by S C Gowland
Romina's face was a picture of concentration and focus the green light from the blade illuminated her face. It took him a moment to adjust his mind. He looked at her from two distinct perspectives. One of being a red Walker, the other as her father. As a red Walker Kaoldan had over twenty years’ experience, in many ways he was a veteran of war and battles. Part of his role as an Augur was to train the next generation; he helped Walkers nurture to work their way through the colours. She had potential. There was no denying that, she moved with confidence with purpose, with focus completely caught in the task, her foot movements sure and strong. She emanated strength, skill, confidence and eagerness.
His mind flashed back to Yasmina; a bitterness rose in his throat. He swallowed and lowered himself down to a crouch. He continued to watch, but now softening his perspective to that of a father, a warm glow started to grow from the centre of his chest, down towards his fingers around to his back.
What Kaoldan saw in front of him was no real surprise. Practising in the woods in the middle of the night had been something his wife had always done – a flash of memories which he pushed away - it appeared that the practice had been adopted by the next generation.
He was proud. He watched silently not moving for several minutes. She changed her Walker blade several times into a staff, an axe, two swords and finally the traditional Walker blade itself. She followed the movements expected of a Walker: The Crescent Moon, The Waterfall, The Rising Sun, The Sisters. They were all textbook, all crisp, clean and efficient. She stopped and slowly reduced the blade back to its base form of one foot of black metal. She ran a hand through her hair, turned as if she heard something.
Kaoldan did not say a word. She stood with our hands on her hips for several minutes, breathing heavily, then readjusted her ponytail.
He twisted his feet to get more comfortable, and a twig snapped. He looked down sharply then up towards Romina.
She was facing towards him, eyes searching, blade out and glowing green.
His cover was blown. He stepped out from behind the hulking trunk of the tree.
‘Not bad.’ he said, clearing his throat.
Romina turned sharply facing towards him, blade raised high.
He slowly stepped towards her, raising open hands in a gesture towards her.
‘Your footwork is a little sloppy.’ he said. ‘Some of your swings are slightly wide causing you to overextend, it requires a little more precision,’ he considered for a moment. ‘But overall, not bad, not bad at all.’ He concluded looking towards her face softened as he approached.
Her body relaxed as he did so.
He took another few steps forwards into the clearing where she stood. He gestured towards the surroundings.
‘This was something that was done by somebody I very much loved.’ He said. ‘She used to love the solitude, the quiet. The ability to escape from everything to focus and concentrate the tranquillity and the serenity always helped to put her mind in the right place.’
Romina raised a hand.
‘No.’ she said, shaking her head vigorously and staring into the distant.
‘No, I do not wish to know.‘ She said. ‘I do not wish to know about that. This is not the right time. I train hard. I know what I'm doing.’ She said defiantly. ‘I do not wish to know what you think.’ she said, her face crumpled. ‘It is not the right time.’ she repeated, turning away, covered her mouth.
He took a step forwards spreading his hands
‘I only meant to offer help.’ he said suddenly embarrassed.
‘Don't!’ she snarled. ‘Don't think that just by turning up here after all these years that everything is alright.’ She turned towards him glaring, her teeth bared.
‘This changes nothing. You cannot seriously expect that all is well between us?’ The corners of her mouth curled into a sneer.
She paused.
She bit her lip slowly shaking her head.
‘But what should I expect? You always were arrogant. You said that you knew best, said that you knew the right way to do things, promised that everything would be alright.’ She licked her top teeth. ‘But it wasn’t then, and it isn’t now.’ She turned sharply and walked away briskly.
He half attempted to walk after her.
‘No.’ She shouted over her shoulder.
He took another slower half step leaves rustling underfoot.
She stopped in her tracks turned, looked at him and pointed.
‘Just don't.’ she said lowering her hand to her hips. She shook her head sadly. ‘You were meant to be there, to protect, to protect all of us. The fact is you didn’t then, and you can’t now. We simply don’t need you anymore.’
The words were a cold hard slap in his face.
Her head sagged slightly before she turned and ran into the darkness, disappearing into the distance.
He stopped in his tracks, defeated. His throat felt, big, solid, he couldn’t breathe, air snorted through his nose as he stretched his neck out.
He turned shoulders heavy and walked the way Romina had run moments before. His face illuminated in silver and shadow making his way back to his bed. Climbing up the stairs back to his bedroom, seemed twice as hard as before. His legs felt leaden his head equally so, he closed the door with a wooden clunk, rolled into bed and softly wept.
Chapter 14 - Him
He had changed.
She decided sitting back in her seat.
He was taller than she remembered, almost to the point of being gangly. She could not recall with any distinct clarity how tall her mother had been and by her reckoning she was only half a head shorter than her father.
She considered things as she nibbled on a piece of cheese, observing him from the other side of the table. His forehead was furrowed, she noticed tilting her head slightly to the left, slight wrinkles around the corner of his eyes, he laughed easily, smiled a lot, but was still something of a stranger to her.
