by K. L. Myers
“Like hell, you are!” Rusty yells as he begins to stride toward us. “There is no way in hell you are taking my sister anywhere until we all have a mutual understanding. You’ve disrespected her, and I’m willing to ignore that as your sponsor for the sake of professionalism and my job, but as her brother, I’m sorry, Rocky. I won’t agree to letting you hurt her again.”
Kathy breaks our connection, and the euphoric feeling I felt begins to dissipate. Could she be having second thoughts now that she has heard her brother’s disappointment? The Kathy I know wouldn’t back down from anyone, let alone her brother, but I stand idly by, waiting to see what happens.
“Rusty,” Kathy starts off. “I love you, but you are my brother, not my father. What happened in Singapore is between Rocky and me.” Her voice takes on an angrier tone as she continues, “You don’t get to give ultimatums or tell us what we can and cannot do.” Her voice changes once more as she touches his arm. “Look, I love you, Rusty, but only I get to decide who or what is best for me.” Kathy kisses his cheek. “Thank you for looking out for me, but honestly, I’ve got this.”
I’m so proud of my girl for sticking up for me, for us. I almost begin to believe that things just might work out in my favor for once.
The moment the hotel room door closes behind us, my body is telling me to take her and make love to her, but my mind tells me otherwise. I know Kathy said to leave the past in the past, but I can’t do it. I’ve got to get my sins off my chest before I can move forward. I take her hand and lead her over to the sofa in my suite and pull her down into my lap.
“Bright eyes, I know you said to leave the past where it belongs, but I’ve got to tell you, so please let me say what I have to say, and then I’ll leave it there.”
At a nod of her head, I begin to talk. “When you walked out on me that night back in Phoenix, it broke me. I want you to know that I stumbled across a stash of cocaine I didn’t know I had, so please don’t think I lied to you all along. I wasn’t using when we were together.” I see the tears begin to pool in her eyes, but she holds them back. “I was weak and gave in,” I tell her. “If it weren’t for Cayson and your brother, I don’t know how far I would have fallen.” I place my finger on her lips to stop her from speaking.
“Babe, it only got worse the further away I got from you, and I couldn’t shake the demons. I felt so defeated without you, and I let myself wander down the rabbit hole again, thinking life didn’t have any meaning in it without you.” I can’t hold back any longer, and I kiss her. Not a tender loving kiss, but a harsh, demanding, my-life-has-no-meaning-without-you kiss. I break the kiss for a moment. “I can’t do this without you. You showed me what I can be when you’re with me, and I’ll never settle for what I am without you again.” This time, my kiss is soft and tender. I taste the salt from her tears. As fast as the kiss started, I end it. This isn’t over yet. She needs to hear from me how I cheated. “I was so weak, so utterly weak. I drank all night and made a stupid decision, one I can never unmake. I know you said we weren’t together, but in my heart, we were never apart. I cheated on you, and I’m so sorry. That girl was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made.”
“Roger, I know all about it. Kayla told me. I know everything. Again, I won’t say it didn’t hurt me to hear it, but it also made me realize that I was a fool. Who says you can’t fall in love fast? I was afraid, and I used my fear as an excuse. I’m sorry I did this to you, to us. I’m equally to blame.” Kathy’s hand rests on my face as she tells me all of this.
It isn’t until tonight that all the years of rehab finally sink in. There is a higher power. You just have to have faith. I haven’t believed, not since God let someone take my parents from me. But tonight, I’ve come to terms. I can’t do it without Kathy by my side. I tried, and I fell on my face. I finally believe, having a little faith in myself and God above, that I am worthy of her.
“I promise, bright eyes, when we get home, I’ll enroll in every program there is. I’ll attend every meeting if that is what it takes to keep you in my life forever. I’ve seen what I’m like without you, and I choose us every day of the week. I love you. Please tell me you’re here to stay for the rest of the tour.”
Kathy turns in my lap so that her legs straddle mine. Her hands rest on my shoulders as her lips brush against mine briefly. “I can’t stay the whole tour, not right off the bat. I didn’t plan on staying.”
