by Arizona Tape
“You understand, don’t you? Now that you’re no longer interested, there’s nothing to keep me distracted from her... Nothing to her from calling for me.” His hand clamped around mine, his fingers tightening in desperation.
“I’m sorry that I picked your sister over you, but you’ve got to understand. She’s my mate, my first mate. What we have is special.” I tried to pull my hand out of his grip, the tightness hurting me. He didn’t budge, his eyes transfixed on an invisible spot in the air.
“Aspen, you’re hurting me,” I protested, but he didn’t listen.
“She misses me. She needs me.” He forced me to look at him. “I need to talk to her. I need the amulet.”
“You can’t.” I yanked my hand out of his and darted back, the necklace hidden behind me. Aspen eyes followed me, the darkness no longer veiled by the summer in his eyes. The anger wafted off of him, his voice not unlike the whispers in the amulet.
“Give it to me, Akira.”
“No. You can’t have it.” Why did I choose to sit on the roof by myself? The ground was too far away to jump and the door was all the way back. If I made a run for it, I might just make it, as long as his Alpha didn’t flare up and commanded me.
A chill ran down my spine as I remembered the hold, the power his Alpha had. When he wasn’t in control of himself, he was terrifying.
“Akira, I won’t ask twice. I need it.” The despair slipped from his voice and the greed, the obsession was clearer. With every word, I darted further back, closer to the door, to my friends. To safety.
“Akira..”
“Aspen.” I placed my hand on his chest and for a moment, it seemed he was relenting. He closed his eyes, some of the darkness slipping from his face. Close enough. I sprinted to the door, my feet racing out from underneath my body. Just a little further, just a little further.
“Akira.” The Alpha spoke. Shivers shot down my spine, cold sweat trickling down my back. Shit. Now I was in real trouble. “Come here.”
I willed my feet not to obey, but my body was no longer mine to control. Aspen’s commands whipped through me, his voice sharp and demanding. My wolf whimpered, crawling as far away from him as she could. At least she was finally getting on board with wanting Ashleigh. His pull lessened on me, if only slightly.
“Show me the amulet,” Aspen commanded. My hand trembled as my arm moved on its own accord. The beads of the necklace rattled as the amulet fell from my fingers and caught in the middle of the air. With a hypnotising twirl, it swayed between Aspen and I. With eyes locked, we followed the swing of the locket. The magic whispered, the amulet torn between the unspoken battle of wolves. Tendrils curled from the necklace, flickering between the two of us.
I searched for something, anything that would help me snap out of the trance, out of the hold he and the magic had over me. If I could strengthen the connection with the Great Wolf, I’d be able to keep Aspen from falling into corruption. The wicked wishes crashed over me, tempting, alluring, damning. They wanted something from me, something I didn’t want to do... But I needed to give in, give them what Aspen couldn’t, to keep them talking to me, to keep them away from him. But what did I have? What could I offer them?
The Alpha’s voice mingled with the dark whispers from the amulet, luring them away with promises Aspen shouldn’t be making. The magic retreated, disappointed with my indecisiveness and I watched my friend draw in the power, drowning in the darkness it brought along.
I couldn’t let it happen. I’d been the bystander for far too long, had let others come to my rescue instead of doing the saving myself. But that stopped now. It was time to be the hero.
Chapter 19. Death
I drew my wolf closer to the surface, begging her for her strength once more. To help me fight the demons of our friend.
She trembled in her approach, her tail swinging tentatively from one side to the other. She was terrified, just like me, but I wasn’t about to let that stop us. There was no time to be petrified in fear, no excuse to not stand up for Aspen’s soul. I couldn’t let the voices get to him, to fill him with the desire of death.
I searched inside myself, desperate to find what they wanted. Memories of Ashleigh, but I pushed them away. I’d give them anything, but not that. Not the softness of her touch, the warmth of her voice. The faces of my friends came to the surface, but they wouldn’t do. It didn’t have anything that Aspen couldn’t give them. I dug deeper, through the walls I put up to contain the worst of the memories. The barriers I built as a child to keep myself sane, the shields I made to protect myself. I didn’t want to go there, I didn’t want to relive the moments of my childhood...
