by Allison
Jeremy nodded his approval. “Well, good luck. I hear after three days the nicotine leaves your system. After that, you’re battling a mental addiction, not a physical one.
The whole hand-to-mouth thing.” A smirk crawled across Jeremy’s face and he chuckled to himself.
“What? You can’t laugh and not tell me what’s so funny.”
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Jeremy shook his head. “What I said, the hand-to-mouth comment. I wonder why gay men smoke in the first place. We seem to do fine in the whole oral fixation department.”
Craig choked on the food in his mouth. Jeremy jumped up and started pounding him on the back. A large chunk of beef came back up and landed with a thunk on the table in front of him. “Jesus, Jeremy, let me finish chewing before you make me laugh.
But you’re right. If smoking is partially an oral addiction, we should be a demographic that smokes less.” Craig grabbed a napkin, scooped up the chewed up piece of food, and walked into the kitchen to throw it away.
He returned to find Jeremy laughing harder than before. “Smooth. A real turn on.”
Craig flushed. “Shut up. It’s your fault.”
“Sure, blame the flying food on me.” Jeremy smiled, and continued eating.
“Dad says if I’m still not smoking by summer, he’ll give me a free teeth whitening.”
Craig smiled, purposely ensuring he covered his teeth with chewed up asparagus.
“Lovely. You’re a real charmer when you want to be.” Jeremy smiled at him, a simmering heat beginning to burn within his eyes. “I’m glad you still have your goofy, immature way of doing stupid things for laughs.”
Becoming slightly more serious, Craig turned to Jeremy. “How about your parents?
How are they doing?”
Jeremy glanced down at the table, the smile vanishing, before lifted his gaze to meet Craig’s. “Mom’s doing well. She hasn’t dated much since she and dad split up. I get worried about her sometimes. Grandma passed away five years ago and I tried to get her to move here, but she seems settled where she is and doesn’t want to pick up her life and move again.”
Craig saw a twinge of sadness in Jeremy’s eyes. “And your dad?”
“Dad’s good too. He moved back to Boston and remarried a few years after they split. He waited until I went to college before moving so things would remain stable for me. Neither of my parents wanted me to shuttle across the country while I still lived at home. His wife, Marsha, is a nice lady. I’m happy for him.” Craig could tell he meant what he had said.
They continued eating for a few minutes in silence, drinking their wine and enjoying the meal. Finally, Jeremy broke the silence. “So, Robert seems like a stand-up guy.”
Craig’s insides jumped at the sudden turn in conversation. What does he want to talk about Robert for? “Yeah. He tends to make a good impression on people.”
“Tell me about him.” Jeremy’s request was delivered pleasantly enough, but the way he stared at Craig made him wonder how casual his interest really was.
“We met when I first moved to the West Village, I went to The Monster. We met and connected, like when you see someone across a room and think he’s cute and later, you manage to talk to him and find out he thinks you’re cute too. We talked the whole 126
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night and I liked him a lot. I didn’t even let him sleep with me at the end of the evening.”
Jeremy cocked his head. “I don’t follow. You liked him so much so you didn’t let him take you home?”
“Well, if I did, Robert would have been like every other one night stand. How many times has a hook-up with a guy on the first night turned into a relationship for you?”
Jeremy nodded. “Point taken.”
“Anyway, we went on several dates. He was starting out at Goldman Sachs and believed in his work…had a real passion for investment banking. I became excited listening to him talk about his work. I didn’t understand one damn thing he said, but his passion was a turn-on. Know what I mean?”
Jeremy’s eyes glazed over. “Yeah. I know exactly what you mean.”
“After about four dates, I finally invited him over to cook for him.” Craig smiled remembering the evening. “I made him this meal actually. We had a wonderful evening. I dimmed the lights, set candles all around, played romantic music.” Music, Shit! Craig jumped up, ran to the stereo and pressed play, then returned to the table.
The sounds of Squeeze filled the room. “Sorry ‘bout that.”
