by Jane Anthony
The house is dark and silent. I welcome it, happy to be home. When I walk upstairs to my bedroom—the bedroom I shared with Bob for nine years—I don’t cringe when I walk through the door. It’s no longer the scene of the crime. It’s my refuge.
I send a quick text message to Shay letting her know I’m home, drop my bags, and climb into my own bed. There’s no warm body, no spicy scent, no sweet embrace. It’s just me and the new life that’s waiting to start.
CHAPTER 14
STARTLED AWAKE BY a loud banging downstairs, I sit up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
Who the hell knows I’m even home?
The glass panel in front of the door makes a distorted picture of the person standing on my porch as I creep down the steps. The pounding starts again, and I hear his voice.
“Ainsley, open this door!”
Kade came after me.
I peer in the mirror at the bottom of my stairs and gasp at the hot mess staring back at me. The side of my face is creased from sleeping, and my hair is flat on one side. I try my best to smooth my crumpled tendrils when he knocks again. “A, please open the door.”
His muffled voice sounds less severe this time. The touch of desperation in it constricts my chest, making it hard to breathe. Through the thick glass, I can see his forehead resting against the door. I was stupid to think this was going to be easy. I should have known better.
The midday sun cascades through the open doorway, highlighting the broken man in black on my doorstep. His eyes rage in bold swirls of cerulean and sapphire as they rake over me standing in the foyer in my rumpled blue sundress covered with nautical anchors.
Why do they have to be so impossibly blue?
Why does he have to look at me with that intense gaze that slices me open, leaving oozing gashes on my already tender heart?
“Did I forget something?” My voice trembles, but my stance remains strong, although my knees are ready to give out at any moment.
“Yes. You did. This.” He rushes through my front door and crushes his lips against mine. A low growl radiates from his chest. His hands circle around my waist as he presses us against the wall in the entryway.
The heat between my legs threatens to incinerate me to ash. His lips, his smell, even the taste of his tongue are as intoxicating as whiskey. I’m dizzy. His hand slides up my thigh, disappearing under my skirt and tracing the line of my hip. The fiery touch of his fingertips burns my skin, creating a dull ache that’s insurmountable.
My traitorous hands find their way around his neck, pulling him in closer, pressing the hard lines of his body against mine. His hands, both of them now, cup my ass, digging into my cheeks and pressing me into him even closer. “Get in the car.”
His usually smooth voice is rough and gravelly. His husky demand clears the fog from my brain. My hands find Kade’s chest and push, causing him to stagger back, surprised. “I already told you I can’t go with you. You need to leave.”
“I’m not going anywhere without you.” His chest heaves and the swirling colors of his eyes roll like a kaleidoscope. “We’re not done.”
My heart somersaults in my chest; the way he growls that we’re not done both thrills and terrifies me at the same time. I take a deep breath, trying to control the lecherous hormones that rage through me every time he comes too close. Just like he is now. “You need to get back to the concert and let me get on with my life.”
“Fuck the concert.” He pushes on the door, and it swings closed with a bang. “Why did you run out this morning? Do you have any idea what it was like waking up and finding you gone?”
The pain reflected in his eyes twists the knife deeper in my gut. He gave me all of him, and I took it and ran like a thief in the night, instead of dealing with it like an adult. I’m a coward, and he deserves better.
I lower my face to the floor, ashamed and embarrassed over my hasty actions this morning. Heat creeps up my neck and face like a rolling cloud of lethal fumes. I ball my hands into fists, digging my nails into my palms to force back the tears building beneath my eyelids. This is the exact reason I ran. I don’t want us to end this way. How can I look at his face and break his heart?
He lifts my chin with his fingers, but I continue to look away, refusing to catch his liquid blue gaze. I can feel his eyes burning through me, searing my soul. “I can’t go with you. This has to end, and you need to go,” I repeat. This time, it’s weary and weak. My sense of empowerment is hanging on by a thread, my resolve crumbling to dust.
A single tear escapes my lashes, taking with it a flood of others. His thumb pads across my cheek, swiping it away but more follow. My heart feels like it’s shattered into shards, leaving my insides hollow. Every second he stays is another tear in the fabric of my being. Soon, I’ll be completely unwound, an untethered pile of my former self laid out on the hardwood floor.
