by Pema Donyo
“Oh no, I was just batting my lashes at the handsomest man who entered Hamilton.” Annie’s eyes shined like a proud cowboy who’d just caught a wild white mustang. “Jesse Greenwood, I heard you were back in town. But no one sure told me how handsome you’ve become.”
He shifted his weight on the wooden floorboards. No one had ever called him handsome. “Handsome” was a word that belonged to men from blue-blooded families, not rugged ranch hands. He wasn’t sure what to do with the flattery. “Thank you, Miss Inglewood. Now if you’ll excuse me . . .”
He moved to walk around her right side. But she stepped to her left, blocking his path. “I hear you’re in town for your sister’s wedding.” A bright red blush rushed to her cheeks as she continued. “Evelyn mentioned to me that you were working back on the ranch. You must miss being further west. It must be so exciting out there in California. You’ve become quite the self-made man.”
“Just a man, no different than anyone else.”
“Hardly. She told me about your investment. You’re the rags to riches cowboy. I bet if people in Hamilton knew what you’ve done for the ranch, they would all be beside themselves gossiping about you.”
He didn’t want to be the subject of gossip in the town. He wanted to get back to his ranch. “I think I will be heading back after my sister marries. Breighton’s barn has been fixed. I’ve made my investment and seen it through. I won’t be needed much longer.”
“Oh, of course. I’m sure after the wedding John will help out around the ranch as well.”
Jesse smirked. He sincerely doubted John knew what a corral was, much less know how to build one. Then the realization of her words sank in. “Wedding?” There was no way he was staying in town for Evelyn’s marriage.
Annie nodded. She leaned in closer to his ear, as if she was whispering a secret with the power of changing the fate of the entire state of Texas. “I shouldn’t be telling you this, but I heard him bragging to his father that within the year he was going to marry her, come hell or high water.” She flipped a curl behind her shoulder. “For them, marriage is just a step away. Everyone says John’s wanted to marry her since he set eyes on her. Surely you must know.”
He did know. He’d have to be blind not to. Every afternoon he saw John Cooper’s horse hitched in front of the big house at Breighton. Sometimes John wouldn’t leave until evening, with Evelyn watching his horse ride away from the porch.
Jesse caught her eyes a few times, but he didn’t dare delude himself any longer. She had chosen John Cooper.
“How are you and Evelyn?” Annie tilted her head, batting her thick lashes once more. “I know you two used to be sweet on each other, but that was ages ago.” Her eyes seemed to grow alarmingly larger as the seconds ticked by, waiting for his confirmation. “You don’t care for her anymore, do you?”
He flicked his gaze away from Annie and shrugged. She was as prying as Loretta. “Reckon not. Why would I be sweet on a girl who’s chosen to court another fella?” He asked himself that question every morning. Why was he, anyway?
“Good,” Annie responded a little too quickly. She seemed to realize it, too, because she covered her mouth after the word slipped out.
“Just life. Time changes everything.”
“First love is not the last love. That’s what my mother is always telling me. I think she’s right.”
No, Jesse wanted to add, it could be the only love. He kept quiet instead, as he saw Evelyn and John approaching them.
John’s grip around her arm tightened as they slowed to a halt in front of Annie and Jesse. Jesse’s hands twitched in reflex. His every instinct wanted to grab John’s hand and wrench it away from her.
“Evelyn, what a pleasure to see you!” Annie threw her arms around her friend. When she pulled away, she giggled. “I see you and John have been getting along.”
John patted Evelyn’s hand. “And it is always a pleasure to see you again, Annie. Jesse, how is your sister’s wedding coming along?”
“Fine.”
John raised his eyebrow. “And how is Loretta?”
“Fine.”
He laughed. “Is that the only word you know?”
She elbowed him, and he scowled. His grip clenched her tighter.
The urge to yank John’s arm away from Evelyn’s was stronger than ever. He hated the way John handled her. Now that she’d finally agreed to let him court her, he acted as if he owned her. How could she spend time with a man who treated her like cattle? “Both of you are invited to her wedding. She sent out the letters today.”
