by Jane Anthony
“I’m on the pill.” That information would probably have been a little more useful to him before I slid onto his bare cock. Better late than never, I guess.
“It doesn’t matter. I like how you look wearing my cum.” Chucking the soiled cloth on the carpet, he climbs back into bed and pulls me against his chest. His fingertips trace the lines of my body. I sigh, burying my face in the crook of his neck, my favorite part of him.
His chest rises and falls with each deep, contented breath he takes. “I can’t remember the last time I felt this comfortable with a woman.”
“Really?” It’s difficult to imagine Kade being uncomfortable around anyone, much less a member of the opposite sex.
“Women are usually more interested in what I can give them than who I am. They get off on the rock star fantasy. Thing is, getting them off is the easy part. It’s this that I have trouble with.” He glides his hand down my arm, slipping it under mine and threads our fingers together.
“What’s that?”
“The intimacy.”
The vulnerability in his voice stirs something inside me. His unwavering confidence was what drew me to him in the first place, but as he slowly allows me inside, I’m seeing his brazen behavior is nothing more than an act. Underneath the brawn and temperament is a lonely man looking for someone to love him.
“You seem to do it effortlessly.”
Raising our joined hands, he skims his nose and cheek along my knuckles. “Because being with you is effortless,” he whispers against my skin.
The emotion comes on so strong I feel dizzy. I’ve kept my heart locked up tightly in a box, but little by little, Kade peels the tape off and the lid cracks open. Somehow, I need to find a way to slap the lid back on before it’s too late.
“Can I ask you what happened with your ex-husband?”
Talking about Bob while resting this comfortably in Kade’s bed seems wrong. It’s like putting sardines on ice cream. Even after you’ve picked the nasty fish out, the foul taste lingers. It’s too late; your dessert is ruined.
“It’s a touchy subject, I get it. I just can’t seem to wrap my brain around what kind of man would let a woman like you go.”
“A woman like me?”
“Yeah.” His fingertips continue to roll up and down my back, causing chills to break out along my skin. “Beautiful, sexy, confident, strong . . .”
I rest my fingers over his lips. “I’m none of those things, Kade. I’m timid and scared of my own shadow.”
A breathy chuckle blows against my fingertips. He takes my hand in his, lowering it to finish his statement. “You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
I lower my gaze. This outpouring of compliments and affection isn’t something I’m used to. Growing up, my family was stoic and cold, and my husband followed suit. To be revered in such a manner is alien to me. “But I’m not. I found my husband in bed with our twenty-four-year-old nanny, and I did nothing.”
I’ll never forget that day as long as I live. It had been a busy afternoon. I had cleaning to do and a PTA meeting to attend, plus I refused to miss another Zumba class at the gym. In addition to that, I had to get to the bank, the dry cleaner, and buy all the supplies for the school fundraiser.
Getting all of that done left me with so little time. I rushed home to make a quick dinner then had to run back out to the school with Shay for the poster committee. Somehow, between all of that running around, I’d lost the glitter. I knew I’d bought it; it must have fallen out of the bag when I brought it inside.
The garage door was unlocked. I entered the house, assuming it would be on the kitchen counter where I’d left the bags that afternoon, but rifling through all the crap on the counter, I cursed myself when I came up empty-handed. The whole thing seems so trivial now. I was upset. Over lost glitter.
I racked my brain trying to think about where it could have fallen, when I remembered Shay had some in her room. A noise wafted from my bedroom as I ran upstairs to get it, but oddly, the door was closed. A sinking feeling fell into my stomach. I told myself Bob was in there working out. The wind must have closed the door. Any lie that was believable enough to keep me from turning that knob and walking inside.
A soft female moan drifted through the door and punched me in the chest. My heart hammered, and my palms grew damp. I swallowed hard and opened the door to my nightmare.
The first thing I saw was sleek strawberry hair and a slender back sitting up in my bed. Her gyrating hips drew my eyes to the mattress and the person below her. The rapid beating of my heart drowned out any other sound. My feet moved with their own agenda because my brain had gone into overdrive and stopped working.
