by David French
JACOB Now, Minnie, you knows you don’t mean all that. Own up to it.
MINNIE Oh, I means it, boy, and more. T’ank God it’s only the second month. At least she don’t show yet. If she’s anyt’ing like me, she’ll have a bad time. Well, a little pain’ll teach her a good lesson.
KATHY I wish you wouldn’t talk about me like that, Mother.
MINNIE Like what?
KATHY Like I was invisible. I don’t like it; I’ve told you before.
JACOB Now, now, Kathy.
MINNIE Listen to her, will you? Invisible. Sister, you may soon wish you was invisible, when the girls from work start counting back on the office calendar.
KATHY Let them count!
MINNIE See, Jacob? See what I’m up against? No shame!
JACOB Minnie, let’s not have any hard feelings. It’s most time for church. I’ll get the coats.
MARY Yes, do.
JACOB gets MINNIE’S and MARY’S coats.
MINNIE (crossing to BEN) You don’t know, Mary, how fortunate you is having sons. That’s the biggest letdown of me life, not having a boy. . . . We couldn’t have any but the one . . . (bitterly) and that had to be the bitch of the litter. How I curse the day. A boy like this must be a constant joy, Mary.
MARY And a tribulation, maid.
MINNIE Yes, but look at all the worry a daughter brings. (as JACOB helps her into her coat) This is the kind of fix she can get herself into.
KATHY Mother, I just asked you not to.
BILL Tell her, Kathy.
MINNIE And then to top it off who gets the bill for the wedding? Oh, it’s just dandy having a daughter, just dandy. I could wring her neck.
BILL Kathy.
KATHY (to BILL) You tell her.
MINNIE If I had my own way I know what I’d do with all the bitches at birth. I’d do with them exactly what we did back home with the kittens —
KATHY I’m not pregnant!
MINNIE What?
KATHY (bitterly) You heard me. I’m not pregnant.
MINNIE What do you mean you’re not? You are so, unless you’ve done somet’ing to yourself. . . .
KATHY I didn’t.
MARY Kathy.
MINNIE I took you to the doctor myself. I was in his office. Why in hell do you suppose you’re getting married tomorrow, if it’s not because you’re having a baby?
KATHY (turning to MARY) Mrs. Mercer, I had a miscarriage. . . .
MINNIE A miscarriage . . .
MARY When, Kathy? (She puts her arms around KATHY.)
KATHY This morning. I went to the doctor. There’s no mistake. And I didn’t do anything to myself, Mother.
MINNIE (quietly) Did I say you did, sister?
MARY Sit down, dear. (She helps KATHY sit — long pause.) This may not be the right moment to mention it, Minnie, but . . . well, it seems to me t’ings have altered somewhat. (She looks at BEN.) T’ings are back to the way they used to be. The youngsters don’t need to get married. There’s no reason to, now.
Pause. No one moves except HAROLD who raises his glass to drink.
Blackout.
ACT TWO
A moment later. As the lights come up, the actors are in the exact positions and attitudes they were in at end of Act One. The tableau dissolves into action.
JACOB Sit down, Minnie. We’ve got to talk this out. (to KATHY) Can I get you anyt’ing, my dear?
KATHY shakes her head. MINNIE sits.
MINNIE (slight pause) What time is it getting to be?
BEN Seven-fifteen.
MINNIE The priest expects us there sharp at eight. He’s got a mass to say at half-past.
MARY Now wait just a minute. I t’ink you’re being hasty, Minnie. The children can please themselves, now, what they wants to do. Maybe they don’t want to get married.
JACOB Mary’s right, Minnie. Ask them.
MINNIE For someone who don’t like to butt in, maid, you got a lot to say sometimes. Stay out of it or I might say somet’ing I’m sorry for.
MARY I can’t stay out of it. I wouldn’t advise my worst enemy to jump into marriage that young, and neither would you, Minnie. They’d be far better off waiting till Billy finishes university. . . .