The whispers grew quieter and Aspen basked in the magic surging through me, the power it gave him, the dark desires it fed.
I had no choice. I held my heart as I crashed through the layer of protection around my memories. Almost tenderly, I untangled them from the ball of misery and unweaved them for the magic to take them.
The first time Father struck me with his belt. I hadn’t believed it really happened until the pain slashed through me. The leather stinging my small shoulders, the skin welting under the punishment. With every whip, he drove his disappointment into me, his frustration, his anger. At the time, I couldn’t phantom why someone who loved me would put me through such an awful ordeal. It was only now I understood he never loved me at all.
The whispers grew a little stronger, the first tendril wrapping itself around the memory as I relived the pain.
I pushed the memory of Father away, the voices and faces of my siblings materialising. Their mocking laughs, the endless poking and prodding, the hair tugging and pulling. I waited for the scene to unfold and the river from behind our house swirled through my memory. I watched a young child crouched near the bank, her small hands waving through the clear water. A small frog jumped through her legs and she laughed in a way only children could. Before they understood pain, before they experienced sadness, before their first burden fell on their shoulders. My last carefree laugh.
Three figures appeared from the trees, the young faces of my brothers and their unruly hair. I was the only one with sleek hair and after this afternoon, they never passed on an opportunity to pull on it.
“What are you doing, Akira?” My oldest brother asked. The child at the river looked up at her siblings, a smile spreading across her face.
Poor girl, she didn’t know what was coming.
“I’ve got a frog! Look!” She sounded so excited, so happy. She turned back to the river, not catching the menacing look on her siblings faces. They drummed down from the hill, the sticks hidden behind their backs.
Nathan crouched down next to me. The other two of my brothers always looked up to him and he sure knew how to abuse that power. “Let me see the frog.”
The young girl opened her hands, the green animal staring up with panicked eyes. Nathan snagged the animal and threw it to Leo. My youngest brother was always the cruelest of them all. He laughed, his foot hovering over the little frog. The girl screamed and dove to rescue the frog, but she was too late. The slime splat in her face as Leo crushed the animal under his shoe. The child cried as she learned about injustice and all I wanted to do was tell her to save her tears. She had worse things coming.
Leo smeared the squashed animal against the young girl’s dress and she screamed for her mother.
Foolish girl, she shouldn’t waste her voice. Her mother wouldn’t come.
Karl curled his hands in her sleek hair, mocking her for the colour. The young girl cried, the confusion leaking out of her eyes. She didn’t understand what was going on, but after today, she would know what jealousy did to people, how hate could corrupt even family, how she would never really be safe.
Her brother yanked her to her feet. With one kick, Leo pushed the meek child into the river. The waves trickled over her young body, the water soaking into the dress. Something her Father would punish her for later.
I gasped for air, the memory
stealing my breath as I watched the scenario unfold in front of me. Another whisper of magic curled itself around me and I beckoned for the rest of the magic to follow, to bind with me instead of Aspen.
I forced my attention back to the memory, the pain rushing through my chest and breaking my heart as I watched the spectacle unfold. The girl cried, the tears staining her cheek. The three brothers she so looked up to were hurting her and she still didn’t understand why or what she did wrong. Over the years, she’d learn she didn’t have to do anything wrong for them to treat her like this. She tried to crawl out of the river, the rocks slipping under her feet. The anguish and panic splashed across her face brought pain to my heart and I knew it wouldn’t ever really leave her eyes. She begged for her brothers to help her out of the river, the waves too strong for her slender frame.
Nathan laughed, He held out his hand and the young girl quickly reached for it. Their palms met and when he curled his fingers around her wrist, relief spread on her tear-stained face.
