I opened my door. “You should leave.”
Bentley stood outside, his hand raised, like he was getting ready to knock. “Worthy,” he said, glaring.
“Bentley,” Worthy said, exhaustion in his voice. He stepped toe to toe with Bentley. “Don’t touch her.”
“Worthy,” I said, working to keep the wobble out of my voice. “Please, go.”
He looked back at me, his expression so very sad and lost, and then he nodded and left.
I ushered Bentley into my room and shut the door behind him. “Why didn’t you just tell him this isn’t a date?” he asked.
“Because he needs to let me go,” I said. “He needs to move on, and I don’t think he will unless he thinks I’m seeing someone else.”
Bentley dropped onto my bed. “Seriously? I hate drama. I don’t want to have to lie to Worthy.” Then he looked up at me, a thought occurring. “Does a pretend boyfriend get to make out with you?”
I couldn’t help my laugh at the hopeful look on his face. “Um, no.”
He shook his head, his hair falling into his eyes. He really was too good-looking. “Then I’m not doing this, I’m not lying to my friend.”
“Then don’t lie,” I said. “Just don’t tell him anything unless he asks directly.”
Bentley looked skeptical.
“It’s for his own good. The two of us being together would be too hard. I’m bad news.” I didn’t want to tell Bentley the real reason we split, but I figured he might as well get any idea of me being the girl for him out of his head. “He deserves an easy relationship, a girl without any baggage.”
Bentley studied me for a long moment. “I thought you and Worthy were close.”
“We were.”
“You couldn’t have been that close if you think he’s not willing to work and fight for you, Remy.” Bentley looked more than a little disappointed in me. “I’ve seen him offered easy from a lot of other girls, but he’s never shown any interest until you. His family is nothing but difficult, and he fights for them every day. I’m pretty sure Worthy doesn’t do easy and he wants you, regardless of what you think.”
A hollow, cold feeling settled in my chest as I realized I really didn’t know much about Worthy’s family or the sacrifices he’d made for them. I knew he helped his mom take care of his brothers, but I didn’t really know what that meant or how close he was to them. All the time we’d spent together, he’d asked me about my life. We hadn’t talked much about his. Maybe he’d avoided talking about his life on purpose, or maybe I hadn’t been a very good girlfriend. Now, I’d never have a chance to get to know him better. “I thought he was some sort of player?” I said. “Isn’t easy what he usually goes for?”
Bentley laughed. “Where’d you get that idea? Worthy is a prince among men, Remy. He’s dated a few girls, but he’s been upfront with them that his priorities are school, work, and his family. He’s no player.”
Had I misjudged Worthy? Why had I been so content not to see beneath the surface with him? Of course, I’d also missed the fact that he was manipulating me and following his own agenda when he pretended to be helping me. Even as I thought that, I didn’t really believe it. I remembered the good times we’d spent together, how tight he’d held me and how he’d looked at me like I was the most important person in the world. I pushed those thoughts away and buried them deep. He’d used me and betrayed me and I couldn’t forgive him. He couldn’t be trusted.
***
For the next few weeks, I concentrated on studying and working and being a good friend. I only saw Worthy in biology class and he didn’t try to talk to me or sit next to me. Bentley, on the other hand, I saw every other day. He and I studied together, ate meals together, and had fun together. When he asked me out two days before my twenty-first birthday, I couldn’t come up with a good reason to turn him down again. We went out to a locally-owned pizza restaurant where we’d eaten before, but this time Bentley paid. We laughed through dinner and laughed all the way back to the dorm, but when he leaned in to kiss me I stopped laughing.
I stopped laughing and remembered I was on a date with this man. I tried to feel something for him, but all I could think about was Worthy and how it felt like my whole body ignited when he touched me and how his kiss made me forget everything but him. Bentley made me laugh, but Worthy had understood me. He’d seen me and been there for me in a way Bentley hadn’t. Not that I’d given Bentley much of a chance.
Bentley broke the kiss and pulled away, frowning. “It’s still Worthy, isn’t it?”
“I’m sorry. I wish it wasn’t.”
He gave me a weak smile and a kiss on the cheek and he left. He promised to call me later, like he always did when we hung out, but I doubted I’d be seeing as much of him.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
I woke up the next morning to brilliant sunshine through my window. The frost on the glass let me know it was cold out and I shivered in anticipation of the bitter chill. I loved the outdoors in any weather, but winter might just be my favorite season. I was a day away from turning twenty-one, a milestone that felt more like the entrance to adulthood than eighteen had, and I knew I’d been putting it off long enough. I needed to see my father. I called my uncle and got the information about where my father was being held, and the visiting hours. Betty went to visit him every couple of weeks and had told me what to expect. I called the prison and arranged my visit, and then I stopped by the frat house to see if I could borrow Byron’s truck. It wasn’t Byron I saw when I got to the house, though.
“Remy,” Worthy said with hope in his eyes. He was standing at the bottom of the stairs, keys in hand, like he was just heading out or had just gotten home.
“Hi, Worthy,” I said, speaking as fast as Frankie to make sure he didn’t get the wrong idea. “I’m looking for Byron.”
