by LS Anders
That void in her belly slowly began to increase, eating away at the happiness she had filled with her friends at Exotic Ink. That hollowness she had felt since she had first been dragged away from her home had started to close after meeting Kyle and settling in New York City to finally have a semblance of a home life. When Kyle died, he’d left a hole that would never heal, and it seemed losing Jason was going to leave another nasty emptiness.
“When I met Kyle, he was a tether for me. I loved him, but I also knew I could have a life with him, and New York has been my home for the longest since we left Scottsdale. It really sucked not being able to contact any friends and family, especially my mom. I’ve been afraid to visit her in jail. Afraid that one of the Satan’s Disciples will somehow know, so I’ve stayed away.”
“You’ve had no contact with your mom this whole time?”
“No. None. Aunt Jenny said it was too dangerous. I was afraid if I visited, it would lead them back here. I don’t want to give up what life I’ve managed to eke out of this mess she made out of her own life. I know that sounds really selfish, but I had nothing to do with that member being killed. I miss her and would love to see her, but I’m just too afraid of the repercussions.”
“You have nothing to apologize for. What she did shouldn’t have had anything to do with you,” Jason said, placing his hands on her upper arms. “I’m glad you told me the reason’s you didn’t look me up afterwards. I do understand, but it still doesn’t make me feel any better about us. You can’t help how you feel, or rather, what you don’t feel for me. It hurts like hell, but I do understand.”
“There’s just a part of me that died when I lost Kyle, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to love another man. I’m just damaged that way, I guess. I just can’t seem to get past the mourning. I know this sounds dumb, but I actually feel guilty about what we’ve done together. Almost like I’m cheating on him, which is so stupid. But, that’s how I feel, and I have no idea how to get past it.”
“I’m not saying this to add to your self-induced guilt trip, but I wish you felt an inkling of the love towards me that you did for him,” he said. “I hope you find a way to cope with your loss so you can move on, whether it’s with me or someone else. I just want you to be happy.”
Studying the pale green flecks sprinkled in the emerald green of his eyes, she wished with everything in her that she could free up her heart to love again.
“Me too.” Her lip quivered as she spoke. “Me too.”
Jason groaned with despair, dragging her back into a hug. This time she returned his embrace, clinging to him as if she never wanted to let him go, because she didn’t. She didn’t want to lose him, too. But, she couldn’t force him to stay either.
Jason loved being the recipient of female attention, but this was different. It was like being alive while attending your own wake.
Callie was sobbing with her arms slung around his neck. Rayna had a hold of one hand in both of hers, and Avie was wrapped around his arm on the opposite side. Gabriel’s head was hanging low off his shoulders, and Cale was staring off at a point in space, shaking his head in disbelief.
If these girls didn’t stop with the waterworks, he was going to show his ass and start balling like a little bitch.
He hoped he was making the right decision moving to Mythical Ink. Those guys were pretty damn rough around the edges. He didn’t feel quite like he fit in but staying here, having to see Evana almost every day was too much weight for him to bear.
“I’ll be right around the corner. It’s not like I’m leaving the country. Plus, we’ll hang out after work. It’ll be like I never left.”
“That’s not true. It will be different. We don’t want you to go,” Callie cried harder. “We all love you.”
“I love all of you, too.” He blinked hard.
“Maybe we could chain him to the desk so he can’t leave,” Cale commented.
Gabriel nodded, passing a grin to Cale.
Looking between the two, he was going to have to watch his back around these guys until his last day. Cale was known to do some outlandish shit. That’s all he needed was to find himself shackled to a piece of furniture.
The bell over the door turned everyone’s heads.
“Oh, yeah! Is it hug Jason day?” Callie’s friend, Dylan came bounding over, wrapping her arms wide around the huddled up group.
“He’s leaving us,” Callie sniffled.
“No! He can’t leave. We just voted him hottest new artist,” Dylan whined.
“Hey, that’s not cool,” Gabriel complained.
