by Jayne Blue
“I love you,” I said. I didn’t expect her to say it back. Not yet. But she needed to know. I kissed her again. I didn’t want words. I just wanted to feel.
“Angel,” she said, pulling away from me. “I do trust you. And yes, there are a thousand reasons why I shouldn’t. If I sat here and gave myself time to think too much …”
“Don’t. Don’t think too much.”
“That’s what I’m saying. This is crazy. Sometimes I feel like I’m the one going crazy. This isn’t how I do things. I don’t just take off and throw my life over for some guy. I know what that leads to.”
I brushed a hair from her eyes. “Is that what I am? Some guy?”
“You’re ... no. And if I had a crystal ball and someone had shown me a scene from my life now six months ago ... I wouldn’t have believed it. I can’t believe it now. It’s just …”
“I told you,” I said. “I’m not like your daddy. I’m not your nightmare. I’m not the road you’ve been telling yourself never to go down all your life. And you’re not your mother. Or your sister.”
“So what are you, Angel Bishop?” She smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes.
“I already told you that. I’m in love with you. And that’s not something I say to women. I’ve never said it. You want to talk about crystal balls? Six months ago, I swore to myself I wouldn’t bring another woman into this life.”
“Another woman?” she asked. “How many were there?”
I sat up, stiffened my back. Maura must have seen something in my eyes. She let out a little gasp.
“No,” she said. “That’s ... I’m sorry. I didn’t mean …”
“I’ve never said that to another woman, Maura. You’re mine. I knew it from the second you walked into that bar hellbent on shutting it down.”
She blushed again. “It wasn’t one of my finer moments.”
“You were worried about Bailey. Turns out you were right to be.”
Maura’s eyes searched my face. Tears glistened at the corners. “Angel,” she said. “Promise me. You said you’d never let anything happen to me.”
“I won’t,” I said. “On my life.”
“No,” she said. “That’s not what I mean. You have to promise me that what happened to Judd won’t happen to you.”
Silence fell between us. She knew. It was the one promise I could never deliver.
“My club, this life,” I said. “You have to know what it means. You have to know I’d never turn my back on those men downstairs.”
There was more I could say. But the way Maura’s jaw tightened, I knew she understood. She could never ask me to choose. If she could bring herself to love me, she had to go in with her eyes open. It’s why I didn’t want her to say it now.
“I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you,” she whispered. “And like I said, it’s crazy. My God. This is crazy. I have a life. I have a law practice. I have goals. I’ve worked so hard for all of it. And now …”
“This is temporary, Maura,” I said. “We will get this shit sorted and then …”
“How? How will you sort it, Angel? Huh? Judd was murdered. Are you going to tell me that Sly just wants to let law enforcement handle that? Are you going to tell me it’s the end of it? No. Don’t. Don’t say anything. Whatever you do say to me ... Angel ... it has to be the truth. If you can’t promise me that nothing will happen to you, at least promise me you’ll never lie to me.”
I slid my arms around her. “Yes. I can promise you that. No lies. That doesn’t mean I can tell you everything.”
Her eyes flickered with her unshed tears. “Attorney-client privilege, Angel. If you tell me club business, I can’t ever reveal it. You were smart to sort that out right off the bat. Or ... was that Sly? Was that the condition he made you keep before bringing me here?”
“No,” I said. “There was no condition, Maura. Only that you’re someone I’m sworn to protect.”
She touched my face. “My guardian angel.”
“Always. No matter what. No matter if you hate me tomorrow and for the rest of your life. I will never let anything happen to you.”
She kissed me. It was slow and deep and filled with promises we both wanted to make. She was scared. So was I. But with each beat of my heart, I knew what I’d told her was true. She was mine. More than that, I was hers. I couldn’t ask her now, though it burned through me.
I loved this woman. I’d loved her all my life and never even knew it. There would never be another woman for me but Maura. If we got clear of this shit with the Rebels, I would ask her to be my wife.
