Red Shoes & A Diary

by Mia Zachary

  “Francisco Ramos. You’re under arrest for assault with a deadly weapon, drug distribution and conspiracy to launder drug money. You have the right to remain silent—”

  “You have nothing on me, pendejo. My lawyer will eat your badge for lunch.”

  Emelio smirked. “Tell him to get in line.”

  Alex kept the handkerchief tight against Meghan’s shoulder, his other arm wrapped anxiously around her. Then he closed his eyes since all he could see was white dancing spots anyway. His brain had shut down when he saw Ramos fire his Glock 29.

  Willing his pulse to even out, he lifted the cloth to take a look at the wound. It seemed like a through-and-through, a nasty graze across the top of her shoulder. “Dammit! Where’s that ambulance?”

  She clutched at him with trembling hands, whispering his name over and over again. Blood soaked through the handkerchief, staining his hand. An ache like nothing he’d ever felt before squeezed his chest in a cruel vise. He’d endangered Meghan for the sake of the job.

  She’d handled the con flawlessly from the start, but he knew exactly what the effort had cost her. The stress of having to process every action through an assumed identity showed on her face, as did the pain of the gunshot wound. His breathing was as shallow as hers and his hand shook as he cupped her cheek.

  “Julie’s going to be mad that I ruined her dress.” She laughed shakily, eyes much too bright for his liking. Her face was ghostly pale and her body quivered uncontrollably.

  “You saved my life.” More than that, she’d saved his soul. Alex gazed into her whiskey-colored eyes, his heart full of gratitude and love. He’d been half-alive before he met her, drifting through a lonely existence, not understanding what was missing. Now that he’d found her, he’d never let her go.

  “You’re lucky I didn’t shoot you myself.” There was an hysterical edge to her voice. “What were you thinking, you lunatic, standing there grinning like an idiot?”

  “I was just so damned proud of you.” Her eyes were glazing over. He had to keep her awake so he kept talking. “Thanks to your quick thinking, Ramos is finally going to prison. You really had him convinced Elise was for real.”

  She winced when he increased the pressure on her shoulder. Meghan couldn’t see that the graze was still bleeding. “Of course he was convinced. I was good.”

  Alex chuckled humorlessly. “You were amazing. If you ever want a job—”

  “That is not even remotely funny.”

  “I know it’s not—I’m sorry.” His fingers caressed her hair as he forced the words past the tightness in his throat. “You were so brave—and you must have been terrified.”

  “I must have been crazy.”

  “Yeah, crazy about me. I love you, Trouble.”

  An odd expression crossed her face. Some instinct told him it wasn’t due to the bullet wound. “Alex—”

  Just then one of his fellow agents came up behind them and pulled him away. He spoke in an undertone. “I’m gonna search you for weapons. Try not to enjoy this, big guy.”

  “In your dreams, Sandalis. You’re not my type.” He mumbled the reply under his breath. Shelton and Kent were both watching, so he couldn’t risk breaking cover.

  As one of the agents dragged Ramos off, he stared at Alex with hard black eyes. “You will pay for this! We have not seen the last of each other.”

  “You’ve got to stop watching rerun episodes of that Miami Vice show, Frankie.”

  Just then, cold steel handcuffs were snapped around his wrists. Enough curious bystanders whispered and pointed to make him momentarily forget he worked for the good guys. Worst of all was the look of dismay on Meghan’s face.

  “What happens now, Alex?” she murmured.

  The underlying question punched a hole in his gut. She wasn’t talking about the moment; she was asking about their future. He saw the withdrawal in her expression, but there was nothing he could do about it right now. So he kept his tone light and smiled.

  “We’ll put on a good show for the other suspects, then I’ll slip over to the DEA’s Post of Duty Office. I have a ton of reports to type out, but I’ll come see you as soon as I can.”

  Emelio walked over and helped Meghan stand up. “The paramedics are here. I’ll have somebody go with you to the hospital so you can get that shoulder looked at.” He glanced at Alex and spoke under his breath. “Don’t worry. I’ll check on her myself as soon as we get this squared away.”

