“I was insanely attracted to the man when we first met,” I admitted. I hoped it didn’t cause problems between us, but we wouldn’t have a future together if we couldn’t be honest with each other.
“But you’re not now?” he asked, sounding unsure. “What changed?”
“I couldn’t stand his personality once I got to know him. He’s a guy who thought it was okay if I fucked around behind Phee’s back, and now yours. His looks are not enough to make up for his lack of character. I would’ve hated myself if I slept with him.”
“Linc, I sometimes worry that you’re rushing into a relationship with me because it’s convenient.”
I closed my eyes and inhaled slowly. The last thing I should do was overreact and make things worse. “Being thousands of miles away from you isn’t convenient, Rush. Not being able to hold you when you fall asleep isn’t convenient. Not being able to make love to you whenever I want isn’t convenient. Not being able to feel your laughter vibrating against my chest and taste your smile isn’t convenient. Nothing about our relationship is convenient, baby, but I wouldn’t trade it. You’re where my heart belongs. You’re my home, Rush.”
“How do you know that? You’ve only had sex with two people your entire life. I’m the only guy you’ve known intimately. Maybe you need to date…”
“Is this too much for you, Rush? Have you met someone else?”
“What? No! I just don’t want you to regret giving up your life there to be with me. I…”
“You what?”
“I don’t want to be the safe bet, Linc. I don’t want you to destroy my heart again when you find out that what we have isn’t real. I don’t want you to settle.”
“Baby, settling is what I’ve been doing until you came back into my life. How could you believe differently?”
“Linc, do you remember how you talked about the example our parents set for us?”
“Sure.”
“What if our family dynamics have impacted us more than we realized. You stayed in an unhappy marriage for two decades and I stayed in an unhappy relationship for ten years. We made the best of our circumstances, but we still settled for what we had instead of finding what we wanted. It would kill me if I woke up one day and realized that you were only with me because you were afraid to hurt me, or you thought it was the best you could do. I want all your passion, your heart, and everything, or I can’t do this. I don’t think you can truly know that I’m what you want if you don’t date other men.”
Jesus, I thought that I was going to puke. Was he breaking up with me? “I love you so fucking much, Rush, but that is complete and utter bullshit and you know it. This is the distance and loneliness talking,” I said desperately. “We haven’t breathed the same air in three weeks.”
Rush let out a long, shaky sigh. “Maybe.”
“I’m rearranging my schedule and getting on the first flight to O’Hare.”
“You don’t need to do that, Linc.”
“I want you to look me in the eye and tell me you think I’m settling. I want you to feel the way my body responds to yours and tell me it’s nothing more than nostalgia. I don’t need to fuck my way through San Diego to know where I belong. I think you’re the one who needs a reminder.” I swallowed hard and said, “I’ll call you once I know my flight schedule. And, Rush?”
“Yes?”
“Make sure that Nigel isn’t lingering after hours to chat. We don’t need an audience.”
Less than twenty-four hours later, I held my naked, sated lover in my arms and listened to him practically purr in pleasure.
“Okay, maybe it was the loneliness talking, but I think it was mostly my insecurities taking over,” Rush admitted. He raised up and propped his chin on my chest. “I’m sorry that I overreacted to that guy hitting on you. It must happen a lot.”
“It really doesn’t.”
“Most likely you don’t notice like back in school. You were oblivious to the girls’ attempts to date you.”
“That’s because I was too busy trying to impress you.”
“You only needed to breathe, babe.”
I didn’t get to stay in Chicago beyond a few days, because I needed to get back to close a deal. Phee could’ve covered, but I wanted to see it through to the end. In fact, I decided it would be my last California deal, because I needed to focus on establishing residency in Illinois so that I could obtain a broker license there also.
I immediately started going through my belongings to see what I wanted to keep, what I wanted to donate, and what I wanted to toss. I’d done a little of that when Phee and I separated, but I held onto things I would never use again. It was one thing to move them a short distance, but thousands of miles was a different story.
