“I don’t know, Darai,” she said. “I haven’t considered all of my options.”
That’s a lie, her mind whispered. For she’d thought of nothing but the plan since Darai had planted the seed in her brain, needing it to ease her mourning.
What would the Godstars wish? What would her mother have done?
“You must choose soon,” Darai reminded her. “The clock is going to continue running down, and when it does, your brother will fall. You alone have the power to choose whether he falls in vain, or falls as a sacrifice to the salvation of Exonia.”
The door burst open, and Nor glanced up. A sickening sense of guilt rushed through her as Valen entered.
She didn’t know what she’d expected to feel at the sight of her brother. Fury, perhaps, over what he’d done. Hatred, even, some sort of wound that couldn’t ever be healed.
But instead, she was struck with grief as he entered the room.
Each of his steps, burdened.
Each breath, labored, as if he’d just completed a race. But Nor knew he hadn’t. He’d declined even further since she’d last seen him yesterday. His fine clothes hung from his frame as if they were rags, and bruise-like shadows darkened the skin beneath his eyes. Darai met her gaze from across the room, nodding almost imperceptibly as he watched her take in the sight of her brother.
Valen was dying.
But how much time did he have left?
Nor cleared her throat, looking past Valen’s shoulder, as if she didn’t care that he was here. As if the sight of him didn’t bruise her heart or make her feel a thousand conflicting emotions at once. “What are you doing here, Valen?”
“I came to try to fix things,” Valen said. He looked over at Darai, who stood with his arms crossed, a frown on his face. “Can we speak? Alone?”
Nor was about to agree, but Darai held up a hand. “I think it would be unwise to allow the two of you to be alone together. In light of...recent events.”
Nor didn’t argue. She didn’t have the energy to.
“I’m so sorry, Nor,” Valen said in a rush. “I’ve been in my mind all night, trying to find Androma. Trying to do something, anything, to please you. Do you truly think I meant harm to come to Zahn? Do you honestly believe, after everything we’ve been through together, after everything we’ve done to get to this point, that I would try to hurt you in such a way?”
There were actual tears running down his shallow cheeks, sliding across the protruding bones. “I love you, Nor. You’re the only family I have left. The only family I’ve ever needed. And it kills me inside...” He took a deep, shuddering breath. “It kills me, to know that I had a part in taking Zahn from you.”
Nor couldn’t speak. Because the anger was gone, replaced by an onslaught of emotions she didn’t want to face.
“I want you to know something, though,” Valen said, taking her silence as a chance to fill the awkward space with more words. “I wouldn’t take it back. Not for one second. It kills me, what happened to Zahn, and I will forever carry the burden of it. And someday, the Godstars will punish me for what I did, but it would be far, far worse if that bullet had found its way to you. So I will bear the pain. Because you were Zahn’s queen, and you are my queen, and Mirabel and Exonia would be nothing without you.”
Tears were in Nor’s eyes now, too.
“Valen...” she started. “I...”
She wanted to forgive him. She wanted to tell him it was okay, that everything between them could be healed. But then Darai moved behind Valen, pacing across the room. He met her gaze, his eyes hardening. He shook his head, almost imperceptibly.
Nor thought about his plan again. This time, however, she was disgusted by it. If Darai was certain Valen was to die, then she would do whatever it took to stop it. Or at least delay it, for as long as she could.
“Will you forgive me?” Valen asked. “I’m begging you, Nor. Forgive me, and turn your focus back to the mission. We started this together. I’d like to end it together, too.”
She wanted to. Godstars, she truly did.
And she was about to tell him, when Valen coughed.
He lifted a hand to his mouth, to cover it.
But Nor saw the blood that trickled down his chin.
“Valen, you’re—”
Her brother doubled over, coughing so hard he couldn’t breathe. Nor rushed over to him, realizing with horror that there was a puddle of blood on the ground, pooling from his lips.
“Medics!” Nor shouted as he collapsed to the floor. “Darai, get help!”
The adviser rushed from the room, and Nor knelt before Valen, her hands on either side of his face. “Breathe, Valen.” She willed her compulsion into him, but his eyes were wild as he retched and gasped for air. “Breathe!”
A medical droid and one of the estate’s doctors, a Tenebran woman whose body was modded to look like metal, entered. “Move aside, Majesty,” she said sternly, though not with any lack of respect.
Her med droid, with its clawlike arms wired for strength, lifted Valen’s body onto the floating stretcher. His coughing had slowed, but he still gasped for air, his chest rattling as if it were full of fluid.
“Nor,” he gasped.
His eyes met hers, wild as a cornered animal.
But she had no words to soothe him as the doctor ordered him from the room, already hooking machines up to his chest and waving a diagnostic wand across his middle, a holo floating above to show her the problems it discovered within his dying body. The droid directed the floating stretcher from the office, and Valen was gone.
The silence that followed was almost painful.
Nor felt as if she’d just seen Zahn dying all over again. The memory of his face...it morphed into Valen, and she saw the two of them, side by side in a grave.
