“Wendy, no, you can’t-” Finn tried to stop me, but I had already started out the door.
There was this unbearable panic settling over me. Finn had forced me to leave the only people who had ever made me feel okay about myself, and I had done it because I trusted him. But now he was going to leave me, alone with Elora and a monarchy I didn’t want. Rhys would still be here, but I knew that it was only a matter of time before she sent him off as well. I was going to be more alone and isolated than I ever had been before, and I couldn’t handle it.
Even as I was running down the stairs to Elora’s room, I knew it was more than that. I knew that I just couldn’t stand to lose Finn, and it didn’t matter how Elora or anyone else treated me. A life without him just didn’t seem possible anymore. I hadn’t even fully realized how important he had become to me until Elora was threatening to take him away.
“Elora!” I threw open the drawing room door without knocking, and I knew it would piss her off, but I didn’t care. Maybe if I was insubordinate enough, she would send me away too.
Elora stood in front of the windows, staring out at the black night, and she wasn’t startled at all by the banging of the door as I threw it open. Without turning to look at me, she calmly said, “That’s completely unnecessary, and it goes without saying that that is not at all how a Princess behaves.”
“You’re always going on about how a Princess should behave, but what about how a Queen should act?” I countered icily. “Are such an insecure ruler that you can’t handle the slightest bit of dissention? If we don’t bow instantly to you opinion, you ship us off?”
“I assume this is about Finn,” Elora sighed.
“You had no right to fire him!” I shouted. “He did nothing wrong!”
“It doesn’t matter if he did anything wrong, I can ‘fire’ anyone for any reason. I am the Queen.” Slowly, she turned to me, her face stunningly emotionless. “It is not the act of disagreeing that I had a problem with; it was why.”
“This is about my stupid name?” I spouted incredulously.
“There is much you still have to learn. Please, sit.” Elora gestured to one of the couches, and she laid back on the chaise lounge. “There’s no need to get huffy with me, Princess. We need to talk.”
“I don’t want to change my name,” I said, but I sat down on the couch across from her. “I don’t know why it’s such a big deal to you, but I think I should just be able to keep Wendy. Names can’t be that important.”
“It’s not about the name,” Elora waved it away. Her hair flowed out like silk around her, and she ran her fingers through it absently. “I know that you think I’m cruel and heartless, but I’m not. You won’t believe me when I tell you this, but I cared very deeply for Finn, more than a Queen should care for a servant, and I am sorry that I have been so negligent in the examples that I have set for you. It pains me to see Finn go, but I can assure you that I did it for you.”
“You did not!” I yelled. “You did it because you were jealous!”
“My emotions played no part in this decision. Not even the way I feel about you factored into this.” Her lips were tight, and she stared emptily at me.
“I did what I had to do because it was best for the kingdom.”
“How is getting rid of him best for anybody?” I asked.
“You refuse to understand that you are a Princess!” Elora sounded mildly irritated but quickly pushed it away. “It doesn’t matter if you understand the gravity of the situation. Everyone else does, including Finn, which is why he is leaving. He knows this is best for you, too.”
“I don’t understand.” I furrowed my brow with confusion and frustration. It would be so much easier if she would just spit things out.
“Trylle, true Trylle, have certain abilities. I know you think this is all about money, but it’s about something more powerful than that. Our bloodline is rich with tremendous abilities, far exceeding the general Trylle population,” Elora explained. “Unfortunately, Trylle have become less interested in our way of life, and the abilities have begun to weaken. It is essential to our people that the bloodline is kept pure, that the abilities are allowed to flourish.
“I know you think that the titles and positions are arbitrary,” Elora continued. “But we are in power because we have the most power. For centuries, our abilities outshined every other family, but the Kroners are rapidly overreaching us. You are the last chance for hanging onto the throne, and for restoring power to our people.”
“What does this have to do with Finn?” I demanded, growing tired of political talk.
