by JL Brooks
“Get him away from me!”
I tightened my eyes shut so I did not have to see the pain my words would evoke. The officer placed him in the back of the car, while the other stayed to ask me a few questions.
“Are you hurt ma’am? Do you need to go to the hospital? Do you want to press charges?”
I kept mostly silent, only responding when needed, except to the last question.
“Can I decide later? I just want to leave and I’m not hurt. Is that okay?”
Another few campus police vehicles quickly pulled up to the incident as there was not much going on elsewhere.
“Ma’am, I am sorry. Even if you don’t press charges, we still need you to come and give a statement since this happened on University property. I also don’t think you should be driving. Can you call someone to come down and get you?”
A moment later, another cruiser pulled up and Rory hopped out with a panicked look on his face. Seeing Doc in the back of the car and me being questioned, he broke through the other officers.
“Ms. Phillips, what happened?”
Knowing he just saw us a few moments ago, I could tell he was blaming himself for whatever may or may not have taken place.
“I’m okay, Rory. Can you call Jack and ask him to come and pick me up?”
I pulled out my phone and gave him the number to reach Jack. He was the only person I could think of at this hour who would come down to the station. Nodding in agreement, he walked off and immediately started dialing the number off the small piece of paper.
The first person to respond to the scene was Officer Stayton and she insisted on being the one to take me in for my statement. I assumed she was bored with nothing to do and this would get her out of patrol for a few hours. She was a younger woman who I had not seen making rounds before, which probably explained her enthusiasm. As I was getting into the back of the cruiser, Rory ran up and tapped on the window.
“Jack is on his way. I’m sorry – I didn’t think anything of it when Dr. Robertson said he was walking you to your car.”
Although he was trying his best to hide it, I could sense his distress over the situation.
“He’s my boss; I didn’t think anything of it, either. I am not hurt and you did nothing wrong. Go home and try on your present. Also, tell the missus thank you for the cookies.”
I gave a forced smile and reached out to shake his hand. He squeezed back briefly before Officer Stayton gave an impatient cough. Rory rolled his eyes and tapped on the top of the car as we were driving away.
***
Jack was already waiting when I arrived. I was a sobbing mess as everything hit me in the ten minute ride. I was led to a small room to give my statement, where Jack was able to hear a recount of everything that had taken place. His eyes grew wide as my words poured out, clenching his fist until the knuckles turned white in his lap.
Dr. Robertson was our mentor. We spent over ten hours a day together, most of the time crammed into the small lab, running samples for him. If it weren’t for the fact Jack liked other men, I wouldn’t have been surprised if something came of us. But he was like a brother and we had our own cozy, little scientific family. For some reason though, Doc gave me the hard drive, not him. I realized what it was while on the road. It’s not exactly comfortable riding around with one of those in your panties. I wanted to see it, but not now.
I still didn’t want to press charges. The only one who didn’t look at me as if I were nuts was Jack. They left the two of us alone for a few moments while they processed my statement before releasing me. Once the door shut, Jack shot up like a lightning bolt.
“No, you’re fucking kidding. You’re fucked up – you’re wrong.”
I started to cry even harder then, to the point of heaving. Jack paced back and forth for several minutes before kneeling down next to me.
“Tell me you’re kidding – that this is a joke.”
I closed my eyes again. I knew this was killing him; I was lying to one of the most honest people I knew. Whatever Doc gave me to protect was destroying everyone and everything around me.
“I’m sorry, but no, I’m not. I wish I were.”
He slumped over the hard chair and started to scream into his elbow, pounding his fist into the worn faux leather.
“I need to talk to him, Vy. I will be back to take you home.”
Standing up to grab my coat, I followed after and grabbed his arm.
“Don’t, Jack…not tonight. Can we please deal with this in the morning?”
His chest was heaving with anger.
“No, Vy, I need to do this now while he’s here. You didn’t deserve that.”
Jack’s blue eyes were nearly all pupil, black as night. Exhaling deeply, I felt his warm thumbs gently wipe under my eyes. Reaching up to hold his palm against my cheek, I was thankful I was not in this alone, at least for tonight. I knew Jack was flying home to New York to be with his family tomorrow night.
I nodded in agreement, knowing this would eat away at him. I was also curious to hear what the Doc would tell him about it and why. Surprisingly, they allowed him to talk to Doc for a few moments. Jack came back with heavy eyes and outstretched arms to pull me tight.
“What did he say, Jack? Did he tell you why he did it?”
Jack pulled me tighter and cried into my shoulder, causing me to become more upset. Whatever he said must have been bad for him to go from fury to anguish in five minutes.
“He didn’t say anything; he just looked past me, like I didn’t exist. I screamed in his face and pounded the table, but he didn’t say a word. It’s like it wasn’t even him. The officers told me to leave and just as I was walking out, all he said was, “Good-bye, Jack.”
I stayed in his embrace until a soft knock at the door called our attention. Officer Stayton came in with a paper for me to sign, then told us we were free to go. Doc would be released in a few hours since I didn’t press charges. I had a feeling it was far from over, though. Jack placed his hand along the small of my back and guided me to his car. We rode in silence until I realized we were near my house.