Chapter Twenty
Maura
There could be no public funeral for Judd. Angel made me a promise. One of many. But this one was the one that mattered the most. He wouldn’t lie to me. It was too dangerous to gather the men of the Great Wolves M.C. in a cemetery or a church right now. Instead, they held a wake for their fallen soldier right there in the Wolf Den.
There was no drunken revelry. Sly’s crew needed their heads about them. Angel wouldn’t say the words, but I knew. The club was at war. Any one of them could be the next target. It was a solemn occasion, but there were no tears. Judd was loved. He felt no pain. He was viewed as a martyr to the club. He was given a posthumous patch. It read simply, “member.” Mo sewed it over the prospect patch he’d worn.
They’d had Judd cremated. His ashes were in a copper urn with his cut draped over it. They set it on one of the tables in the center of the bar. Next to it was a poster-sized picture of Judd on his Harley, trailing behind the rest of the road crew. He was happy, laughing. The sunset reflected in his mirrored sunglasses.
“When the time is right,” Angel explained, “that patch earns him the right to go to the Bluff.”
“The Bluff?” I asked.
“Green Bluff,” he said. “The cliff over the Great Wolf River. We spread the ashes of full members there. Nobody but club members and friends go up there.”
“It sounds beautiful and horrible all at once,” I said.
Angel smiled. “I guess it is. When the dust settles, I want to take you there. You’ll never see a better view in the entire world.”
“I’d like that,” I said. Mo had an Irish dirge playing over the loudspeakers. If it had been safe enough for a full funeral, Judd would have gotten real bagpipes.
“How’s she holding up?” Angel asked. My sister was the only outsider permitted to attend. She’d asked Sly herself. I didn’t know how I felt about it. In the end, I didn’t stand in the way. Maybe this would give Bailey some closure, or at least a wake-up call. I knew she saw me as a hypocrite for it. Maybe I was. But I knew in my heart that Judd hadn’t been right for her. She was using him to avoid her own life.
“Better than I expected,” I said. “Mo’s watching her like a hawk and everyone’s on strict orders not to let her drink anything stronger than ginger ale. She hates me for it. But that’s nothing new.”
“You should go talk to her,” Angel said. “Make amends. Sly’s going to shut this down pretty soon. After that, Bailey needs to go home. She has no place here anymore.”
It was a stark way to put it, but it was true. “Angel, I wonder if she really has a place in Green Bluff at all. I’ve been thinking. If I can put something together, I want to send her somewhere else. She needs to get the hell out of Green Bluff. Break old patterns. Figure out who she is and what she really wants out of life.”
Angel nodded. Bailey had caught my eye. She was crying, but not hysterical. “That’s not a bad plan,” he said. “But I’ve got to ask her some things. She was the last one to see Judd alive.”
“I know,” I said. I’d been protecting Bailey from all of that and Angel had let me.
Bailey came to me. She shocked me by spreading her arms wide. I pulled her into a hug. “Thank you,” she said. “I know you’re the one who made it so I could be here.”
“Well,” I said. “Nobody gets through those doors without Sly’s say-so.”
She sniffled and drew away. “I know. But still.”
I saw Angel’s posture shift. We were getting to a point I could read him, just by his facial expressions. I put a hand on his arm. He had questions, but Bailey might respond better to me.
“Honey,” I said. “I know it’s all still so raw, but can you tell me what happened between you and Judd that day? Did he tell you where he was going or who he was going to meet with?”
She wiped her tears with a napkin. “We had a fight,” she said. “He broke it off. We were going to get married and then …” She blew her nose. Bailey wasn’t meeting my eyes. I knew her facial expressions too. That was guilt I sensed.
“Bailey?”
“I wouldn’t have let it go on,” she said. “And in the beginning, I thought I was.”
“Was what?” Angel asked, but I already knew.
“Shit. Bailey. Please tell me you didn’t?”
She still wasn’t making eye contact. Instead, she tore at the napkin.
“Maura?” Angel asked.