Jeremy’s mouth pulled at the sides, pressed tightly together, as if he had to fight to hold something in, then he burst out laughing. “You, my friend, are a total goof!”
Jeremy continued laughing and Craig couldn’t help but join him. Before long, the two of them were clutching at their sides.
Jeremy’s laughter died down, a smile still plastered across his face, but something in his expression seemed a little sad. “You sound like you’re happy with Robert.”
Craig stared down at his plate. “I used to be.” He couldn’t believe the admission came out of his mouth.
Jeremy’s head snapped up. “What?”
Craig blushed. He never talked badly about Robert, no matter what he thought.
“Uh, well, you know how things are. After a while, you run into road bumps and need to work through them.” I hope I sound convincing to him, ‘cause I’m not fooling myself for a minute.
Jeremy studied Craig as if he were under a microscope. Crossing his arms, he leveled his gaze to settle on him. “You’re not fooling me for one second. Spill.”
Defeated, Craig slumped his shoulders and finished his glass of wine. “Well, if I’m going to tell this story, I think I need a refill.” Jeremy grabbed the bottle and refilled both of their glasses and Craig recounted the past few years of his relationship with Robert; the promotions, his shift from valuing people to valuing money, the fact the sex had begun to seem mechanical—absent of love.
Jeremy took his hand. “I’m so sorry, Craig.”
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Craig sighed. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t want anyone’s pity. I’m the one who is in this and I’m the one who is staying in this.” He shook his head. “Until I do something about it, I can only be upset with myself.”
Jeremy glanced down at their joined hands, then back at Craig. “I don’t pity you.
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this.” His voice remained soft and understanding.
“The worst part of the whole thing…I know he’s not good for me. I’ve never been someone to sit by and let bad things happen. Up until recently, we still had amazing sex, but now he doesn’t seem to care about anything but his own needs. He gets himself off and doesn’t worry about my needs.”
The shocked expression on Jeremy’s face caused Craig to laugh. He couldn't decide if Jeremy was horrified or embarrassed by the last bit of information.
Jeremy squinted and shook his head, as if he were trying to clear his brain of the image Craig had planted there. “Why do you stay with him?”
Craig removed his hand from Jeremy’s. “Honestly, I have no idea. I think because I’m comfortable and to upheave my life right now seems like a headache I don’t want to deal with.”
Jeremy slid his chair closer to Craig and put his arm around his shoulders. “Listen to me. We haven’t been in touch until recently, but we were best friends for a long time and we have reconnected like no time has passed.” He stopped talking. Craig turned to face him and he continued. “You are way too good, worth way too much, to tolerate this. You deserve someone who will love you with a fierce passion.” He tightened his grip around Craig’s shoulder. “I barely met Robert, but I hate him from what you’ve told me.”
Craig smiled, but lowered his gaze. “I haven’t been fair to him. He’s not here to defend himself a
nd you are only hearing my side of the story. I’m sure he has his side as well.”
Jeremy’s voice shifted to a shout. “I don’t give a fuck about his side of the story.”
Craig stared up, frightened by Jeremy’s outburst. Jeremy blushed. “I’m sorry. All I’m saying is no reason is good enough to treat someone like they don’t exist. You don’t deserve to be treated like an object. He’s made you forget who you are. The way you’re talking right now is unrecognizable from the Craig I grew up with.”
As much as Craig didn’t want to hear what Jeremy was saying, he couldn’t deny the effect Jeremy’s validation had on him. Despite the years between their childhood and now, Jeremy understood Craig better than anyone else. He placed a hand on Jeremy’s arm and stared at him, his heart filled with affection and longing. It took all of his self-control not to hug Jeremy close and never let him go. “Thanks Jeremy. I appreciate hearing someone remind me I deserve more.” What I really mean is it makes me hard when you get protective like this.
Jeremy filled their glasses again and took their dishes to the kitchen. Craig got up and followed him. “So, tell me about how things are with you and Andrew.”