I push her hips down, grinding my hardened length into her center. “Please, I’ll buy you whatever you didn’t bring. Just don’t leave me. Please.”
Her body trembles as she speaks, “I can’t stay, but I’ll only be gone a week, and I promise I’ll call every night. I have to wrap up a few loose ends at home, but I won’t leave you for longer than that.”
Our bodies grind together, friction building between them. “Oh God, Roger, take me, make love to me.”
I rise from the sofa, Kathy’s legs wrapped around my waist. When I reach the bed, I gently lay her down and cover her body with mine. My hands brush the hair away from her face as I kiss up and down her jawline. A tender moan leaves her lips as she closes her eyes. My heart begins to beat faster and harder than it ever has before. “You’re mine, bright eyes. I’m never letting you go.”
33
Kathy
Rocky and I walk through the lobby of the hotel, his arm wrapped around my shoulder, tucking me into his side. His smile stretches from ear to ear when he looks down at me and tells me how happy he is. As we approach the black Escalade, Rusty climbs out of the front seat and opens the back door for Rocky and me to climb in. Cayson and Kayla are already sitting in the back row making out like two teenagers.
“Excuse me,” I say. “Your room is inside. We can wait if you need to pop back up there. Just make it quick, okay?”
Kayla breaks her kiss with Cayson just long enough to give me an evil glare, reminding me that I need to mind my own business. The ride to the stadium is quick, and once we arrive, there is security waiting to greet us. Tim, Neil, and Michael are already inside, relaxing backstage. Sean is standing outside the room, talking on his phone. When he sees Cayson and Rocky, he holds up his hand to stop them before they go in to join the rest of the guys. Cayson instructs Kayla and me to go inside and wait. I look to Rocky for confirmation that everything is alright, and he nods his approval.
The guys pop the tops off a couple of beers and hold them out for Kayla, Rusty, and me. Kayla declines, but my nerves need something to calm them, so I graciously accept, and so does Rusty. When Cayson and Rocky enter the room, neither of their expressions seem quite pleased by the conversation they just had with Sean. Rocky’s jaw is clenched tight, and my once joyful man is gone.
Kayla picks up on the same thing. “What’s wrong, Sean?” She doesn’t even bother to ask the love of her life. Sean ignores her question and starts to address the other members of the band. Kayla asks again, only louder this time. “I said, what’s wrong, Sean? Tell me now.” Cayson pulls her into his side and kisses the top of her head, but it’s Rocky who speaks up.
“It’s our PR firm,” he says and tosses a folder on the table. “They intercepted these photos. The CEO has a close friend who works for the Daily Star. Seems an employee of the hotel in Singapore was trying to sell photos they took off the elevator surveillance camera.”
My stomach does a somersault knowing just what is in those photos. “You said ‘intercepted’ and ‘tried.’ Does that mean they aren’t going to be published?” Then it all hits me. The two girls on the plane were traveling with one of the girls’ fathers who works for a PR company. That’s how she knew about Singapore. “Oh, my God,” I say out loud.
Everyone in the room goes quiet and looks in my direction. Rocky takes my hand in his, a scared look in his eyes. “What is it, bright eyes?”
I sit down in one of the chairs, and Rocky drops to the floor in front of me. “On my flight, there was a man, and traveling with him were these two girls, his daughter and a friend. One of
the girls said her dad is here on business and that he works for a PR firm. She mentioned the photos and told the other girl all about it.” I look into Rocky’s eyes. “Baby, the way the girl bragged to her friend about what her father said about you was horrible.”
Rocky squeezes my knee in an effort to show his support and understanding of what I must be feeling. Sean, on the other hand, isn’t quite so understanding.
“Kathy.” Sean looks me in the eyes. “What exactly did she say her father said?”
I try to recall what was said word for word but can only remember parts of it because I was so angry at the time and seeing red. “Unfortunately, I don’t know which girl was the daughter and which was the friend. Their voices were so similar. But one of them said her father told her the band has an addict for a drummer, referred to Rocky as a loser, said it was only a matter of time before Rocky destroys the band.” When I look back at Rocky, the anger that had started to dissipate from his eyes is back.