His lips caress my wet face, kissing my tears, my chin, my jaw. Salty wetness burns my eyes as his mouth finds mine, tenderly kissing away my pain and breathing new life into me. We can’t continue. He knows it, and I know it. He’ll only break my heart. We are a bird and fish wanting to be together, but sharing no commonality with which to live. His chaotic life is in California, and my quiet one is, and always will be, here. With Shay.
“A woman like you should be cherished. Loved. Let me love you.”
He brushes my curls back and finds my neck again. I close my eyes, reveling in the feeling of his lips on my skin. As a couple, Kade and I would never work, but throughout the course of our whirlwind romance, there is one common denominator that will always hold us together.
This time, when he lifts me in his arms again, I don’t fight it. I wrap my legs around his waist, giving in to the want, knowing it will be the last time. One last hit before quitting him cold turkey.
Untied boots scuffle down the hall. I’m wrapped around him completely, clinging tight with my arms and legs like we’re attached at the torso. When my ass hits the granite, I know he’s found his destination.
I tear off his shirt and run my tongue across the thick lines of ink, taking delight in the taste of his skin. My hands spring to his belt next, but he grabs my wrists and jerks them above my head in his tight grasp. “Not yet.”
He inches up my dress, using his finger to push aside my underwear, and then slips it inside. My head falls, resting on my arm. “I need to hear you say you want me.” He touches me. Teases me. Nothing with him is ever easy. He works me up until every nerve in my body is humming with life and aching for more. Each time, he takes me further, seeing how far he can push me until I’m ready to break down, begging him to take me.
“I want you, Kade.”
He slips in a second finger, pushing them both in knuckle deep, and I gasp. “What do you want me to do?”
“Make me come.”
“Not good enough,” he growls, slapping my clit with his fingertips before diving back inside me again. “Tell me how.”
My backside slithers across the granite counter, moving against his hand between my legs, but the grip around my wrists tightens. “Look at me, Ainsley.” I do as I’m told. The blue flame in his eye serves as a warning. He’ll keep this up until I talk.
“With your mouth.”
“Then?” A mewling cat sound escapes my throat when he slides his fingers over my throbbing clit again.
“With your cock.”
“Good girl.”
He releases my wrists, then grasps my hips hard, yanking me to the edge of the counter as he drops onto the stool and buries his head between my legs like a starving dog to a bone. My panties aren’t even off yet. He presses his mouth against the damp cotton, his breath hot, his tongue wet. I lean on my hands, lifting my ass as he pulls them down my legs. The dress goes next, flying over my head, flung God knows where with little care.
Kade’s hands catch under my knees and bring them up, resting my feet on the edge of the island. I’m spread wide open. A buffet for his enjoyment. His fingers wrap around my thighs holding
them apart, as his tongue rakes across my opening from bottom to top. My head falls back as my entire body buzzes with a scorching sensation.
Already teased to the point of madness, I fall hard and fast, unraveling like yarn. A trembling ball of energy slithers across my tailbone, exploding in my gut and blossoming throughout my body. Kade’s touch affects me this way. He’s the only one who makes me feel mighty and powerless all at once. Like I’m floating and drowning, a death wish I never want to be saved from.
My body’s light but my legs feel heavy. My feet slide from their position on the counter, falling down, and hitting the cabinet below it with a thud. I sit up. His lips devour mine as the buckle of his belt grazes my flesh. Heavy breathing and the tinkling of metal are the only sounds as I pull open his belt and drop his pants to the floor.
“Where’s your bedroom?” he growls, stepping from his boots and the confines of denim shackling his feet.
“Upstairs.”
His arms tighten around my back, carrying me to the stairs as if he’s afraid to take his hands off me for a second, kicking the table in the foyer in the process. We drop like a sack of bricks. Kade takes a knee, my butt hits the hardwood, and the vase of fake flowers smashes to the ground as the table skids into the corner. “That was graceful.” I laugh.
I feel his smile against my mouth. “Are you okay?”