“Of course, I will be happy to come.” Evelyn smiled at Jesse. She unhooked John’s arm from hers, and Jesse suppressed a grin when she glared at the other man. “Do not grab me, John.”
“We will be happy to come.” John remained undeterred in his mission to brand Evelyn as his own. The judge’s son draped an arm around her, and Jesse’s insides churned again. “Will we not, dearest Evelyn?”
She dropped her gaze from Jesse’s, as if ashamed. “Yes, Father is coming with some of the other ranch hands. John is taking me in his buggy down to the church.”
He raised an eyebrow at Jesse. “Are you traveling to the wedding by yourself?” He looked him up and down, his pleasant tone disguising a patronizing gaze.
He didn’t know what possessed him just then. He clenched his fists, though he knew he couldn’t lay a blow so long as Evelyn stood there. She’d never forgive him. But after seeing another man’s arm slung across her shoulder as if he owned her, hearing Evelyn admit she was allowing John to accompany her to Loretta’s wedding—something inside him snapped.
“Annie’s accompanying me.” Jesse watched with a sick sense of satisfaction as John’s eyes widened in surprise. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Evelyn.
Annie didn’t miss a beat. If she’d been caught off guard, she sure didn’t show it. “I said yes immediately, of course. The wedding will be just grand.” She did that fast blinking that Jesse vaguely understood to be flirtatious. “Couldn’t let the most handsome man in Hamilton walk away, now, could I?”
“Well, then!” John clapped a hand on Jesse’s shoulder. He tensed at the contact. “Seems like we have both managed to find ourselves our own pretty women to court.”
“Seems like we have.” Another flare of jealousy rose within him when John called Evelyn his. She wasn’t a possession. “Cannot wait to see you at the wedding.”
“Evelyn, we must get ready together. We simply must,” Annie gushed. She hooked her arm around Jesse’s. “I would not miss the event for the entire world.”
Evelyn remained quiet. She only nodded at Annie’s comment, as if her mind were already preoccupied with something else. Probably financial matters on the ranch.
• • •
Evelyn wanted to leave. She tugged on John’s arm and told him so, and then they said their goodbyes and started back toward Breighton. He insisted on accompanying her back to the house, but she managed to convince him she was tired and needed rest. The moment his horse disappeared at the end of the road, she’d left for the stables to clear her head with an evening ride.
She hadn’t even had enough courage to look Jesse in the eye. She didn’t know why her chest ached when she thought of Jesse and Annie together. If he really didn’t care for her and Annie was the one he wanted, then she was just being selfish.
Not to mention disloyal. She was supposed to be falling for John, not Jesse. She’d practically sealed her fate to him when she’d allowed him to court her.
Evelyn pressed her upper body closer to Blue Star, urging her horse forward into a gallop back to the house. All she wanted was a warm bed and a respite from courtship of any kind. Jesse was older than she: twenty-four. He was more than old enough to begin courting a woman. He could be married with children by now.
He’d never truly courted Evelyn, not in the proper way that society encouraged. She somehow doubted sneaking out to the stables after sunset was proper.
H
ow had John known Jesse was interested in Annie, anyway? She wrinkled her nose. Grabbing her arm like that, as if she was his dog and he was trying to discipline her. She shook her head. Surely a man who wrote such affectionate letters would never intend to hurt her. He was just upset she elbowed him, that’s all.
She spent the rest of the day in bed, poring over all the letters she’d received. Some of the writing along the creased lines had faded from the amount of times she had folded and unfolded the letters. She knew at least half of them by heart.
The lines were read by the last light of the sun as it set beyond the plains once she’d brought them out to the porch. She set aside half of the stack when another envelope caught her eye—a new letter, nestled between the posts.