“You told him you were pregnant, didn’t you? That’s why he pulled the marriage license application. That’s why he went back on his word to Sly. You had him thinking you were pregnant.” I couldn’t believe it. No. What’s worse, I could. Once again, Bailey’s actions were straight out of my mother’s playbook.
“I told him the truth,” she said. “He said we were over. I know he loved me though. I know it. He was just trying to do what Sly told him.”
“How pissed was he?” Angel asked. He projected outward calm, barely moving a muscle as he towered over my sister. He’d gone hard as steel though. A vein jumped near his temple. He was furious. So was I.
“This fight,” I said. “Where did it happen?”
“We were coming to see you,” she said. “Maura, I wanted to tell you everything. I wanted you to be there when we got married. He was taking me to the courthouse. I didn’t want to make a big fuss. I just wanted to be married. He loved me. I know he loved me.”
“Did he ever tell you he did?” Angel asked. I squeezed his arm. Bailey was too emotional to read the hint of sarcasm in his voice.
“Then you told him you were lying about the baby,” I said. “Or he figured it out.”
“Yes.” Bailey let out a little hiccup. “He said he wanted to go with me to the doctor.”
“Right,” I sighed. “And you talked in circles and he figured out you were lying. I know how this goes, Bailey. Where? Where did this argument happen? Who saw you with him?”
“Don’t you dare do that!” she yelled. “I know what you’re thinking. You think this was my fault.”
“No one is saying that,” Angel said. “It’s not. But whatever you know about what Judd was doing and where, it could help us now. That’s all.”
“We were at Smiley’s,” she said. “He paid for my lunch and he stormed out. It wasn’t a big fight. I mean, I yelled at him. But Judd never did. He just put the money on the table and he left me there.”
Smiley’s Diner was two blocks away from the courthouse downtown. It wasn’t much to go on, but maybe they had security tapes. I knew Angel was thinking the same thing. For now though, Bailey’s outburst was starting to draw attention. It was time for her to go.
Angel gestured over my head to Switch and Curtis. “It’s okay, Bailey,” he said. “You’ve been through a lot. Judd did care about you. He would have done the right thing by you, no matter what. You have to try and put all of this behind you. It’s what he’d want. He’d want you to be happy.”
“I know,” she sobbed. “And he did love me. I know he did.”
“Just go with Switch,” I said. “He’ll take you home to Mom’s. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
Bailey nodded. Curtis put a light hand on her back and God help us all, she leaned her head on his shoulder. Angel saw it too and shook his head. I loved my sister. I wanted to throttle my sister.
Things grew quiet after she left. Mo walked around the room with a large tray filled with shots of bourbon. Sly kept things subdued, but he would not send one of the members off without at least a toast.
“To Judd,” he said, raising his glass. “You’ve earned your place at the Bluff and on the wall. We won’t forget what happened here.”
They were simple words, but the threat they held made me shudder. They wouldn’t forget what happened here. All around the room, the women who loved the men in this club edged a little closer to them. Scarlett Cullinan’s eyes flashed darkly as she looped her arm through Sly’s. Ava McClain’s face held a more stoic expression. Angel had told me a little about her. She’d served as an army nurse in Baghdad during the surge. She knew what war meant, this was just a different battlefield.
Then, just like that, it was over. Angel slid his arm around my waist and led me back upstairs. The bourbon warmed me, but Sly’s words kept me sober.
Angel slid off his cut and hung it over the bedpost. He sat on the edge of the bed and peeled off his heavy black motorcycle boots. I leaned against the door watching him. He was a beautiful man. Brutal and rugged like some fierce archangel. Ready for battle. A tremor ran through me. It was fear and lust all rolled into one.
I knew what he was when I met him. I’d walked into this club and his life with my eyes wide open. Still, it shredded my heart to think of what it would feel like if it were his ashes spread over the cliff of Green Bluff.
My breath caught. Grief washed over me. I barely knew Judd. Bailey’s tears would be short-lived. It hurt me to think it, but she was shallow. Men were disposable to her. And what she’d done, trying to trick Judd with a false pregnancy, made me ill. But what happened to Judd could have happened to Angel. Could still happen.