Flashes of recognition burned into my mind: A manicured hand on her back. A gold wedding ring. A wrist watch I remembered buying. All these things bled together into a blinding whirlwind of emotions I couldn’t even begin to communicate.
My mouth opened, and they both jumped, their looks of horror and regret replacing the looks of agonizing pleasure from minutes before. I have no idea what I said. I was floating above my body looking down at the scene, paralyzed by betrayal.
Tears filled Cami’s eyes, and Bob took her hand, comforting her. He was comforting her. She was getting her fucking tears on my three-hundred dollar sheets.
“I didn’t expect you home.”
A thousand different words and phrases Bob could have come up with, and that was what he chose.
He didn’t expect me home? Thank you, Captain Obvious.
My mouth was agape with no sound coming out. I just stood there like an idiot. A million thoughts rushed through my mind too fast to choose. The questions eventually slowed down like the spinning wheel at the end of the Price is Right, and I was finally able to squeak out a single phrase. “Tell me this is the first time, Bob.” He lowered his eyes in shame, unable to answer the question, while Cami just sat there blubbering like the child she is.
“I should have told them to get out. I should have screamed and yelled and threw things like those women you see on those horrible daytime talk shows where they fight over the loser they’re both screwing. But I’m a coward. I walked out of my own bedroom, closed the door behind me, grabbed the glitter, and drove back to the school.” I shiver, and Kade gives me a squeeze as if inadvertently bracing me for the contact of the memory.
“I found out later it had been going on for a couple of years, right under my nose. I was so busy with Shay and taking care of everything that I never even noticed. A piece of me died right there at the foot of that bed. He told me the next day that he was glad I’d found out. He was in love with her and wanted a divorce.”
Kade doesn’t speak after that. He doesn’t tell me Bob’s a jerk, or that I can do better. He just sits there in heavy silence, holding me, and proving once again he knows exactly what I need.
CHAPTER 12
“YOU LOOK EXHAUSTED.”
“Thanks, friend.” I take the venti iced latte from Jenny’s hand, regretting having stayed up all night. I feel like death, and I look even worse. The minute we get back on the bus, I’m taking a nap.
“This shouldn’t take much longer. We just need some promo shots for social media and the band’s website.”
“Sure,” I grumble, falling into a chair and pressing the coffee to my warm cheek, letting its coolness revive me. We’ve already been here an hour, and I’m fading fast.
The constant tour coverage is the worst part. It’s funny how natural their photos look online compared to how forced they are in real life. It’s all smoke and mirrors. An illusion set up to appear as if they are having the time of their lives when, really, they’re just going about the motions because the label is making them. It’s work.
“Okay, guys. Just be cool and do what you’d normally do. Pretend you’re just hanging out,” the photographer, a girl who calls herself Joy, instructs, raising her camera to her eye again. Her hair is the same brilliant shade of gold as Shay’s, and the freckles do
tting her heart-shaped face make my chest hurt. The resemblance is uncanny. I can’t take my eyes off her.
JJ grabs his privates and sticks his tongue out with a sneer. Vic shoots him a stern look. Joy is completely unfazed by the whole thing. In fact, she snaps about twelve pictures of it, also making sure she gets photographic evidence of Konner slapping him right in the bull’s-eye tattooed on his head. Banger leans up against a tree smoking a cigarette, and Kade just stands there looking miserable.
“All right guys, take five.”
Joy drops her camera, letting it dangle around her neck. The sun glints off the ring in her eyebrow as she approaches JJ and Konner, who are now brawling on the grass. When she smiles, the tiny space between her two front teeth is enough to send me over the edge. Shay and I have been playing phone tag. I miss her voice, and I long for her adorable face and gap-toothed grin. Every second I’m away from her is torture, in spite of how much fun I’m having here.