“I’ll live.”
Again, his grip around my body tightens as he lifts me off the floor, continuing his mad dash to my bedroom and falling into my bed. He pushes into me without hesitation, both of us groaning at once. So many feelings bubble to the surface; I’m having trouble containing them. He owned me from the moment I met him, and not because of the fame or his looks, but because of him. He’s my other half. The missing part of me that exists outside my body but makes me whole. No matter what the future holds, a piece of me will always belong to him.
CHAPTER 15
KADE LIES BEHIND me, holding me tight against his naked body and caressing my shoulder with his lips. “I wish you’d reconsider finishing the tour with me.”
“You know I can’t.” I turn and face him, placing my hand on his cheek. “Being with you has meant so much to me. You’re a good man, Kade. In another time, another life, maybe we could have been something. I’ll never forget you, but I can’t live a fantasy.”
Kade’s lips land on the corner of my mouth. “Will you at least come back to the festival with me?”
“We had an amazing afternoon. Let’s not spoil it.”
He rolls onto his back taking me with him. My fingertips graze the soft skin of his chest and the tattoos that cover his shoulder. “I’m in love with you, Ainsley. “
A fresh wave of tears pool in my eyes and my lids close to keep them at bay. Just when I thought my life was over, Kade burst into it kicking and screaming, mending my broken heart with his gentle hands. He fought for me up until the end, but I can’t keep him. Shay needs stability. A firm foundation. Kade’s life is not what I want for her, and going back to the festival with him would only further complicate things. “And that’s the exact reason I can’t go back with you.”
There’s nothing left to say. The rhythmic sound of his heart thumps in my ear, thrumming my name with every beat. I close my eyes, listening to the sound, melting into his warm skin, and breathing in his spicy fragrance for the last time. Kade Black loves me. I have no idea why, or how it happened, but he does. And I’m pretty sure I love him too.
The click of the door downstairs disturbs my moment of Zen. “Did you hear that?” I ask, sitting up.
“Hear what?”
“Ainsley!” A deep voice floats up the stairs, followed by loud, heavy footsteps.
“Oh crap, it’s Bob!” Considering the scene downstairs, I can only imagine the horrifying thoughts going through Bob’s head.
I jump from the bed and throw on yoga pants and a tank top, seconds before he bursts in the doorway in a frenzy. “Ainsley! Oh my god, are you all right?” His eyes, wild with worry at first, take in the scene and fill with contempt. It’s all too familiar. Except in the alternate version, I’m the one standing dumbstruck in the doorway, while Bob is the one with the guilty look on his face.
His lips curl into a sneer. “Oh. I see,” he chides.
“What are you doing here, Bob? You’re not supposed to be home until the end of the week. Where’s Shay? Is she okay?”
“Shay’s fine; she’s at the house with Cami. You and I need to talk. Maybe your little boyfriend can show himself out while we discuss a few things.”
“Hey man, watch it.”
Kade rises from my bed. More than half a foot taller than Bob, with fifty extra pounds of muscle, he’s intimidating even wrapped up in my floral bed sheet. From the corner of my eye, I see Bob wince. He’s thick and stocky, tough in his own right, but Kade’s a powerhouse.
“Kade, it’s okay. I can handle this,” I say, raising both palms, calming the beast I see beginning to take over Kade’s demeanor. “Give me a couple of minutes. I’ll meet you downstairs.”
His glare shifts past Bob and lands on me. Puffing out his chest, he stalks toward the door, knocking into Bob’s shoulder as he passes. “I’ll be right downstairs if you need me.” The testosterone in the room is so thick I can smell it. He stands aggressively over my ex-husband, addressing me, but making sure Bob knows he won’t be far away.
Turning toward Bob, I cross my arms over my chest, annoyed. “Okay. We’re alone. Talk.” He walks to the bed, sitting down and giving the seat next to him a suggestive pat. “I’ll stand, thank you.” Even if I wanted to sit, I wouldn’t. Bob is never going to tell me what to do ever again.
