His mouth snapped closed as he looked away. He had no response, and that wasn’t good enough. Not now. Not after everything.
I took a step toward him, hands shaking. “You told me that you weren’t going to leave me. Not ever again.”
His head snapped in my direction, eyes blazing a stunning violet. “And I haven’t.”
“But you have,” I whispered. “Mentally and emotionally, you’ve totally left me, and I don’t get what you want from me. You say that there can only ever be me. Like I’m the one—”
“You are.” He was closer, a mere foot from me. “You are the one for me; you’ve always been. We were made for each other.”
“Then why have you shut me out, Luc?”
He looked away, shaking his head once more.
Chest caving in, I shook my head. I didn’t have space for this on top of everything else. “Just leave. Please. It’s late, and I—”
“I did this to you,” he said, his voice so low I wasn’t sure I’d heard him right at first.
But I had.
I jerked. “What?”
“I did this. All of this, because I was selfish and weak and couldn’t bear to think about living in a world you no longer existed in.”
My heart stopped.
“When that bastard Jason Dasher made an offer to heal you in exchange for his life, I knew better. Deep down, I knew there had to be a catch, because there is always a catch, but I was desperate. I’d do anything, so I took you there and agreed to let them give you God knows what. Then I walked away. I held up my end of the deal and walked away while who knows what was being done to you. I did this, Evie.”
Emotion clogged my throat. “Luc—”
“And now look. I ensured that you lived, and for what? For you to experience everything you thought you knew about your life being destroyed. For you to find dead bodies and be targeted by an Origin. For you to watch your mother die and for your entire future to be ripped away from you and for you to be hunted by pure, fucking evil, because that is what the Daedalus is. I did this, and people died. That’s what I did. That’s what I think about when I look at you, because I—”
“Gave me life,” I whispered.
His entire body jerked.
“That’s what you did. You made sure I lived. You didn’t know this was going to happen.”
“That doesn’t matter.” The pupils of his eyes turned white. “Because I should’ve known better. That I would be exchanging your death for—”
“For life!” I repeated. “Yeah, things are super messed-up right now, but if you didn’t take that risk, we wouldn’t be standing here. We wouldn’t have this second chance, something so few people get. We have it because of you.”
“And does that second chance overshadow everything? What has happened to Sylvia? To you? Does it—” Air shuddered out of him. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t think I’m worthy of you.”
That stunned me, and it took me a moment to realize he’d said something similar before. “How can you think that?”
“I don’t think,” he responded, thick lashes lowering. “I just know.”
“You’re wrong.” I crossed the distance between us. He stiffened, and I placed my hands on his cheeks. “You do deserve me, and I wish that all these bad things hadn’t happened, but I don’t blame you. I could never blame you, because I think I love you, and I don’t want you to regret being here with me—”
Luc jerked out of my grasp, his chest rising and falling rapidly. “What? What did you say?”
I lowered my hands. “I said I don’t want you to regret being here with me.”
“Not that.” His entire pupils now glowed. “What you said before that.”
I raced back through my thoughts, and I … Oh my God, I’d said I’d loved him. Those words had come out of my mouth, an admission of what I wouldn’t even let myself acknowledge. A proclamation I hadn’t been ready to feel but I had been ready to speak.
Because it was the truth.
I’d fallen in love with Luc, and I didn’t even know exactly when. Whether it was somewhere between the first terrible pickup line and the weird surprises that made no sense. Maybe it was the first time he’d kissed me in the closet at Foretoken or the first time he’d held my hand.
Or maybe I’d always been in love with him, because I was certain I had before, even if I couldn’t remember.
“I love you,” I said, trembling. “I’m in love with you, Luc.”
34
Luc moved so fast I didn’t see him. Only knew that he had when his mouth touched mine and his arms folded around me. The kiss took my breath and then my soul. The fierceness shattered me and it pieced me back together.
“It feels like I’ve waited my entire life to hear you say that,” he said against my lips, his hands gliding down my back. “To see your lips move around those words. I may not deserve them, but I’m greedy. I’m still selfish. You can’t take them back.”
“I wouldn’t.” I gasped as he lifted me up and turned, bringing me down to the bed so that I was on his lap, straddling him. “And you do deserve me.”
His hands came to my face. His fingers traced my lips and jaw, and for a long moment, he just stared at me, and then his lips were on mine. Our kisses took on a different life, became full of an urgency I’d never quite experienced before. I straightened in his arms, placing my hands on his shoulders. They drifted down his hard chest, becoming pinned between us when he tugged me closer. Something about the way he kissed me became desperate, panicked even. He was kissing me like we were running out of time.
The moment that thought crossed my mind, I felt the same desperate surge even though I told myself we weren’t. I wiggled to free my hands, and Luc’s groan turned the tips of my ears red.
I didn’t slow down, even though I knew there was so much we needed to be focused on. We both needed these minutes amid the confusion and lack of answers, the blood … and death.