I went to him, sinking to my knees as he sat on the bed. “Angel,” I gasped. His eyes glinted.
“What is it, baby?”
“I can’t ... I don’t …”
He kissed me. Slow. Gentle. Devouring me. Desire flooded my senses. I wanted. I was desperate for him. I needed to convince myself that he was real. That I was real. This was a snapshot in time but I wanted it to last forever.
My body took over. With clumsy fingers, I unbuttoned my blouse. Angel helped me. He hooked his fingers beneath the clasp of my bra and flicked it open. I spilled out of it, the cool air hitting my nipples. They rose for him. Everything about me rose for him. It was as if he’d trained my body to respond to him. Maybe I was born for him. Though it was dangerous to think so.
There were no words. We didn’t need them. He told me he loved me. I couldn’t say it back. Not yet. I felt it though. It poured through me. It was more powerful than anything. It scared me to need him as much as I did. I was so stupid though. All my life I’d thought it would make me weak. Instead, Angel showed me my true strength.
We tumbled on the bed, a tangle of limbs. I needed him inside me. Craved it more than any drug. He was huge and hard, like steel. With careful fingers, I caressed him, drawing him out as his eyelids fluttered and he moaned with pleasure.
I opened for him. My juices coated my thighs. I spread myself for him. Angel found me, opening me even more with calloused fingers. I rocked my hips. Then my power surged even more. I shifted, throwing one leg over his hips. I straddled him. Angel’s sultry smile melted me.
“Come here, baby,” he whispered. “Show me. Fuck me.”
I did.
I guided my slick opening over him. I slid down, taking him in all the way to the root. Angel placed his hands on my hips, steadying me as I rocked back and forth. He was so good. Perfect. Big. He filled me. Made me whole. I knew I could never get enough.
This. Now. Always.
I threw my head back. He kept one hand on my hip and tweaked my nipples. It was just the sensation I needed to drive me home. I thrust wildly, with abandon. My hair flew back as I gyrated. I took it all. He gave me everything.
“Let go,” he whispered. But I was already gone.
My orgasm flooded through me, spreading me open even wider. Stars
burst behind my eyes. Angel stayed rigid, letting me find my friction. On and on I rode. I didn’t care who heard. Let them all hear. Angel said he’d claimed me. He had. But he was mine too.
We were here. We were alive. There may be a war ahead, but I’d claimed my victory that night.
When my legs turned to rubber, Angel helped me down. I was spent, but he was far from finished with me. I found the strength to wrap my thighs around him, taking him in impossibly deeper as he drove his way home.
Home. I’d never really had one before. Not really. The Den wasn’t mine. It wasn’t Angel’s either. It was the place he stayed. But that night, in the twilight, I felt all the answers swirling around me. Home wasn’t a place. It was a feeling. And I found it that night in Angel.
Chapter Twenty-One
Maura
Ten days after Judd’s death, I went back to the clinic. The windows in the lobby had been replaced with bulletproof glass. In addition to the ever watchful eyes of one of the Great Wolves club members, the sheriff’s office now stationed a deputy in the front foyer. They still had no solid leads on who vandalized the building in the first place.
“It’ll be good when things get back to normal around here,” Beverly said. The whole incident had shaken her up, but also strengthened her resolve to the work we did here. She’d been hired on a temporary, twelve-month basis. Then she was set to go back into retirement. This morning, she told me she’d stay as long as I did. I loved her for it.
“Oh, I don’t know if they’ll ever be normal. I’ll settle for calm.”
She let out a sharp laugh. “You look happy. Did you know that? You’ve got bombs going off all around you, but you look, well ... in love.”
I could feel the blush coloring my cheeks. “I don’t know what I am, Bev. I’m something, that’s for sure.”
“Well, I like him. Angel’s a good egg. And I sure as hell know from the bad ones. So do you.”