In November, I boarded a plane for Chicago for good. We would spend our first holidays together without having to stress about traveling and rearranging schedules. No more late-night Skype sessions, no more missing Rush like crazy, and no more fucking lonely nights. I would go to bed sleeping beside the man I loved and wake up beside him the next day. There wouldn’t be any more guilt over last-minute canceled trips because of business, and by God, I could give my right hand a rest.
I hired a company to transport most of my stuff, including my car, and only packed what I immediately needed in my suitcase. I wanted to surprise Rush and only told Nigel my arrival time. They were going to be gone on location for the better part of the day, giving me plenty of time to hire a car to take me to his place and fix a surprise supper.
There was an amazing market in walking distance from Rush’s brownstone, and I bought ingredients to make lobster bisque soup for our first course, along with filet mignon, roasted potatoes, and sautéed snow peas for our main course. I bought a cheesecake from the bakery inside the market for dessert because I couldn’t bake worth a damn. My mother said it was psychological because following a recipe required the same skillset for savory foods that it did for baked goods.
When Rush arrived, he was so happy to see me standing in his kitchen and even happier that we weren’t eating chicken patties again. “You didn’t have to go to so much trouble,” he said, looking at the table I set.
“Wait, those aren’t my dishes. Isn’t that your grandmother’s china and silverware?”
“Yep.”
“How and when did they get here?”
“I had a little help setting up your surprise. I had them shipped here a few days ago, and Nigel stashed them for me,” I told Rush. “It’s okay that I’m here, right?”
Rush’s fevered kiss was my answer. “God, I love that you’re here and some of your things are too. I have to admit, when I thought of you keeping things at my house, I thought it would be more along the line of clothes or lube.”
“I brought those things too.”
“Wait, are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
“I promised you that I would do whatever it takes to make this work and moving to Illinois was a critical step. I can’t begin the broker licensing process until I become a resident, so…”
“You’re moving in with me.” It was a statement, not a question.
“I don’t have to move in with you, babe. I just need to find a place to live and get the appropriate documentation to show that I live in Chicago. If you’re not ready…”
Once again Rush’s mouth silenced me. “Of course, I want you here with me,” he whispered against my lips. “I’d hoped it would happen soon, but I was afraid to get my hopes up too high.”
My heart tightened painfully in my chest. “Because I’ve let you down before?”
“No, because in spite of our best intentions, life doesn’t always work the way we want it to. I was prepared to wait as long as I needed, but I’m so damn glad you’re here now.”
“Here is where I’ll remain, if you’ll have me.”
“How long before dinner?”
“The bisque is ready and simmering. I haven’t started the steaks yet because I wasn’t sure when
you would be home. Nigel said around five thirty.”
“Nigel helped set this up, huh?” Rush shook his head. “He can’t keep a damn secret to save his life.”
“He can when it’s a surprise for someone he cares about, Rush. He was thrilled to help me.”
“If the soup will keep, do you mind delaying dinner for just a bit so that I can give you a proper welcome home?”
I turned off the stove and set the covered pot on the back burner to keep Brutus out of it. Lobster was too expensive to be a dog treat, and I knew my man and I would be hungry. When we reached Rush’s bedroom, we took our time undressing and kissing one another’s bodies. Touching Rush felt different, more poignant, knowing that we weren’t going to have to say goodbye in a few days. He tasted richer, like the finest chocolate or an expensive vintage wine. He held me tighter when I slid inside his body like he was afraid it was too good to be true.
“I’m finally fulfilling my promise to you,” I said against his lips when I rocked in and out of his body. “You and me forever.” I’d said those words to him once when we were teenagers, after I made love to him for the first time. I just never guessed it would take me so long to deliver on that promise.
Rush’s eyes widened at the memory, and then he came apart beneath me. “You and me forever, Linc.”