“You’re not new anymore, Gabriel,” Rayna explained. “You were already voted hottest new artist a couple of months ago.”
Gabriel’s eyebrows popped. “Well, shit. You got to tell a guy shit like that, ladies. I could have been strutting around here the whole time.”
Dylan turned loose of Jason and wrapped her arms around Gabriel. “You don’t need to strut. You’re sexy enough as it is.”
Jason watched as Gabriel’s face lit up as he pulled Dylan in tighter to him. He just hoped the guy knew what he was doing. Seeing that same sparkle in Gabriel’s eyes as he knew was in his own, made him want to pull the guy aside and give him fair warning about attaching his heart to a woman that didn’t want it. Love was a bitch waiting in the wings. If you were unlucky in your choice of interest, she would swoop in and rip out your soul and feed it to the wolves.
Gently detaching himself from the sobbing women, he needed a distraction. Diving into work was the best way for him to cope with this depressing situation he’d found himself.
“Sorry, ladies, but I really do need to get to work.” He shared a sad smile with them before wandering into his workspace.
Looking around, he fiddled with lots of different things, but nothing in particular. He was loose in his own skin, not knowing what to do next. He’d cut his own cord when he’d clicked submit on that email to Evana. Now he was free floating through space and had no clue which way was up.
Opening the console table, he pulled out his tattoo machine case. Might as well start packing. He could move some of his things over to the new place tonight. Maybe even get a jump on their nightmarish record keeping. At least, he’d be too busy at Mythical Ink to miss this place.
Sorting through his equipment, he set aside the guns he always favored plus the one Evana had given him for his birthday, packing the rest away.
God, it felt like yesterday when he’d unpacked all this. Smirking to himself, he scrubbed a hand through his hair. It practically was yesterday when he’d started to work here, keeping his hopes elevated through spring and summer only to drag his damaged heart through the fall and into winter.
He had not seen this as a possible outcome when he’d put the for sale sign on his business. What he’d thought would happen once he got to New York, he didn’t know. Full of optimistic expectations, he figured his fantasy of him and Evana living happily ever after was going to come true.
How wrong he’d been.
After spending his life filling his loneliness with a plethora of one-night stands, he was long overdue for a change. This final heartbreak had changed his perspective and continuing on as he had been wasn’t going to cut it.
He’s felt the contentment of his friends as they found their true loves, settling into their lives filled with the happiness that he so desperately wanted for himself.
He’d foolishly thought Evana was the one. It took two people to make a relationship work, and she was having none of him.
Tilting back his head, he relaxed letting gravity stretch the muscles in his neck as he rubbed his knuckles into his sternum. Goddamn that hurt, but not as much as the shattered organ beneath.
“I can always delete the email if you change your mind,” Evana spoke softly from the door.
Lifting his head, he didn’t possess the courage to face her. “I will still be in love with you if you change yours.”
Using the key Lucian had giv
en him, Jason made his way inside Mythical Ink, punching in the code to disarm the alarm.
Passing headlights swept over the surfaces inside the lobby casting shadows as if jagged ghosts were reaching out to grab him, only to move quickly away.
Flipping on the lights, the apparitions all vanished.
Filling his lungs to bursting, he held onto it a moment as he familiarized himself with the new shop. Letting the air explode out of his mouth, he flipped the lock back into place and made his way to the office.
“So, this is it.” He announced to the empty room.
Setting his machine case down on the desk, he hit the power button on the computer, getting comfortable in the rolling chair while the machine warmed up.
Navigating to the catastrophe that was Lucian’s records, he dove in feet first, sorting through the mess. It wasn’t long before he allowed his thoughts to take a vacation from Evana and focus solely on the task at hand.
“Hey, Sevin.” Lucian’s voice broke the silence causing him to jump in his seat. “Did you forget how to get home again?”
“It’s just me,” Jason called out.
Lucian’s perfect frame filled out the doorway. “Damn, what are you doing here this late? You’re not even officially supposed to be here for another few days. Stealing Mythical Ink secrets?” Lucian laughed.