Silly girl, the worst was yet to come.
Her older brother pulled her to shore and she fell in his embrace. For a moment, a brief moment, it felt like he comforted her.
For a split second, I hoped the memory would play out differently.
The young girl shrieked and my heart broke. It wouldn’t end differently. Her brother threw her to the floor and slammed her face into the water. Her scream bubbled up against her cheek, her voice stolen by the river. Her little legs and arms fought against her brother, but she was no match for him.
“That’ll teach you, you stupid girl,” he sneered, his voice cracking as his teenage years were almost over. He would grow up to be a cruel man, not any worse than his younger self.
The girl’s protest grew weaker the longer he held her. The water penetrated her nose, her mouth, it forced itself down her throat in her desperate pleads for help. The other two brothers laughed as they watched the girl in agony, the amusement dancing in their eyes.
Another tendril of magic uncurled from Aspen and joined the magic I was gathering in my chest. My friend broke out of his trance for just a moment and his Alpha wavered. He was angered, far more than he’d ever been. He tugged harder on the magic, his power emitting from his chest, threatening to break out and wash over me. One twitch, one wrong move and it could all be over. But I needed to be strong, I couldn’t let him torture himself with the memory of his dead mate.
I closed my eyes, the scenario in front of my eyes shifting. The trees and grass disappearing, the faces of my brothers vanishing. The birds grew silent, the sun’s warmth gone. My eyes fluttered open and the hazy bed of the river danced in front of me. A little stray fish caught in the bubbles of my screams, the seaweed waving goodbye as the light left my eyes. The panic, the despair, the agony washed over me as if it happened to me all over. The burn in my chest, threatening to explode at any moment and spill my life in the water. The energy sept out of my arms, the pain shooting up and down like wildfire and electricity charging through the path of least resistance. The pain, the excruciating pain seared through me, the memory slashing my heart open again.
The voices murmured louder, the tendrils curling around me. I watched Aspen grow furious as he realised the magic was leaving him. Yes, that was what I wanted, what I needed.
I drew the pain closer, thousands of invisible needles stabbing my lungs and stealing my breath. The world grew darker, the light slipping through my waning fingers. I screamed, but my despair got lost in the river, the life leaking out of my limbs. The end was near and I embraced that one terrifying feeling, the one I knew the magic was looking for. The one promise it needed to get back to me. So I could bind it to my wolf.
I cast my eyes up to the heavens, the echoes of my past my new present. The agony coursed through me, the memories tormenting my mind and breaking my spirit. I crumbled, my kneecaps slamming into the roof. The last gulp of water forced itself through my throat, my lungs spilling over as the pain burst through my entire being. The agony was too much, I couldn’t take this torment, not anymore. Not again. I let the emotions of that day flood back to me, the last desire of a desperate person. I needed it to end, I wanted my end.
Great Wolf, I want to die.
Chapter 20. Howl
Thousands of voices rushed through me. Young, old, man, woman. The magic coursed through my every vein, filling me with a power I never desired but that was mine now.
The darkness twirled through me, rebuilding what it broke. I searched for Aspen and his wolf answered with a whimper, bending to my will. I chased him away, deep within my friend so he wouldn’t haunt him anymore or call for me. The corruption leaked out of him and the man I knew returned to himself, his amber eyes once more.
Satisfied, I abandoned him and searched for my mate. A black wolf appeared in front of me, the icy eyes piercing into mine. I reached out to the beast, eager to stroke her black fur. The futility of my action echoed in my hand waving through thin air. She was just an apparition, conjured by the magic of the amulet. I drew my own white wolf to the surface, breaking the chains that held her captive and sent her to the mate waiting for her. Black and white, the two beasts intertwined in a dance of dark and light. Even through the despair and the agony, I felt Ashleigh’s affection for me shine through her soul and I basked in the warmth of her thoughts.
I stared at my own hands, the movements of my fingers bizarre, a if they didn’t belong to me. So this was how it felt to control the magic instead of falling prey to it? A state between woman and wolf, a limbo that walked on the line separating human from spirit.
