by Devyn Jayse
"What?"
"He brought up marriage." I could hear the panic in my voice as I tugged my hair.
"How on earth did you manage to do that to yourself?"
I knew she didn't mean to lecture me, but I could hear the censure in her voice anyway, and I defended myself. "He made an inappropriate comment, and I could see him getting the idea. How do I make Dare miserable? I could see him thinking it."
Gwen's brow crinkled as she bit her lip. That was what she did when she was thinking hard on a topic. I stayed quiet until she spoke again. Maybe she would have a solution.
"It may not be so bad."
I interrupted her. "Not so bad? He'll marry me off to somebody horrible! And you know how I feel about marriage!"
Gwen sighed. "Dare, you can't expect Father to allow you to marry Tobin. I know how you feel toward him, but it won't do."
"Why not?" I demanded. "He's a good person. He makes me laugh. We've known him and his family all our lives. They were there for us when Mama died. If it weren't for them, you and I wouldn't have had anyone taking care of us."
Gwen started to speak, but I continued over her, "You know it's true with Father gone away on work most of the time. They're good people. So what if they're not on the same social level as us?"
"Jasper wouldn't allow it. Father will listen to his views on the matter and agree with him. You know he will."
I clenched my fists.
"Dare, I can't keep getting you out of trouble. You need to work harder at not calling attention to yourself. You know he can't control his actions. Don't give him a chance to hurt you."
"Has he hurt you?" I asked, jumping to my feet.
"No." My sister shook her head, her eyes wide. "No."
"You're telling me the truth?"
She looked to the floor, avoiding my eyes.
"Gwen, has he done anything to you?"
"No," she repeated after I grabbed her hands.
I searched her expression, but I couldn't tell whether he had laid hands on her. My blood boiled. I did not care if he was the prince--I would kill him if he dared to touch her in anger.
"Dare, sit down." Her voice was sharp. "You need to be careful. I can only protect you so long. And now, you've brought Tobin closer to his attention."
"What will he do? How can I protect him?"
We both knew it was only a matter of time before he taunted me by hurting Tobin. I was a fool for having been so reckless.
"I don't know. Stay out of his view for some time. It shouldn't be so difficult. Keep a low profile at dinner and over the next few days. Everything will be fine."
I allowed myself to be convinced by her reassurances.
I should have known better.
3
"I told you we shouldn't have been there!"
"Nothing happened. It's okay." Even I heard the lack of confidence in my voice.
I couldn't stay cooped in my rooms. As soon as Gwen had left my company, I instantly left and sought out Tobin. He was waiting for me where he usually did when we got into trouble, beyond the castle under the tree in the outer courtyard.
"Do you want to come over to mine?" Tobin asked.
"Yes, please." Being around his family always cheered me up.
We made our way to his home, following the cobblestones to the middle neighborhood. There, houses clustered together, carved out from the stone making up the mountain's side. Neighbors lived side by side but each house distinguished itself in different ways. Some had painted doors and windows. Others had potted plants outside. Usually, a family lived generation after generation in the same home. Most of the houses had the same interiors. The kitchen and dining area was usually close to the door, making use of the windows. That was why, most of the time, the streets smelled of spicy seasoning and baked bread.
The inner rooms were bedrooms. The houses closest to the castle were fortunate to have two levels. I had heard that new houses being constructed closer to the gate were often small and had one or two rooms. The time would come when the castle grounds wouldn't be able to hold all its residents, but the system worked at present. It was a city on a mountain, and one could find anything one needed within the castle walls.
Tobin's family house had a brightly painted red door with ivy crawling up the wall to the upper level. Tobin pushed open the door, and we called out greetings as we entered.
"Morning, Ma." Tobin bent down and gave his mother a kiss on the cheek. She was sitting at the dining table with a clothes in need of patching in front of her. Tobin's younger brother and sister, Micah and Adelaide, were sitting with her. Micah had scraps of leather in front of him that he was working with. Adelaide had fabric and needles.
