” It was appalling the woman had gone through TLD’s financial records to “help” Ethan.
“So? She’s Ethan’s date. Seriously, Gavin, would you have been this much of a jerk if she weren’t Barron Sterling’s granddaughter?”
If they’d met in any other circumstances, he would’ve liked her. But things were tense with Jacob’s bigamy and the company falling apart, and Gavin didn’t care for the complication of having a business rival’s granddaughter in their midst.
“Come on,” Meredith prompted.
“No,” he admitted grudgingly.
“And Ethan says she’s amazing with numbers.”
“She’s not too bad.” She was freakishly good, one of the best he’d ever seen based on the analysis she’d done on TLD.
“So be nice. Sterling blood or not, she’s going to help me save the company.”
And if things don’t work out, you can blame her. He swallowed the comment. “Just keep an eye on her. And I hope you succeed.”
“Thank you. I plan to.”
He poured her another finger, but she didn’t touch it. They sat in companionable silence as lights came on in houses around the neighborhood. Gavin took another long swallow. When was the last time he’d spent any time with his sister?
“Do you think I’m an asshole?” he asked.
She choked. “What?”
“Be honest. Am I an asshole?”
“No.” She stared at him wide-eyed. “Where did you get that idea?”
“Catherine. And the fact that my wife intends to divorce me.”
“I thought you guys were expecting.”
“It doesn’t matter. She doesn’t want me.”
“Oh my god.” Meredith put a hand on his arm. “I’m so sorry.”
He shrugged. “I tried to work things out, but it wasn’t enough.” I wasn’t enough.
“I don’t understand. She loves you.”
How confused Meredith was. “Then why does she want to get rid of me?”
“I don’t know, Gavin. Things are complicated in relationships, but trust me. I’m saying it with a woman’s intuition: Amandine loves you. That’s why she married you.”
“How do you know?”
“Because of the kind of woman she is. She’s not interested in money or fame. She’s not the type to go around hooking up on a casual basis.”
Gavin stared out into the dusk. Pete had said Amandine had an unrealistic image of their parents’ marriage. She wanted what her mother and father had, even though they’d been poor and had struggled to get by.
Love.
She wanted love.
Jesus. It was one thing Gavin didn’t know how to deal with. He had done everything in his power to provide for her, make sure she never lacked for anything. He’d always given money to his ex-girlfriends, and it had made them happy. Why was Amandine different?
The idea of losing her made everything seem hopeless. But he didn’t know how to fix the mess without making matters even worse. He had no idea how to show her he loved her, and simply telling her “I love you” at th
is point was too late. Too much had been said and done, and she’d made it clear she could no longer bear to be with him in any way, not even for her own child’s sake. He should’ve figured it out sooner and said the words earlier. If he’d done so back in Samantha’s office, it could’ve worked.
He’d give up all his money if he could go back in time and do things over. But he had no such power, and all he could do was make sure Amandine would never lack for anything.
* * *
Amandine stared out the window at nothing. Her limp hand held a paint-brush tipped in crimson.
Ever since she and Gavin had ended the reconciliation attempt, she couldn’t focus. If it weren’t for Brooke and Luna, she might have forgotten to eat.
“Amandine, you have a visitor,” Luna said.
“Who?”
“Mrs. Lloyd.”
Amandine tensed. Luna called only one person Mrs. Lloyd: Stella. “Where is she?”
“In the living room.”
“I’ll be right out.” She put down her brush and got up. Her palms grew damp. Why had Stella come? She’d never visited Amandine, and had no reason to stop by now, especially with the impending divorcing.
Stella sat on the sofa, her slim legs elegantly angled. Her blue blouse set off the pearls on her ears and around her throat, and not even the smallest wrinkle showed on her deep purple pencil skirt. She smiled when she saw Amandine. “Hello, dear.”
“Hi. What a surprise. I didn’t realize you’d be visiting.” Sitting, Amandine touched her hair and clothes unconsciously. A simple ponytail and a paint-splattered baby T and jeans couldn’t compete with Stella’s neat French twist and silk outfit.
“I heard you couldn’t travel, so I thought I should,” Stella said. “We missed you yesterday.”
“What do you mean?”
“The family party. It was yesterday.”
Was it? Amandine didn’t remember, but then it wasn’t like she’d been invited. “I hope it was fun.”
“It served its purpose.”
“Well then.” Amandine forced a smile. “That’s all that matters.”
There was a short pause as Stella’s penetrating gaze studied Amandine’s face. “Are you all right?”
“Yes. I’m fine, no nausea or anything.”
