Strings. “All of life is made up of strings. Everyone—you, me, Brock, Reed—we’re all connected by a web of strings of one sort or another. No.” Jaw set, Kaitlyn shook her head. “If he truly loved me, he would have said so.”
Zoe leaned forward, her expression serious. “Sometimes, love is letting go.”
“No greeting card poetry, please.”
“I mean it,” Zoe continued. “And I’m not quoting you meaningless rhymes. I believe Reed does love you. Brock thinks so, too. But he’s afraid if he tells you, you’ll feel obligated to stay with him, and then you’ll always wonder if you missed out on something in your life.”
Truth resonated in Zoe’s voice. Her words hit home. Kaitlyn attempted to act unfazed, but she began trembling and no matter how hard she tried to will herself not to, she couldn’t stop. She finally clenched her hands together, hoping Zoe wouldn’t notice.
“You’re right—he’s right,” she managed, choking on the certainty, though her voice came out clear and strong. “I’ve never been given a chance to decide before. Anything.”
Despite her resolve, to her consternation, her eyes filled with tears. Again. She’d been doing that a lot lately.
“Are you all right?” Zoe asked, clearly concerned.
“It seems I’m full of emotion these days.” Kaitlyn summoned up a watery smile. “And I’ve learned a few things on my own during all this. Walking my new path alone won’t give me strength. Walking it with the right partner just might. With Reed, my life just seems to get better and better.”
“Then the answer is simple.” Wrinkling her nose, Zoe flashed an impish smile. “Go after what you want. Prove to him that he’s a necessary part of your life.”
Taking a deep breath, Kaitlyn lifted her chin. “You know what? I’m going to do exactly that.”
* * *
But a few days passed while Kaitlyn tried to gather up her courage. Zoe called, excited beyond words, and let her know that the adoption agency had notified them that she and Brock were getting their baby daughter in a couple of days. Kaitlyn rejoiced for her friend. When she told Reed, he grinned and said he needed to buy Brock a cigar.
While making brownies, Kaitlyn rehearsed a dozen different scenarios, wishing she had more courage, aware that whenever she chose to talk to him, the outcome would affect the remainder of her life.
On top of that, she’d realized she was over a month late on her period. She bought an at-home pregnancy test, not really surprised when the stick showed she was pregnant.
Now she had not only her own happiness to think about, but her unborn child’s. Their unborn child’s. She decided she wouldn’t tell Reed until she learned how he felt. Even if he didn’t want her, she’d make sure he had access to his child. But she didn’t want him to feel obligated in any way.
Another week went by. Still she procrastinated, though the anticipation was making her tense. Yet every time she thought about putting everything on the line, she felt sick. She called Zoe for encouragement, and ended up inviting Zoe and Brock over to show off their new baby and have dinner that night. Despite the long drive, they agreed to come.
“You’d better have told him by then,” Zoe threatened.
Kaitlyn gave an uneasy laugh. “I will,” she promised. “Though it will be an extremely awkward evening if it turns out he doesn’t share my feelings.”
“I don’t think you have to worry about that,” Zoe said. “Now get out there and do your thing, girl.”
“I will. See you tonight.”
Since her nerves were getting the better of her, Kaitlyn did what she did best—baked. She made a batch of her best brownies, the ones with double chocolate, caramel, marshmallows and nuts. According to Zoe, whenever she’d made these, they sold out within hours.
Reed walked into the kitchen as she was slicing them. “Smells wonderful,” he said, his easy smile making her entire body clench.
“Try one.” Heart racing, trying to act normal, she offered him a gooey brownie on a paper napkin. “I hope you don’t mind, but I invited Zoe and Brock to dinner tonight. I’m dying to meet their new baby.”
He shrugged. “Sounds good. Do I need to run to the grocery store or anything?”
The easy camaraderie of the scene floored her. Doing her best to sound casual, she shook her head. “Nope. I’ve got enough supplies to make spaghetti and meatballs, plus a salad and garlic bread.”
