by Anthology
Back in the living room, I’m astounded at the cleaned-up crime scene. The entire place is spotless. I’m lined up again with a few men and the other women, who apparently slept chained together while I was in the bedroom.
My gaze flies to Cesare, but he’s in a heated conversation with Michael before he addresses us.
With his gun dangling in his hand, Michael paces back and forth. “My fiancée was killed. In my own home! I want to know which one of you allowed an enemy past the gate, into my house, to execute a meaningless raid that not only got them killed, but also got my fiancée killed! We’re doing background checks as we speak, but if you come forward now, perhaps I’ll be lenient.” He aims a quelling glare at us.
Cesare’s analyzing me with a mixture of pity and anger. As if he wants to hold me but also throttle me. Then he breaks our stare and resumes his dominant stance.
No one utters a word.
A man comes up behind Michael and whispers to him. Michael pins the guy to my left with a scowl and then points his gun at him.
I feel dizzy but keep standing, my hands sweating profusely and my skin itching.
“Come here. I’m not in the mood for games. You didn’t tell me your last cocaine drop-off went sour. Why?” Michael demands.
“We had the problem under control,” the man answers shakily.
“So, you lied to me?”
“No, I omitted—”
Michael cocks his weapon and shoots him right between the eyes. The body sags to the floor. “Anyone who lies to me gets executed on the spot!”
The women scream, and the other men seem astounded as well.
Cesare is impossible to read, but he says something to Michael, and they leave.
Joey is on me the next second. “What did you tell Cesare? I didn’t know you fucking knew Cesare Amallo! If he finds out, I’m dead.”
“Then I guess you better get me out of here or get me a fix real soon because I’m dying from withdrawal.”
I’m a mess, having sweat all night from withdrawal, and I’ve completely lost my grip on myself due to Cesare. Seeing him pains me. And I need the pain to fade. I need drugs to erase years of regret, of missing my best friend, my one love who doesn’t want me anymore.
No! I don’t need the drugs.
I’ve been fighting for months to get clean, but Joey feeds my addiction. I know he’s bad news, and I should’ve stayed away from him. If I had, I wouldn’t have ended up in this mess, but I’m an addict without funds. I have no job, student loans to pay off, and I keep falling back into his clutches. I run drugs for him in secret, and he pays me in heroine.
Sometimes, in lucid moments, I can’t believe what’s become of me, and I try to get clean, but I’ve failed repeatedly. However, in this moment, I grasp how far gone I really am. I’ve witnessed a massacre and am being held hostage, but all I can think about is getting a fix. This is horrific, and I don’t want any of it.
My musings are interrupted when Cesare smacks Joey’s hand away from my arm.
“Do not ever touch her again,” he spits, and Joey holds up both palms as Cesare drags me back to the bedroom.
“I don’t know what you’re playing at, or how the hell you got involved with Joey, but you don’t want me to find out from anyone else. I’ll be back tonight, and I expect you to have answers for me.”
Then he locks me in again while I’m already considering confessing. Even though Cesare is different, there’s still this pull between us. Why else would he be putting me in a room instead of leaving me with the others? He’s just as affected by our reunion as I am. Maybe I should confide in him. He’s still my friend, my first and only love. And a love as deep as ours never fades.
Eleven Years Ago ~ Age Sixteen
Kinsey
That first kiss is the game changer. Cesare and I become thick as thieves in the next few months, and my crush on him evolves into my first love. When I’m not with him, I miss him desperately.
Unfortunately, he has a problem with my father and the crappy part of town I live in, so Cesare picks me up in the middle of the night so I can sleep at his house.
Tonight, I jump out my bedroom window and head toward Cesare’s car.
“Wow! You look beautiful, Kins!”
“Thanks.”
He takes my hand and entwines our fingers as he pulls out onto the road and drives us to his home, a beautiful brownstone in the heart of the city.
Twenty minutes later, I’m on his bed, kissing him. Already in just my panties and bra, I’m lying underneath an almost naked Cesare. Our ragged breathing fills the room as he pushes his erection between my legs, a layer of clothing preventing skin-to-skin contact.
“Kins, I want to be inside you,” he says, caressing his fingertips down my cheek, and I nod.
He shows me a lopsided boyish grin, roaming his hands all over my body.
“You’re so beautiful, piccolina,” he murmurs as he unhooks my bra and sucks my nipples.
Arching off the bed, I feel a tingling responsiveness in my lower stomach as Cesare nips a path down my stomach and legs, removing my panties and spreading me wide.
Then he lies between my legs, his mouth close to my core. “I’m going to taste you now.”
As he kisses me there, I grab his hair in surprise, but it feels amazing when he starts to lick and suck.
“Cesare…” I moan.
He looks up. “Does it feel good, Kins?”
I smile, and he continues enthusiastically. Sensations I’ve never experienced shake my body as he devours me. Harder and rougher. I reach for ultimate bliss and peak when I gaze down and see him lying between my legs. It seems so forbidden, and I pant while pushing my hips from the bed.
While I’m still shivering in the aftermath, Cesare climbs up my body and gets rid of his boxer briefs.
