Manic Monday: (Dane Monday 1)

by Dennis Liggio

  "I suppose," said Honnenheim. "But I also suppose I will get over it. But at that time you'll be dead and my plans will go forward unopposed. That will be satisfying."

  "Even if I die, someone new will rise up against you!"

  Honnenheim seemed to consider this for a moment. "I suppose I will also have to kill your assistant as well. I planned to let her go if collateral damage did not do her in, but you raise an interesting point. Everybody dies! I shall salt the earth with your blood!" The professor laughed maniacally.

  "Thanks, Dane!" said Abby sarcastically.

  Then the robots let loose with another barrage of needles. Abby and Dane both ducked as she struggled to see out the front and retain control of the car. Lacking a windshield and limited view meant she couldn't drive as fast as she wanted, making it easier for the robot death car to keep up with them. After about five seconds of the needles, they stopped firing again.

  "We're going to die, aren't we?" said Abby. "We're going to die, and the news is going to say we died in a simple car accident. Just like all the other coverups of your collateral damage. Nobody's ever going to know we were killed by homicidal robots."

  "You could write them a note if you want," said Dane.

  "Yes, that's going to go over well." Abby's voice changed as she went into mock dictation. "To whom it may concern. We didn't die in a car crash. Instead, we died due to a robot death car shooting needles at us. Don't report this as a car crash or gas leak. Sincerely, The Dead Girl In the Car Who Wanted To Be a Journalist."

  "You're taking this well," said Dane.

  "I don't appreciate your sarcasm either," said Abby.

  "No, I mean you're not freezing up, crying, or lapsing into a fatalistic acceptance of death."

  "You mean I'm not acting like some girl, aren't you?" she said.

  "No way," he said. "I've seen grown men reduced to tears by even an easily escapable death trap. I mean, you're still driving. Robot panthers, death car, needles, no windshield. The car's still on the road and they haven't gotten us yet. I'm impressed!"

  Abby was about to ask if she was the first person to follow Dane on his adventures, but then another barrage of needles hit the car, causing them to duck. After five seconds, it stopped again.

  "I think I have the pattern down," said Dane. "It's like clockwork. Or an optimally efficient fire-and-reload schedule based on computer math, to be technical."

  "The needles are chewing up the car," said Abby. "We're lucky they're only using needles."

  "We're also lucky that Honnenheim is a poor thinker and didn't have them target the tires."

  Abby nodded. "But even with the needles, this is just a car, not an armored transport. It's mostly plastic and metal. Those needles are still destroying it, just slowly."

  "If he had just used energy weapons he wouldn't have this problem..." said Dane.

  "Focus, Dane. How are we getting out of this one?"

  "Can we outrun them? Last long enough until we hit Avalon?"

  "We're close to Avalon now," said Abby. "We might be able to make it there, but then what? You yourself are fond of avoiding the police. And look," she said, pointing to an eighteen wheeler truck she was gaining on, "now we're seeing other people on the road. The chances of other people involved are going up. Dane, I know the danger game is fun to you, but I am not okay with getting innocent people killed."

  "No, you're right," he said. "Duck!"

  They both ducked as another barrage of needles struck the car. Since they were leaning below the frame of the car, the needles stuck in the car body or bounced harmlessly around the inside. The car was probably now heavier due to all the needles sticking out of it.

  Dane raised his head. "Honnenheim! Let's make this a gentleman's affair! Let's move this conflict to someplace without innocent bystanders!"

  "I shall point out that it is you who seem to be racing toward a populated area," said Honnenheim.

  "Yeah, because you're chasing us! You haven't given us the possibility of turning around."

  "And if I offered you that choice now, to turn your vehicle around and drive away from the city before resuming my assault, would you take it?"

  Dane looked to Abby who curtly shook her head. "Well, no," said Dane.

  "Then it is you who are not the gentleman, is it not?"

  "He's got you there," said Abby.

  "I also do not see why I should relent while you are in my grasp!" said Honnenheim. "Feel the penetrating power of... thousands of tiny needles!"

  Another barrage of needles rained over the car. The trunk door become unlatched, flinging open and then falling off the car. It tumbled on the road before the robot car ran it over.

  "I told you needles weren't classy," said Dane. He looked ahead of the car then smiled. "Honnenheim!"

  "Yes, Monday?"

  "Overpass!" shouted Dane.

  "What?"

  "Overpass!" shouted Dane again.

  Honnenheim began to say something but it was never finished. As they had gotten close to Avalon, there were now streets that crossed the highway. Because the highway was not yet elevated, something it wouldn't do until it descended into the Avalon basin at Glenntown, these streets sometimes passed over the highway. These overpass bridges had generous clearance for a car, but for a gigantic mad scientist vid screen made specifically for gloating? Not so much.