I woke up to find myself alone in bed, and for a split second, I panicked thinking that I had dreamt that Lincoln had fallen asleep beside me. The disorienting fog from a hard sleep lifted enough for me to sense his nearness, or perhaps it was the low rumble of his voice as he talked to Brutus that made me smile and sit up in bed.
“Isn’t it the prettiest thing, Brutus?” Lincoln asked my—his—dog. Brutus had made his choice of master pretty clear when he started following Linc everywhere he went. At first, I said it was because Linc was home more, but I realized that Brutus was meant to belong to him as much as I was. Apparently, it wasn’t enough that he stole my niece’s affection, he had to steal my dog too. “It’s so quiet and pure as it blankets the earth.”
“Until it turns gray from pollutants,” I said wryly. I’d lived in Chicago for a long time but had never adapted to the winters. I wanted to hunker down until spring, but Brutus and Linc loved playing in the cold and snow. “Did you say you still haven’t sold your condo in San Diego?”
Linc looked over his shoulder at me and the moonlight coming in through the window highlighted the wry smile stretched across his face. “Oh, so now you’re not mad that I still have it?”
It was our only argument during the few weeks we’d lived together. I saw it as Linc’s safety net in case things didn’t work out between us. After he got past his shock over my lack of faith in us, he explained it was for business purposes only. I felt like a complete ass when he started explaining the laws regarding broker and managing broker licenses. He and Phee needed their attorney to advise them on how Linc permanently moving to Illinois would impact their corporation. I felt like a complete idiot when he offered to resign and sell his condo. Of course, I didn’t want him to resign from the company he built with Phee. There was no amount of makeup sex that made me feel better about my pettiness, but his joking eased the tension that had crept into my shoulders at the memory of my foolishness.
I threw back the covers and padded over to the window. Wrapping his arms around me, Linc pulled me back against his chest and kissed the sensitive skin behind my ear while I watched the snow fall. Maybe it was a little pretty.
“Phee did say she wanted us to come for a visit during the holiday season. We missed Thanksgiving, so that leaves Christmas or New Year’s Eve,” I said. “I have the rest of the year off…”
Linc’s hands began to move all over my bare chest as he pressed his growing erection against my ass. As far as distraction techniques went, it worked fucking well. Brutus, the smartest dog on the planet, returned to his bed on the floor beside ours. He probably sensed what was about to happen and was just happy we stopped locking him out of the bedroom. That would all change if I felt his cold nose pressed against my bare ass ever again.
“Put your hands against the windowpane,” Linc whispered hoarsely against my ear. “I want to make love to you in the moonlight with the snow falling all around us like we’re inside some magical snow globe.”
I groaned and pushed my ass against him because his words and touch revved me up, fueled my soul, and created as vivid a picture in my mind as I would see looking through my camera. “What about the neighbors?” I asked, clinging to what was left of my lucidity. “I’m not an exhibitionist.”
A possessive growl rumbled low and slow out of him. “I’d never let anyone watch us,” Linc said softly. “I’ve been standing here for at least twenty minutes, and there’s no movement or lights coming on in the brownstones across the street. The curtains are still drawn and haven’t moved. It’s two in the morning, they’re all smart enough to be asleep.”
“You sound like you’ve been thinking about this for a while,” I told Linc. “Have you been standing here thinking dirty thoughts about me?”
“I want to do the filthiest things to your body while the light of the moon blesses us.”
“That sounds almost spiritual.”
“I’m not a religious man, but I have faith,” Linc told me, his fingers dipping into the waistband of my underwear just enough to tease me. “Someone brought you into my life twice, Rush. I don’t believe that’s a coincidence; it’s fate. Your pure heart is my religion and your body is my temple where I kneel and worship. No one will ever convince me that my love for you is wrong, or rob me of the delight from joining our bodies together.” He finally slid his hand down to grip my aching cock while he covered my heart with his other. “Heaven on earth is right here in my arms.” I melted against him, grinding my ass against his erection. “You make me a believer, Rush. I love you so damn much.”