MINNIE Well, maybe they can afford to put it off, but I sure as hell can’t. The invitations are out . . . the cake’s bought, and the dress. . . the flowers arranged for . . . the photographer . . . the priest and organist hired . . . the church and banquet hall rented . . . the food —
KATHY (jumping up) I don’t want to get married!
MARY What?
MINNIE What? Don’t believe her, Mary. She do so. She’s got a stack of love comics a mile high. (to KATHY) Now you shut your mouth, sister, or I’ll shut it for you.
KATHY I won’t.
MINNIE You knows what’ll happen if you backs out now? I’ll be made a laughing stock. Is that what you wants, you little bitch?
KATHY Don’t call me a bitch, you old slut!
MARY Kathy.
MINNIE (to JACOB) Did you hear that? Why, I’ll slap the face right off her! (She goes after KATHY)
JACOB (keeping MINNIE away from her daughter) All right, now. This is no way to behave. Tonight of all nights!
KATHY That’s what you are, an old cow! He only wants you for your money. (indicating HAROLD)
MINNIE That’s a lie.
KATHY Is it?
MINNIE That’s a lie. Let me at her, Jacob. I’ll knock her to kingdom come.
JACOB Enough, goddamn it! Both of you!
Silence.
That’s better. Let’s all ca’m down. We could all learn a lesson from Harold here. He’s civilized. (slight pause) What we need’s a drink.
MINNIE (as JACOB refills the glasses) Imagine. My own flesh and blood, and she’s got it in for me. She’s never had much use for me, and even less since I took up with Harold here. She’ll say anyt’ing to get back at me. Anyt’ing!
JACOB Kathy’s had a bad time of it, Minnie. No doubt she’s upset. (to MARY) Remember how you was, when we lost our first? Didn’t care if she lived or died. Didn’t care if she ever laid eyes on me again, she was that down in the dumps. And I’m surprised, Billy. Not once have you come to her defence or spoken a word of comfort. You’ve got to be more of a man than that.
BEN Why can’t they get married and Billy still go to school?
MARY (to BEN) Mind your business.
MINNIE You hear that, Jacob? That’s the one with all the brains.
BEN (to MARY) I’m just trying to help.
MARY Who? Yourself?
KATHY I want him to, Mrs. Mercer. He doesn’t have to quit school. I like to work. Honest.
MARY Well, Billy, you’re the only one we haven’t heard from. What do you say?
JACOB Ah, what odds if he gets married now or after university? He won’t do much better than Kathy.
MINNIE She’s a good girl, in spite of what I said about her. A hard worker. She always pays her board sharp. And clean as a whistle.
JACOB That’s settled, then.
MARY Is it, Billy?
JACOB For God’s sake, Mary.
MARY He’s got a tongue of his own. Let him answer. The poor child can’t get a word in edgewise.
JACOB Stop mothering him. He’s a man now. Let him act like one. (amused) Besides, he’s just getting cold feet. Ain’t you, my son?
BEN Did you get cold feet, Dad?
JACOB All men do. (MARY glances at JACOB who nudges her.) Even the best of us. Billy’ll be fine after tomorrow.
MINNIE T’anks, Jacob. I could kiss you. Now, Harold, wait your turn, and don’t be jealous. (as she crosses to the record player and selects a record) The mother of the bride and the father of the groom will now have the next dance. With your permission, Mary?
MARY With my blessing, maid.
JACOB (glancing at MARY) I don’t know whether I’m up to it, Minnie.
MINNIE Go on, Jacob. You’ll be dancing a jig at your own wake.
Music: “Isle of
Newfoundland.” JACOB takes MINNIE in his arms and they dance. BILL goes to KATHY, takes her hand and leads her into the darkened kitchen. They make up.
MINNIE Ah, Jacob, remember when we’d hug and smooch in the darkest places on the dance floor? The way he stuck to the shadows, Mary, you’d swear he was a bat. Dance with her, Harold. (indicating MARY) She won’t bite. (to JACOB) He’s some wonderful dancer, boy. Went to Arthur Murray’s. He’s awful shy, though.