“If there were any, they’d be impossible to find in this mess,” he smirked. “I wanted to get a head start on your records so I’m not stuck in the office all day. I don’t mind paperwork, but I prefer tattooing.”
“I can understand that. Record keeping’s not really my thing.”
“You don’t say.”
“In my own defense, out of the three of us, I’m the best one for that job, which isn’t saying much,” Lucian said, walking fully inside the room, he plopped down in the chair on the opposite side of the desk. “Can you imagine Vex doing it?”
“No, I can’t,” he chuckled. “He doesn’t look the type to have a lot of patience when it comes to being a desk-born-ranger.”
“True. The life expectancy on that computer would have already been cashed in if he was allowed near it.” Lucian leaned forward, resting his forearms on the desk. “We really appreciate you coming to work for us. I mean that. You coming in early to get a jump start means a lot.”
“It’s not entirely selfless,” Jason admitted. Studying the amazing clarity of Lucian’s blue gaze, he was momentarily lost. “I needed a distraction.”
“From what?”
“As Vex would say, my ‘female issue’.”
“Ah.” Lucian nodded. “Sorry about that. You know there are reasons for everything that happens.”
“Yeah, I keep trying to convince myself of that, but it sure as fuck doesn’t make me feel any better.”
“Hang in there. The reasons why don’t always present themselves right away. Sometimes it takes longer than others to understand the why of it.”
He knew what Lucian was saying was true, but the waiting was the most difficult part. He knew this part of his life was coming to a close. He was heading towards a new beginning, but the unknown was a terrifying adventure.
“How did you know I was here?”
“I’m an all-knowing being.” Lucian sat up straight, spreading his arms wide.
He half expected the guy to float up in the air or start glowing. He was just too perfect to be anything normal.
Lucian dropped his arms. “I’m just fucking with you. You should see the expression on your face,” he laughed. “I live across the street, and I saw the light come on. Sevin has made a bad habit out of hanging out here at night. He’s a nocturnal kind of person.”
Smiling back, though the humor didn’t reach his eyes. He wasn’t so sure that Lucian wasn’t completely screwing around. There was definitely something off about the guy. As a matter of fact, there was something not right about all three of them.
Evana had drifted off to sleep about an hour ago. She was delighted to be getting a glimpse of her husband, Kyle. As with most of her dreams, she was in an unfamiliar part of the city, though her mind recognized the place.
She stepped into the café where Kyle was seated at a table next to the window. He looked up as she approached and smiled. She ran over and hugged him tightly, excited to see him after all this time.
Pulling back he regarded her with a quizzical look. It was as if he had never been gone, while she was the only one that felt the expanse of time that had separated them.
She loved dreams like this, but she would pay the price when she woke. Feeling that sinking loss once reality set in.
All too soon, the café and Kyle’s form faded into the background, lost in a familiar fog that rolled in lapping around her ankles.
Avie was back to haunt her dreams.
This time was different, though. The cloud seemed to be moving with a purpose and picking up speed.
Stepping back, she tried to keep the swirling white puffs away from her feet, but it was no use. Licking up her thighs, she was immediately engulfed in the thick white haze.
Turning in all directions, she could see nothing, not even her own feet were visible now. Panic consumed her, constricting her throat.
Calling out Kyle’s name, the sound of her own voice bounced around her head, echoing off the heavy fog that acted more like a solid wall than something she could pass her hand through.
A dark silhouette appeared, growing larger as it moved towards her. Maybe Kyle had heard her after all.
Closer still, disappointment dissipated her hope. The shape was too small to be him.
The cloud diminished around the slight form now standing in front of her. The forest green head of hair was the first discernible thing that she could make out before the remaining haze revealed who she had suspected.
Tired of the creepy dream, she popped her hands on her hips. “Avie Vahl, I do not appreciate being scared out of my mind. Stop freaking me out with all the smoky drama.”