I don’t know if it was him or me or both of us, but his hands were on my hips, open and closing, rocking them as he nipped at my lips, at my throat. Then the tiny buttons on my sweater came unclasped and the material was parted, but his hands never left my hands.
Stunned, I pulled away and looked down, seeing plain pink lace. “That’s a nifty talent.”
“Isn’t it, though?” Pricks of white light filled his pupils as one side of his mouth kicked up.
His mouth returned to mine and then wandered away. The path of kisses blazed a trail down my throat, over the slope of my collarbone, and then lower, over a swell. I felt his fingers along my shoulder, hooking under a strap, guiding it down and down until the cup loosened and those fingers, those lips drifted over sensitive skin. The same thing happened to the other strap, to the other cup, and goose bumps spread over my cool, damp skin as my head fell back, my mouth opening in a sharp gasp.
Luc lifted his head and sat back. There was a wicked gleam to his eyes, a daring twist to his lips as he stared at me. I’d never been exposed like this before, and I didn’t know what he thought when he looked at me, seeming to watch the flush spread from my neck and lower.
“You’re beautiful, Evie,” he said, voice husky and reverent. “I’ve told you that, but it doesn’t matter. I already know I haven’t told you enough. You’re so beautiful it drives me to distraction. Perfect.” Those eyes lifted to mine, and there was an awed look on his face.
I placed my hands on his cheeks and I kissed him, hoping that somehow he could feel what I thought of him when I knew words wouldn’t suffice. Luc was worthy, and that had nothing to do with all that he’d done for me, but what he’d done for countless Luxen, for Emery and Grayson, for Kent and Zoe, and more.
I tugged at his shirt, and he obliged, leaning back and lifting his arms so I could tug it off over his head. I dropped it on the bed beside me and soaked in all the bare, hard skin.
No bruises in sight.
Luc was completely healed from being shot three times, but I still bent,
kissing each spot that had been struck. I didn’t need a bruise to know where he’d been hit; I’d remember those locations until I died. An inch below the right shoulder. The center, between the defined pecs. Centimeters to the left of his heart.
I heard his ragged inhale as my hands made their way down his stomach, to his navel and then to the button on his jeans, and lower still. I felt him straining against my hand. “Can I?”
“Yes. Y.E.S. Totally,” he said. “Definitely.”
A soft laugh left me as I reached for the button on his jeans and then his zipper, and when he didn’t stop me, I was emboldened.
At the first touch of my fingers, his back bowed as if I’d burned him, and he broke the kiss as his entire body became impossibly taut. I opened my eyes, worried that I’d done something wrong.
He opened his mouth and then closed it, and for the first time ever, he looked like he was at a loss for words.
Another first for him.
I skated my fingers over him as I glanced down, flushing before bringing my gaze back to him. “You’re beautiful, and you’re worthy.”
He shook his head, jaw tight.
“I don’t understand how you can think you’re not, and I … I don’t want you to think that. I don’t like it.”
Luc sucked in a sharp breath. “God. Evie, you don’t…” He dropped his head onto my shoulder. His lips kissed my neck. “You don’t need to do this.”
“I want to.” I curled my fingers around his hair as I curled my fingers around him.
This wasn’t something I’d done often in my life. Once, maybe? I had no idea what I was doing, but based on the catch in Luc’s next breath, I figured I was doing something right.
And when his hips jerked, lifting his body and me clear off the bed, I had a feeling he wasn’t disappointed at all.
I braced a hand on his chest as he leaned back once more, those glowing eyes flashing over my face and lower, to where my sweater parted and to where my hand moved.
His lips parted as his chest rose and fell rapidly. “Evie.” He groaned my name, and something … something began to happen.
The pupils turned all white, and thin, faint vessels appeared under his skin, all over his face and throat, and lower even. White light glowed from within him. The air around us became charged. Static crackled around—
Luc reared up, one hand grasping the back of my head, fingers tangled tightly in my hair. He pulled and stretched, and our mouths clashed together. Lips. Teeth. Tongues. Energy crackled, snapping through me. He swelled, and then his entire body seemed to stiffen, every muscle locking up as he panted into our kisses. The air around us seemed electrified, and then I felt the tension slowly ease out of him.
Luc held me tightly but kept a little space between us as he continued to shudder under me, his large, powerful body trembling. When he finally stilled, I pulled back and opened my eyes.
He was staring at me like he’d never seen me before, and that was an odd look for him, because he always looked at me like he knew exactly who I was. There was a softness to his face, and for several moments, we just stared at each other.
“Give me a sec, okay? Don’t move.”
When I nodded, he lifted me up and over, depositing me on the bed as he rose, disappearing into the bathroom. Using the time somewhat wisely, I fixed my bra as I heard the water turn on.
Luc reappeared. He sat beside me, quiet for a long moment. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know.” I glanced at him. “I wanted to.”
“I appreciate that. A lot. Like, a lot, a lot.” A small grin appeared. “I’ve never…”
My brows lifted. “You never … what?”
His gaze met mine. “I’ve never experienced that with someone.”
“I thought you said you did things.”
