by J. S. Cooper
***
“You’re a sexy lady, I’m so glad you agreed to dance with me.” The handsome man from the boat was in front of me and I just nodded back at him as I smiled widely. He had looked handsome on the boat, but in person he was even more gorgeous with his dark hair and light green eyes.
“I like dancing. Thanks for asking me,” I said as he spun me around on the dance floor. I started laughing nervously as he moved closer to me and put his arms around my waist.
“No worries, I saw you with your friends eating dinner and then when I noticed you all just sitting there, I said to myself this is my opportunity.”
“Well, I’m glad you did.”
“I’m glad the sharks didn’t get you.” He laughed and I joined in, happy to be in some different company once. I smiled up at him and I wondered to myself if this was the universe’s way of rewarding me for finally deciding to move on from Nate.
“I’m glad as well. Though that was really fun. I never thought it would be that much fun. I thought I’d be scared shitless.”
“You mean you weren’t scared shitless?” He grinned. “I know I was.”
“Well, I was a little bit. In the beginning,” I said as we moved in time to the music. “You’re a good dancer,” I complimented him on his moves.
“Thanks. My ex liked to go out to clubs a lot.” He moved in closer to me. “I’m Gareth, by the way.”
“Nice to meet you, Gareth. I’m Janie.”
“Janie. I like it. A pretty name for a pretty girl.”
“I bet you say that to all of the girls.”
“Would you believe me if I told you that I didn’t?”
“I don’t know,” I said flirtatiously and I was rewarded with him moving even closer to me. I realized in that moment that perhaps I wasn’t as interested in him dancing too closely with me and then I felt his hands dropping to my ass and then I felt a very solid squeeze. Oh shit, I thought to myself. What do I do now? I was about to push him away when I heard some steps behind us and I felt a warm body behind me.
“I’m going to cut in now.” I felt two strong hands pulling on my shoulder and Nate’s voice behind me. “She’s dancing with me now.”
“I think she likes dancing with me.” The handsome man known as Gareth glared at Nate and I felt a certain thrill going through me. Take that, Nate. Even though I was glad he’d showed up, it still made me feel good to know that Gareth wasn’t going to just give up. Nate could see that I had options other than his random ass hooking up.
“Well she’s dancing with me now.”
“Excuse me, Nate but I …” My words drifted off as I felt Nate’s arm slide around my waist and his hand sliding up and cupping my breast.
“She’s with me, you hear?” Nate growled at the other guy, whose eyes had widened at Nate’s touching of me.
“Janie, you want me to take care of him for you?” Gareth’s hands were now in fists and I was scared he was going to punch Nate.
“No no sorry. I’m going to dance with him now.” I turned around to face Nate and I reached up my hand to slap him. “How dare you manhandle me like that!”
“What?” he grumbled, though his face looked ashamed. “That dude was all over you.”
“We were just dancing.”
“He had his hands all over your ass.”
“We were dancing, Nate.”
“So then dance with me.” He grabbed my hand and started walking.
“Where are we going?” I asked him curiously. “I thought you wanted to dance.”
“I want a special dance, baby.” He continued walking to the side of the room, close to where the booths were.
“What’s a special dance?” I asked him suspiciously.
“A lap dance.”
“Are you joking? Do you think I’m going to give you a lap dance here? And after that little spat?” I looked at him like he was crazy. “You’re certifiable.”
“What?” He shook his head. “I was saving you.”
“I didn’t need saving. We were just dancing.”
“Whatever, Janie.” He sighed. “Let’s go.”
“Go where? I thought you wanted to dance?”
“We need to talk.” He grabbed my hand. “And it’s obviously not going to happen here.”
“We’ve talked already.”
“No, we haven’t.” He shook his head.
“What do you want to talk about?”
“We need to talk about us.” And with that he led me out of the room and I silently followed, not knowing what was going to come next.
Chapter Eight
Nate
My heart was thudding as we walked back to the apartment. I could tell that Janie was angry with me and I just didn’t understand why. When I’d woken up that morning and she hadn’t been in the bed with me, I’d felt such a sense of loss. I’d reached over to hold her and she hadn’t been there. And then she’d acted like nothing happened. She’d wanted to keep it a secret. I could only think that was because she didn’t want Dylan to know. I just didn’t see what she saw in him. And then that guy in the club. That scumbag had been lucky I hadn’t punched him for putting his ugly claws on her. What the hell was she thinking?
“Janie, you have to start making better decisions in life,” I said as we got to the apartment.
“Nate, don’t get on my nerves.” She shook her head at me. “If the talk you wanted to have consists of you lecturing me, then we can end it right now.”
“No, no, wait.” I sighed. “I don’t want to lecture you. I just want to talk. Are you mad because we had sex?” I asked her softly, as I stared at her gorgeous body. I could feel myself hardening, but I knew now was not the time to pull her into my arms and start kissing her.
“I’m not looking for a hookup, Nate,” she mumbled as her eyes raised to mine. “I don’t want that. I’m looking for a real relationship.”