"Good morning, Joy."
"Good morning, Dare. That's a beautiful dress you're wearing, if a bit rumpled. Should I be asking you what you've been up to?"
"Ma!" Tobin exclaimed.
"You've been off duty for some time. I expected you home some time ago." Her eyes twinkled. From the way she dropped hints here and there, I knew she would love it if I could make a future with Tobin, but she never said anything outright, knowing how things stood with my father.
"We were sword fighting," I answered, ignoring the heat that rose to my face at her comment, and slipped into a chair across from her next to Micah.
"Still?" Joy gave us a wry smile. "I'll have to remember to blame Garren for that when I send his next letter. He'll be thrilled, I'm sure."
Garren was Tobin's older brother. Nearly ten years before, Garren had decided he wanted to be a guard and started training. As a twelve-year-old, Garren found that being followed by two eight-year-olds was very embarrassing. The older boys teased him relentlessly at his training sessions. The more he tried to stop us from following him, the more we did it. That's when we first decided we wanted to learn sword fighting.
Tobin took it one step further, following his brother's footsteps, and applied to be a guard. If I could have, I would have done the same, but my father would have had a fit. Tobin did so well in his tests that he was admitted to the elite King's Guard.
"You'll also have to remember to include that Micah hasn't been practicing in the next set of letters we send him," Tobin teased his younger brother. Garren was currently stationed in the outer territories and hadn't been back to Valona in years.
"Should you be sword fighting in the castle when you're off duty, Tobin?"
"No, but she wouldn't listen."
"I'm sorry Joy, but I was getting rusty. I don't see Tobin as much anymore."
"You can train at the training grounds, can't you?" Micah piped up.
"They won't fight against me anymore." I said glumly.
"Even the women guards?" Micah asked.
"Even them. They used to indulge me before Gwen got married. But ever since then, they told me they won't raise a sword against me."
"They're fearful of doing you injury. It wouldn't do for a noblewoman to get injured in the training yard," Joy said.
"They weren't scared before."
"Gwen wasn't married to the prince before. It makes people think twice."
I was frustrated. I was still the same person I had always been. I hated when things I enjoyed just stopped because of circumstances beyond my control. Gwen had married the prince, not I.
"Besides," Joy continued, "while I know we encouraged your training when you were younger because I believe every woman should learn how to defend herself, it's not something that you can use later on in life. You have to start thinking of what other skills you can focus on."
"You're beginning to sound like my father."
"Does he know you practice?" Her expression indicated she knew my answer.
"He'd order me to stop if he knew. He doesn't like me doing anything useful. I'm to sit there and be an ornament, looking pretty and to be sold to the highest bidder." I grumbled.
"Oh, Dare, it's not like that. Your father cares about you," Joy said.
"You don't know him like I
do."
Tobin took a large bite of bread. "She does have skill with the sword. She's quicker than most of the guards I know. It's a shame she can't enlist."
"I'd love to."
"You'd be a fierce guard." Tobin said, giving me a grin.
"You're the greatest swordsman I know." Adelaide pushed away her scraps of fabric.
I laughed. "I'm the only you know."
"Can I braid your hair?" She opened her eyes as wide as possible, getting another laugh out of me.
"Sure, but you'll have to unbraid it all first." My hair was long and fell to my waist. It was one of my best features, but a hassle to take care of. Drying it took forever, and I usually kept it braided. I only left it loose for formal dinners. Adelaide loved to play with it.
I got up from my chair and turned it sideways so Adelaide could reach my hair without the back of the chair getting in her way. She began by unraveling the intricate braids my hair had been arranged into.
"Did Mara braid your hair?"
"Yes," I replied.
"It's so beautiful. Where did she learn to make these patterns?"
"I think those are the secrets of the maids."
"Do you think I could learn these if I became a maid?"