  Honnenheim's vid screen was sheared in half, the mad scientist's face showing shock in the split second before contact. The car surged forward with just the bottom half of the vid screen broken and sparking. Moments later it detached and fell from the car, bouncing once on the road before coming to rest.

  "That was satisfying," said Abby.

  "You don't have to tell me!" said Dane. "But that just shuts him up. We still have the - duck -" he said as they both hid from the barrage for five seconds, then straightened up " - car and the robots to deal with!"

  "It's too bad we don't have our own needle gun to use," said Abby. "If we could take out just one of their tires we could lose them easily."

  "That's it! You're a genius!"

  "Don't tell me you have a needle gun and have been holding out on me."

  "No, but I have my grapple gun!" said Dane.

  "The broken one which you still carry with you because you're some sort of hoarder?"

  "I thought I was being sentimental..."

  "Anyway, the broken grapple gun..." prompted Abby.

  "Yes!" said Dane. He fished in his satchel for the grapple gun. He retrieved it and triumphantly held it high - then he ducked for five seconds because of the needle gun. Next he braced himself and looked out the rear window.

  Dane raised the grapple gun and aimed it at the robot car behind him to take aim. He then lowered it to the front driver's side tire. He gave it a few seconds to see if he could match any deviation made by the car keeping up at high speed. Then he laughed as he realized the advantage of a robot driven car. A human driver would spend a lot of time compensating and the car would drift from side to side. But a car driven by robot math would move in a perfect straight line. The car didn't deviate. The tire stayed in the same spot relative to their car.

  He took a deep breath and then pulled the trigger. The grapple gun was broken in two different ways. First was the gas itself. Half the time Dane pulled the trigger, the gas would disperse harmlessly rather than propelling the grapple. Dane had kept trying to use the grapple gun after that, just hoping he'd get lucky. It's the second problem that made him stop using it entirely. When working properly, the grapple gun fired a dart-like grapple attached to a cord of rope. That rope would travel up to its entire length, then stop, keeping itself attached to the gun so Dane could wind it back or anchor the rope for climbing. It didn't do that anymore. Now when the grapple shot out, the rope would follow, and then keep going, no longer attached to the gun. Something kept shearing the rope, letting the grapple and rope just fly away.

  Dane heard the familiar hiss of gas. Luck was with him, as th
e grapple gun did fire this time. The grapple dart shot out, directly at the robot car's tire. With a loud bang, the tire blew out. The car swerved and began to fall back. As the rope continued to unreel, Dane felt a smug satisfaction. He now waited for the inevitable shearing of the rope.

  His whole arm was yanked forward, pulling him out the broken back windshield. The rope hadn't sheared. The initial jerk had almost torn him out of the car, but he had luckily let go before he was pulled even farther. His arm aching, he hung clinging to the part of the car where the trunk door used to be attached. He looked back to see his grapple gun bouncing on the ground, pulled by the swerving car it was now attached to. He started pulling himself into the backseat.

  Abby watched the mirrors and saw the robot car hit the median and then swerve the other direction, hurtling off the road into a ditch. Seconds later, the car was out of view.

  His chest heaving, Dane threw himself into the backseat. "I can't believe I lost my grapple gun," he said, breathlessly sulking.

  "It worked, didn't it?" said Abby. "That's a success!"

  "But I lost the grapple gun!"

  "It was broken," said Abby. "You were foolish for keeping it around. You could have tried to get it fixed if it meant so much to you. Why you didn't, I don't know. But it's gone now, accept it."

  "I loved that grapple gun," said Dane sadly.

  Garage

  Their car barely held together as they rolled into New Avalon. It was covered with more needles than most pincushions and the needles fell from it whenever they went over a bump. Abby hoped that they weren't causing a rash of flat tires in their wake.

  Dane suggested they drive to Riverside, in south eastern Avalon. He noted that it was right off the highway, so they'd be on minimal side streets. He was confident that Jaya's garage was the perfect place to dispose of the nearly destroyed car and probably the safest place to figure out what they were going to do. Abby had no better ideas and just wanted to get out of the car, so she followed his directions to the garage.

  Once they had arrived, Abby waited with the car in the driveway in front of the closed gate of the garage. Dane got out and went to the pedestrian door. He buzzed the intercom that Jaya had installed. He hoped it was working. If it was malfunctioning, there would be no other way to attract Jaya's attention with how secure the garage was at night.

  After nearly a minute of Dane waiting nervously and turning to Abby to give her a reassuring smile that they were indeed at the right place in the middle of the night, the vid screen came to life. Jaya's face dominated the low-contrast, high-brightness screen. Her eyelids were heavy, her hair was a mess, and she looked altogether unhappy to be even answering.

  "Really, Dane?" she said tiredly.

  "Oh good, you're up!" said Dane.

  "I am now. I expected you..." her face looked away from the screen to look at a clock. "... many hours ago."

  "There was some delays," said Dane.