He studied her and finally smiled. “You seem quite comfortable in the kitchen.”
Now or never. Trying to ignore her racing heart, she nodded. “I am. I really appreciate you letting me stay here with you.”
Reed considered her, his gaze smoky. “You know if you stay here too long, the locals are going to consider you tainted by proximity. My bad reputation will spill over to you. That could hurt your business.”
Was he hinting that she should leave? Deciding to focus on the positive, she managed a smile. “Your reputation is about to get a dramatic overhaul. Once the rest of the news story reports on Alex, everyone will know you were wrongly convicted. I’ve already sent a letter to the governor asking for a full expunge of your records.”
At her words, he swallowed hard. “You did that? For me?”
“Of course I did. All this time, the years of your life that were lost because of Alex...” Blinking back tears—again!—she swiped at her eyes. “This is the least I can do for you.”
The least she could do. If only he knew, she wanted to do so, so much more. And might, if he’d let her, now that she’d overcome her fear of becoming lost in a man’s shadow. Reed wasn’t the type to keep her in darkness. She knew he’d support her, be there for her and help her grow.
Reed didn’t speak, not at first. Head bowed, he turned his cowboy hat over and over in his hands. When he raised his gaze to hers, the gratitude and pain in his eyes nearly undid her.
“Thank you,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “I really appreciate that.”
She ached to reach for him, to hold him, to press her body and her lips to his. Instead, she kept herself still, telling herself she didn’t want to use her body to distract him.
Now would be the time to let him know how she felt. Until now, fear of rejection had kept her from speaking the truth. Even now, the possibility that he could turn her down made her insides quake.
She had nothing to offer but herself. All of her, body, soul and heart. And if she didn’t at least try, she’d spend the rest of her life wondering what might have been.
“Reed,” she began, swallowing hard. She knew she had to be careful—too much and she’d scare him off, too little and he might not even want to try. “I’d like to stay here with you indefinitely.”
“You would?”
Aware he didn’t understand the full meaning of her statement, she continued. “Yes. I enjoy your company. And if you agree, I’d like our relationship to...” She stopped, trying to find the right words. How could she tell him she wanted them to make love again, without sounding needy or worse, crass?
Knowing if she hesitated, she’d never regain her nerve, she blurted out the words. “I’d like to make love again.”
There. She’d said it.
Reed didn’t respond, though his gaze had darkened.
“So,” she finished, probably sounding a bit lame, “I was thinking we could give it a shot, if you’d like. Having a real relationship. More than just roommates. On a trial basis, of course.”
He stared at her, his gaze dark with emotion. “A trial basis?”
“Yes.” She rushed on, aware she probably was making a mess of things, but too nervous to figure out how to correct it. “That is, if you want to.”
“I do. But since we’re being honest, you should know I want more,” he said, reaching out and capturing her hand in his. “I’d like to give us a fighting chance.” He looked away. “But I’m not sure I’m up for a trial basis, open-ended thing. I understand that would be best for you, but I’d rather just wait until you
’re certain.”
She gaped at him. “I’m not sure I understand. What are you trying to say?”
“I’m a one hundred percent kind of guy,” he said quietly. “All or nothing for me. I’d much rather wait until you’re positive, until there’s not a single doubt that I’m the one for you.”
“I—”
“I know.” He met her gaze and held it. “You might not ever reach that conclusion. I understand how important your freedom is to you. You could easily see a better life on the horizon, something so richer than anything you could ever have with me. In that case, I’ll respect your decision and watch you walk away.”
Excuses? Couched in pretty lies and vague phrases? If so, she was having none of that.
“It’s time to cut through all the nonsense,” she told him, pulling her hand from his. She kept her chin held high and her voice unwavering. “If you don’t want me, just say so.”
“Don’t want you?” Incredulous, he took a step toward her and stopped, hands clenched into fists at his side. “Kaitlyn, how could you even think that? If anything, I want you too much. But I don’t think my heart can stand a trial anything.”
The tightness in her chest eased. He wanted her too much. What about love?
