Maria wasn’t bothered by Leo’s presence. Everyone would know soon enough. ‘I need to give evidence against Ian Tully and he’s made it perfectly clear that if I speak against him he’ll turn on me. It’s better if it comes from me first. Besides, my name is already on the list of people they’re interested in. They’ll be calling for me any day now.’ She turned off the tap and faced Tansy, wiping her hands on a tea towel. ‘The time has come.’
‘No, it hasn’t.’ Tansy grabbed Maria’s hands and took the tea towel off her, tossing it to the bench. ‘Maria, you had no choice. I can see that plain as day. You did the only thing you could do given the circumstances you were in.’
Maria shook her head. ‘There are always other options. Always. I made my choice and, yes, I could justify it at the time, but I can’t anymore. I took a human life. Only God has the right to do that, never one of us. It’s time I faced up to what I did and let justice take its course.’
Leo stood stock-still. Tansy paced, her jaw working. Maria was touched that in the short time they’d known each other, she and her niece had formed such a strong bond.
‘I can see you’re a determined woman,’ Tansy said carefully.
Maria smiled. ‘That’s true.’
‘Please, at least get some legal advice before you do anything. If money’s an issue I can help. Let me help you.’ Tansy stopped speaking and looked around the cabin, noted the piles of books, the boxes with knick-knacks ready to go to a charity bin, the bucket of cleaning products. Comprehension registered on her face. ‘You’re getting ready to leave,’ she said.
‘It’s inevitable. I’ll be going to jail,’ Maria said, surprised at her own calmness. This morning she’d felt panicky and unable to concentrate. But now the steps leading to the final moments of her life as she knew it felt laid out. She only had to put one foot in front of the other and soon it would be over.
Tansy held up her hand sternly. ‘Stop. Stop this. Right now.’ She pulled out her mobile phone.
‘What are you doing?’
‘I’m finding you a lawyer, before this goes too far.’ Tansy’s hand hovered over the screen as she read something. ‘Oh, shit.’
‘What?’
‘Toby, your great-nephew? Jordan and Katarina’s son?’
‘Yes,’ Maria said, irritated. It wasn’t as if she was going to forget the only family she’d had contact with since she’d joined the convent.
‘He’s off school, sick today, and staying with his grandmother—Florrie, your sister . . .’
‘I know who my sister is, Tansy.’
‘. . . and he told her that he met you. Florrie phoned Jordan, who had an early shift at the hospital today, furious, and he was forced to confess everything. And now Florrie is on her way to my house with Toby, looking for answers.’
Maria lifted her chin and took a deep breath. ‘Well.’
‘Yes.’
Maria wasn’t sure how she felt at that moment. There was a fleeting impulse to tell Tansy that she would go home with her, to see her sisters before it was too late. There was a curious numbness towards this woman, Florrie, someone she didn’t even know; all she knew of her was what she’d been like as a child. And there was anger and hurt on her own behalf, that even the mere fact of Maria’s existence was somehow enough to enrage her two sisters.
Tansy rubbed her forehead. ‘Look, I’m going to have to go and deal with this. Can you please just not do anything while I’m gone? Let me help you sort this out calmly and rationally.’
Maria didn’t say anything.
‘And stop packing,’ Tansy ordered, hugging her goodbye. ‘Leo, we’re going.’
‘Sure,’ he said, looking from one woman to the other but not saying anything else. Maria liked him more by the minute.
Then Tansy kissed Maria on the cheek and left. Leo raised a hand in parting and followed her, leaving Maria alone with her prized honey and a single-minded determination to go through with exactly what she needed to do.
Tansy had no idea what to expect when she walked in the door, but from the number of cars in the visitors’ spaces—cars she recognised as belonging to her family members—she anticipated conflict. She paused at the front door of her apartment; she could hear lots of voices inside. Next to her, Leo put a steadying hand on her shoulder. She’d given him a plot summary of Maria’s story while they drove. He’d listened quietly, and then said, ‘I know I shouldn’t be, but I’m kind of impressed. Not that she killed someone, exactly; obviously that’s wrong and I’d never condone murder. But, I don’t know, it seems courageous, somehow.’