“Things, yes. But never that with someone.” He lifted a shoulder, completely unashamed to be talking about this. “With myself? Yes. More times than you probably want to know.”
A slow grin started to tug at my lips. “Probably.”
“But you’re the first. I knew it could feel like that, but I … I also had no idea.” He opened his mouth, closed it, and then appeared to try again. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
“No.” I leaned forward, kissing his cheek. “Why would you think that?”
“I lost a little bit of control there, if you didn’t notice. The Source?” He jerked his chin to the lamp. My eyes widened. Holy crap, it was smoking!
I smiled, rather smug that I’d caused him to do that.
He shifted toward me, kissing me back, slowly and languidly. I felt his fingers brush over my stomach. “You know what this means, right?”
“What?” My brows knitted.
“If you get to play, so do I.” He guided me onto my back, muscles rolling and flexing along the bare skin of his shoulders and upper arms.
Oh.
Oh my.
Luc kissed me as if he were sipping from my lips, and then his mouth was skating down my throat, around the silver chain as he pulled the obsidian pendant straight. His lips and fingers were everywhere at once, tugging and caressing, licking and nipping.
Every pulse point thrummed as his hands drifted lower, over my navel and then to the band of my sleep shorts.
He paused, gaze lifting to mine. “May I?”
Heart racing, I nodded.
Luc dragged the band down an inch. “Have to hear you say it, Peaches.”
“Really?”
One side of his lip kicked up. “Really.”
“Yes,” I said. “You may.”
“Then I will.” He kissed the skin under my navel, and then he did.
A thrill filled my veins as I lifted my hips, helping him remove the shorts, rocking back as he did so. They landed somewhere on the floor. Even though he still had his jeans on, there was nothing else for him to remove from me.
“I have a very important question,” he said, staring down at me, lips parted. “Do you have any idea how much you undo me?”
My chest squeezed and then swelled. “How … how do I … undo you?”
The tips of his fingers trailed over the crease between my thigh and hip, causing my breath to hitch. “In every single way.” The air caught in my throat for a whole different reason now.
He drew his finger down my thigh, and then I watched him lower his head. His hair brushed the skin below my navel. My heart launched itself into my throat. “I … I’ve never done this before,” I whispered, my hands opening and closing on the sheets.
His mouth followed his finger. “Neither have I.”
“That … that doesn’t sound right.” My entire body jerked as I felt his lips along my skin. “You seem to know what you’re doing.”
“I really don’t.” Inching my legs apart, he settled there. “I’m just doing what feels right.” His warm breath danced over an extraordinarily sensitive part as he glided a finger up my thigh. “Am I doing it right?”
“I … I think so.”
“Think so?” His finger came close as he made another pass to where I throbbed. “I’m going to have to do better than ‘I think so.’”
I was all on board for that.
He chuckled, and I knew immediately he’d picked up on my thoughts. His finger came close again before sliding away. My hips lifted out of instinct, in a silent urging.
“You know what this reminds me of?” he said, lifting his gaze to mine once more.
Breaths coming in short, shallow pants, I shook my head.
“When you were thinking about wanting to climb me like a—”
“Don’t,” I said.
“Horny—”
“Luc.”
“Octopus,” he finished.
“I hate you.”
“No, you don’t.” Luc smiled at me then, and it was real and beautiful, softening the hard, striking lines of his face. “You love me.”
And then he was sipping from me again, this time from my skin, and every pa
rt of me shorted out.
Every part of me shorted out.
His tongue. His teeth. His hands. I was moving with him, twisting and rolling, gasping for air. My pace picked up as my fingers dug into his soft, unruly hair. Tension coiled tight. Everything about me became frantic. My gasps. The way I moved. The sounds that came from me. The way I said his name, over and over, and then it was like when I touched the Source. Electricity rippled over my skin. Light filled me, and Luc was with me through the waves, until my legs were limp and my fingers had slipped from his hair.
Luc eased up, stretching out beside me. He curled an arm around my waist, tugged my boneless body to his chest. The blanket folded over us, and I knew he hadn’t touched it.
“You’re so lazy,” I murmured.
“You’re just jealous.”
“I am.”
Luc was quiet for a moment. “I should’ve known.”
“What?”
He kissed the space below my ear. “I should’ve known when I saw Diesel.”
For a moment I didn’t know what he was talking about, but my gaze drifted to the smiling face of the oval-shaped rock.
“I should’ve known then that you loved me.”
35
Luc and I lay in warmth and silence for a little while, his fingers tracing idle shapes along my stomach. A circle around my navel. A triangle above it. A smiley face near my hip while my thoughts flitted from one thing to the next, shying away from things that would shatter the peace that had invaded my soul.
“I just realized I didn’t ask you about the Arum,” Luc said, his fingers dipping over the curve of my waist. “Did he say or do anything?”
“Nothing really, but…” I shifted onto my back, causing the blankets to slip low on my chest, and his fingers found their way to the center of my stomach once more. “Actually, he did speak … in my mind.”
The Burning Shadow (Origin Series) Page 38