“I see,” I said as I gazed at her. But I wasn’t sure what she was saying. Did she want a relationship with me? Or just generally? “You know I love you, right?” I said as she stared at me. “You’re the closest person in my life. You’re my best friend.”
“You love me as your best friend. Yes, I know.” She nodded her head and I could sense a sadness in her. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what she wanted to hear. I didn’t know what I wanted to hear either. Why was everything so complicated? I stared into her brown eyes and my heart constricted. I just wanted to make her smile. I just wanted her to be happy. She was my Janie. I didn’t want anything to happen to her. I didn’t know what I would do if I lost her. It was then that I thought about Sarah, my high school best friend. It was then that I realized why she’d done what she’d done. I didn’t know if I would want to go on without Janie in my life. She meant everything to me.
“I don’t want to lose you, Janie. I know I’ve said this before.” I led her to my bedroom. “I know you know how important you are to me, but I want you to really understand.” I reached over and touched her face. “You’re the most important person in my life.” My fingers traced her lips. They trembled as I touched them and I leaned forward to kiss her quickly. I just couldn’t stop myself. “I want to lose myself in you, Janie.” I groaned as I ran my hands through her hair. “You make me crazy and jealous and I feel like I’m going out of my mind.”
“Why do you feel that way?” she whispered as her hands lightly touched my chest.
“Because you’re so beautiful and sexy and you get me in a way that no one other than my granddad has ever gotten me.” I stared into her eyes sincerely. “You are the person I share everything with. I know I didn’t share my writing with you, but I was embarrassed. Now though, now I want to share all of it with you. I want you to understand where I’m coming from because I can’t express myself as well in person. I want you to know that everything I’m capable of sharing, I share with you.” I touched her face lightly and stroked the side of her face. “I’m trying my best. You’re so hard to understand, Jani
e.”
“You’re the one that’s hard to understand, Nate.” She leaned forward and kissed me lightly. “This is just such a complicated situation.” She froze. “What’s that noise?” she asked me and we both listened carefully. I could hear loud voices coming from outside the room and we walked to the door slowly and listened. I could hear Anabel and Dylan shouting at each other and we both looked at each other in shock.
“I’m not interested in a playboy like you. How dare you try and kiss me?” Anabel shouted.
“You were the one that kissed me first,” Dylan responded. “You were the one that had your hand down my pants.”
“That doesn’t mean I’m going to have sex with you,” she shouted.
“We don’t have to have sex,” he said and then it went quiet as he lowered his voice to say something else.
“Shall we go out there?” I asked Janie, but she just shook her head.
“No, let’s leave them together.” She looked up at me, her eyes bright. “I wonder what happened.”
“Obviously, not much.” I rolled my eyes. “Though it seems like you were right. They do have a thing for each other.”
“It doesn’t seem like it’s going well though.”
“They both have major issues.” I shrugged. “I couldn’t imagine it going easy for them.”
“What does that mean?” she asked me curiously.
“Well, let’s be real, Anabel is a hostile missile when it comes to guys and Dylan is all sorts of twisted. He can’t do long term relationships at all.”
“Oh.” She raised an eyebrow at me. I could tell she wanted to say more, but she kept her mouth shut.
“What do you want to say, Janie?” I asked her with a smile. “I can read your mind, remember?”
“I don’t want to say anything.” She shook her head and smiled shyly. “Sit on the bed,” she said to me bossily.
“Sorry, what?”
“I said sit on the bed.”
“Why?”
“I thought you wanted a lap dance?” She winked at me.
“You’re going to give me a lap dance now?” I gawked at her, my cock rising to attention immediately.
“Don’t you want one anymore?”
“I want one.” I hurried to the bed so quickly that she started laughing.
“Oh Nate.” She grinned at me. “You’re too much.”
“Well, you’re too much as well.”
“We’re both crazy.” She shook her head at me. “Absolutely crazy.”
“Why?” I asked her, not really wanting to talk but not wanting her to think I was too invested in the lap dance.
“Because we should be having a serious talk right now. I shouldn’t be about to give you a lap dance.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re too bossy and up and down and jealous and crazy and …” She flung her hands up in the air. “And a million other things.”
“If the million other things are important to you, then we should talk about them first.” I gave her a warm smile and it hit me then what I really wanted was for Janie to be happy with me and in life in general. She was sexy and she was beautiful and I wanted to touch her and be inside of her, but more than that I just wanted to be with her. I just wanted her to be happy in life. It was weird to think about. And what had her comment meant about me being jealous? I wasn’t a jealous guy. I was just protecting her. At least that was what I’d always told myself. I was protecting her because she always made poor decisions with men. But maybe I was lying to myself. Maybe that wasn’t the reason I always got mad. Maybe it was because she meant more to me than just being my best friend. Do people really sleep with their best friends, Nate? The devil inside of me started to question me again. Do friends really dream about their friends? Do friends want to sleep with their friends? And could friends with benefits ever really work?