“I forgot – Doc told me not to come home tonight. Can I just stay with you?”
Looking at me curiously, he slowly turned a corner and headed back towards the highway.
“Yeah of course, Violet, but you didn’t tell the police that. I think that’s probably important.”
Closing my eyes as my head banged against the seat rest, more and more began to float to the surface. My head began to pound and all I wanted was a drink and some aspirin. He wasn’t trying to chastise me, but I knew that I would have more to explain, just not tonight. Once we arrived at his house, he poured me a tall glass of Cabernet and lit the fire to warm the cold living room.
“I need to finish packing, Vy. Will you be okay?”
I simply nodded and he waited for a second before heading off to his bedroom. Without making it to the guestroom after finishing my glass of wine, I fell asleep on the sofa next to the fireplace. The last image I had before drifting off was the flicker of blue flames dancing on fake logs.
The next morning I awoke to Jack frantically shaking me out of sleep.
“Vy, get up! It’s bad!”
I tried unsuccessfully to cover my head with the blanket. As Jack ripped it off my body, I yelled.
“What the...?” My impending rant stopped as soon as I saw his face.
Jack’s eyes were red and full of tears. I rubbed my forehead to encourage a more alert state.
“What is it?”
“Rory called me. Doc’s gone and something happened last night. No one can find him and there is blood all over the lab. We have to go now!”
Chapter 2 - No Turning Back
Although it was ten o’clock in the morning, the dark gray skies made it appear as if the sun decided not to rise, leaving us to mourn in shadows. The wind howled as it whipped around and through the narrow alleys of the historic row houses. Even my steaming coffee grew tepid rather
quickly from the chill inside. Normally, I would bundle into a thick sweater and slippers, but today, I would be wearing black polyester and flats. The poached eggs and Canadian bacon remained untouched before me, my appetite completely absent. If it were my choice, I would be in bed, still drunk with no contact to the outside world, but yesterday changed all of that.
“Good morning,” he said solemnly.
“Is it?” I replied
“I was just being polite, my apologies.”
He stood across the island from me, wearing a slim cut black suit that stopped me dead in my tracks. His face was full of concern – too much for a young man – yet it did not take away from how handsome he looked. His blue eyes pierced beneath long dark lashes. His shiny chocolate locks were carefully styled into a clean look.
“Shepard, never apologize for being polite, or to me, period. I doubt you could ever do anything to offend me. I should be the one to apologize for being such a pessimist. Forgive me?”
I offered a slight smile, which returned a hundred fold. Without any persuasion, he circled the island slowly and pulled me into an embrace.
“I can’t imagine what you are going through right now. You are excused from any grief driven behavior, no matter how disdainful I may find it.”
“How old are you again? Who talks like you?” I cocked my eyebrows at him and giggled.
“You really should be out drinking cheap beer and having sex with hot girls on your holiday break, not tending to some train wrecked neighbor.” I tried to laugh some more but he didn’t appear amused.
“We both know that I don’t do either of those things, so do not try to use it as an excuse. I am not here because I have to be, but because I want to be.”
He was allowing me to grieve, but he wouldn’t let me plummet. I figured that out when he knocked on my door yesterday afternoon. He confronted me about the liquor bottles on the curb and was truly angry. It did not take him long to see that something was wrong. I invited him in and told him the story – the edited version.
“I get it now, the drinking, but don’t stay here,” he said.
“I don’t know what else to do, it hurts so much.” I began to cry uncontrollably when he moved towards me on the couch and just held me for hours. I must have fallen asleep because it was evening when I came to. My head was lying across his lap, his arm wrapped protectively around my waist.
“Do you want me to stay?” Shepard asked as I started to move.
“You don’t have to. Really, it’s okay, but thank you for coming over. I am sorry I lost it in front of you; I didn’t mean to.”
I felt myself wanting to cry again. Inhaling deeply, my breaths came out ragged, holding in my emotions.
“Nonsense, Violet. I am glad I came by. I knew something was off when I didn’t hear from you. I will stay if you need me to; you know my dad doesn’t care.”
I watched his face grow sour from his last statement. I knew he loathed his father and his behavior – why he came back here for breaks I never understood. More often than not, his dad was never home. Changing the subject, I really was curious how his Christmas went.
“Did you do anything on Tuesday?” I tried to sound hopeful.
“I went to my grandmother’s for dinner. My father claimed he was tied up and would be unable to join us.” He could not hide the sarcasm in his tone. His face then softened slightly.
“I always love going to see my grandparents; they are very special to me. They are paying for my tuition, and I owe them so much.” He smiled down at me, and then looked at his watch.
“I am going to go then, but I will be back for the service tomorrow. I will take you.”
“Thank you, I would appreciate that.” I gave my bravest face as he shifted beneath me.
He watched for a moment as I stared off into the distance.
“I am right next door. Call me if you need anything.”
“Okay, thanks.” I closed my eyes and fell asleep again, welcoming the respite.