Evelyn rubbed her eyes to make sure she wasn’t seeing visions. No, the envelope still lay against the column, her name written in the same scribbled scrawl she had come to love. It looked just like the others, but kept on the porch instead of its usual knothole.
She picked it up and tore open the seal. The letter fell into her lap, waiting to be read. The penmanship was the same as the other letters, but messier, as if written in a hurry. Could it be John apologizing?
Dearest love,
I don’t know what’s come over me these days. Letting you go has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I’m not giving you up—but what can I do? If you want someone else, it’s not in my power to stop you. I thought maybe if I let you go, then I’d stop loving you. It couldn’t be farther from the truth, and that’s dawned on me now. Maybe my love for you means I allow you to love who you want. Loving someone means letting that person go.
Evelyn folded the letter and placed it back into the envelope. Letting her go? She had just seen John; she hadn’t let him go at all. Her brows furrowed. Well, she had mentioned that there was another man she’d wanted first. Maybe that was whom John was referring to.
A small surge of satisfaction filled her as she walked back into the house and toward her desk. John had listened to her request and written another letter. She sat down and pulled out a sheet of paper. The letter deserved a reply, even if it wasn’t from Jesse.
• • •
There was something to a Texan sunset.
The ones in California were gorgeous, of course, with rich hues of purple and blue tinting the sky. But he’d felt there was something missing every time he looked at it. Whatever was incomplete became whole when he saw the sunset in Texas again.
Maybe it was the memories. The memories of holding Evelyn against him while they watched the sunset together, admiring the red sun dip its head below the end of the prairie, farther than the eye could see and beyond the borders of the ranch. Maybe it was the shadows. The shadows of seeing the profile of a cowboy on his horse in the distance, a lone rider admiring the sunset in solitude. The shadows of home.
Jesse leaned against the top railing of the corral, his arms folded over the top. The cool Texan wind blew against the back of his neck, causing the hairs to stand. Either that, or Evelyn’s voice behind him.
“The sunset is beautiful, is it not?”
“Sure is.” He adjusted his hat on the top of his head, refusing to look behind him.
But he didn’t need to. She stood next to him, leaning against the top railing as well.
He couldn’t help it. His eyes averted to the left, watching her close her eyes and breathe in deep in the direction of the sunset.
His heart lurched. Her hair was done up in some fancy style, but loose tendrils dropped from the bun, falling down along the nape of her neck. She smiled against the wind as her eyes closed, enjoying the night air around her. When her eyes flashed back open to see the sunset, he looked away.
“Do you remember watching these sunsets together?”
“Not really.” Lies. How could he forget? He tensed his jaw. What good would it do to tell her he thought about it all the time?
“I think about it. I think about it a lot, really.” She laughed, but the sound was hoarse and devoid of joy. “That first year after you left for California, I watched the sunset every night. I used to imagine that cowboy in the distance was you, riding back here to Breighton . . .” Her voice trailed off.
“That was a long time ago.” He cleared his throat. He felt at war between inhaling that sweet honeysuckle scent and pushing her away. She’d chosen another man over him. She was off limits, he reminded himself. “We were just kids.”
“At the time we thought we were so grown up.” Her voice sounded thoughtful as she considered the past. Not thoughtful; she sounded dangerous. Remembering the past led to nothing but heartbreak. “Reckon I was a lot poorer and a lot more foolish.”
She spun to face him. The corners of her eyes were soft, as if she didn’t want to be misunderstood. “No, that is not what I mean at all. We just acted like we had nothing to lose. Nothing could get in our way.”
“Don’t know why I acted that way.” He turned his head and clasped his hands over the railing. “It doesn’t matter what you mean. That’s in the past now.”
“It still matters.” He’d never heard a voice more firm and stubborn than Evelyn Lancaster’s. “And why do you call me Evelyn? What happened to calling me ‘Eve’ again?”
He swallowed hard. He hadn’t even dared to use her nickname, afraid of being consumed by the absoluteness of the word. He’d only used it out of affection. He’d only used it when there was a hope of a future together.