Yesterday had been a very strange day, she considered glancing at her father. He had returned. That, she had not expected. It seemed a lifetime since she had last seen him, and he had changed a great deal in some obvious ways.
He seemed easier, if slightly stilted and unsure of himself around her, she looked at him and whenever their eyes met, he smiled politely, and quickly his eyes darted away; the behaviours of a stranger she concluded. The behaviours of somebody she had to get to know again. Exactly how she felt about this she was unsure but there was some semblance of excitement and curiosity about doing so.
The events of the day had taken their toll. She felt drained, tired, confused, excited, sad and wired. A tension had kept her awake. This wasn't uncommon, something she had experienced a great deal over the years, she had tossed and turned her mind racing. She had walked, then gone back to bed but still not been able to find sleep. She needed to get the energy out of her system, she needed to practice.
So, she had left the bedroom and headed somewhere quiet and private. And had followed the moves that she had learnt so well over these past few years. The moves that help to clear the clutter from her mind, that allowed her to go to a place where her mind could make sense of all that had happened.
The interruption by her father had startled her.
He seemed as embarrassed as she was caught unawares. Her first feeling it been that of anger. How dare he, how dare he interrupt this, how dare he presume to think that his input was required? How dare he stop her?
But it was the mention of her mother that had torn through her mind, the floodgates opened. She hadn’t really thought about her mother properly for years. Any hint that those memories were to emerge into her consciousness were quickly, ruthlessly stamped out and put back into a box in the furthest recesses of her mind.
He had blown that apart. She had been hit by a sickening wave of images, thoughts and feelings. It had almost overwhelmed her, but she had used her anger to good effect. Focusing on her anger towards him and not on the collage of her mother in her mind.
>
She had reacted badly. She considered afterwards, angry, confused, the mention of her mother had made her all the more defiant: she had to go. She had to leave. Was he really that stupid and deluded that he was really able to think he could just walk back into their lives after so many years, as if nothing had happened? As if nothing had changed, as if everything was as it always had been. She reached onto the table to grab another block of cheese. She nibbled as she's looked at him. She felt conflicted. Pleased on the one hand to see him, on the other who was this man to appear and expect to fulfil a place in her life he had left so easily.
There was a degree of happiness if she was being honest with herself. But there were also gaps, where had he been? What had he been doing? Why had he done what he had done? Why had he been away so long?
A memory frayed around the edges became clearer, the greys filled with returning colours. Of that dreary, dark day when he told them sternly and authoritatively as the father that they were to be able to go away and learn the Ways of the Walker. The journey had been something of a blur to two sisters holding hands, seeking comfort from each other. A whirlwind of emotion, difficulties, and thoughts in a journey that felt like it was to the very edge of the world. But when they had arrived, they had found their place.
Two young girls on an adventure together with only each other for company, ill at ease with their new surroundings. They had learnt together, had to learn through each other. They had cried together, holding each other tight late into the night, feeling their way through their loss and the gaping absence.
They had grown, studied the Ways of the Walker, just as their father had wanted, but he did not come. Time had passed slowly at first then quickly, again he did not come. And before they knew it years had passed and still, he had not come.
She finished a piece of bread with a final gobble, rubbed the crumbs from her fingers leaned forward and brushed the remnants of her breakfast from her top. She took a long drink of milk spying her father, over the top of the glass. He caught her eyes and immediately looked away.
He was as wary and uncertain as she. He was her father that was true and there were clearly a great many things that they needed to rediscover about each other. There was an awkwardness - heighted with nerves - in all of them about how that should be done.
Overall, she was pleased to see him, yet it carried a bitterness with a heavy edge that unsettled her. On some level she was angry and unsure she concluded sitting back in the seat, and she would not let him so easily back into their lives. Respect was earned not given she had learned and so it would be the case here.
Zahara in particular was less grumpy and smiled more than usual. The group seem to have accepted them. The reassuring presence of Kubrean and Zalen had helped - familiar faces while receiving stranger ones. She swallowed deeply, milk cooling her as she reached for an apple.
She hadn't been able to sleep much last night and today she felt weary and incredibly hungry. The conversations and the activity at the university had been a mixture of monotony and curiosity. The loss of the lecturer Eumenia had caused her much excitement, far more excitement than she had been willing to admit. A death so close; it teased and tantalised her.
Now they were to leave as part of the group to head back to Thura, an interesting development. She didn't know the place, and the prospect was not an unpleasant one she decided.
All this change and Kubrean the cause of it, he looked at her across the table and a smile grew on her face, the reassurance of the old man's presence did bring her certainty and security; a familiar face and a most welcome one.
She had always loved the old man dearly. He had been a source of stability. He'd been there. He hadn't abandoned them as others had - she glared at her father - then back at Kubrean his crocodile grin spreading across his face. He had been there; he had visited often. He had consoled them; he had guided them. He had helped them, he had been the constant reassurance the stability that they needed; always approachable, always with a smile, always willing to listen.