“We can talk about it later.” She started dancing in front of me and as she ran her fingers down my chest, it took everything in me to not pull her toward me and throw her down on the bed. “Right now, I just want to touch you,” she whispered against my lips. “Right now I just want to be with you.”
“Oh, Janie,” I groaned as she pulled my shirt off. She giggled as she worked her way to my jeans and felt my hard-on through my pants. I stared at her standing in front of me and I felt my heart swelling. She was so beautiful. So sweet. So fun. God, I loved being with her. She was constantly surprising me and doing things that knocked me off of my feet. She was so special. I wanted to grab her. I wanted to tell her that I thought she was amazing. I wanted to tell her that I loved her. My body froze as the thought hit me. I loved her? As more than a friend? Fear coursed through my veins as I thought about it. Did I love her? Really and truly love her? My throat constricted and I tried to dismiss the thought as she pulled my jeans off and then my boxers. Her fingers eagerly grasped my hard cock and then she dropped to her knees.
“I thought you were going to give me a lap dance.” I groaned as she lowered her mouth to my cock and licked the side of my shaft.
“Later.” She grinned and winked up at me before taking all of me into her mouth. I fell back on the bed and groaned out loud at the feel of her tongue on me. It felt amazing. She felt amazing. She was amazing. I knew then that I was gone. I just didn’t know what I was going to do about it.
Chapter Nine
Janie
“Where did you learn how to do that?” Nate’s eyes were satiated as he lay back in the bed, exhausted from our lovemaking. I felt giddy with excitement and tired from the two hours we’d just spent making love. I had ridden him for a pretty long time until he had finally flipped me over and taken me from behind doggy style. We’d both come pretty quickly after that.
“A girl never tells all of her secrets.” I grinned at him as I stroked his chest hair and nestled my head in the nook of his shoulder. “You should know that.”
“I guess I know that now.” He stroked my hair and I could feel him staring at me. My body felt warm and secure and I tried to quiet the doubts in my head that told me I was a fool. Why had I had sex with him again? Nothing had been resolved. We both were still in two different places.
“So what were you going to say earlier?” I asked him quietly. “What are you looking for?”
“I don’t know how to answer that, Janie.” He sighed. “I’ve been asking myself the same thing. I want you to be happy, but this is all so weird to me. I’ve not been in this space before.”
“What do you mean?” I asked him, turning my face up to look at him. “What space?”
“This.” He stroked my arm and my whole body shivered at his touch. “Being with you like this is so special. It just feels right, but I’m scared.”
“Scared of what? What do you mean?” I questioned him.
“I like being here with you, Janie. I like being close to you.” Nate played with my hair. “It feels almost surreal being here like this with you.”
“Why?” I asked him, stroking his chest hair. “And surreal in a good way or a bad way?”
“A good way. A scary way.” He grabbed a hold of my head and ran his fingers down the length of my neck toward my collarbone. “Did I ever tell you about my best friend in high school?”
“No.” I shook my head. “What was his name?”
“It was a girl, her name was Sarah.”
“Oh,” I said jealousy hitting me. Was she the reason why he couldn’t commit? Had she loved him? Had he loved her? “Are you guys still close?”
“She died.” His voice sounded far away.
“I’m sorry,” I said, not knowing what else to say. My body felt cold. I didn’t want to hear him talk about his love for another girl. I didn’t think my heart could take it.
“She killed herself. Overdosed on her mother’s sleeping pills.” He looked at me with strained eyes. “She died of a broken heart.”
“Oh.” I paused. “Did you break her heart?”
“No, not me.” He shook his h
ead, his eyes thoughtful as he studied my face. “She and I never dated. We were always just friends. She had a boyfriend. His name was Greg. They were in drama together. They loved to act and put on plays.” He smiled then. “We all met in English class. We had a group project where we had to write a reenactment of a scene from Wuthering Heights.”
“Wow, that must have been hard,” I said softly, not wanting him to stop from sharing what was obviously a hard topic for him to talk about.
“It was hard, but fun.” He nodded, his expression somber.
“So Greg broke up with her? And she couldn’t take it?” I asked softly, prompting him to continue.
“No.” He shook his head. “He got cancer and died.” He stared into my eyes again then. The sadness I saw reflected in his irises almost broke my heart. “I never really understood why young kids die, it doesn’t make sense to me, you know. Why? Why did he have to get cancer? It just doesn’t make sense. What sort of God does that?”
“I guess it’s not for us to know.” I chewed on my lower lip. I didn’t know what else to say. I certainly didn’t have the answers. There were many things that I questioned myself. “That’s so sad though. I’m so sorry. He died of cancer and then she killed herself?”
“Yeah, I guess she couldn’t take it. She missed him so much. I guess he had been her whole life.” He shook his head. “But I was there for her. I missed Greg too. I don’t know why she did that. She had me. She could have talked to me. I was there for her. I tried to be there for her.”
