“You are lying!” Mom hissed. “You were always a liar! You’re a monster! And I know you’re doing things to Matthew! Just leave him alone!
He’s a good boy!” She reached across the table and grabbed my wrist painfully, and the orderly came up behind her. “Take what you want! Take anything! Just leave Matthew alone!”
“Kimberly, come on.” The orderly put his strong hand on her arm, and she tried to pull away from him. “Kimberly!”
“Leave him alone!” Mom shouted again and the orderly started pulling her up. She was fighting against him, screaming at me. “Do you hear me, Wendy? I will get out of here someday! And if you’ve hurt that boy, I will finish the job I started!”
“That’s enough!” The orderly bellowed and started dragging her out of the room.
“You’re not human, Wendy! And I know it!” That was the last thing she yelled before he carried her out of my sight.
I sat in the room long after she’d gone, trying to catch my breath and get myself under control. Matt couldn’t see me like that. I really, really thought I was going to throw up, but I managed to keep it down. My whole body was shaking.
Everything was true. I was a changeling. I wasn’t human. She wasn’t my mother. She was just Kim, a woman who had lost her grasp on everything when she realized I wasn’t her child. I had been switched out for her son, Michael, and I had no idea what had happened to him. Maybe he was dead.
Maybe I really had killed him, or someone else had. Maybe someone like Finn.
She was convinced that I was a monster, and I had nothing to argue that with. In my life, I had caused nothing but pain. I had ruined Matt’s life, and I was still. Not only did he constantly have to uproot himself for me and spend every minute worrying about me, but I was manipulating and controlling him, and I couldn’t say for sure how long that had been going on. I couldn’t fully understand the long-term effects of it either. Maybe he didn’t even really care for me. When I was very small, I could’ve used persuasion on him and convinced him that he needed to take care of me.
Maybe it would’ve been better if she had killed me when I was six. Or better yet, when I was still a baby. Then I wouldn’t have been able to hurt anybody.
When I finally went out to the waiting room, Matt rushed over to hug me. I stood there, but I didn’t hug him back. I felt bad for even taking it. He inspected me to make sure I was alright. He had heard there was some kind of scuffle and was petrified that something had happened to me. I just nodded and got out of there as fast as I could.
“So…” Matt began on the drive home. I rested my forehead against the cold glass of the car window and refused to look at him. I had barely even spoken since we left. “What did you say to her?”
“Things,” I replied vaguely.
“No, really,” he pressed. “What happened?”
“I tried talking to her, she got upset,” I sighed. “She said I was a monster. You know, the usual.”
“I don’t know why you even wanted to see her. She is a terrible person.”
“Oh, she’s not that bad.” My breath fogged up the window and I started drawing stars and hearts in the mist. “She’s really worried about you.
She’s afraid I’m going to hurt you.”
“Oh,” Matt scoffed. “That woman is insane! She obviously is since she lives there, but… You can’t listen to her, Wendy. You aren’t letting anything she said get to you, are you?”
“No,” I lied. Pulling my sleeve up over my hand, I erased my drawings on the window and sat up straighter. “How do you know?”
“What?”
“That she is insane. That… I’m not a monster.” I twisted nervously at my thumb ring and stared at Matt, who just shook his head. “I’m being serious.
What if I am bad?”
Matt suddenly put on his turning signal and pulled his car over to the shoulder. Rain pounded down on the windows as other cars sped by us on the freeway. He turned to face me completely, putting an arm on the back of his seat.
“Wendy Louella Everly, there is nothing bad about you. Nothing,” Matt emphasized solemnly. “That woman is completely insane. I don’t know why, but she was never a mother to you and you don’t need to worry about the things she says. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”
“Be serious, Matt,” I shook my head. “I’ve gotten expelled from every school I’ve ever gone to. I’m unruly and whiny and stubborn and so picky. I know that you and Maggie have to struggle with me all the time.”