The fact he had been there when her father had reappeared had helped significantly, the man that had walked through her door yesterday was a stranger, a remnant of memories long past.
She had reacted to the arrival of her father more out of nervous surprise and excitement than anything else. If she was really being honest her squeal, bounding across the room and subsequent hug had been as much of a surprise to her as it was to him. His presence in their lives that had once had the greatest of influences was now a mere echo.
However, as the day had progress, the excitement has subsided and been replaced with a small ball of irritation which as the day had progress had grown inside her stomach to a knot of anger and frustration accompanied by a million different questions and scenarios. She had to leave her bed at that ungodly hour to try to work the feelings out of her system. Then he had appeared uninvited, unexpected and unwelcome, just as he had earlier that day.
She looked at Kaoldan thoughtfully, even though they had been apart for many years his arrogance had lessened. He appeared to be less brash, less certain sure of himself. In fact, she considered he appeared to be half the man she once knew. She would have to apologise. This she knew not only was he her father, but he was a Red Walker. She, by comparison was still a novice, not yet a Guardian or Green Walker. But she would make him wait she thought - not for long - but she would definitely make him wait.
Romina glanced at Zahara across the table and smiled. Her sister appeared to have been unaffected by the events of yesterday. It certainly had not affected her appetite as her sister reached for another honey cake, she caught her sister's eye. A smile passed between them.
They had never spent time apart not in all the time since they had been separated from their father. They had never spent anytime separated from each other for which Romina was always grateful. They were sisters after all, but they were more than that they were best friends, fellow students, fellow Walkers. Romina decided she needed to speak to her sister at some point about everything that has happened, but first she needed to quench her thirst with some more milk; why was she so hungry?
As if sensing her thoughts Kubrean rose from his seat.
‘Please.’ he said, opening his arms, spreading, gesturing towards the table. ‘Have your fill. I fear this may be the last good hot meal for a while before we head out.’ He half bowed to the group sat around the table then promptly turned and left his footsteps echoed around the room.
The squeak of Zalen's chair indicated he was the next to leave.
‘Well’ he announced. ‘Better get those big cats sorted out for you. Any volunteers to help?’ he asked looking around the table. Kaoldan looked at his friend then Romina and then he stood.
‘I'll help.’ he said simply.
‘Me too I suppose.’ said Dalon stifling a yawn.
Kaoldan smiled meekly and nodded his head towards the rest of the Walkers around the table. He glanced one last time at Romina then quickly and quietly left the room.
‘And what about you two?’ asked Kryst stretching out his arms, a slight crack accompanying the effort. ‘Lovely as this food is, I suppose there is work to do.’ He looked towards both of the girls.
‘Take this advice.’ he said, not pausing for permission. ‘Make sure you do get your fill. I feared the journey back will be quick and rather uncomfortable.’ He stood working his neck from side-to-side ironing out the kinks.
He paused and bit his lip.
‘It is good to have you with us and despite how stiff your father may appear to be. He is pleased you are here, and he is pleased that you are coming back with us.’ He said glancing towards the door Kaoldan had left by.
He rested his hands on the table leaning forwards, the wood creaking under his considerable frame.
‘Whether he knows it or not, he is happy, or he will be once his brain kicks in.’ He knocked three times on the table with one hand and on his head with the other.
Romina smiled
despite herself.
The big man smiled, great teeth appearing on his bearded face.
He twisted his mouth then he reached towards the table, grabbed a honey cake and an apple, stuffing the fruit into the pocket of his trousers.
‘Don't wait for too long.’ he said. He turned and clomped towards the door. The squeak of hinges and the clatter of metal announced its closing.
Romina settled back into her chair; wood creaked as silence settled in the room. She looked over towards her sister who was eagerly devouring yet another honey cake.
‘So…’ she asked.
Zahara's head perked up.
‘So...’ she challenged back a small smile appearing on her face.
‘What on earth do you make of all this?’ Romina asked.
Zahara frowned then shrugged before returning to her cake.
Romina grimaced. ‘Another time then when you’re less busy.’ She muttered to Zahara; the nibbling continued.
Dref appeared from out of the shadows underneath the table and she ruffled his head. She sniffed and lent back in a chair, drumming her fingers together.
Zahara sighed.
‘Would you stop that?’ she said wearily.
‘What?’ said Romina, finger pausing their rhythm.
‘That.’ She waved a hand towards her sister. ‘Thinking. I can hear you stewing about something from over here.’
Romina gave her a withering look.
She looked at her sister who took another bite of the cake for herself and deposited a small amount in Dref’s mouth after he raised his paw.
‘At least you’re making friends.’ Romina muttered.
‘It could be a lot worse.’ said Zahara without turning still teasing the dog. ‘At least we'll get to leave this stuffy old place and see the world.’ She waved a hand neglectfully towards their surroundings.