“Sorry, E, the fog is not my doing. I need you to listen to what I have to say.”
“Why can I hear you this time?”
“Last time I had some issues while merging with your dream state. I’m still learning to dream walk. It’s not as easy as you might think.” At her peculiar look, Avie continued. “I need you to pay attention to what I’m about to tell you. It’s important to your future.”
“My future?”
“Yes. Now listen, it will be alright for Jason to work at the other studio. Those guys will need him there more than you do. But, Jason can still be your future, if you’ll let him. Don’t wait too long, E. There is another he might choose if you don’t go after him soon.”
“Avie, it doesn’t make any sense that you’re telling me all this. How do you know anyone’s future? That’s impossible. Besides, I’m not in love with Jason.”
“Oh, really? Are you so sure about that? Or are your feelings for him buried beneath the guilt you created for yourself so you don’t have to deal with your emotions?”
“Screw you, Avie! Stop meddling in other people’s lives. Besides, you don’t have a damn clue what it’s like to lose someone you love. If you did, you would be able to sympathize with the pain of my loss.”
“Oh, but I do know. I just don’t agree with how you’re handling it.”
“What makes you such an expert, huh? You’re barely old enough to drink.”
Avie’s sinister chuckle caused the hair on the back of her neck to stand at attention. There was something so odd about that girl.
Tilting her head to the side. “I’m a great deal older than you, Evana Sage.”
The use of her real name snatched a gasp from her throat. Having not heard it used in years, the sound of it spoken aloud was so foreign to her ears.
“How did you—” Taking a deep breath, she released it on a shaky laugh. “Of course you would know my real name. You’re me. My imagination dreamed up your likeness.”
“Believe what you want as long a
s you listen.”
“Alright. I’m all ears. Let’s hear what my psyche has to say.”
Avie smirked. “Humans are so arrogant in their belief that they are the only creatures that inhabit this planet. It’s probably for the best. You would shit your pants if you knew what else walks among you.”
She stopped breathing. The otherworldly glow that had taken over Avie’s familiar whiskey hued eyes was frightening. She had never felt any fear from Avie.
Until now.
Maybe this was for real. Maybe Avie really was in her dream trying to convey something important. She had alerted her to Ryder’s presence outside on her fire escape. And what about that bizarre incident she’d witnessed when Avie altered her hair color with the palms of her hands?
Her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. Every last drop of moisture vanished as she realized she wasn’t truly alone in her dream. She wasn’t sure how she knew, but she wasn’t the only one inside her own head.
“You’re right. I don’t want to know what else is out there.”
Smiling wide, the girl that was her receptionist began to speak words that she knew were going to change her. “We all bear the wounds of our lives. Some hide them better than others. If you bear no wounds, you haven’t been living, and pain is an unfortunate side effect. But, it’s how we choose to heal those wounds that leads us down our next path.”
“Why are telling me this?”
“Because, I was asked to help you.”
“By who?” she barely breathed the words.
“I think you know.”
Swallowing hard, tears blurred her vision. “So, you’re saying Kyle asked you. Are you an angel?”
“Hell no. Please don’t put me in that class of prudes. I’m… something else, but mostly act as an advisor. Most think I’m just a busy-body or a know-it-all, but my intentions are only to help,” Avie smiled, the unnerving glow leaving her eyes. “As I’ve been waiting for your destiny to arrive, I’ve helped a few others along their way. I’ve grown quite attached to all of you at the studio. Cale the most. I never envisioned myself falling in love with a human, but he’s mine and I do love him so very much. Anyway, I know I come across as nosy, but I couldn’t just sit idly by if I could help the others. Sometimes all that was needed was a push in the right direction, or an encouraging word to show them the way. The more stubborn one’s required a more direct approach. An announcement to move them more quickly along their path so they wouldn’t miss out on something monumental they might regret later, like being together when baby’s heart beat was heard for the first time. I was glad that I could lend a hand in the other’s lives. The one’s that didn’t have anyone to watch over them.”