A shadow passes across my closed eyes like an eclipse blocking the sun. I look up, and Kade’s towering over me with a grin. “Having fun?”
“You know it.” I yawn.
Kade’s lucky the unkempt look works for him. His raven hair sticks off his head in every direction in shining black spikes. Stubble covers his normally clean-shaven jaw, and his shirt isn’t even buttoned all the way. He looks like he literally rolled out of bed and came here. Which he did.
“I do have one question, though,” I say, rising to my feet. “How is it that I look like hell, but you look even sexier when you haven’t slept?”
Kade slides his hands behind my back, threading his fingers and pulling me against him. “I’d like to say it’s a gift from God, but that would be giving the man upstairs too much credit. This is all natural, baby.” I stand on tiptoes, meeting him halfway as he drops a kiss to my nose.
“Super cute guys, let’s see some more.” Joy stands off to the side, camera in hand, capturing our private moment on film.
“Ainsley isn’t part of this shoot,” Kade drawls, turning toward the photographer. “You don’t have her permission to use her image.”
“Actually, we do, Kade,” Vic adds. “She’s part of the tour. She signed a waiver before stepping foot on the bus giving us rights to use her image any way we see fit.”
“Who authorized that?” Kade’s loud voice is carried on the breeze. All eyes turn to us as he sidesteps in front of me, blocking Joy from being able to take my picture again.
“The same people who set up this tour, and the ones who pay your salary,” replies Vic. “RatBird Records. They love the bad boy gone soft angle.”
Still standing behind him, I see Kade’s arms cross over his chest. The other members of the band have congregated around to see what’s going on. “I ain’t fuckin’ soft, Vic. And my private life will remain private.”
I can’t see his face, but his voice is low and laced with warning. He still insists on keeping me a secret. Possibly for my benefit but, more likely, for his own. Kade wears his rock star persona proudly on his sleeve but buries what’s inside under a mountain of arrogance and attitude. He feels something for me, I’m sure of it, but whatever it is, he doesn’t want to advertise.
“Give me the camera.” He gingerly holds out his hand, but no one moves. “Joy, is it?”
“Yeah.” Joy grips the camera to her chest, protecting it as if it were a young child.
“Kade.” I step to the side, making my presence known, but he doesn’t acknowledge me.
He stares the photographer down, his upturned palm waiting for her to hand over the camera. “I’m not going to hurt it. I just want that picture gone.”
“Kade,” I say again. The tension in the park is thick and intense. He’s not going to lay a hand on that girl, that much I know for certain, but I have no idea what will happen if he doesn’t get his way.
“Stay out of this, Ainsley.”
“Excuse me?” I step between him and Joy. He’s blowing this entire thing out of proportion. It’s a silly photograph. “First of all, don’t ever tell me what to do. Second, leave the poor girl alone.” I turn toward Joy, who’s still clutching the camera against her body. “It’s hot, I’m tired, and I just wanna get the hell out of here. So please, for the love of God, delete the photo, and let’s get on with our lives, k?”
Joy’s eyes glitter in the sunlight, and I notice she has one brown eye and one blue one. It’s interesting and strange, much like this entire situation. Her eyes drop to the camera, and her thumbs roam over a series of buttons before looking back up again. “Done.”
“Thank you.” Without looking back, I walk away from the whole debacle, sandals clacking on the pavement below me. Kade likes his privacy—believe me, I get it—but that doesn’t give him an excuse to act this way.
He stops me next to the van, his hand closing around my arm with a tender grip. “We need to talk.”
“What about?”
“I don’t want you tainted by my life.” Kade swallows hard. His eyes soften, losing the razor-sharp edge that leaves me bleeding with want every time he looks at me.
“You don’t owe me an explanation, Kade. I understand. This thing between us . . . no strings, no rules. Right?”
“No, you don’t understand. Ever since I saw you in that banquet room, I’ve wanted you. It’s more than physical. You’ve gotten to me.” He points at his chest as he talks, still warming my arm with his gentle grasp. “I don’t want to announce to the world that you’re mine, because no matter how much I delude myself into thinking it, and how much I want it, you aren’t. You leaving hangs over my head like a guillotine. I can’t stop it from coming down, no matter how hard I struggle.”