MARY and HAROLD exchange glances. HAROLD clears his throat.
Ah, boy, Jacob, I’d better give Harold a turn. He’d sit there all night looking anxious. He likes a good foxtrot. Fancies himself Valentino. Come on, Lazarus.
MINNIE and HAROLD dance. JACOB crosses to MARY who is sitting behind dining-room table.
JACOB Dance, Mary?
MARY You make a good match, the two of you.
JACOB Mary, I t’ink you’m jealous.
MARY Don’t be foolish. And don’t start showing off. That’s the next step.
JACOB “How beautiful are thy feet with shoes, O prince’s daughter! The j’ints of thy t’ighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a cunning workman.
“Thy navel is like a round goblet, which wanteth not liquor: thy belly is like —”
MARY (sharply) Jacob!
JACOB “— an heap of wheat set about with lilies.
“Thy two breasts —”
MARY All right, boy — enough!
JACOB (sitting) Do you remember, Mary, when you was just a piss-tail maid picking blueberries on the cliffs behind your father’s house, your poor knees tattooed from kneeling? Did you ever t’ink for a single minute that one day you’d be the mother of grown-up sons and one of ’em about to start a life of his own?
MARY No, and that I didn’t. In those days I couldn’t see no further ahead than you charging down the road on your old white horse to whisk me away to the mainland.
JACOB Any regrets?
MARY What does you t’ink?
JACOB Ah, go on with you. (pause) The old house seems smaller already, don’t it?
MARY Empty.
MINNIE (still dancing) Tomorrow’s a landmark for us all, Jacob. I lose me only daughter and you lose your two sons. (JACOB reacts.) Somehow I don’t envy you, boy. I t’ink it’ll be harder on you. If I had sons . . .
JACOB crosses quickly to the record player and switches it off.
JACOB What was that you just said, Minnie? Did I hear you correct? Whose sons?
MINNIE Yours.
JACOB Mine? Only one’s going.
MINNIE Didn’t anybody tell you?
JACOB Tell me what? I’m lucky to get the time of day. (to MARY) Tell me what?
MARY Ben’s moving in with Bill and Kathy. Taking their spare room.
JACOB He is like hell!
BEN I am!
JACOB You’m not!
BEN I am!
JACOB Don’t be foolish!
MINNIE I t’ought he knowed, Mary. I t’ought the kids had told him.
JACOB No, Minnie, they neglected to mention it. I’m not surprised!
MINNIE I wouldn’t have put me big foot in me mouth otherwise.
JACOB Why should I know any more what goes on in my own house than the stranger on the street? I’m only his father. I’m not the one they all confides in around this house, I can tell you. I’m just the goddamn old fool. That’s all! The goddamn fool.
BEN I wanted to tell you after the wedding.
JACOB Yes, you did so.
BEN I would have sooner, but this is what happens.
JACOB Oh, so now it’s all my fault?
BEN I didn’t say that. Stop twisting what I say.
JACOB How quick you is to shift the blame, my son. (to MARY) How come you to know? He was quick enough to run to you with the news, wasn’t he?
MARY I can’t help that.
JACOB Yes, you can. I’m always the last to find out, and you’m the reason, Mary. You’m the ringleader. The t’ree of you against the one of me.
MARY And you talks about shifting the blame.
JACOB Wasn’t I the last to find out Billy was getting married? He told you first, but did you come and confide in me? That you didn’t. If I hadn’t found that bill from Ostranders for Kathy’s engagement ring . . . !
BILL We would have told you . . .
JACOB A lot of respect you show for your father. A lot of respect. You’m no better than your brother.
MARY Ca’m down, boy. You’re just getting yourself all worked up.
JACOB I won’t ca’m down. Ca’m down. All I ever does is break my back for their good and comfort, and how is it they repays me? A slap in the face! (to BEN) What did you have in mind to do, my son? Sneak off with all your belongings, like a t’ief, while your father was at work?
BEN Go to hell.
JACOB What did you say?