Cayson looks at Sean and tells him that he doesn’t care what it costs to get Razor’s Edge out of their contract with that PR firm, but he wants it done immediately. “We don’t need a company representing us when its CEO thinks so poorly of one of us. Make it happen, Sean. By the time we are in the U.S., I want us to have a new company at our backs.
Sean slaps Cayson on the back as he walks by. “Consider it done.”
I reach for the envelope, but Rocky stops me, taking it from my hands. “No, bright eyes, don’t do that to yourself.” He motions for Rusty and hands him the envelope. “Make it disappear. I don’t want to ever see these again.”
Rusty takes the envelope from Rocky and walks over to the garbage can in the corner. With one flick of his lighter, the edge of the envelope is on fire, burning it and its contents for good.
All the guys huddle together, going over last-minute preparations before tonight's performance. Kayla and I sit by ourselves. Kayla is writing in her notepad, as usual, leaving me to stew on my own thoughts about what happened this evening. I could see the worry in Rocky’s eyes earlier. He’s unsure how I’m going to handle everything, and it hurts me to know that I’ve caused that insecurity in him. When Kayla closes her book, I tell her about Rocky wanting me to stay for the remainder of the tour. I’m totally caught off guard when she suggests that it’s a great idea.
“You should totally do that, Kathy. You’re your own boss. You can have Lela handle anything that needs to be done. Just keep in touch with her.” Kayla says it like it’s no big deal to put my life on hold for the next almost two months.
“Princess,” Cayson calls for Kayla while standing with his arms wide open. “It’s showtime. Come give your Rock God some love, so we can go rock the house.”
Kayla stands quickly and runs toward Cayson, jumping into his arms and wrapping her legs around his waist as they kiss. I look at Rocky and make my way toward him. When I reach his side, I curl into him. “Knock ‘em dead, baby. I’ll be waiting for you, just like I’ll be every night.” Then I seal his mouth with mine.
As the band takes the stage, I want so badly to sit and watch my drummer boy play his heart out. He needs me right now. He needs to know that I’ve got his back and that I’m not going to let whatever was on those pictures push me away. My mind spins a mile a minute as I run through all the possible outcomes from tonight’s fiasco. Will the band be able to trust that the current PR firm won’t retaliate, finding a way to allow anyone to release copies of the photos without tying the firm to the actual release? Is it possible that whoever the girl was won’t try to blackmail Rocky? Or will the label decide they’ve had enough and drop the band, sending my man in a tailspin he may never recover from? These are all the scenarios I need to have answers to if I’m going to protect my bad boy with the good heart.
I can hear the band playing from where I sit backstage, but I tune them out. There isn’t anything I can do if the crazy bitch comes for Rocky or if the PR firm somehow releases the photos. All I can do is be there and stand beside my man, offering my strength to help hold him up. As God is my witness, I’ll carry his burden for him if it comes down to that. But the bigger issue is, what happens if the label decides to drop the band? What leg could they stand on? I need to know what is in the guys’ contract that could be used against them.
“Kayla, do you think you could get a copy of the contract that Razor’s Edge signed?
“What? Why do you need that?” A shocked Kayla turns to me. “That’s really none of your business, girl. What’s rolling around in that head of yours?”
“You saw Rocky earlier, right? How hurt he was and scared that I was going to run. I need to protect him, let him know I’ll be there beside him, but I need to know what could possibly come from the meeting with the execs at the end of the tour.”
Kayla looks at me, completely surprised. “You think something bad is going to happen?”
I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know, but Rocky seems to feel that the reason the execs are meeting with them is to drop them from the label. He’ll be devastated if that happens. He’ll blame himself.”
“I don’t know, Kathy,” Kayla responds with a worried expression on her face. “I don’t know if I can convince Sean to give us a copy, but I’ll see if Mom can assist, as long as you promise to keep me in the loop with anything you find. God help me if Cayson finds out. I’m not sure how I’d explain this to him.”