‘I think I know what you mean. I certainly don’t want to see her go to jail. But I’m sorry for getting you into this mess,’ she said to him now, grateful that he was there beside her. There was something about standing next to a tall, strong young man that made her feel instantly better prepared to face the onslaught to come.
‘It’s okay.’ He shrugged, dropping his hand. ‘I don’t actually think it’s as big a deal as you think it is. This part, anyway, dealing with your family. The murder?’ He wobbled a hand and grimaced. ‘That one I’m not so sure about.’
Tansy let out a small laugh at the ludicrousness of it all.
Down the short hallway and into the lounge, it was instantly clear that the gathered relatives did in fact think it was a big deal. There were eight people in her lounge room (she was momentarily happy to see Rose there too), ranging from eighty-nine-year-old Uncle Alastair down to her three-year-old niece, Amy. Even Jordan was there, having finished his shift, apparently, and still in his light purple nurse’s uniform. Katarina was the only one missing, by the looks of it; she was at school today. Enid and Florrie were bickering, with tears from Enid. As Tansy and Leo entered, they all stopped and stared at her.
‘Hi,’ she said, forcing a smile. ‘What a lovely surprise.’ She allowed a hint of sarcasm and a lacing of irritation to infuse her words. Leo was right: this wasn’t a national emergency that required a council of war.
Then again, she had wanted a family reunion. Seemed she might be getting it now.
Enid thrust herself to the front of the scrum, a tissue in her hand and her face stony with anger. She looked from Tansy to Leo, her eyes flashing betrayal, and peered past them down the hallway, searching for Maria, Tansy assumed. The room was silent, except for Toby’s broom-broom noises as he pushed a Lego truck across the rug on the floor. The atmosphere was heavy with anxiety, outrage and anticipation.
Her mother worked her mouth for a few seconds before she hissed, ‘Where have you been? Have you been with her? Have you been with her all this time, lying to me?’
Tansy bit her lip; she wasn’t ashamed of tracking down Maria and getting to know her, but she was ashamed of the lying. She dropped her eyes to the floor and her voice was quiet as she admitted the unpalatable truth of her deception. ‘Yes.’
Enid slapped her. The assault was so swift that Tansy was left speechless. She covered her cheek where the blow had struck. But the physical sting was nothing compared to the feelings of injustice and humiliation that quickly followed.
Several voices of protest were raised in Tansy’s defence.
Leo stepped in front of Tansy protectively.
Enid’s hands flew to her face in shock and she spun around to lean into her husband’s chest.
And Tansy burst into tears.
28
As it turned out, Maria hadn’t had the chance to make her confession yesterday after all, because she simply ran out of time. Today, a big booking was coming through for an African drumming camp, staying for five days. So after Tansy and Leo had left, she’d launched herself into work. Every bed in the place was booked, as well as many tent sites. And since Petrice had left early, Maria had to play catch-up with her offsider’s unfinished chores, including the food prep, and then spent this morning rapidly making up beds and sweeping cabin floors. Trav was here today with his ride-on mower, tidying up the tent sites and trimming the central grassed are
a where the group would meet to form their drumming circle.
The group had stayed here before and Maria had enjoyed it, mostly. The members were friendly, earth-loving people, with dreadlocks and fisherman pants and leather straps tied at their necks. The camp was run by a couple in their forties who’d been drumming their whole lives and played professionally. And they always brought along a master drummer from Ghana to lead the group. Throughout the day there was music, raucous and energising, and you simply couldn’t help but feel happy as the circles played. The group always wanted vegetarian food, and that was okay with her. She had a lot of vegetables in the garden she could use, and it saved money on meat.
The only thing she didn’t like about them was the marijuana. Even though she had a no-drugs policy, she knew they brought it out late at night; the sweet smell floating on the air was unmistakable. But she turned a blind eye, because they were good customers and the orphanage’s needs came first. As she finalised the menus, she thought how much she would miss them. This would be the last time she would be favoured with their vibrancy.