BEN You heard me. I don’t have to take shit like that from anyone. And I don’t care who’s here!
JACOB takes a threatening step towards his son. MARY steps between.
JACOB I’ll knock your goddamn block off!
MARY Now just stop it, the both of you! Stop it!
MINNIE I’d never have gotten away with that from my father. He’d have tanned me good.
MARY And Minnie — mind your own business. This is none of your concern.
JACOB Talking like that to his own father . . .
BEN And if you ever hit me again . . . !
JACOB I’ll hit you in two seconds flat, if you carries on. Just keep it up. Don’t t’ink for one minute you’m too old yet!
BEN Come on. Hit me. I’m not scared. Hit me. You’d never see me again!
MARY (slapping BEN) Shut right up. You’re just as bad as he is!
MINNIE Two of a kind, maid. Two peas in a pod. That’s why they don’t get on.
JACOB Why the hell do you suppose we slaved to buy this house, if it wasn’t for you two? And now you won’t stick around long enough to help pay back a red cent. You’d rather pay rent to a stranger!
BILL Dad, I’m leaving to get married, in case you forgot.
JACOB You don’t need to. Put it off. Listen to your mother!
BILL A minute ago you said —
JACOB Forget a minute ago! This is now!
BEN He’ll have converted for nothing, if he does!
JACOB You shut your bloody mouth! (to BILL) Put it off, my son. There’s no hurry. Don’t be swayed by Minnie. She’s just t’inking of herself. Getting revenge for old hurts.
MINNIE And you’re full of shit, Jacob.
JACOB You goddamn Catholics, you don’t even believe in birth control. Holy Jumping Jesus Christ. The poor young boy’ll be saddled with a gang of little ones before he knows it! And all because my poor father hated the Micks!
MINNIE Come on, sister, we don’t need that. Get your coat. You, too, Harold. Let’s go, Billy. The priest can’t wait on the likes of us.
BILL and KATHY move to go.
JACOB Don’t go, Billy. There’s no need!
BILL First you say one thing, Dad, and then you say something else. Will you please make up your mind! (to BEN) Ben, what should I do? Tell me.
BEN I can’t help you, Billy.
KATHY looks at BILL, then runs out, slamming the door.
MARY (to BILL) Go after her, my son. Now’s the time she needs you. We’ll see you in church. Go on, now.
BILL Ben?
BEN In a minute. I’ll see you there.
BILL Dad?
JACOB turns away. BILL runs out.
MINNIE I’ll take the two kids with me, Mary. See you in a few minutes.
JACOB You won’t see me there tonight, Minnie, and you can count on that. And not tomorrow, either.
MINNIE That’s up to you, Jacob, though I hope you changes your mind for Billy’s sake. (slight pause) We oughtn’t to let our differences interfere with the children. (slight pause) Come along, Lazarus. It’s time we dragged our backsides to the church.
They exit
. Silence. MARY removes her coat, then slowly begins to clear the table. BEN looks over at his father. Finally he speaks.
BEN Dad . . .
JACOB What?
BEN I want to explain. Will you let me?
JACOB I should t’ink you’d be ashamed to even look at me, let alone open your mouth. (slight pause) Well? What is it? I suppose we’m not good enough for you?
BEN Oh, come on.
JACOB (to MARY) If you’s going to the church, you’d better be off.
BEN We still have a few minutes.
JACOB (to MARY) And no odds what, I won’t go to church. They can do without me.
MARY Suit yourself. But I’m going. Just don’t come back on me afterwards for not coaxing you to.
JACOB You can walk in that church tonight, feeling the way you does? Oh, you’m some two-faced, Mary.
MARY Don’t you talk. You was quite willing to see Billy go, till it slipped out that Ben was going, too.
JACOB That’s a lie!
MARY Is it?
JACOB That’s a damn lie!
MARY I’ll call a cab. (She crosses to the phone, picks up the receiver. To JACOB) We can’t always have it our way. (She dials and ad libs softly while dialogue continues between father and son.)