“Europe was a bust. As soon as I heard about what happened in West Virginia, I couldn’t concentrate on anything else. I followed every move Black Diamond made in the last few weeks. I saw every kiss, every article, and every tiny blurb that had your name connected with his.” I stand in the room waiting for the harsh words I’m sure are on their way, but Bob takes a breath and continues. “I never should have left you, Ainsley. I made a mistake, and I want to come home.”
The blood in my veins turns to ice. “You what?”
“I thought I loved Cami. I thought I’d made the right choice, but seeing you with him. You’re different now. I can’t explain it. I guess it took you moving on for me to realize that I’d made a mistake. I want to be with you, always. I want you and Shay and me to be a family again. I know we can work it out.”
I say nothing; just stand there in open-mouthed shock. All I wanted since this entire thing started was for Bob to come home. Now here he is, begging for my forgiveness, asking for another chance.
“Say something, Ainsley. Don’t leave me hanging. You want me on my knees, look . . .” He falls from the bed to his knees, offering himself up as a sacrificial rite. “Say you’ll come back to me. Say this thing with him is nothing. I love you, and I want you to be my wife again.”
Tears spring to my eyes. Bob is groveling. He’s on the floor, admitting he was wrong and telling me he loves me. We can be a family again. All I have to do is say yes.
“I’ve wanted to hear you say that for the last year. Whenever I thought about living in this house without you, about not being your wife anymore, it made me physically ill. This family was the most important thing in my life.” I pause, collecting my thoughts, refusing to let the emotion building up inside to boil over. “But it’s over. I’ve not only accepted it, I’ve grown accustomed to it. The truth is, you leaving is the best thing that ever happened to me. You didn’t make my life better; you stunted it. You kept me under your thumb for far too long, and now, it’s my time to shine.” With Bob still on his knees, I walk toward the door of the bedroom. “You broke up this family, and you need to live with that.” I turn my back on Bob for good.
A shiver slithers up my spine when I find Kade sitting at the island. Thoughts of earlier spring to my mind. My body reacts, but I force myself to ignore the tingling in my stom
ach and between my legs that always comes from being near him. “Is everything okay?” he asks as I approach.
“Everything is great,” I reply with a reassuring grin. It’s far from it, but it will be. I just need time.
Kade reaches for me. I take his hand, moving closer to where he sits on the barstool. The midday sun sends a ray of light shooting through the window blinds. It catches his eyes just right, making the deep blue pop bold and bright in the sterile white room.
Movement in the corner of the kitchen catches my eye. Bob runs out of nowhere. His face is pinched in an angry knot, and his hands are balled into fists. “You wife-stealing son of a bitch!” he barks, lashing out and catching Kade in the chin.
Kade’s head whips around. Red shoots from his mouth, dappling the tile at his feet. When he wipes his lips and sees the blood, his face contorts into at murderous scowl. “Oh, you’re fucking fucked, bro. I will end you, you sorry excuse for a human being.”
Kade’s thick finger pokes Bob in the chest, as Bob backs away frantic and scared. His back hits the wall, and Kade’s hand wraps around his throat, lifting him off the floor as Bob clutches his forearm, kicking and gasping. “You want a piece of me, asshole? Try hitting me now that my back’s not turned the other way,” Kade seethes. A frame falls off the wall, smashing to the ground. Bob flails around like a fish out of water. He isn’t a small guy, but next to Kade’s massive form heaving against him, he looks like a child.
“Kade!” I squeak. The sound of my voice softens him instantly. He loosens his grip, and Bob falls to the ground in the pile of glass, grasping his throat, red faced and sucking wind.
“Get the fuck out of here,” he snarls, grabbing Bob by the back of the shirt and hauling him to the door. “Next time you want to come in this house, you ring the damn bell.”
The door opens, and Bob’s gone. Kade stands close by, his chest heaving and hands twitching by his side, just like they were when we fought on the bus. “Come here,” he growls.
The look in his eyes has gone from soft to vicious. Anger still drives through his veins like a motocross rider. He needs an outlet to work through it. He needs me. No matter how large and powerful a man is, at some point, he needs a woman strong enough to embrace the beast and soothe it out. Or bend over and absorb it. I’m not doing either.