As soon as she was finished with her preparations, she told herself, she would dig out the number for George Harvey. But before ringing him she would email Michaela in Cambodia and explain everything. She wanted to do it now, when she had the time to do it properly, in case she was whisked away after her chat with Inspector Harvey. She was leaving Michaela in a terrible position, and at the very least Michaela deserved to hear the story from Maria first. She decided that she would give Michaela a day to absorb the news and get back to her with any questions or, indeed, with her horror, and then she would get this confession to the police over and done with.
The ocean breeze caressed Tansy’s cheek, still tender from her mother’s slap. She’d come here to the beach in an attempt to improve her foul mood. She’d already tried to distract herself from yesterday’s family circus by finishing off her proposal for the rock boy’s bedroom design and emailing it through to his mum. But she was still morose.
Slipping off her beach shoes and burying her toes in the soft white sand, she ached for Dougal’s company. He never tried to talk her into getting into the water, even though she knew her fears were irrational and it was pretty crazy since they had deliberately bought an apartment right on the beach. He simply accepted that she loved the ocean as much as he did, but from the safety of the sand. His only disappointment, he said, was that he didn’t get to see his hot wife in a bikini more often.
She spread out her towel on Main Beach in the shade of a large pandanus tree close to the boardwalk, the resorts at her back, and sat looking out at the azure water. Slowly, her feelings of anger, sadness and frustration eased. The ocean exhaled waves and white water onto the shore, and inhaled the water back out to sea. The sand was blindingly clean and white on the other side of her sunglasses. A few sticks of driftwood lay around her and she picked one up and began doodling in the soft grains at her feet, squishing her blue-painted toenails through it.
The apartment sat empty. Leo had left before Tansy got out of bed—she didn’t know where he’d gone—and Enid had left with Finlay yesterday after the family’s intervention into Tansy’s behaviour. Her fingers touched her cheek and a new surge of anger rose up. How dare her mother hit her! As though they were in an episode of The Bold and the Beautiful. And in front of everyone, as if Tansy was a toddler in need of discipline. Except she’d never been hit at all, not even as a small child. Her mother had always been vehemently anti-smacking.
Immediately after the slap, Aunt Florrie had urged everyone to calm down and find a seat so they could talk things through rationally. Clearly ashamed, Enid had mumbled an apology to
Tansy, but held herself stiff behind crossed arms. Florrie had tried to mediate, but her own hurt at what she’d learned, not from her son but from the mouth of her grandson, showed in the deep creases on her face. As usual, she was wearing loose yoga pants and a tight-fitting top that showed off the remarkably toned and strong upper body that made twenty-somethings envious, let alone other women in their late sixties. Her twenty years as a yoga teacher had clearly done wonders for her physical health.
‘I don’t understand how this has all come about,’ she began, addressing Tansy evenly. ‘Can you explain it to us?’
Tansy explained that she’d tracked down Maria easily enough by searching online, and sent her a letter. She knew the family didn’t talk to Maria but she wanted to get to know her on her own terms, without other people’s opinions muddying the waters.
Florrie had nodded, but her calm veneer quickly started to slip. ‘But why didn’t you tell me that Maria was living not far from us, and . . .’ She began to take emotion-charged breaths. ‘How could you put my son in the position of keeping that secret from his own mother? I feel deeply betrayed, Tansy, I don’t mind you knowing.’ She gave a long, slow exhalation then—a yoga relaxation breath—and closed her eyes for a moment while her husband rubbed her back.
‘Don’t blame Tansy,’ Jordan said reasonably, rubbing his eyes, likely tired from his morning shift. ‘She was obviously going to tell you all and was just waiting for the right time, weren’t you?’ he finished, turning to Tansy.
‘Of course,’ Tansy said shortly, a little exasperated by the telling-off and still mortified by her mother’s slap.
Jordan, concerned about the fighting going on in the room in front of his son, on a number of occasions signalled to people to quieten down and take a breath, and eventually pulled out his phone, loaded up a movie and relocated Toby to another room to watch it, away from the hullabaloo.