“Everything,” Elora answered with a thin smile. “In order to keep the bloodlines as clean and powerful as possible, certain rules were put in effect.
Not just for royalty, but for everyone. When a Trylle becomes involved with a mänsklig, they are asked to leave the community. It’s not meant just as a repercussion for behaving outside of societal norms, but also so their half-breed spawn won’t weaken our abilities.” Something about the way she said “spawn” sent a chill down my spine.
“There’s nothing going on between Rhys and I,” I interjected, but Elora nodded skeptically.
“While trackers are Trylle, they don’t possess abilities in the conventional sense,” Elora went on, and I was starting to realize what she was getting at. “Trackers are meant to be with trackers. If Trylle is involved with them, they are looked down upon, but it is allowed. Unless you are royalty. A tracker can never, ever have the crown. Any Marksinna or Princess caught with a tracker will immediately be stripped of her title. If the offense is bad enough, such as a Princess destroying an essential bloodline, then they would both be banished.”
I swallowed hard. If anything happened between Finn and I, I wouldn’t be able to be a Princess, and I wouldn’t even be able to live in Förening anymore. That was shocking at first, until I realized that I didn’t even want to be a Princess or live here. What did I care?
“So?” I said, and Elora looked momentarily surprised.
“I know that right now all of this means nothing to you.” Elora gestured widely to the room around us. “I know you hate this, actually, and I understand. But this is your destiny, and even if you don’t see it, Finn does. He knows how important you are, and he would never let you ruin your future.
That is why he offered up his resignation.”
“He quit?” I didn’t believe her.
Finn wouldn’t quit. He wouldn’t leave me here, not when he knew how much I needed him. And he had to know. That’s why he stood up for me with Elora. He knew that I would be lost without him, and he couldn’t do that to me. It would go against everything he believed in. It was his duty to take care of me.
“I blame myself because the signs were so obvious,” Elora sighed.
“And I blame Finn, because he knows better than to get involved, better than anyone. But I commend him for realizing what the right thing was for you. He is leaving to protect you.”
“I don’t need him to protect me!” I got to my feet. “And there is nothing that I need protecting from! He has no reason to leave! Nothing’s going on! I’m not involved with anyone.”
“I would find that much more believable if you hadn’t raced down here with tears in your eyes to plead for his job,” Elora replied coolly. “Or if he had even offered up the smallest protest when I questioned him about his feelings for you. If he had promised me he could keep things purely business from here on out, I would’ve kept him.” She looked down at the chaise, playing with a loose thread in the fabric. “But he couldn’t even do that. He didn’t even try.”
I wanted to argue with her, but I was starting to realize exactly what she was saying. Finn cared about me, and he admitted it to Elora, knowing how she would react. He cared about me so much, he had been unable to continue his job. He couldn’t keep things separate anymore, and he was upstairs packing to leave right now.
I would’ve liked to yell at Elora more, blame her for everything h
orrible in my life and tell her that I was giving up the crown, but I didn’t have time to waste. I had to catch him before he left, because I had no idea where he would go. And he was far more important to me than anything here, especially now that I knew that he actually cared.
By the time I made it to his room, my breath was coming out raggedly.
My hands were trembling, and that familiar butterfly feeling Finn gave me spread out warmly through me. I was in love with him, and I wasn’t going to give him up. Not for anything in this world or the next. He consumed every inch of my being without even trying, and I couldn’t imagine existing without him.
When I opened his bedroom door, he was standing over his bed, folding clothes and putting them in a suitcase. He looked back at me, surprised by my appearance, and he let his dark eyes rest on me again. His cheeks were covered in dark stubble, and there was something so ruggedly handsome about him, he was almost unbearable to look at. The top few buttons of his dress shirt were undone, revealing a hint of chest that I found strangely provocative.
“Are you alright?” Finn stopped what he was doing and took a step to me.
“Yeah,” I nodded, swallowing hard. “I’m going with you.”