  “I owe you one,” he replied in an equally low tone.

  “Let’s go, scumbag! You’re under arrest.” Special Agent Sandalis raised his voice and shoved Alex forward.

  As “Nicholas Alexander” was taken into custody and informed of his rights, he saw Meghan’s eyes cloud with emotion a second before she turned away.

  16

  My dream vacation has turned into a nightmare of danger and deception. I found love only to discover I can’t live with it….

  “MORE?”

  “Yes, ma’am. And I’m pretty sure this isn’t all.” The porter gave her a crooked grin as he handed Meghan yet another bouquet of flowers. “Whoever he is, he must be real sorry.”

  She closed the door and walked past the suitcases lined up in the foyer. In the living room, vases and baskets of bright, fragrant blooms covered almost every surface. The flowers had been arriving all morning. After making a place for the lilies on the coffee table, she went back out to the balcony. The overwhelming aroma of all those flowers wouldn’t choke her here.

  She picked up her pen and continued writing where she’d left off.

  I wanted to be someone different. I wanted to have an adventure. What’s that old saying? About being careful what you wish for? Too bad I had to get shot to realize the truth—“Elise” is a part of me, not a different self, but in the end, I’m still Meghan. The responsible, respectable, reliable one.

  I started the week wanting a fling. Now I want a forever. But it won’t be with Nick, my fantasy come true. And it won’t be with Alex the undercover agent. How could a man who thrives on danger, who has a different name for each day of the week, commit to forever?

  DRAWING THE BACK OF HER HAND under her chin, Meghan wiped away the beaded perspiration. What had possessed her to trek out to the east end of Cayo Sueño in this heat? The air felt sultry and still. Not a cloud appeared in the deep blue sky. The late Saturday-morning temperature must have reached the upper nineties already.

  She adjusted the weight of the tote on her good shoulder, absently listening to the lecture on the pre-Columbian ruin. The excavated stone walls contrasted starkly against the lush foliage and murky water of the salt ponds.

  “Researchers are divided in their opinions of the stone circle’s origin. Some think it was carved by a breakaway band of Maya from the Yucatan Peninsula across the Gulf. Others believe it’s the foundation of a Tequesta Indian building. However, both sides agree that this site was an important ceremonial center of worship.”

  Meghan peered at her watch as the lecturer droned on about the size and symmetry of the ceremonial circle. Suddenly her vision blurred and she felt dizzy. Realizing she was getting dehydrated, she opened a bottle of water and drank half of it down in a few gulps.

  “I’ll take some of that, if you don’t mind.” Alex appeared at her side, brushing a forearm across his brow.

  She greeted him with a faltering smile, more pleased than she cared to admit that he’d sought her out. Handing him the water, she took the opportunity to admire his long, tanned legs. She avoided looking at his shirt. Today’s “fashion don’t” had multicolored parrots and palm trees.

  “Are you doing okay, sweetheart?”

  She started to shrug, then winced at the twinge in her right shoulder. “I’m tired and a little out of it from the meds they gave me at the hospital.”

  “Sorry I didn’t make it over to see you. I had a ton of reports to fill out and some other stuff to take care of.”

  “You didn’t miss much. They just bandaged me
up, and then Julie brought me back. She was more upset than I was.”

  While the lecturer continued, Alex leaned close to whisper playfully in her ear. “This is boring. Want to cut class?”

  The idea of sneaking off to make love in the foliage was tempting. Very tempting. But not meant to be. She maintained a light tone until she could talk to him alone. “Would you believe, I’ve never skipped before? I had a perfect attendance record all through school.”

  “In that case, let’s walk on the wild side.”

  At the start of her vacation, Meghan thought she wanted to do just that. She remembered the moment they met, the first spark of awareness, the first feeling of connection. In that instant, she’d somehow known he would change her life. But she’d discovered that acting wild had consequences.

  Alex led her away from the tour group, past a pair of researchers inspecting the rocks and dirt, to the far side of the excavation site. She dropped her tote bag to the ground and climbed one of the rocks.