Florrie’s husband spoke up in Tansy’s defence. Alastair, twenty years Florrie’s senior and equally impressive in his qi gong outfit of long white cotton pants and shirt, was more pragmatic than his wife. ‘All things happen for a reason,’ he said to Florrie. ‘It’s good this has come to light. You’ll get past this moment and something beneficial will come of it, you’ll see.’ Florrie looked irritated; it must be difficult to maintain inner peace all the time, Tansy thought.
Meanwhile, Rose was running around after Amy, who wanted to explore the apartment. Her sister looked awful, actually. Her dark green pants were baggy around her hips and she had fastened a belt tightly around her waist to keep them from slipping down. Her long hair was flat and lank and there were dark circles under her eyes. What had happened to her? She chimed in from time to time as the child’s wandering allowed.
‘People do what they think is best at any given time,’ she said quietly, fishing a small notebook and a sheet of fairy stickers out of her handbag to encourage Amy to sit still and entertain herself. ‘I’m sure no one set out to hurt anyone.’
‘Thank you,’ Tansy said, sending her a grateful look. Rose smiled at her, but her face didn’t light up. Tansy was just about to ask her if she was okay when Enid gasped theatrically.
‘You were going to spring Maria on us at your birthday party, weren’t you?’
Tansy hesitated a second, but the time for lying or delaying the truth had well and truly passed. ‘Yes.’
‘Unbelievable.’ Enid shook her head. ‘Disgraceful behaviour.’ Her diatribe was cut short by Finlay’s hand on her arm. He was trying to stay on the fence between his wife and daughter as much as possible.
They were all annoying Tansy now. She tried to explain. ‘You see, the reason I wanted to have a party was because Dougal had the transfer to Canada, and we were going to—’
She was halted again by cries of outrage from Florrie, who was further offended that she had no idea that Dougal had left the country.
‘Oh, I thought I told you,’ Enid said vaguely, frowning.
‘How many more secrets are you keeping?’ Florrie asked Tansy. Then, glaring at Jordan, ‘Did you know about this too?’
Jordan squirmed on the stool at the breakfast bar. ‘Yes.’
‘Jordan,’ Florrie said, as calmly as she could manage, ‘is there anything else you’d like me to know? Anything else you haven’
t seen fit to tell me?’
Jordan’s jaw unhinged as he glanced around the room, and he grunted a few noises as though trying to hold back words.
Florrie arched a beautiful, menacing white eyebrow. ‘Well?’
He half covered his mouth as he said, ‘Katarina’s pregnant. She’s four months along. We hadn’t told anyone yet because—’
‘Oh, for fuck’s sake.’ Florrie threw up her hands dramatically, all pretence of yogi mindfulness gone. ‘Anyone else? Come on, we’re all here, let’s get it out in the open.’
‘Mum!’ Jordan said, trying to get Florrie’s attention, cranky she’d cut him off with his baby news.
‘I’ve filled out the forms to defer from uni,’ Leo said.
‘Leo!’ Tansy slapped the cushion beside her. ‘Why would you do that? Have you told Dougal?’
‘No. I don’t need his permission,’ Leo said mildly.
Tansy groaned. ‘Perfect.’
‘I don’t want to be Catholic anymore,’ Finlay confessed, scratching under his chin.
‘Shh!’ said Enid. ‘We haven’t decided on that yet.’
‘Well, it’s not for you to decide. It’s my choice,’ Finlay bit back. ‘And the parish leaders council was actually very supportive.’
‘You went to the council, aired all our dirty laundry, and you did it while I was away?’
Tansy rolled her eyes.
‘Well, I could hardly go and ask their advice while you were there, could I?’ Finlay argued.
‘But isn’t this why you’re here? For us to sort it out?’ Enid said, looking stricken now, her hand at her chest. Tansy almost felt sorry for her mother, despite the slap. Enid’s world was falling apart.
Little Amy tugged on Rose’s arm. ‘Mummy, I’ve done a poopie in my pants,’ she said.
Rose let her head drop backwards. ‘Not again,’ she said wearily. And four children down, Tansy reflected, Rose would be entitled to feel tired.
‘That’s a coincidence,’ Alastair smiled. ‘I have too.’
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