His smiled dropped. “He was out all night and hasn’t been home, yet. What’s up?”
I smiled like I wasn’t disappointed. “Nothing. I was just hoping to borrow his truck.”
“Is there somewhere I could take you?”
He looked so sincere and I felt sorry we couldn’t go back to the way we were. Sorry that our pasts had messed up our futures. “No. I can take the bus.” I turned and started back down the steps.
Worthy grabbed my elbow. I spun and glared at him, pulling my arm out of his grasp. Something in his face went cold. “I hate this,” he said. “I miss you so much, Remy. I hate that we can’t be together, can’t even be friends.”
“Do you really want to know the truth?” I asked, before I could think better of it.
“What?”
“Do you really want to know the truth about your father?”
His eyes widened. “Of course I do, but there’s no way to ever know…” He must have seen me flinch, because he stopped before he accused my uncle of lying again.
“Come with me to see my father. In prison. He could tell you more about your dad.” The truth was, I was relieved at the possibility of not being alone the first time I met my father, and I couldn’t think of anyone I wanted by my side more than Worthy, despite everything that had happened.
“You’re going to see your dad?”
“I’ve put it off long enough,” I said.
“You shouldn’t go alone. I’ll stay in the car and wait for you, but I’m driving you there.”
“You don’t have to do that. I’ll be fine on the bus.”
He sighed and rolled his eyes. “The martyr routine doesn’t suit you. You know you’d rather I drive you, so let’s go.”
Where the hell did he get off being snippy with me and accusing me of playing games? “I’m not being a martyr. I can seriously take the bus. I’m sure you have better things to do than drive me there and sit in the car. It’ll take most of the day.”
He grabbed my shoulders and held me in place so I couldn’t look away. “I don’t have anything else I’d rather be doing or anywhere I’d rather be. I’m taking you, so quit arguing before I get
grumpy.”
“Really? because you already seem grumpy,” I said. “What the hell is your problem?”
He let go of me and took a couple of steps back. “I’m sorry, Remy. You’re right. I just haven’t been sleeping and my brothers…But none of that is your problem. I’ll back off. If you want to take the bus, go ahead.”
“I just don’t think it’s a good idea for us to spend so much time together,” I said, less sure now since he had given me an option and had quit being bossy.
“If you take the bus,” he said. “I’ll be worried about you until I hear you’re back from Byron, whenever he shows up. I know how hard this is for you and I’d like to be there. We don’t even have to talk.”
“Okay,” I said, not sure at all that I was making the right choice. I followed him to the car and got into the passenger seat. I wanted to joke about the likelihood of his car surviving the trip to the prison, but that felt friendly and we weren’t friends.
I made it about half a mile in silence before Bentley’s words sunk in, and I remembered how little I really knew about Worthy. “How are your brothers?” I asked.
He glanced at me and then back at the road, before clearing his throat. “Why do you want to know?”
“For god’s sake, Worthy, it’s a simple question. Maybe I’m just trying to make conversation.”
He glanced at me again, eyebrows raised, and I caved. Like a total wuss. “I’ve known you for three months,” I said. “It seems like I should know more about your family.”
He stared at the road for a long moment. “I didn’t think we were friends anymore.”
“Fine,” I said, pouting like a three-year-old, because he was right. It was better not to know more about him, to push him away. “’Forget I asked.”
“They’re having a hard time,” he said. “My middle brother, Payton, he’s a senior in high school and my youngest brother, Jesse, is getting nervous about him leaving. At least that’s the only explanation I can come up with for all the trouble he’s been getting into lately.”
“Maybe he needs to go to that summer camp you went to.”
He looked over and smiled. “Yeah, that’s what I think. But my mother won’t let him go.” He sighed. “I was just a kid when my father died, so I didn’t realize it then, but his death changed her. She’s only become more protective of my brothers as the years have gone by. She’s suffocating Jesse and she won’t discipline him. She wants to be his friend and wants me to be the parent. I guess she thinks he’ll stick around if she’s his buddy. It’s not working. We had a big blowout over Thanksgiving and Jesse disappeared for two days. Somehow, my mother blamed me for that. She had a bit too much to drink and told me she couldn’t be alone, that if Jesse leaves she won’t have anyone.” The words came out in a rush and a bit of jumble, like he’d needed to get them off his chest for a really long time.
“That’s not fair to you or your brothers.”
“No,” he said. “But she doesn’t see it that way. Most of the time, she’s this hardworking, stable, capable woman, and she can be an amazing mother when she wants to be. I think she’s having a hard time with the idea of Payton leaving home and she’s clinging too hard to Jesse without even realizing it. He’s always been her baby and she’s spoiled him more than a little bit.”
“It sounds like she needs someone to talk to.”
He snorted. “I told her that and got an hour long lecture about how she’s not crazy.”
“I don’t mean a therapist necessarily,” I said. “I just mean another adult who can help her put things in perspective. Aunt Betty used to be good friends with your mom, right? I’ll talk to her about trying to be her friend again.”
“That might help. Thanks.”
We rode in silence for a few minutes while I considered what Worthy had told me. It sounded like he’d had a lot of stress and worry on his shoulders for a long time. “Why didn’t you tell me about all of this before?”