A hand touched Nor’s elbow.
She flinched, thrown back into the present, where she realized she was still kneeling on her office floor, her breathing haggard as she tried to hold herself together.
“I know it pains you to see him this way, even with what he has done,” Darai said to her, as he held out a hand. “But the boy must be used to power Nexus, before it is too late.”
“I can’t,” Nor choked out. “I can’t lose them both.”
She wanted to hate Valen, because hating him would mean not having to deal with the loss of him once he was gone.
But she couldn’t. He was her brother, and he’d saved her, just as he’d said. And he would save her again, even if it killed him inside. Even if it killed a piece of her heart.
Because he always put their mission first, as she’d made him swear to. He’d done what the most loyal servant would do. He’d allowed Zahn to die...so that she could live.
“You must let go of your love and focus on our goal,” Darai insisted. As he looked into her eyes, Nor found that she could not pull herself from his gaze. Those Exonian eyes were golden, as golden as the sun, and she’d looked into them since she was a child. She’d trusted them. She’d never been betrayed or let down by them.
“The answer is obvious,” he continued. “Your brother’s body is failing him, but his mind is still strong. His mind is desperate to escape that failing body, to be given a chance to truly stretch and reach the height of its abilities. We can give him that. And we must, before it’s too late.”
Nor’s heart felt broken in two.
And her head...her head felt all wrong, as if she were staring through a layer of fog and into darkness.
“He’s dying,” she said. “Truly dying?”
Darai nodded. “Time is running out. The satellite is nearly complete. And when it is, we must plug Valen into it. We must allow him to follow his fate.”
“But maybe Aclisia...” Nor trailed off. “If she had just a few more days...she could perhaps find a way to...”
“No,” D
arai said. “You’re not listening, my dear. There is no time. You know what must be done, Nor. You just don’t want to admit it to yourself, because you fear it.”
“I’m not afraid,” Nor said.
But she was. She was.
Darai gazed at her, so insistent as he helped her stand. “He is too weak. He is already almost gone. A true queen would see that, Nor. She would also see that in his weakness, he is perhaps even more useful than he ever has been. You must decide. You must give me the order, before death comes to steal him away. Before Exonia falters, because of your fear to use him.”
She almost said it.
She almost gave the order.
But something inside of her screamed not yet.
Nor pulled her hand from Darai’s grasp, glancing away from his gaze. “You overstep, Uncle.”
He frowned, his jaw working as he likely sought the right words. “I am only doing my duty, my queen.”
“You will give me time,” Nor said. “That is your order.”
Then she left the room, her cloak trailing behind her as she headed toward the medical wing of the estate. She would not decide what to do with Valen.
Not yet.
And certainly not today.
CHAPTER 29
VALEN
He was back in Lunamere again, lying facedown on the cold obsidinite while the guards slashed their light-whips over his back.
He smelled the singeing of his own flesh, the metallic tang of his blood.
He heard his own muffled cry, the crackling of the whip over and over again.
“Please,” Valen begged. “Make it stop.”
The crackling turned to a soft beeping. Valen opened his eyes to find a world not doused in darkness, but drenched in light, the white walls and ceiling of Averia’s medical wing all around him.
And Nor, fast asleep in a chair at the edge of his bed.
In the few years that Valen had known Nor, truly known her, he had never seen her as she was now, utterly unguarded as she slept. His half sister was a private woman, stubborn enough to force back her tears until she could hide herself away. Her happiness manifested mostly in small smiles when they were together. Sometimes, she laughed in triumph. When Valen had finally allowed her inside of his mind, she’d grinned like she’d just captured a planet in her outstretched hands. Above all, Nor displayed her fury, her determination and her pride, like a set of badges proudly pinned to her chest.
But never...never had Valen seen her so exhausted. So empty.
“Nor,” Valen said hoarsely, as he tried to lift himself up on his pillows. His arms were weak, but he managed.
Her eyes fluttered open, panicked at first as she gasped, reaching for the sparkling necklace at her throat, then calming as she looked around and reality seemed to settle in.
A pang of guilt hit Valen. Zahn had given her that necklace.
“You slept,” Valen said. “Good. You needed the rest.”
They felt like the only words he could say. Stupid, empty words. But he’d spilled his heart already in her office. Before... He tried to remember what had happened then.
He grimaced as it all came flooding back. He’d nearly coughed up his own lungs, feeling like he was drowning in his own blood. He’d seen Nor’s face hovering over his, and then darkness. The kind he thought he might never come back from.
The beeping Valen had heard earlier still played in the background, emanating from monitors checking his vitals. The med droid that had carried him stood motionless in the corner of the room, likely ready to spring into action should Valen need any care.
“You slept, too,” Nor said. No crown, no extravagant gown. Her eyes were rimmed in red, and she looked at him like Valen imagined anyone would look at a dying person. Like every glance might be their last.
But he wasn’t dying. Valen was strong. Darai had always told him that, and Nor had, too. He was simply pushing himself too hard, too far. But was there any other choice?