“That doesn’t mean you’re bad. You’ve had a really traumatic childhood, and yeah, you’re still working through some things, but you are not bad,” Matt insisted. “You are a strong-willed teenager who isn’t afraid of anything. That’s all.”
“At some point that has to stop being an excuse! Sure she tried to kill me, but I have to take responsibility for who I am as a person.” What I was saying was true, and the painful knot in my stomach only seemed to grow larger.
“You are!” Matt actually smiled at that. “Since we’ve moved here, you have shown so much promise. Your grades are going up, and you’re making friends. And even if that makes me a little uncomfortable, I know it’s a good thing for you. You’re growing up, Wendy, and you’re going to be okay.”
“Okay,” I nodded, unable to think of an argument for that.
“I know I don’t say it enough, but I’m proud of you, and I love you.”
Matt pushed a strand of hair behind my ear and bent over so he could kiss the top of my head. It was something he hadn’t done since I was little, and it stirred something inside me. I closed my eyes and refused to cry. He straightened back up in his seat and looked at me seriously. “Okay? Are you okay now?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I forced a smile at him.
“Good.” He pulled back out in traffic, continuing the drive home.
My heart squeezed painfully in my chest, but I had no idea what to do.
9
It was after midnight when I was certain they had both fallen asleep. I lay in bed for a long time, pretending to be asleep myself, and debating about what to do.
On one hand, I knew that Matt would be devastated if I left, and I knew nothing about Finn or where he would take me. On the other hand, I was destroying Matt’s life, and I had never fit in anywhere in my life. What had finally pushed me over the edge was the conviction thath Matt had when said he loved me and that I wasn’t bad. The truth was that I didn’t know if I was bad or not. I didn’t really know what I was capable of, and maybe I had killed Michael the way Kim kept insisting. And Matt deserved something more than that. He needed a life of his own that wasn’t burdened by me constantly.
I packed a small bag, grabbing just the essentials. Some clothes, underwear, etc. I thought about leaving a note for Matt, but I didn’t know what I could possibly say. “Sorry, Matt, I’m not your real sister. I’m actually a troll, and I’m going to discover my family. Best of luck.” Grabbing Finn’s note out of my pants pocket, I climbed out my window and prepared to shimmy down the tree like Finn had the other day. Unfortunately, I wasn’t anywhere near as graceful as he was, and I fell to the ground. Thankfully, I wasn’t seriously injured.
Finn only lived a few blocks away from me, but I should’ve guessed that. He was supposed to be keeping an eye on me and all. It was the upstairs apartment in a large house, and his Cadillac in the driveway assured me it was his place. The front door looked just like an ordinary house, and I felt weird just walking inside. His note claimed that once inside, I would find a separate staircase that led me up, but it was strange walking into an unknown house.
Right inside the doorway, there were doors on either side, leading to two separate downstairs apartments, and a vast staircase leading up, and I slowly climbed up.
Chewing my lip, I knocked tentatively on his apartment door. It was very late, and I wasn’t sure if he would be up or if he was home. Then something else dawned me. I wasn’t even sure if he lived alone. Maybe he
had family or a roommate or worse - a girlfriend - living with him. My stomach twisted and just when I had convinced myself that I should leave, Finn opened the door.
His hair was messy, and he was wearing a white tee shirt and plaid pajama pants. He still sported that unshaven look that made him look devilishly handsome. It was odd because it hadn’t really occurred to me that he would sleep. I mean, obviously he would, but once he’d confessed to me that he was a Trylle tracker, I had kind of assumed that he would forgo sleep to keep a 24hour watch on me.
“Sorry to wake you,” I apologized sheepishly, and then gestured to the steps behind me. “I can go if-”
“No, no!” Finn took a step back and opened the door wider. “Come in.
Please.”
“Sorry,” I repeated sneaking in past him. He smelled delicious, even in his sleep, and I was starting to wonder if that was just his natural scent and not cologne.