As if she’d spoken out loud, something intense flared in his gaze. “I love you, Kaitlyn. I know you said you love me, too, but I need to be sure you mean it.”
He loved her! Her heart sang. “All or nothing, then?” she asked, loving him so much she thought she might burst.
“Exactly.” The sadness in his voice told her what he believed she would choose.
Lifting her chin, she caught and held his gaze. Heart pounding so hard she thought it might burst from her chest, she took a deep breath. Going for the gusto was harder than she’d thought it would be, like baring her soul.
“And, if you’re really serious about all or nothing,” she continued, “I’d like to ask you if you want to get married.”
Time stopped. Frozen, she couldn’t move, couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe. If he turned her down, if he didn’t really mean what he’d said, then she’d have no choice but to leave. Forever.
Hope warred with uncertainty in his unwavering gaze. “I need to know one thing, Kaitlyn. Are you absolutely sure that this is what you want?”
“I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life. I want a life with you.” Conviction lent her bravery. “With love. Supporting each other, no matter what. All or nothing.”
The fact that she’d thrown his own words back at him wasn’t lost on him. A smile tugged at Reed’s mouth. A very sensual, loving smile.
When he reached for her and covered her mouth with his, she had her answer. But, even though the passion of his kiss set her aflame, she knew she needed to hear the words. She had to know, could not assume.
All or nothing.
Gently, she pulled herself back. “Well?” she asked, aware she sounded like a breathless girl. “I need an answer.”
Grinning, he pulled a small, black velvet box from his pocket. “I’ve been carrying this around for over a week. It was my mother’s, and she left it to me when she died.”
“Why?” Kaitlyn could hardly believe it.
“Just in case I ever got the slightest sign from you that you might want me. Permanently.”
And then, while she stood shocked, filled with relief and joy, he removed the sparkling diamond ring and slipped it on her finger, murmuring, “My answer is yes.”
They met halfway, his mouth covering hers in a hunger she shared. His kiss sang in her blood, and she gave herself freely, finally safe in the certainty of his love.
Later, much later, the doorbell chimed. Breaking off from what had started out as cuddling after and turned into a deep and passionate embrace, Kaitlyn took a deep breath. “Reed, I have something else to tell you.”
“Save it for later when we’re alone.” He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
Suddenly, she realized she might be a mess. “Do I look okay?” she asked.
Eyes dark and full of passion, his proud grin was her answer. “You’re always gorgeous to me, no matter what.” That said, he went to the front door and opened it.
Zoe and Brock stood on the front steps, both beaming. Zoe stepped forward, Brock’s hand on her shoulder. She tenderly held a tiny infant in her arms. “Meet April,” she said as they came inside. “Our daughter.”
Transfixed, Kaitlyn moved closer. “She’s beautiful.”
“Would you like to hold her?”
Taking a deep breath, Kaitlyn nodded and held out her arms. Gently, Zoe transferred the baby. Inhaling the sweet scent, Zoe marveled. “She smells like powder and sunshine.”
Zoe laughed. “Yes, she does.”
Kaitlyn’s eyes filled with tears. She tried to blink them away, aware she’d been far too emotional recently. But who could blame her? Lately it seemed like her every dream was coming true.
And now this. Her best friend, Zoe, had gotten her prayers answered, too.
April opened her eyes. “Oh!” Kaitlyn exclaimed. “They’re caramel. Just like yours.”
Zoe nodded. “When I bathe her, her skin practically glows.”
Reed came up behind Kaitlyn, peering down at the newest addition to the McCauley family. “She is a pretty little thing,” he said.
“Would you like to hold her?” Kaitlyn offered.
Immediately, Reed backed away. “Uh, no. I’m afraid I’d drop her or something.”
“Come on, man.” Grinning, Brock lightly punched Reed’s shoulder, gripping a stylish cane with his other hand. “You can do it. Sit on the couch with her if that makes you feel better.”