No, Valen thought. There wasn’t, not when the satellite was nearly done, and Androma was likely well on her way to Arcardius to hand over her access to the weapons network.
“How do you feel?” Nor asked.
“Like I nearly died back there,” Valen said with a shrug. He was still weak, and his breathing was labored, but he actually felt better than he had in days.
“The medical staff has assured me you’re being well taken care of,” Nor said, looking around the room. At the monitors behind him, at the white walls, at the pillowcase as she ran her fingertips across a loose thread. Valen realized she was looking at anything but him.
“Nor,” he said. “What I told you before, in your office—”
“I know,” she said. “I want to forgive you, Valen. And to be honest, I didn’t think I would ever be able to. I’m still not sure that I can. You saved me, but you stole him away from me.”
“But I didn’t,” Valen said. “I didn’t shoot that gun, Nor.”
She closed her eyes. “I know.” A deep sigh, as she opened them again. “After you collapsed in my office, I realized something. I want to forgive you, Valen.”
“So forgive me,” he pleaded. “Let’s go back to what we once had. Let’s focus on our mission. Together.”
Nor held up a hand. “I want to. I’m not there yet, but I’m telling you that the desire to at least exists. It will take time. And...and difficult choices.”
Valen raised a brow. “I’ve always been loyal to you, Nor,” he said. “Since day one, I was yours to command.”
The work he’d done to get the people to worship his sister went deep. And his own heart... It was tethered to her, just as his mind was.
He was nothing without Nor. His first family was dead, and his second now treated him like he was made of glass, something that needed to be protected. But later, when their plan came to fruition, and Exonia was opened wide?
He’d have a third family. Perhaps the one he’d always belonged to without knowing.
Nor shifted her weight beside him, and Valen realized he’d been lost in his thoughts again.
“I feel like I want to keep going, but I’m not sure that I can,” Valen admitted. “I made one mistake, Nor, one mistake that was really only half a mistake, because it ended up saving you...and yet you’re ready to throw me away. Cast me out. And what’s terrible is that part of me thinks that you should.”
“No,” Nor said, looking up at him, eyes reddening. “That’s not what I want. You’re a vital part of this mission, Valen. So vital it isn’t even an option to go on without you.”
She trailed off, her lips quivering as she held back tears. Valen knew he wasn’t the main cause of them, and yet the fact that he’d had some hand in them nearly tore him apart.
Family wasn’t supposed to destroy. Family was supposed to build, to support, always.
“I’m not good enough for you or Exonia,” Valen said quietly.
Nor shook her head vehemently. “You are. You have no idea just how good you are.”
But then she looked away again, refusing to meet his gaze. As if just watching him pained her inside.
“How do we go on?” Valen asked. “How do we move past this?”
She wiped a hand across her eyes as the tears finally fell. “We make a choice,” Nor said.
“A choice?” Valen asked.
Nor nodded. “We choose to go on, even when it hurts us. Even when it may tear us apart.” She reached out and took his hand, squeezing it once before Valen felt her enter his mind.
“Get some rest, little brother,” she said through their mental doorway. Valen was shocked to feel it open again, to feel that connection between them. It wasn’t forgiveness—not fully, not yet. He could still see her battling within herself, still feel the tension coming off her.
But he would take this small step forward tod
ay, and wait for another one tomorrow.
Nor helped him lean back, adjusting his pillows before she turned to leave. She gazed at him, eyes heavy with sadness, as she stopped at the door. “The mission is what matters,” she said firmly. “And we’ll do it together, every step of the way.”
Then she left him alone with his thoughts.
Exhaustion called to Valen, and he wanted, desperately, to sleep. Now was as good a time as any. But before he could float away to his dreams, the door to his room opened again, and Darai stepped inside, clad in heavy gray robes.
Valen frowned at the sight of the old adviser.
“I’ve been instructed to rest,” he said, “by the queen herself. You can come back later.”
Darai ignored him as he usually did, taking the chair Nor was in moments ago. “You look terrible,” he said.
Valen huffed out a laugh. “I could say the same about you.”
“I believe you have, many times before.”
“That’s because it’s true,” Valen snapped.
Darai’s eyes looked about the room, taking in the machines as if he were disgusted by them. He crossed his arms, leaning back comfortably in the chair as he focused his gaze again on Valen. “Your power is killing you, boy.”
Valen felt like he’d just been punched in the face.
He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out.
“I always knew you were too strong for your own good. From the moment I met you, I sensed it. Such raw strength, such an ability...it cannot be contained for long inside a Mirabellian body. It was meant for a full Exonian. Someone like your mother, who failed to realize that the mission must come before all other things. Even family. Even love.” Darai smiled cruelly. “Those are the things that make us weak. Klaren’s power, the power you inherited? It was wasted on her, and we cannot allow it to be wasted on you.”
Darai and Valen had no lost love between them. The two had always spoken boldly to one another, Valen usually with more acid in his words than Darai. But this? This was an entirely new level of boldness, one that Valen knew the adviser wouldn’t show if Nor were here.
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