  Now distanced from the voices and the hammering, Meghan could hear the waves rolling onto the beach and the wind in the tree branches. The slight breeze, carrying the scent of sunlight and flowers, ruffled her hair.

  Alex boosted himself up beside her on the limestone wall, elbows locked at his sides and legs dangling over the edge. Squinting against the sun’s glare, he dipped his head to indicate the weathered stones around them. “Greg would have loved this.”

  She didn’t want to discuss Greg. They needed to talk about the present, not the past. Then again, maybe this was a good opening. “Really? Why?”

  “He wanted to be an archeologist when he grew up. That kid was crazy about dinosaurs and fossils.” Alex chuckled, apparently enjoying a particular memory. “I remember one time Greg found these old bones in the backyard. Guess he must have been around ten. He was so excited—totally convinced he’d found some prehistoric skeleton. I didn’t have the heart to tell him it was probably the family pet of a previous owner.”

  She pushed her glasses back onto her nose and gazed at him thoughtfully, feeling a mix of pride and pity toward him. “How much longer are you going to punish yourself? How long before you realize you can’t save him?”

  His light green eyes widened in shock, then he clenched his jaw and looked away without a reply. She’d hurt him, but she’d wanted to make a point. She softened her tone, knowing it wouldn’t soften the blow. “I’m glad you’re here, Alex. I can say goodbye in person.”

  “There’s plenty of time to talk about that. We don’t leave until tomorrow afternoon.”

  “I’m leaving today.”

  “What? Wait a—”

  “I wish you well, Alex, but it’s over between us.”

  He regarded her through hooded eyes and his voice took on a bitter edge. “You’re throwing away our happiness because of something in the past. There’s no reason—”

  “The past is the reason.” She held his gaze, needing him to understand. “I saw what Julie went through, always waiting for a call in the middle of the night or a knock at the door.”

  “That won’t—” He tried to slip his left arm around her waist, but she shifted away to stop him.

  “Yes. It will.” Meghan spoke softly, but her tone was certain. “Because you’re fighting a battle you can’t win, and you don’t seem to care who gets in the way.”

  His features took on a defensive expression. “It was never my intention to hurt you. God knows, I never intended for you to be hurt by anyone else, either.”

  She gave him a hard stare. “You knew what kind of man Ramos was, what he was capable of. And you still let me walk into the firing line.”

  “As I remember it, you insisted on taking part. Besides, Emelio and I were there the whole time to protect you.”

  “You guys were there to make sure you got enough evidence to lock Ramos away.”

  “I was doing my job, the only way I know how.” His wooden tone indicated that he’d withdrawn from her.

  She couldn’t really be angry with him. Kyle had been the same type of man—determined to take on the world and leave it better than he’d found it. But one cop with a penchant for danger was more than enough for her.

  “I’m just saving myself from further harm, the only way I know how.”

  “Don’t do this.” His features were set as though etched in stone, but a hint of desperation colored his voice. “Don’t throw away the best thing that ever happened to either one of us.”

  Meghan climbed down off the wall, feeling sad and resigned. “If this is the best thing, then the worst will be unbearable. You’re not the kind of man I can plan a future with.”

  Alex jumped to his feet and stood before her. His dark brows slanted in a frown, his eyes insistent. “You have no idea what kind of man I am—”

  “That’s exactly the problem—”

  “Because I had a role to play—”

  She sobbed. “I don’t know how—”

  “Quit interrupting, will you!” He let out a harsh breath and tightly clenched one fist, as if reining in his emotions. “‘Nicholas’ is no more real than the dream lover you created in your journal.”

  “Well, since you brought up my diary…”

  “Don’t even go there, Trouble. I’m through apologizing. I can fulfill your fantasies, but I don’t live my life as one.”

  She whirled around. “Excuse me? Alex or ‘Nick’ or whoever you are today, what is your whole life other than a fantasy?”

  “And yours isn’t? Until this week you’ve only lived inside the pages of your journal. Who’s the real Meghan? Or should I call you ‘Elise’?”