I turned to her. "Is that what you want to do?"
Micah snorted. "You want to run after a noblewoman dressing her and braiding her hair?"
"I would like to if she's like Dare."
"Ha! There's no noblewoman like Dare." Tobin reached out to pull at a few strands of my hair and let go. "No one is crazy enough to run around the castle with a sword and raise the wrath of the prince."
"Tobin," his mother said as a mild rebuke. She turned to me. "Is it true? Have you caught the Prince's attention?"
I made a face. "Just today. I didn't expect him to be up so early."
"Take care." Her eyes were serious. "And how is Gwen's pregnancy coming along?"
"She's doing well."
"That's good. Your mother had a hard time carrying her. I've been worried she may be the same."
"No, so far she's doing well. Just the usual complaints."
"I heard your father is back in the castle."
"Yes, he's just returned last night. I'll see him at the dinner tonight."
"How long had he been gone?"
"Three months."
My father always disappeared for months on end. As King's Voice, he had to travel across the lands to negotiate treaties on the king's behalf. That we lived in relative peace, free from troubles was a testament to both his skill and the king's rule. The king's reign had been the most peaceful our kingdom had experienced. We didn't even have squabbles with our neighbor, Serakastra.
"And how's Opal?"
I shrugged. "I don't see her much. She just appears whenever my father is back, and we see her at dinner."
Joy knitted her eyebrows. "I knew she could never replace your mother, but I had hoped that she would have some presence in you girls' lives."
My father's choice of second wife was a strange one. Opal didn't come from a highly placed family. Shortly after my mother's death, she appeared in our home. My father introduced my sister and I to our new stepmother and said she would be taking care of us. Despite that, Opal's appearance didn't change our lives much. We barely saw her and so she had a minimal impact on our lives.
"It's okay. I have Gwen, and she has me." We didn't need anyone else.
"You have us, too." Adelaide piped up from behind me.
I gave her a wide smile and reached out to pull her into a hug. "That's right. I have the best family right here."
That was true. I spent so much time with Tobin's family that they treated me as though I was one of their own. I loved being around them. Tobin's family was everything I had lacked growing up. His parents were kind and expressed their love for one another in every action. His home was always full of noise, as was the case with large families, a stark contrast from the quiet dinners my sister and I had with my father and stepmother.
My mother had been the heart of the family, and try as she could, Gwen couldn't maintain the joy Mother had infused into our small family. She tried, but it didn't work. Opal didn't even try. She was a silent witness. Since Gwen had married, my father and I were forced to handle ourselves on our own. We clashed without Gwen's serenity to smooth over conversations.
Gwen often said that was because we were so alike, but I didn't like to think so. My father was proud and stubborn and focused on achieving his own goals. I was none of those things and didn't take after him at all.
"I thought you were going to ask to be on duty this afternoon? What happened with that?" Micah asked his brother.
"The captain relieved me," Tobin said. "One of the guards tonight asked to switch out, so he told me to get some rest now because I'll be covering the dinner."
Joy raised an eyebrow. "This is the first time they've assigned you to duty in the presence of the king."
Tobin's chest puffed up. He would never admit it, but I knew he was pleased about the assignment. Despite that, he continued to downplay his role. "It will only be for a short time."
"Still, it's an honor to be part of the King's Guard." Joy was clearly proud of her second son.
"I don't know why you wanted to be a guard," Micah said. "You don't do anything."
"Micah!" Joy rebuked her youngest.
Adelaide spoke up. "That's not true!"
"We live in the safest kingdom. No one ever attacks us. They just stand at different parts of the castle and look at each other." Micah scoffed.
"He can go to the outer territories like Garren!" his sister argued.
"But he's here, isn't he?"
Joy ruffled her middle son's hair. "I like it that you're safe even while you're doing your duty to the crown. And I enjoy having you near. I don't find it a problem in the slightest."
"I'm just saying what is the point of being a guard if he's just standing around?" Micah asked.