By the time the show ends, I know I’m not going to be able to stay on the tour with Rocky. I have to get back home. There is work to be done, and time is of the essence. I know Rocky will be hurt that I’m not willing to stay, but I’m going to have a contract waiting for me to look at when I arrive home.
The minute I look up, I see Rocky. He’s shirtless as usual, his hair stuck to his head from the water he’s poured over himself to cool down. The veins across his chest and down his arms are pumped full of blood from playing a two-hour set. He’s smiling as he talks to the guys, but it isn’t until he sees me that his smile isn’t forced anymore. It’s true and coming from his heart. Most people wouldn’t notice the difference, but I’ve learned to recognize what’s fake and what’s real with him. Rocky walks toward me, only stopping when I stand in his path. His hands rest on my hips, and I immediately follow suit. My forehead rests against his, our eyes staring into one another’s. “I thought you left, bright eyes. I looked around and didn’t see you anywhere, and it killed me that I couldn’t find you. Thank God you’re still here.”
I shake my head and close my eyes briefly. “I’ll never leave you without talking to you first. I promise you.”
Our lips briefly touch as he pulls me closer to him, the sweat from his body soaking into my clothes. “So glad you’re still here.”
34
Rocky
After today’s rehearsal, I came back to my suite to pass out. I’ve lacked sleep over the last week because my mind can’t seem to shut itself down at night, which has made our last five shows exhausting, but tonight marks our sixth and final show. I’ve been dreading this performance for weeks now. It’s not the location or the fact that it’s our last performance before we head back to the U.S.A. No, it’s the fact that tomorrow morning, the band and I have a meeting with the label execs at their hotel to determine the fate of our music.
I’m torn. Half of me wants this to be over, and the other half that loves my brothers wants everything to be okay. I know what I wish for isn’t a reality. The label has made it perfectly clear to Sean that they are less than pleased with my behavior over the years and of late. Sean told Cayson he didn’t believe the label would drop us, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t make our lives a living hell. When we signed our contract, we agreed to provide the label with four albums and two live tours. We still owe the label another album, and music sales have been off the charts, so I almost believe they won’t drop us. Though, something has been up because there have been quite a few private meetings between Cayson, Kayla, and Sean. I know I’m probably ma
king too much out of it because after all, there is that family connection between the three of them, but I can’t help what my gut feels. I’ve even mentioned it to Kathy, but she tells me to chalk it up to a guilty conscience and let it go. Sometimes that’s easier said than done.
The only upside to tonight's show is that once it’s done, I know Kathy will be by my side. She promised to be here for me when we have to meet with the label execs. I told her not to worry because it didn’t make sense for her to come here just to fly back the next day, but she insisted and fought me when I told her I’d be paying for her flight. There was no way I was letting her spend her hard-earned money on a twenty-four-hour turnaround. Her flight arrives in just two hours, two hours too long, if you ask me. It didn’t matter how much I pleaded with Kathy; she left three days after she arrived, claiming she had important contracts to fulfill and needed to head home. I was disappointed initially, but she’s made good on her promise, and she Facetimed me every night, which seemed to keep the demons away. That and the fact that Rusty now occupies my suite as a protective measure to keep me out of trouble. That was one of the stipulations Kathy made before she left. I’d give that girl anything she wants as long as she is mine.
There’s a knock at my door followed by Rusty’s voice. “Roc, you awake? You about ready?”
I almost think Rusty is as anxious to see his sister as I am. “Dude, we’ve got two hours. What’s the rush? I’ve still got to shower. Now, leave me the fuck alone.”
How can I be so excited to see one person but at the same time be so exhausted that I don’t even want to move out of my bed? I lie there looking at the ceiling, something I’ve been doing for hours, it seems. It isn’t enough to have the weight of the band’s fate on my shoulders, but I’ve been fantasizing about Kathy moving in with me. We’ve even discussed it, or should I say I’ve discussed it. Kathy has been neutral about it. I’ve told her that the moment I see her again, I’m not letting her leave my side. Ever. Of course, she rained on my parade by telling me unequivocally that I could not go to work with her every day. I responded by telling her to quit her job and move in with me. I’d take care of her. That didn’t go over as well as I had hoped it would.