  She huffed out a breath, acknowledging the truth of his question. “I know I got myself into this with my stupid plan. And because I tried to be someone I’m not, I ended up falling in love with a man who doesn’t exist.”

  Alex turned her around to face him, taking care not to jar her shoulder, refusing to let go when she struggled. “The woman you’ve been this week is closer to your true nature than you realize. You’re impulsive and fun-loving and passionate—”

  “I know you were attracted to ‘Elise’—I saw it in your face and the gleam in your eyes. But that’s not who I am.” She finally freed herself from his grasp. “Pretending to be Mata Hari was only fun until the bullets started flying.”

  He reached over to grab her hand, entwining his fingers with hers. “Give me another chance. I know we can work this out. We can get beyond the issue of my job.”

  “There’s also the issue of your integrity. How can I possibly trust a man who lies for a living?”

  “I’m not the only one with an honesty problem.” He squeezed her hand, frustration evident on his face. “It’s easier to make me the bad guy than face your fears and insecurities.”

  She closed her eyes against the hurt in his expression. She was dying inside, but she just couldn’t do this. She looked at him, silently begging him to understand. “I can’t live with the risks, the chances you take, the constant danger.”

  He turned his face, but not before she saw the sheen of tears in his eyes. His smoke-roughened voice was quiet and firm, as though he refused to let it sound like begging.

  “Don’t leave me. Please.”

  Omigod. Her heart just crumbled into dust. It wouldn’t be that hard to give in, to plan their lives around his secret assignments, but she was afraid. She wanted more than sex, more than seduction. She wanted the house and kids and dogs. And a husband who came home every night.

  Alex wasn’t destined to be her Mr. Fabulous. She needed a safe, dependable nine-to-five guy for a real relationship to be possible. He was more likely to work from 9:00 p.m. until 5:00 a.m., infiltrating cartels and lurking in dockyards.

  It had been a thrilling and enlightening week. She’d wanted something more out of life, wanted to be someone different. She’d learned a lot about herself and she’d always be grateful to Nick—Alex for that. But the adventure had come to an end. No matter how wonderfu
l he was in bed and how much fun he was out of it, he wasn’t the right man for her.

  “I don’t need any more heroes in my life.”

  He clasped her hand and pulled her tightly into his arms.

  Knowing it was a mistake, Meghan cursed her inability to resist him. She put her arms about his waist and, against her better judgment, relaxed into his embrace. Only for a moment, one last moment. For a long while they stood in silence, simply holding onto each other.

  She felt the heat of his body through the ugly shirt and the tension in the muscles underneath. Pressing her mouth to the side of his neck, she could feel his pulse beating against her lips. It suddenly struck her how much she’d miss the smell of his skin.

  “Kiss me goodbye, Trouble.”

  He tilted her chin and tenderly covered her mouth. His kiss tasted of sadness, of longing and of regret. When they parted, she was dazed by the depth of emotion she felt from him as well as within herself. Thinking of the old adage, she decided it was better never to have loved at all.

  ALEX GLARED at the phone receiver in his hand, actually believing he could reach Meghan by sheer force of will. He’d been calling Julie’s condo all week, but kept getting the answering machine. He had to talk to her. Hell, he just wanted to hear her voice.

  He remained lost in thought until the nasal computer message instructed that if he’d like to place a call, please hang up and try again. Frustrated, he put down the phone and stared morosely at the carpet.

  Loneliness was a dull constant ache in his chest. Meghan’s face haunted his dreams, leaving him restless and miserable. He remembered how well her body fit with his, the sweetness of her kiss, the way she looked in the soft light of dusk and her soft cries that first night they’d made love.

  Impatiently, he pulled his drifting thoughts together. Heaving himself up from the couch, he padded across the near-empty apartment. Walking into the sparse kitchen, he made a mental note to buy some furniture.

  He had a king-size bed, the couch, a TV and a small dinette set. He kept meaning to put up some shades and a few pictures, but work had always demanded his time and attention. So, the walls remained blank and the windows were covered only by dust.