"He's fulfilling his role as his superiors see fit," Joy said. "Part of being a guard is learning discipline and taking orders. Guards have to do a lot of boring tasks, but it makes them better at their job."
Micah rolled his eyes, unconvinced. I gave Tobin a smile across the table. I knew from our personal conversations that Tobin longed for adventure and his goal was to seek out an assignment in the outer territories as his brother had. I waited until Adelaide finished braiding my hair, then I left their home, returning to my rooms.
4
"Lady Darelynn, your face is pale. Shall I add a bit of rouge to your cheeks?"
I glanced up at the looking glass Mara was holding in front of my face. My eyes looked huge and my face colorless.
Adelaide's braids were long gone, my waist-length hair brushed and arranged into an intricate hairstyle forming a crown around my head and trailing down my back. Somehow, Mara had figured out a way to showcase the honey-colored strands in my hair, making me appear fair headed. She did her best to make me stand out when all I wanted was to blend into the walls. She never did listen to my requests, doing as she pleased. She had been with our family's household since I could remember.
"Yes, Mara, but only a little."
Mara nodded in understanding. Knowing how the castle worked, she had probably heard about my altercation with the prince. I had to avoid his attention at dinner.
Her fingers added a dab of the reddened paste, smearing it onto my skin. She patted my face until she was finally satisfied. She stepped back and studied her work. "That looks better. It doesn't draw the eye, but it makes you look less like a corpse. You were deathly white earlier."
I stood up, kicking out the heavy fabric of my skirts before me. I was wearing a long blue dress, so dark it was almost black. I had determined to be serious about keeping a low profile. The neckline was a little out of style. It flared from under my chest, giving me a greater amount of movement than I would usually have with the current tight fashions.
One thing I did l
ike about the current fashion was my short gloves. I picked them up and slipped them on. The ladies had taken to wearing them after Lady Amaline had said they kept her hands soft. Since then, half the court was wearing the gloves despite the weather being quite warm enough.
I made my way down to the royal dining hall. Twice a week, dinner was served there with the royal family in attendance. Court members occupied the remaining tables. Guards lined the inner walls, not out of need, but on occasion, members of the court would have a little too much to drink and would need to be separated and escorted out before they came to blows in front of the king. If that happened, he couldn't turn a blind eye. That said, it didn't happen much, but as with any court, even one with kind rulers, many were there who vied for greater influence and power.
Knowing Tobin was on duty, I kept my eye out for him and didn't have to search long. He was stationed inside, a little past the door. The only acknowledgment I made to him was catching his eye briefly as I walked past. I was very conscious that the prince might be watching me from a distance.
Nobody remarked that I didn't greet Tobin, but that was because none of the nobles usually noticed the guards. I was one of the few nobles who knew each guard by name. Most of the others didn't acknowledge their presence. The guards were invisible until needed.
"Father," I said as I reached him at our section of the table, close to the royal family, as was expected for our status. I bent down and greeted my father with a kiss on both cheeks. He lowered his head slightly, and I stood on my tiptoes to kiss his forehead in the traditional mark of respect.
Opal sat near him and gave me a head tilt, which I returned. We rarely embraced each other, and my father, usually a stickler for formality, had never enforced it, strangely.
"What are you wearing?" he asked in a husky voice, the ever-constant frown on his face. Clearly, he was not impressed with my dark-colored old-fashioned dress. He wanted me to stand out so that I could gain admiration and thereby increase my offers of marriage, not that I was lacking those.
Many families wanted their son to ascend to the top of the social sphere by becoming the prince's brother-in-law. Fortunes could be enhanced by a strategic alliance. What I looked like didn't matter--I was desirable for my connections. I knew families had been formally angling for my hand since my sister married the prince five months earlier. The only reason a marriage contract hadn't been made for me yet was because my father had to weigh all his options and see which merger would be the one most profitable for himself.