“Wendy…” His expression softened and he shook his head. “You can’t go with me. You need to be here.”
“No, I don’t care about here!” I insisted. “I hate Elora! I hate this palace! I don’t want to be a stupid Princess! And I don’t care who is! There’s somebody else that can take my place! They don’t need me!”
“They do need you. You have no idea how badly they need you.” Finn turned away from me. “Without you, it will completely fall apart.”
“That doesn’t make any sense! I’m just one stupid girl who can’t even figure out which fork to eat with! I have no abilities! I’m awkward and silly and inappropriate! That Kroner kid is much better suited for this!” I continued. “I don’t need to be here, and I’m not going to stay if you’re not here!”
“There is much you have yet to learn,” Finn said tiredly, almost to himself. He had started folding his clothes again, so I walked over to him and grabbed his arm.
“I want to be with you, and… I think you want to be with me.” I felt sick to my stomach saying it aloud. I expected him to laugh at me or tell me that I was insane, but instead, he slowly looked over at me.
In a rare moment of vulnerability, his dark eyes betrayed everything they had been trying to hide from me. They were filled with affection and warmth, and something even deeper than that. His arm felt warm and strong under my hand, and my heart pounded in my chest. Gently, he placed his hand on my check, letting his fingers press warmly on my skin, and I stared hopefully at him
“I am not worth it, Wendy,” Finn whispered hoarsely. “You are going to be so much more than this, and I cannot hold you back. I refuse to.”
“But Finn, I-” I wanted to tell him that I loved him, but he pulled his hand away.
“You have to go.” He turned his back to me completely, busying himself with anything so he wouldn’t have to look at me.
“Why?” I demanded, tears stinging at my eyes.
“Because.” Finn picked up some of his books off a shelf, and I followed right behind him, unwilling to relent in my pursuit of him.
“That’s not even a reason,” I said.
“I’ve already explained it to you,” Finn hissed.
“No, you haven’t! You’ve just made vague comments about the future!” I insisted.
“I don’t want you!” Finn snapped.
I felt like I had been slapped. For a moment, I stood in a stunned silence, just listening to the sound of my heartbeat echo in my ears, but then I charged on. Maybe he didn’t want me, but part of me still believed he did, and I wouldn’t stop until I was sure it was true.
“You’re lying!” I shouted, feeling a tear slip down my cheek. “You promised you would never lie to me!”
“Wendy! I need you to leave!” Finn growled.
He was breathing heavily, and his back was still to me, but he had stopped moving around. He leaned against his bookshelf, his shoulders hunched forward. This was my last chance to convince him, and I knew it. I touched his back, and he tried to pull away from me, but I wouldn’t move my hand. He whirled on me, grabbing my wrist. He pushed me until my back was against the wall, pinning me there. His body was pressed tightly against mine, the strong counters of his muscles against the soft curves of mine, and I could feel his heart hammering against my chest. His hand was still around my wrist, restraining one of my hands against the wall. I’m not sure what he intended to do, but he looked down at me, his dark eyes smoldering. Then suddenly, I felt his lips pressed roughly against mine.
He kissed me desperately, like a drowning man and I was his oxygen. I felt his stubble scraping against my cheeks, my lips, my neck, everywhere he dared press his mouth against me. He let go of my wrist, allowing me to wrap my arms around him and pull him even closer to me. Seconds ago, I had been crying, and I could taste the salt from my tears on his lips. Tangling my fingers in his hair, I pushed his mouth more eagerly against mine, kissing him until I couldn’t breathe. My heart beat so fast, it hurt, and an intense heat spread through me. I had never wanted anything more than I wanted him.
“No…” Finn said hoarsely, and somehow he managed to pull his mouth from mine. His hands gripped my shoulders, holding me to the wall and he took a step back. Breathing hard, he looked at the ground instead of at me, and his dark lashed laid on his cheeks. “This is why I have to go, Wendy. I can’t do this to you.”