His apartment was large and spacious, and it looked fairly expensive, but he had done nothing with it. The living room had a couch and a table with a few books stacked on it. The kitchen had nothing at all in the way of furniture, and I couldn’t see the bedroom or bathroom from where I was at, but I imagined they were similarly decorated.
“There’s no need to be sorry.” He motioned to the couch. “Have a seat. Do you need anything? I can get you water or something.”
“No, I’m okay.” I sat on the couch and set my bag on the floor by my feet. Finn was still standing, studying me. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure,” Finn nodded.
“Am I a monster?” My voice cracked embarrassingly.
“What do you mean?” Confused, he sat down on the coffee table across from me.
“I mean… am I a monster?” I stared down at my hands. “Is that what it means to be Trylle?”
“Do you think I’m a monster?” Finn countered reasonably.
I looked up into his dark eyes. Sometimes, he seemed cold and cruel, but I didn’t think that was even who really was. Something about being a tracker made him more in control of himself, making him indifferent and stoic.
But it had never occurred to me that he was a monster. A wave of comfort rolled over me. Even I was bad, I wasn’t inherently so. It wasn’t built into my DNA because I was Trylle.
“No, I don’t,” I smiled in relief.
“Is that why you came tonight?” He looked down at the bag by my feet. “Or is there something else?”
“I think…” I bit my lip. “I think I’d like to go. To wherever it is that I’m supposed to be.”
“Are you certain?” Finn eyed me up. “This afternoon, you were completely opposed to the idea. What happened to change your mind?”
“I saw my mother. Er, well… the woman who supposed to be my mother.” I shook my head, hating the way this all sounded. “What do you call her? Is there a name for her?”
“Usually, her name will suffice,” Finn replied, and I felt like an idiot.
“Yeah. Of course.” I took a deep breath. “Anyway I went and saw Kim.” I looked up at him. “Do you know about her? I mean… how much do you really know about me?”
“Honestly, not that much.” Finn seemed to disapprove of his own lack of knowledge. “You were incredibly elusive. It was rather disconcerting.”
“So you don’t…” I trailed off, realizing with dismay that I was on the verge of tears. “She knew I wasn’t her daughter. She had always known, and she had…” My lips quivered and I didn’t understand where this was coming from.
The stress and the ups and downs of the last few days must’ve really gotten to me. I had told this story a hundred times before, and I had never cried when I talked about. “When I was six, she tried to kill me. She… um… she cut me with the knife she used to cut my birthday cake…” Tears slid down my cheeks, and I wiped at them quickly. “She had always told me that I was a monster, that I was evil. And I guess I had always believed her.”
“You’re not evil,” Finn insisted earnestly, and for some reason, I started sobbing. He moved on the couch so he was next to me and pulled me roughly into his arms. I pressed my head against his chest, letting my tears soak his shirt. “This will all make sense soon. There’s somewhere you belong.”
He held me in his arms until I calmed down, and I was surprised to find how much I enjoyed the feel of it. I had never been one that enjoyed physical contact, but I had never felt so safe and protected as I did in his arms.
“I’m really sorry,” I sniffled. As soon as I stopped crying, I pulled away from him and wiped at my face. “I normally don’t cry. Not ever. I don’t know what’s gotten into me.”
“No, it’s alright. You’ve been going through a lot lately,” Finn reassured me.
I pushed my palm against my eyes to dry them. Taking a deep breath, I looked over at him. Even though he had retracted his arms, he was still sitting close to me, his knee gently pressed against my leg. When I looked at him, he seemed to become aware of this and moved his leg away.
“What does it mean?” I asked, and he cocked his head. “To be Trylle.
That’s it, right? That’s what I am?”
“You are.” Finn looked at me for a moment, then nodded and took a breath before getting to his feet. “And that is a very long answer, one that I think is best explained by your mother.”
“My mother?” I had spent so long thinking of Kim as my mother and I didn’t understand what more she would know about this, then I realized he meant my real mother. “My mother is here?”