I scraped the eggs into the garbage disposal, and then placed the plate into the dishwasher. Shepard watched me like a hawk as I lazily moved about, getting ready. I was not in a hurry to part ways with my beloved mentor. They never found the body, yet with the amount of blood strewn across the lab, there was little hope he was alive.
Since I chose not to press any charges and Doc disappeared the same evening, the campus police were rendered mute. As I had no desire to drag his reputation through the mud and chose to remain closed mouth about that night, the university decided to hold a candle light ceremony in his honor.
Shepard had already grabbed my coat from the front wooden rack that stood next to the door and held it open for me to place my arms through. He had this uncanny sense of knowing what I needed just before I moved. He stayed quiet and ready if I should need anything.
After putting on my coat, I turned around and hugged Shepard close to me. I knew that I had certain thoughts about him, but at this moment, I could not be more thankful he was here. Perhaps Doc knew something about him that I failed to recognize. Shepard is a good person; I don’t blame Doc for taking a shine to him too.
“Thank you for being here,” I whispered in his ear.
“I will always be here for you, Violet.”
With that, he innocently laced his fingers in mine, and led me to his car. Opening the door for me, he paused.
“You will get through this; you’re not alone.” Then he shut the door.
Arriving at the auditorium, the Dean and the President sat at a long row of tables on the stage. Assistants, adjuncts, and other professors were milling about, waiting for instructions. Jack was already waiting and immediately made a beeline towards Shepard and me. His hug knocked me off balance by force of impact.
“Vy, I am so glad to see you. I am sorry I left. I shouldn’t have.”
His eyes misted up and his face grew pained. His partner Adam was behind him, rubbing his shoulders and murmuring words of comfort.
“It’s okay, Jack. Shepard has been helping me.” I tried to sound strong so Jack wouldn’t feel guilty. I heard Adam behind Jack whisper, “I bet he has…”
We both turned around and laughed, which made Shepard blush. Apparently, Adam was not quiet enough. A playful moment came over me where I turned to Shepard and wrapped my body seductively around him, holding his chin while facing Jack and Adam.
“Really, boys, who would turn this down?” I then kissed his cheek before stepping back.
My actions caused every person in the vicinity to stop what they were doing and look at me as if I had officially lost my mind, except for Shepard who smiled from ear to ear. I ignored the glances and relished the opportunity to make everyone laugh in such a dark moment.
The joyous feeling we stole quickly dissipated as one of the faculty members with a clipboard approached Jack and me.
“We need to see you two immediately; you are being summoned to speak and you need to prepare your speech.”
Her tone was clipped and overtly authoritative for such an occasion. I understood the importance of being organized, but this was really too much. I looked over to Jack who was just as displeased. This wasn’t us – who we were in this place. We all appreciated the anonymity of working in a lab and not with the public, and here we were about to be placed under the bright lights like some curious specimen.
“Can we just say no?” I asked the woman.
Flustered, she stared at us from above the frames of her glasses as she looked down.
“You are free to do anything you wish, but you both knew him best. Why would you want someone else to speak on his behalf?”
She walked away as soon as the statement was made. She was right. Doc would be pissed at us to know we copped out. This is what people needed to make sense of the tragedy. They needed some formal way of making peace with the questionable. He was a vital part of the university; his work brought in a great deal of funding and changed so many lives. He changed our lives. The least he d
eserved was a few words of pre-written kindness.
I tilted my head towards the table and linked arms with Jack. Adam walked next to Shepard and joked, “I will take care of him.”
Shepard immediately sidestepped and looked at me fearfully, causing Jack and me to roar up with laughter again. I broke my link to Jack and stood in front of Shepard. Placing my arms around his neck, I whispered into his ear.
“He’s harmless – I promise. He knows you’re on my team.”
I winked at Shepard and scrunched my face at Adam.
“Play nice, boys. We will be back soon.”
Jack and I shared one more smile before heading down the long aisle to the stage. People were starting to filter in for the ceremony, although it was still an hour away. A flurry of activity began as soon as we approached the President’s table. Assistants were already asking us questions to write into a short summary on our behalf. It quickly became too much and I raised my hands while closing my eyes.
I shouted, “Stop!”, and then opened my eyes to a few quiet faces.
“I can do this on my own. I do not need coaching. Please let me just speak from my heart – not some piece of paper.” I glanced over at the President and Dean who were watching me carefully. They both nodded in agreement and I replied with a mouthed “thank you.”
The woman who first approached Jack and me earlier headed towards us and simply said, “You will be the fifth and sixth speakers, so stay here on the stage when it begins. You will need to be here the whole time.”
I looked out into the auditorium towards Shepard and Adam who looked comfortable together. Shepard leaned in towards him as he spoke. Noticing me looking in his direction, he smiled brilliantly, offering me what assurance he could. Before I could stop myself, I kissed my fingertips. My heart started to race at what I just did. I turned to Jack who looked just as shocked.
“You have some explaining to do, missy. What was that?”
Looking back to Shepard, he seemed not bothered at all – almost as if he failed to notice. I seriously hoped he did. I really was losing my mind.