“That was hot,” Cesare whispers and crushes his mouth to mine, rubbing his hard-on against my center.
He rests his forearms beside my head, his fingers weaving into my hair. And we stare at each other as he starts to enter me.
I flinch from the pain, and he strokes my hair. “Shhh…”
He pushes through, and it hurts, but he smothers me with a kiss and slowly thrusts. Gradually, I’m adjusting to the fullness.
Then I notice that Cesare’s shaking. “Cesare…”
Our gazes lock.
“You feel so warm, Kins. It’s so wet.”
I let the tips of my fingers caress down his back and urge him to keep going.
He moves inside of me while studying my face intently. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. Please, don’t stop.”
And he picks up his pace. I welcome him into my body, and the pain transforms to a dull ache that quickly dwindles. Touching Cesare’s lips, I lock eyes with him while we move together, my nipples brushing his chest, and I’ve never felt closer to anyone.
“Fuck! Kins, I’m going to come,” he growls and drops his head into my neck as he pushes in deep and groans.
Then he collapses on top of me while I rub his back.
His harsh breathing settles, and he shifts off me, rolling me to my side to face him.
I touch his pecs as he strokes my hips.
“I can’t believe we did it,” I utter with a smile.
He laughs, a truly contented laugh. “That’s the first thing you say after our first time?” Quickly, he rolls me onto my back again. “You always surprise me.” And he pulls back.
Satisfied, we just lie in silence, enjoying the moment to its fullest.
“Piccolina…”
I know what he’s going to say, because I feel it too.
“Ti amo. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Something in me is different, altered. Maybe I’m tied to Cesare forever now. The boy I’ve loved for so long, who would become my first everything in the next couple of years.
Nine Years Ago ~ Age Eighteen
Cesare
For the next two years, K
insey and I are inseparable. She’s my confidant, my lover, my home, mine.
However, change is upon us. We’re in my bedroom when she drops a bomb on me.
“Cesare, I got accepted to Chicago State, to study history,” she mentions, sitting on my bed Indian style.
“Why? Can’t you study history here, at NYU?”
She gives me a solemn look. “I can’t afford that.”
“Then I’ll pay for it.” I’ll be at Princeton, which is roughly a three-hour flight from Chicago, and I don’t want to be that far away from her.
“How?”
“I don’t know. I’ll ask my parents. I have a fund I could use.”
“That’s really sweet, but you can’t. And I couldn’t take it anyway. It’s way too much. I’d rather stay here with you too, but we don’t have a choice.”
I get up from my chair and go to the bed. “I don’t like this, piccolina. We see each other every day.”
She takes my hand in hers. “I’m going to miss you so much, but we’ll call and text. And you can come visit me.”
“Won’t you visit me?”
She sighs and averts her gaze.
“I meant that if I buy you a ticket, will you come? I know you don’t have the money, but you will accept that, right?”
“Of course. I love you, and I don’t want all of this.”
“Me either.” I hug her.
A sense of foreboding settles in my soul, and suddenly, I’m dreading the future.
On edge, I find myself in my car outside Kins’s house watching over her.
Her father returns home at 3:00 a.m., and I can see through the window that Kinsey has been waiting up for him. She turns on the lights, so I get out of the vehicle to ensure that she’s safe.
As I approach the front door of the tiny one-story, I hear them arguing inside.
“Where have you been?” she scolds her father. “You come home totally spaced out after being gone for days! I’ve been worried sick about you.”
“Kinsey, calm down and go to bed,” he slurs, sitting on the couch as I peek through the window.
“No! Not this time. I always let you get away with everything. But now, you’ve gone too far. You stole my money!”
Motherfucker! He stole her hard earned money that she’s been saving for Chicago for drugs?
“I said go to bed!” her father roars. “I’m getting sick and tired of your sanctimonious bitching, girl!”
My blood boils with the way her father treats her.
Kinsey has reached her breaking point, because she starts to shout, “I want my money back!”
“Do not yell! This is still my house!”
Seeing her father striding to Kins, ready to strike her, I race back to the front door, but it’s locked.
“Kinsey!” I shout and hurl my entire body against it repeatedly.
All of a sudden, I hear her piercing scream and a loud commotion.
“Kins!” Panic fills my veins with my need to protect her. With all my strength, I drive my shoulder against the door, breaking its hinges.
I run inside to seize her father, who’s slapping her face while she’s lying on her back on the floor, and a red haze overtakes my vision.
She’s hurt. An animalistic rage courses through me. No one hurts what’s mine.
Kinsey is blocking her face with her forearms, struggling, when I throw him off her.
He grunts in pain as he sags against the wall. Then he lunges up and comes at me with all his force. His weight crushes the air from my lungs, and he punches me. In turn, I strike him in his nose with my fist.
“Cesare!” she shouts.
“Kins, run! Go!” I order frantically.
Instead, she jumps on her father, and he shoots to the side, flinging her off. Kins hits her head on the floor and cries in pain.
“Kinsey! No!”