“No, she isn’t.” He glanced at a clock hanging on the wall. “So we should get going so you can talk to her and get everything in order.”
“Go where?” I stood up out of surprise.
“Förening,” Finn explained. “It’s where I live - where you’ll live.” He gave a small smile, meant to ease my concerns, and it did, a little.
“Unfortunately, it’s about a seven hour drive.”
“Where is it?”
“It’s in Minnesota, along the Mississippi River. It’s in a very secluded area.” He gestured to the hallway. “I’m going to pack some of my things so we can go. I’m assuming you have everything you need.”
“Yeah, but we’re going now?” It was almost one in the morning. That didn’t seem like the most opportune time to start a lengthy road trip, especially considering I had already spent four hours roundtrip to see Kim.
“Yes. You have much to discuss and learn, and we don’t have that much time before your… ‘family’ notices you are missing and searches for you.” Finn looked vaguely exasperated. “You are under eighteen, so once again, that presents more challenges. This could technically be construed as kidnapping, so it’s better if we’re in the safety of Förening before they realize you’re gone.”
“Oh.” I pulled at my sleeve, thinking of how frantic Matt would be when he tried to wake me in the morning and found me gone. I wondered if he’d blame himself and how much time he would spend looking for me. Maybe I should’ve left a note.
“Are you ready?” Finn asked pointedly.
“Um, yeah. Yes.” I nodded and pushed Matt out of my mind. “I was just… worrying about sleep.”
“You can sleep on the ride,” Finn said. “And I’ll be fine.”
He disappeared down the hall to his room to pack up his things, and I gulped down my concerns. This is what I wanted. More than that, I needed to leave Matt alone, and I needed to find my real family. I needed to find out who
- and what - I really was, and I couldn’t do that staying here. Besides that, Finn would be there, and that counted for more than it probably should have.
When he came out, he had changed into jeans and a slim fitted sweater and carried an oversized duffle bag. He grabbed a few bottles of water from the fridge. The books on his table, which appeared to be the entire works of Kurt Vonnegut, he scooped up and shoveled into his bag, along with the bottles of water. After he finished, he slung the bag over his shoulder and looked at me e
xpectantly.
“Ready?” Finn asked.
“Yeah, but what about all your stuff?” It wasn’t that nice of stuff, but there had to be more of his stuff laying about his apartment than just what fit in one duffel bag.
“It’s not really my stuff.” He motioned to the couch. “This is just cheaper than a hotel, and this is just junk, really. Everything that’s really mine is in my bag or at home.”
“You don’t really live here,” I reminded myself. It was still hard getting used to the idea that he was an adult doing his job, and not just some misunderstood classmate. “How often do you do this?”
“As often as I need to.” Finn opened the front door and waited for me.
“We need to get going.”
I grabbed my bag and walked out the door. When we got out to his car, he took my bag from me and put it in the trunk. He didn’t say anything as we drove away from his house, from this town, from my life. I thought I would be too anxious and excited to sleep, but after about an hour into the drive, I started nodding off. I fought to stay awake until I realized it would just be quicker if I slept.
When I opened my eyes, the sky had started to lighten. I had curled up on the seat with my knees pressed against my chest, so my whole body felt sore and ached. Looking around, I sat up and stretched, trying work the kinks out of my limbs and neck. I didn’t recognize any of the scenery, but I had never been here before. Finn glanced at me, and he looked surprisingly awake. I’m not sure how much sleep he had gotten before I showed up at his place, but I would’ve thought a drive like this would be wearing on him.
“I thought you were going to sleep the whole ride,” Finn mused.
“How far away are we?” I yawned and slouched low in the seat, resting my knees against the dashboard.
“About an hour or so.” He flipped open the arm rest between us and pulled out a bottle of water and offered it to me. “Thirsty?”
“Yeah, thanks.” I took it from him and took a long drink. Sleeping always made me incredibly thirsty. “So what is this Förening place we’re going to?”
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