The two wolves chased each other, the visual vivid in front of my eyes as if it was happening in the material world. The spirits of our soul raced in the void between Ashleigh and I, their dance a ballad of lovers.
I balled my fist, curious to what else I could achieve with the magic under my control. I wished for my wolf to return and the white beast vanished in a flicker of dust to fill my chest once more. Ashleigh’s black wolf whimpered, but I wouldn’t let her go long without me. Instead of bringing my soul to dance on the line between life and death, my thoughts materialised her. A new pain, a different pain set my body on fire. My bones broke, my muscles ripped, my body tore apart. I bit through the hurt, not giving into the darkness. I no longer feared it, I embraced it. If I could control the pain, I could control the magic. I could do anything.
The world flickered in front of my face and I used the magic to reshape my body into a form I’d only seen inside of me. A form that’d been described to me, that’d been chained for most of my life. The white wolf.
Strength returned to my limbs, my legs growing stronger with more power than I ever possessed. The roof wasn’t too high to jump off, not anymore.
THE DUST FLUTTERED up as my strong paws dug through the streets of the Golden City. I was lucky this part of town was mostly isolated and I couldn’t freak people out with my new form. A second set of paws sounded next to me and without having to look, I knew who joined me. With Ashleigh’s wolf... No, with Ashleigh beside me, we raced to the outskirts of town. We shot through the gates, the guards startled by our appearance. Their shouting quickly grew silent as the city disappeared behind us. The fields we passed through earlier were suddenly filled with a thousand and one smells, with secrets hidden in the dry grass and discoveries behind every corner.
Ashleigh nudged me and I missed a beat. Not used to my four legs, I stumbled over my own feet and crashed into the field. My mate’s snout dug into my exposed stomach and I yipped at her fur. She laughed like only wolves could and we tumbled and twirled with each other. Black and white fur, endless legs and paws, tails curled together. We fitted perfectly.
With Aspen’s wolf stripped from his claim to the magic, the bond I shared with Ashleigh could finally sing. The emotions and feelings I experienced, were merely shadows of the love we were capable of. With every step, every breath, I drew in more of our bond, of Ashleigh. The magic between us crackled, the air s
izzling with electricity and fire. We ran, circling each other, chasing tails and nipping at ankles. There was a playfulness to her, to me. A giddiness to my heart, a lightness I hadn’t felt in weeks, if ever. We crossed the golden fields we came through and answered the call of the Aladwin forest. With the black wolf by my side, there wasn’t anything there to be terrified of. The bushes stroked my sides, the grass tickling my stomach. We were running far and fast, but my body wasn’t tiring. Fed by the magic, I possessed endless energy, endless power.
I nudged Ashleigh, asking her to follow me. I didn’t need words to communicate with her, she knew me and I knew her. We understood.
The world’s colours bounced past me as we raced through the forest. Carefree and joyful, we left our worries behind and danced the day away. It wasn’t until the sun set and the moon graced the night sky, we stopped to rest in a field of heather. The flowers bent under our paws, releasing their sweet aroma. Ashleigh fell into the bed of purple, the blue of her eyes a perfect accent to the coloured petals. I stared in her piercing eyes, the freedom of the moment overwhelming me. I laughed and tipped my head to the sky, the silver moon greeting me. As if I’d been doing this my whole life, I raised my snout and howled into the night. A second cry joined into my symphony and with the black wolf cuddled into me, we made the night unsafe.
The pain from earlier was long gone, chased away with every touch, every glance from Ashleigh. Everything I broke, mended by the gentleness in her and the warmth she held for me. I snuggled into her fur, the black as different as it could be from my own white hairs. I wondered why my fur didn’t match my hair colour, like Ashleigh’s, but it didn’t really matter. There was a beauty in the stark contrast and it only strengthen the believe that I chose right. She really was the one for me.