She’s not moving when her father bends down and smiles maliciously, now flashing a knife in his hand. Then he jumps on me again, and we topple to the floor, everything after that happening fast. I fight him, trying to take the weapon, and groan when he knees me in the stomach. Then he lifts his hand, ready to stab me, but I catch his wrist, roll over, and with all my power, take the knife and plunge it into his stomach.
“Motherfucker!” I bellow.
He bucks and spits blood, convulsing while I hurry to Kins.
“Kinsey!” I lift her onto my lap, cradling her head.
Her eyes open languidly as blood trails down her ear.
Anxiously, I ask, “Are you okay?”
“My heart hurts…that’s all.” Then she touches my cheek. “You?”
“I’m okay. But we need help, piccolina.”
She sits up and stares at the body of her father.
“Oh, my god! Is he…?”
“I don’t know.” I rise to my feet and plow my hand through my hair.
Serenity returns to my system now that I know she’s okay, but we have a huge problem at the moment. And there’s only one person who can help me.
Fishing my phone from my pocket, I make the call. “I need a clean-up crew.”
Unfortunately, the death of Kinsey’s father will tie me to the Syndicate forever—much earlier than initially planned.
Half an hour later, I’m on the porch with a distraught Kinsey, who’s in shock, while members of the New York Syndicate clean the house and dispose of the body.
Luciano, my father and the Syndicate’s counselor and lawyer, arrives, scowling at me. But his face softens when he witnesses Kinsey’s sad state.
“You involved the Syndicate in your business, son. You’ll go with me tomorrow to explain this to the boss. I didn’t want you to become part of this so soon, but it’s done now. Come. Let’s go. Your mother’s worried.”
With Kinsey in my arms, I head to my car to take us home.
In the vehicle, Kinsey calms my soul. “I love you, Cesare.”
She loves a killer? I’m a killer, about to become a soldier for the NYS, and within years, I’ll be a made man. She doesn’t realize how dramatically this will change our lives.
Still, I seek to give her peace, so I kiss the back of her hand. “I love you too, piccolina. Everything will be okay. Mi prenderò cura di te adesso. I’ll take care of you now.”
Regrettably, little do I know that my promise will be impossible to uphold.
Right before I go off to college, my parents reveal their objections to our relationship for the first time. My father especially doesn’t like it because he can sense that she’s pulling me away from the mafia life I’m supposed to initiate into after Princeton. But for now, I don’t think about that. I’m happy with Kins, and we’ll make it.
Tonight, my father awaits me in my room. “Cesare, we need to talk.”
Uh-oh, that’s never good. I hurl my keys onto the desk. “About what, father?”
“You and Kinsey.”
“Why?”
“I think you and she are very close and much too young to practically be shacking up together in your room.”
“She’s my girlfriend, and she doesn’t have anyone else. You know that.”
“I do. And I applaud you for taking care of her, but that’s not your responsibility. Don’t forget that you and she come from different worlds. You need to enjoy your teenage years, son. And after college, you will initiate. Does she know that?”
“No, but she’ll follow me anywhere. Don’t worry about her.”
“I don’t worry about her. I worry about you two together. Cesare, when she’s here, you neglect your friends and you’re always obsessed with being with her. I’m warning you, don’t let her become your weakness.”
My father’s concerned tone upsets me. I know he means well, and we’ve never argued, but Kinsey’s a topic that’s non-negotiable to me.
“She won’t,” I manage to grind out, which belies my statement entirely.
My father studies me, but lets it go and calmly leaves my room.
Nine Years Ag
o ~ Age Eighteen
Kinsey
Time passes quickly. After my father’s death, I feel liberated, and Cesare and I are madly in love in the months before I leave. Nevertheless, there’s always a feeling of desperation in our relationship because of our impending separation.
Cesare and I share a joyless goodbye when I leave for college. We have high hopes that we can make a long distance relationship work, but sometimes good intentions aren’t enough.
I’ve missed him terribly, but as life continues, he’s become less approachable. His Syndicate life and college are eating up all his time. We’ve drifted apart in physical distance and spiritual distance as well. It’s taken five months for him to even come to visit me.
In my scant room on campus, we can’t take it slow.
“Kins, I’ve missed you. My cock needs to be inside you.” Cesare kisses me roughly and slams me back against the wall.
My skirt is bunched up while I unfasten his slacks and pump his erection. He swells rapidly in my hands. No time to undress, I want to feel him in me.
He spins me around, his chest against my back, nudges my panties aside, and drives into me. I gasp, and Cesare grips my hips, fucking me from behind as I arch my back to take him in deep. Whimpering, I push back against him while he ruthlessly possesses me and groans into my ear. His hand drifts to my center and rubs me as he pistons inside. And I explode, riding the tide of pleasure in irresistible waves. He growls while slowing his punishing pace and drops his forehead on my shoulder.
After our breathing has calmed, we move to lie on my bed, and I notice his tousled state. He has dark circles around his eyes and looks like he hasn’t shaved in weeks.
“Cesare, you look…”
“Tired? I am tired.” He pulls me into his embrace and kisses my head. “But I’m better now that we’re together.”
I didn’t want to say tired. No, he looks different. Hardened, perhaps?
However, we have the next few days to be together, and when we’re together, everything’s perfect.