“I love you too, Linc. I love you more than I ever could as a naïve kid.” I turned my head seeking his mouth. His lips touched mine, and like always, the only thing that existed for me was this man. Linc sipped from my lips, teasing them open before he claimed my mouth like only he could. Our tongues twisted and slid against each other until we both shook with need.
“You won’t disappear if I retrieve the lube, will you?”
“Hurry back,” I answered, shucking off my underwear and tossing them aside.
“It would be so much sweeter if you didn’t sleep in underwear,” Linc said when he returned, “but then again, unwrapping your sweet ass is like a never-ending gift.” He nodded to the window and returned my hands to the cold glass.
“Sweet Jesus,” I groaned when Linc slid an oiled finger inside me just enough to tease and torment, but not deep enough to nail the spot that drove me wild. “More, dammit.”
“So needy and greedy,” he teased, but he slid a second finger inside me.
“Yes!” I pushed my ass back, fucking myself on his fingers. I didn’t want him to take his time opening me up. I wanted to impale myself on his cock and get as close to him as I could. If I could crawl inside his body and live in his heart, I would do it. I’d sacrifice every golden sunrise and pale-pink sunset if I could fuse myself to his soul. I could live out the rest of my days nestled in his warmth while the music of his heartbeat played like my own personal symphony. Since I couldn’t, sex was as close as I could physically get to Lincoln.
Outside, it was cold and blustery as the winter storm intensified and raged on, but our bedroom was hot and sultry. My hands were cold from pressing against the chilled glass, but my body burned from his possession when Linc entered me. The contrasting physical sensations and the emotional stimulation swept me up in a powerful cyclone, spinning and twisting until the pleasure neared pain.
“Too much,” I gasped as Linc began to fuck me in earnest, “but not enough.” All signs of teasing tenderness faded from Linc as his hips snapped forward and backward, his pelvis slamming into my ass. I did that to him. Me! I turned Lincoln into a ru
tting, savage beast, and I loved every damn minute of it, craved it even. For in those moments, he made me feel powerful and alive, whole and blessed, both filthy and pure. He made me a believer too. “Gonna come, baby.”
“Come hard for me, Rush. Don’t hold back.” The last was said through gritted teeth as he tried to stave off his own orgasm.
And I did. Loud and very messy as my hot cum splattered against the fogged-up windows. Linc tightened his fingers in a bruising grip on my hips as he came too. Fuck, I loved the throaty growls and grunts he made when he filled my ass. One of the first things we did when he moved in with me was get tested so we could lose the condoms. It was a freedom that I had only ever shared with him.
“That was definitely a communion,” I said, resting against Linc while he kissed my sweaty neck and caressed my chest.
“You left one hell of an offering,” he said, gesturing to the cum on the glass.
“We should probably stop before we get struck by lightning,” I teased.
“Probably,” Linc said, easing his softening penis out of me. “Besides, we have a lot of shopping to do tomorrow.”
I groaned.
“Stop that,” he said, slapping my ass hard enough to make the cheek bounce. “Mmmm, I like the way that looked.” I liked the way it felt, but if I told him so, we wouldn’t be getting much sleep. “We need to split up for a little bit of private shopping because I need to find you the perfect gift.”
“I don’t need things, baby. Just give me love.”
Linc looked at me incredulously as we cleaned up in the bathroom. “I want to give you something tangible you can hold onto for the rest of your life.”
I lightly squeezed his cock. “I’ve already got that.”
“You can’t carry that around with you,” Linc teased. “I love you, but I’m not handing my dick over so you can carry it around in your pocket.” His eyes lit up and he snapped his fingers. “That’s it.”
“What?”
“It won’t be a surprise if I tell you,” Linc teased. “I love surprising you.”
“Will I end up with another broken bone?”
Second Wind Page 19