“We are friends, Jesse.” Evelyn pressed her hand against his arm. The dreaded word rose once more. He tensed, and then she let go. “Friends confide in each other. I miss talking to you openly. I feel like you are hiding some matter from me.” She paused. “Is there something you wish to tell me?”
He mumbled something under his breath.
“What?” She narrowed her eyes, leaning closer to him to hear what he said.
“Imisswhenyouweremine.” He looked down at the dirt. Had he really just said it out loud?
Evelyn stepped back. Her eyes were wide. Clearly she’d heard him. He steeled himself for her refusal, for her rejection of him again. He’d suffered it once. He thought he could do it again.
“I miss you, too.”
His heart beat fast. Fear gripped his heart at the first sign of hope. Dangerous hope, that’s what it was.
Jesse lifted his head to catch her gaze. She stood there, her hands still draped over the railing, staring right back at him with those soft green orbs of hers, which clean took his breath away.
“I have missed you since I told you we could not be together. That day when I went to the bunkhouse to see you . . .” The corner of her strawberry-red lips quirked upward. “I think I went there so soon after I returned because I was terrified. I worried otherwise I would give in to my own emotions and not have the courage to turn you away.”
It blew him away how much tenderness could exist in Evelyn’s gaze. The feeling inside Jesse was nearly more than he could take. He wanted to spend all his time with this girl. He wanted her by his side forever. The desire terrified him.
She still waited for his reply. “Is there anything else you want to say, Jesse?”
Suddenly irritation flared inside him. She couldn’t keep him in a constant state of confusion. Here she was, grabbing his hand and jawing love confessions, but her actions proved otherwise. She was on the fast track to a marriage with the judge’s son, for Christ’s sake. “Why are you courting that John Cooper fella?”
“He is a good man. I have never met anyone quite so honest.” She blushed. “He asked to court me. You never asked.”
What if I’d asked, his lips itched to say. What if I’d stepped in before he did? But he kept quiet. There was no point in arguing. As far as he knew, Cooper could be as honest as scripture and never told a lie in his life. “Doesn’t seem like enough to agree to court him, if you ask me.”
Evelyn bit her lip. “He is from a good family. The Cooper family has provided a long line of judges to
this county for as long as anyone can remember.”
“Rich folks, born and bred.” Jesse’s heart clenched, and his voice came out gruffer than intended. “Never figured you to choose a husband based on social standing.”
She gasped. “I did not!”
“Upper class, one of the Coopers. Oldest family in Hamilton. He’s as blue-blooded as they get.”
“No, I told him he could court me. I chose based on his character . . .”
“You chose based on status.”
“You must be joking!”
“Security. You marry him, then you’ll be one of the Coopers and gain all that social standing, too.” He watched her gulp as his voice grew louder. “But he’s not enough. You wouldn’t be here talking with me if he were enough.”
“I do not know what you are referring to.”
“You’re letting him court you so you can marry and dine with upper-class society, and then you think you can come back to me and forget all about him.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m predicting your future. It’s as you said. You marry someone else, then you just sneak around with me.” Jesse spit at the ground. Women had no right to lead on men they had no intention of marrying. Her behavior wasn’t just offensive; it was harmful.
“I’ll have nothing to do with this.” She stuttered, searching for words. “My life . . . my life has nothing to do with you!”
He grew bolder, closing the distance between them. “If he means so much to you, why do you always approach me, hmm? If you say we just existed in the past, why do you keep holding me back in the present?”
Her brows furrowed. “Holding? Is that what you believe I am doing? Am I holding you back from living your life now?” She gritted her teeth. “I was extending friendship to you, and all you do is either ignore me or fight with me. John would never do that.”
“Admit it. You don’t care a continental for Cooper.”
“I do!”
“All you care about is keeping your line in the upper class.”
“He loves me. He tells me so whenever he comes to the house. He does not insult me.” Her chin lifted upward in that proud way of hers. “Unlike others.”