Reed shot Kaitlyn a look of pure desperation. She returned it by pouring every bit of love and joy inside her into a soft smile. “Sit,” she said. “I’ll take a seat beside you. I’ll be right there if you need help.”
Still appearing uncertain, Reed dropped onto the couch. Carrying her precious cargo reverently, Kaitlyn carefully sat next to him. “Are you ready?”
Hesitating, he finally nodded. Meanwhile, Brock cracked up and Zoe watched them with a mother’s nervous eye.
“Here. She’s not very heavy.” And Kaitlyn transferred baby April to him.
At first, Reed looked as if he’d rather be anywhere else, holding anything but a tiny newborn. But as he nestled little April against him, a look of wonder came over his rugged face. “Wow,” he said. “Just wow.”
Apparently Brock understood his guy talk. “I know, man. Right?”
Without taking his gaze off April’s café-au-lait complexion, Reed nodded. When he finally spoke again, awe reverberated in his husky voice. “You must be so proud.”
“We are,” Brock said, grinning. Zoe beamed, too. “We barely had time to get her nursery ready before she arrived.”
At that moment, baby April scrunched up her face and let out a wail. Reed jumped. Immediately, Zoe moved in, speaking soothing nonsense as she took her daughter from him.
“She’s hungry,” Zoe said. “I need to go warm her bottle. Kaitlyn, do you want to go with me?”
“Sure.” Kaitlyn hurried after her friend.
Once they were alone in the kitchen, Zoe expertly heated the premade bottle in the microwave and tested it on her wrist, before feeding it to her hungry baby. Kaitlyn watched with amazed happiness.
“Life is good,” she finally said.
“Yes.” Zoe’s bright smile confirmed the statement. “It is. Now, do you have something you want to tell me?”
Kaitlyn grinned. “I was going to wait until after dinner,” she said. “But since you noticed, Ms. Observant, yes.” She held out her left hand, letting the ring sparkle in the light. “Reed and I are engaged.”
Zoe gave a satisfied squeal. “Look at that rock! It’s gorgeous!”
“Thank you.” Though Kaitlyn ached to tell her friend the rest of her news, she knew she owed it to Reed to tell him first. After all, she wasn’t
entirely sure how he’d react.
Everyone gathered around the kitchen table. The baby slept while they ate. Reed opened a bottle of red wine for the occasion. Kaitlyn carried her glass to the sink when she went to bring the big bowl of spaghetti and poured most of it out, not wanting to make an issue of being unable to drink it.
They would all know soon enough anyway.
After the meal, Reed tapped on his wineglass, grinning. “Kaitlyn and I have an announcement to make.”
Since Brock was the only one at the table who had no idea what Reed meant, Kaitlyn sent a silent prayer to Zoe to act surprised.
She needn’t have worried.
Reaching over for Kaitlyn’s hand, Reed gazed into her eyes. “Kaitlyn and I have decided to get married,” he said, his expression tender and still amazed.
“Congratulations!” Brock sounded surprised.
Zoe responded with the exact same squeal she’d done in the kitchen. “Fabulous news. I’m so happy for you two.”
Reed smiled. “Thank you. And if we’re lucky, someday we might be as blessed as you two have been, with a child of our own.”
Nodding, Brock replied. “Sooner or later, I’m sure you will be.”
Now? Swallowing, Kaitlyn looked around at the faces of the people she loved and decided, Why not? All or nothing, right?
“About that, Reed.” A deep breath, willing her voice to sound steady. “It might be sooner rather than later.”
He cocked his head, his gaze sure and steady and full of love. “What are you trying to tell me? Remember what we decided. Together in everything.”
Right then she knew. Reed would welcome this baby into his life with as much joy and love as he welcomed her.
“What?” Zoe shrieked, as the truth dawned on her. “Are you saying you’re—”
“Pregnant,” Kaitlyn finished, grinning from ear to ear. “Of course, I just took an at-home test. I haven’t been to the doctor’s yet.”
She met Reed’s gaze. The excitement and love in his eyes, made her want to weep.
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