He stared at the road. “I don’t know. Maybe I was afraid that once I started talking, I’d tell you everything and then I’d lose you.” He shrugged. “The truth is I’m not used to talking about my family with anyone else. It’s personal, you know?”
I hadn’t known he was so private. “It helps to talk about things,” I said. “What’s your relationship like with your mother?”
“I owe her everything. That’s part of the reason I want to be a teacher before I start trying to figure out the camp thing. I want to be able to give something back to her and help my brothers. She’s always worked so hard to take care of us and keep us in a good neighborhood and a good school district. The sooner I finish school and start working, the sooner I can start helping her.”
“Will she let you?” Uncle Leon had always refused to let Keats help him financially, even though Keats made bank with his job.
“I hope so. I haven’t really talked to her about it.” He gripped the wheel a little tighter. “Mom and I aren’t really close. We have very different personalities and we butted heads a lot when I was growing up. I think that’s why I needed closure on my dad so much, because I always believed he would have understood me in a way she couldn’t. My aunt says I’m a lot like my dad.”
I couldn’t imagine any mother having problems with Worthy. He was a good guy, who looked out for people, even girls who fell for him without bothering to get to know him first. “What sort of fights did you have?”
He glanced at me. “Typical teenager stuff. She depended on me to take care of my brothers when she worked and I wanted to go out with my friends. More than that, though, we just don’t have any of the same interests. She thought football was a waste of time. She thought I could get an academic scholarship, if I spent more time on my schoolwork. I got straight A’s and took every AP class the school offered, but it wasn’t enough for her. She didn’t think I was serious enough. She hated all the questions I asked about my dad. I think I reminded her of him, any trait she thought he had that was bad I had it, too. She blamed him for me not aspiring to be more than a teacher or a camp counselor, it was his love of the outdoors that kept me from helping out around the house, anything and everything was blamed on him. A bunch of small things that added up to a big distance between us.”
“Do you want to live close to your mom after you graduate?”
He shuddered. “I hate the suburbs. I’d love a place in the mountains like your uncle has, but it will depend on where the jobs are. If you go into the forestry service like you plan to, you’ll have to live wherever they put you, will it be hard to be away from your uncle?”
I nodded, not wanting to think about it, then realized he couldn’t see me with his gaze focused on the road. “It’ll be hard. But it would be harder doing anything else. I just can’t imagine being happy at a job that forced me to be inside or in the city.”
“I can see that.”
The prison was only two hours away and we spent the rest of the drive fighting over music. Worthy was in the mood for hip-hop and I wanted classic rock, which he claimed to hate. For a little while I forgot that we weren’t together anymore, couldn’t be together anymore, and I knew it would hurt that much more to say goodbye to him again.
“I’m starving,” he said when we were about twenty minutes from our destination. “Mind if we stop somewhere?”
“Sure. Visiting hours don’t start for another forty-five minutes, so we’ve got time.”
We spent the next ten minutes arguing about where to go and finally decided on a sub shop. Worthy parked outside and smiled at me, looking easy and happy as he had when we’d first started dating. “I miss arguing with you.”
“Me, too,” I said. Not adding, as long as it’s not about major stuff like my uncle killing your father, because I didn’t want to dampen his good mood.
“Maybe you should come in with me to talk to my dad,” I said over an Italian sub that tasted like heaven.
He stopped chewing and stared at me, wide-eyed. “Because you want the
support?”
“Because maybe my dad could give you some more answers about your dad.”
“I got all the answers I needed from my mom,” he said after he’d chewed in silence for several long minutes. “I don’t need anything else.”
I let it go, finished my sub and followed him out to the car. He drove us to the prison in silence, but I didn’t get out right away when he pulled up. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk to my dad?”
“I’m sure. Unless you need me there for moral support.”
Anger started a slow simmer. “Your mom might not know everything about your dad,” I said. “My dad might be able to tell you things she couldn’t.”
I saw annoyance register in his eyes and in the twist of his brow. “There’s no way he knew my father better than my mother did.”
I just stared, anger and hurt and compassion warring. I should have let it go, just let him keep his delusions, but his delusions were keeping me from him. And I’d had such a good day with him. I hated those delusions. “Maybe not. But you claim you want answers, you claim you want the truth. My father might be able to give you some new information.”
The only sign of his anger was his clenched jaw. “I’ve been looking for answers for years. I’m not afraid of anything. I’ve got my answers, now, and I’m trying to move on.”
“Really?” I asked. “Answers are all you wanted? You don’t want to make my uncle pay for killing your father? Not even a little bit? Because maybe my father can give you what you need to take down my uncle.” I wanted to get under Worthy’s skin. I wanted to make him question his family as he’d made me question mine. I wanted to know that he wouldn’t try to hurt my uncle.
“If I wanted to go after him, I could,” he said. “There’s no statute of limitations on murder and I have enough to go to the police and have them re-open the case, but I don’t want to do that. I needed answers, and I got them.”
“If you truly believe my uncle killed your father with no good motive, if you believe my uncle took your father from your life for no good reason, why wouldn’t you go after him? I would, in your place.”
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