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Jeremy stiffened slightly. “We met eight years ago. I had begun teaching and lived in the East Village. One night I went to Phoenix on Thirteenth Street and he was playing pool. I decided to put my name on the board and we ended up playing together. We made fun of each other and conversation came easily. As the evening progressed we had drink after drink and our attraction grew.”
The two of them returned to the living room after the dishes had been cleaned, and sat on the couch. They had finished their first bottle of wine so Craig opened a new one.
“We dated for the next few weeks and, like you and Robert, we found we were very compatible.”
Jeremy took another sip of his wine. “He believes his work is helping people. I admire that he hasn’t lost his love for his job.” Craig watched as Jeremy’s brow furrowed and his lips pulled together in a tight line. He remained silent and thoughtful for a few moments. When he spoke, his comment did not match his troubled appearance. “He’s a good man.”
Craig leaned back on the couch, his heat sinking just a bit lower in his chest. “I’m happy for you. You deserve someone who loves you and appreciates all you give.”
Jeremy leaned back on the couch as well, still looking troubled. “Don’t be too happy for me. Things aren’t going well for us lately. We’ve got a lot of problems and I’m not sure they’ll go away. The problems are different than they are with you and Robert. We don’t want the same things anymore and for the past couple of years, I feel like I’ve been the one doing all of the bending. He doesn’t seem to understand that each time he pushes for what he wants, I have to chip away at myself, losing a piece of who I am, to give in to his needs at the expense of my own. He’s the reason we moved to midtown. I didn’t want to.”
Jeremy clenched his hands on his jeans and Craig reached over, taking Jeremy’s hands in his own. Jeremy relaxed and continued. “He’s wanted me to talk to you for the past couple of weeks about remodeling the condo, but I keep making excuses because he’ll be spending more money I can’t afford. It’s not the money specifically that is creating our problems, but it has been at the center of them. He wants things I don’t and I can’t see him compromising. In the end, he gets what he wants and I give in.”
Craig nodded. “I wondered why you hadn’t brought up the remodeling. I figured I would wait until you broached the topic.”
“The biggest problem is I don’t think he respects what I do.” Craig’s head snapped up to face Jeremy. His shock must have been evident because Jeremy simply nodded.
Craig allowed the information to sink in. As he did, a sense of protectiveness filled him. “You aren’t the kind of person who gives in without a fight. You never were.”
“I know. I’ve been remembering that ever since we reconnected at Boris’s party.
Things always happen for a reason. Maybe we’re both struggling to remember who we are since our partners are trying to convince us to be something different.”
Craig stood up and walked over to the stereo, ejecting the Squeeze CD and replacing it with Third Eye Blind. “Come here. Dance with me.”
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Jeremy glanced up and laughed. “What? Who’s the topic shifter now?”
“Shut up and dance with me.”
The smile never left Jeremy’s face as he got up and walked over to Craig, a little wobbly on his feet. “Whoa. I think I’m past tipsy.”
Craig smirked. “I’d hope so after we polished off a bottle and a half between the two of us.” Jeremy walked over to him and Craig took his hand, wrapping his other around Jeremy’s waist and beginning to dance to Bittersweet Symphony.
Jeremy circled his arms around Craig’s neck, leaning in and resting his head against his broad shoulder. Their bodies swayed together as the hypnotic sound of the music filled the room. ”Your cologne smells so good.”
Their contact sent a tingle up Craig’s spine. He linked his arms around Jeremy’s waist, and hugged him close. They swayed, grinding their hips together. The combination of contact with Jeremy, the wine, and his own desires caused Craig’s cock to fill out and lengthen, straining in his pants. He grabbed Jeremy’s waist tighter, pulling closer, allowing their shafts to create friction as they rubbed together.
Jeremy’s warm breath against his neck caused the hairs to prickle and stand on end.
Craig ran his fingers up and down Jeremy’s back in a gentle motion, brushing the muscles as they undulated under his shirt. He loved how Jeremy’s frame molded within his embrace, wanting to hold him forever if Jeremy would let him.