An unfair ache blossoms in my chest. This fantasy seems so real at times, I forget that it’s not. Kade’s become such a part of me over the last few weeks. The thought of never again hearing the way my name falls from his lips, feeling his kiss on my body, or seeing the way his eyes burn with desire every time he looks at me, hits so hard it borders on the side of pain.
“Let’s not think about it, Kade. Let’s live for the day and love for the moment.”
His lips touch mine in a tender caress, so painstakingly sweet, I can’t breathe. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. He was supposed to fuck me raw and throw me away. That was the deal. Now, I’m drowning in his embrace and acting like someone else completely. He’s changed me, and deep down, I know I’ve changed him, too.
***
Curled up like a kitten in the corner of the couch with my Kindle on my lap, I’m enthralled in the forbidden love affair of the couple gracing the electronic pages. During the day, everyone hangs out in the lounge room, but I managed to secure my own private spot in the corner of the bus, where a tiny loveseat sits off the side of the kitchenette. Sometimes, it’s so loud in there I can barely think.
“What are you doing in here?”
Startled at the sound of Kade’s voice, my eyes snap up from the device. I’d immersed myself in the story, blocking out all the other noises around me. I never even heard him coming.
“Nothing. Which is what I have planned for the whole night.”
The break in the show schedule left the guys scrambling for something fun to do. I don’t even know what city we’re in, but I can’t think of a thing I want to do more than just sit on this couch and read. Believe it or not, there is such a thing as too much fun, and I think I’ve reached my limit. I’ve ingested so much booze and cheap takeout over the last couple of weeks, I’m starting to wish I’d packed my fat pants.
Kade sits on the loveseat next to me. I untangle my legs, stretching them out onto his waiting lap. “This is what you plan to do tonight?” He trails his finger down the tip of each of my toes as if it’s tumbling down the steps. The tiny bit of intimacy makes all the hair on the back of my neck rise to attention.
“Unless you have any other more exciting offers, yes.”
His thumbs press into the arch of my foot then he rolls each to
e, working his hands down naturally before trading in one foot for the other. I respond with an appreciative sigh. Is there anything he’s not good at? “Let me take you out.”
My gaze slides from the black and white screen to Kade’s waiting blue eyes. Ever since we had that fight, he’s been a little less arrogant and a little more affectionate. He’s still a cocky asshole—it is his defining characteristic, after all—but little things here and there make me question his sanity. Case in point: his hands mauling my feet at this very moment.
“Why, Mr. Black, are you attempting to make an honest woman of me?” I grin at the ridiculous notion of being wooed by the guy I’ve already been having dirty sex with. He really doesn’t need to put forth the extra effort. I’m quite fine to read here alone while the rest of them go out looking for trouble.
He flashes his panty-dropping grin, and my pulse kicks up a notch. “I don’t wanna marry ya, sweets; I just wanna buy you dinner before I fuck you for a change.”
I feign outrage, but I’ve grown so used to his crassness at this point that it falls on deaf ears. There was a time when I would have found this kind of profanity highly offensive, but now I’m not only used to it, I find it charming. Like the boy on the playground who’s mean to you for the sole purpose of getting your attention, Kade’s a big child who’s always looking for ways to horrify me. Besides, he’s not that far off. I’m pretty much a sure thing. “How can I say no when you make it sound so romantic?”
“What can I say? Romance is my specialty. Be ready at seven.”
***
“So what are the plans for the night?” Jenny kicked the guys out of the lounge room so she can help me get ready. I don’t really need her help, but playing dress-up with me is something she thoroughly enjoys.
“I’m not sure. You know Kade; he doesn’t give more information than necessary.”
Jenny circles her finger, and I twirl for her on demand. “You look hot. He’s going to love that dress.”