“To me? You’re not doing anything to me!” I persisted and tried to reach out for him, but he held me back. “Just let me go with you.”
“Wendy…” He put his hand back on my cheek, using his thumb to brush away a fresh tear, and looked at me intently. “You trust me, don’t you?” I nodded hesitantly. “Then you have to trust me on this. You need to stay here, and I need to go. Okay?”
“Finn!” I protested.
“I’m sorry.” Finn let go of me and grabbed his half-packed suitcase off his bed. “I stayed too long.” He started walking to the door, and I ran after him.
“Wendy! Enough!”
“But you can’t just leave…” I pleaded.
He hesitated at the doorway but shook his head. Finn opened the door and left.
I could’ve followed him, but I didn’t have anymore arguments. His kiss had left me feeling dazed and disarmed, and I wondered dimly if that had been his plan all along. He knew his kiss would leave me too weak to chase after him and too confused to argue with him. After he had gone, I just sat down on the bed that still smelled like him, and I started to sob.
20
I’m not sure I had slept at all when Willa burst in my room the next morning to wake me for the party. My eyes were red and swollen, but she made very little comment about it. She just started in on getting me ready and talking excitedly about how much fun it was all going to be. I didn’t really believe her, but she didn’t notice. Almost everything I did required verbal and physical prompts.
She even had to remind me rinse the shampoo from my hair, and I was just lucky that modesty had never been her strong suit.
It was impossible to combine fresh heartbreak with the fervor of a ball.
Willa kept trying to get me excited or at least nervous about anything, but it was completely futile. The only way I managed to function was by being completely numb. I didn’t even understand how this had happened. When I had first met Finn, he had seemed creepy, and then he was just irritating. Repeatedly, I had rejected him and told him that I didn’t need him or want to be around him. I had even run away from Förening before thinking I would never see him again.
How had it turned into this? I had lived my whole stupid life without him, and now I could barely make it through the hour.
“Wendy,” Willa sighed. I was sitting on a stool, wrapped in my robe, while she did something to my hair. She had offered t
o do it in front of a mirror so I could see her progress, but I didn’t care. Holding a bottle of spray in her hand, she stopped what she was doing and just looked at me. “I know Finn’s gone, and you’re obviously taking it pretty hard. But he’s just a stork, and you are a Princess.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I mumbled.
I had thought about defending him, but in all honesty, I was kind of pissed that he had left without me. There was no way that I could’ve left him after that kiss. As it was, it had been torture to stay behind. I just lowered my eyes and tried to close the subject.
“Fine. I don’t.” Willa rolled her eyes and went back to spraying my hair. “But you’re still a Princess, and this is your night.” I didn’t say anything as she yanked and teased my hair. “You’re still young. You don’t understand how many fish there really are in the sea, especially your sea. The most eligible, attractive men are gonna be all over you, and you’re not even gonna remember that stupid stork that brought you here.”
“I don’t like fishing,” I muttered dryly, but she ignored me.
“You know who is a catch? Tove Kroner.” Willa made a pleased sound, and I groaned inwardly. “I wish my dad would set me up with him.” She sighed wistfully and pulled painfully on a strand of my hair. “He’s really foxy, really rich, and he’s like the highest Markis in the world, which is so weird. The Marksinna are usually the ones with all the abilities. Of course guys have some things, but they almost always pale in comparison to what women have, but Tove has more than anybody else. He tries not to show off, but I’ve seen some of the stuff he can do, and it’s amazing. I wouldn’t be surprised if he could read minds.”
“I thought nobody could do that,” I commented, amazed that I was even following her.
“No. Only very, very few can. So few it’s almost the stuff of legends anymore.” She gently fluffed at my hair. “But Tove is the stuff of legends, so that makes sense. And if you play your cards right, you’ll be pretty damn legendary yourself.” She whipped me around so she was facing me again and smiled at her handiwork. “Now we just need to get you in your gown.”
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