Jeremy lifted his head from Craig’s shoulder, his eyes glimmering in the dim lighting of the room, the amber seeming to flare as if a fire lit them from within. He parted his lips and Craig thought he might say something, but Jeremy closed his mouth over Craig’s brushing his tongue against Craig’s lips.
Craig opened to him and their mouths sealed together in a languid kiss. Jeremy ran his tongue along Craig’s teeth, slicking across the surface, a hint of red wine in his mouth. Time and motion seemed to slow as the two moved; hands exploring bodies, lips locked together, erections pressing against each other. Jeremy reached between their bodies and cupped his hand over Craig’s groin, rubbing gently along his hard length. Craig’s mouth pulled away at the contact, gasping for breath, shock and pleasure filling him. “Jeremy, we—”
His words cut off once again as Jeremy pressed their mouths together, this time gripping Craig’s hair and pulling them into an intense kiss.
Jeremy reached down and pulled Craig’s shirt free from the waist of his jeans and started removing it. The shirt caught around Craig’s pecs forcing Jeremy to pull out of the kiss. His eyes hazed with lust as he whispered one command. “Take off your shirt.”
He then lowered his head and took Craig’s nipple in his mouth, laving at the sensitive skin. Craig obeyed, pulling his shirt up and over his head and tossing it to the side.
They slowly moved together, sidling towards the couch, and fell onto the cushions in a heap. Jeremy grabbed at his cock, maintaining the connection of their mouths, the heat and intensity flaring. Craig’s blood rushed in his ears, causing a drumming sound with each heartbeat. He reached down and grabbed Jeremy’s ass, pulling him in, 130
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rotating his hips so their cocks pressed together through their pants, and ripping a gasp from Jeremy.
When Jeremy lifted his head, Craig thought he might bring their mistake to a screeching halt. Instead, Jeremy worked his way down Craig’s bare torso, nibbling at the taught nubs on each pectoral plane, tracing the contours of his abdomen, allowing his nose to trail down the center. Hot breath blew ag
ainst the fuzz at his navel as Jeremy’s fingers gripped his belt, loosening the buckle and unbuttoning his jeans.
Before he could utter a word, Jeremy had slid his pants and boxer briefs over his butt, allowing Craig’s cock to spring up like a tower.
Craig lost his ability to breathe as Jeremy licked his lips, his gaze fixed on his prize.
With a gentle flick of tongue, Jeremy tickled the underside of Craig’s mast, just under the crown of his cock. The already glistening tip shone with the added moisture of saliva and left Craig helpless to do anything but throw his head back and enjoy.
The heat as Jeremy’s mouth closed over his head and worked its way down the shaft, caused his cock to pulse inside Jeremy’s mouth as a sheen of sweat broke out over his body. Craig lifted his head when he heard a zipper being opened, and watched Jeremy reach into his own pants to remove his penis, thick and straining, shimmering with wetness at the tip. Holy shit! He’s not wearing underwear. How hot is that?
The combination of Jeremy’s slick mouth, the glistening strings of precum hanging from the tip of Jeremy’s cock as he beat himself, and the fact Jeremy was the one giving him such pleasure, filled Craig with an emotion he had forgotten; one he hadn’t experienced in longer than he cared to remember—love. Somehow he could sense Jeremy’s only desire was to please him, and that he gained pleasure in the process.
Hot tears formed in Craig’s eyes and spilled down his temples as he let go of any lingering resistance. Whether the tears came from guilt about cheating or bliss from sharing a moment with the man he loved, the tears cleansed him. Once they began to flow, they wouldn’t stop…he didn’t want them to.
In a matter of minutes, his body tingled with agonizing ecstasy, each nerve sending electrical shockwaves through his body. Guttural moans reached his ears, but he had no idea whether they came from himself or from Jeremy. He didn’t care. When his testicles pulled up close to his body, his release moments away, he gripped Jeremy’s shoulder and forced a strained phrase out of his mouth. “I’m gonna come.”