  Abby's scoffing laugh from the car was audible even to Jaya.

  Jaya let her face slip into a small smile. "It sounds like the peanut gallery is disputing your phrasing."

  "Okay, so there's more to it than delays," said Dane. "But I really did try to be here on time! You know how things are."

  "Dane Monday is unreliable, but against all odds, it's not his fault? Color me shocked," said Jaya with a wan smile. "Some things never change."

  "We also have a car that... uh... well, at the very least it needs repairs," said Dane.

  Jaya rolled her eyes but kept her smile. "Is it going to explode in my garage?"

  "No, no, of course not!" There was a pause. "Well..." Dane looked nervously at Abby, who responded with a shake of her head. "No, definitely not," he said more confidently.

  Jaya sighed and pressed a button on her side. The gate in front of the car started to rise. "I'll meet you down there." The vid screen went black.

  Abby drove the car up the driveway and into the dimly lit garage. Dane noticed needles falling off the car as if they were transporting a Christmas tree. The main lights came on in the garage, illuminating the wide space filled with machinery, workbenches, half assembled robots, and a few actual cars in the process of being rebuilt.

  "What did you do to that car?" asked Jaya, coming down the stairs from her loft.

  "Needle gun," said Dane.

  "Needle gun? Who uses a needle gun on a car?" said Jaya. "Who uses a needle gun at all?"

  "Honnenheim," said Dane.

  "Ah, the Professor. A strange choice for him, though. I guess he's slumming." She paused and looked Dane over. "You know you're covered in mud, right? Is it a new look?"

  "I just tripped," said Dane. "Repeatedly."

  Abby turned off the car and got out, throwing Dane the Enochian Omnitool. Jaya looked Abby over and Abby did the same. Jaya was in her thirties, dark skinned, and had long straight black hair tied back in a pony tail that still fell halfway down her back. She wore mechanic overalls that were hastily thrown on. The overalls were heavily smudged and stained. Her brown eyes were awake, but it was obvious to Abby they had woken her.

  "Who have we here?" said Jaya.

  "I'm Abby," she said, holding out her hand.

  Jaya shook it. "Jaya, charmed. I guess you're new blood."

  "I beg your pardon?" said Abby.

  "Jaya, I actually have something urgent," said Dane.

  "It's always urgent with you," said Jaya with a smile.

  "No, I'm serious," said Dane. "I need you to... uh... scan me or something."

  "Scan you?" said Jaya with some humor.

  "For a tracker or something," said Dane. "Honnenheim has it out for me right now."

  "Dane destroyed his death ray," said Abby.

  "Another one? He hates that," said Jaya.

  "Yes, yes, he's got me on his revenge list," said Dane. "But somehow he's able to find me. Some guys took us twenty miles out of Avalon to kill us and somehow Honnenheim knew to send his robots."

  "To save you?" said Jaya.

  "No, the robots wanted to kill us too," said Dane.

  "He couldn't have seen you or followed you?" said Jaya.

  "I don't think so. We were in the trunk of the car," said Abby. "Put there while drugged. Not by Honnenheim. Someone else also wants to kill us."

  Jaya nodded, taking it in stride. "One person trying to kill him has never been enough for Dane." She walked over to one of her workbenches and grabbed something akin to an airport metal detector. "Give me a few minutes to get this calibrated."

  A few minutes later, the detector wand fully calibrated, they began the search for the tracker in earnest. The signal was quickly found to be from Dane's satchel, which he dumped on an empty workbench. Jaya waved the recalibrated wand over the table, listening intently to the variety of squeaks and whistles it made. She finally settled in one place and tapped the wand on a familiar box.

  "My robot jammer?" said Dane incredulously.

  "But we've been using that to disable Honnenheim's robots," said Abby. "How could he be using it to track us?

  "How could he have gotten a tracking beacon on it?" asked Dane.

  "He didn't," said Jaya. "The jammer broadcasts when turned on - that's what the jamming signal is carried on. And if you used the jammer on his robots, the Professor has that frequency stored in the memory of those dead robots. So he could salvage them and scan their memory for any pertinent info, which I know he does when possible. The final problem is that this jammer is on even though you've had it stored away, so it's been merrily broadcasting its signal. That weird magic energy crystal in it means it's pretty much never going to run out of charge, so it will broadcast forever if you don't turn it off. Why did you leave it on? It has an off switch, you know."

  Dane looked expectantly at Abby, thinking that she was the last to use it.

  "You didn't tell me it had an on and off switch!" said Abby. "I don't even remember you turning it on!"

  Jaya looked at Dane with a raised eyebrow.

&
nbsp; "Okay, I admit I didn't know it had an on/off switch either," said Dane.

  Jaya took a moment to show them both where the off switch was with the overdramatic flair of a television spokesmodel. Then she flipped it off.

  "We still have a problem," said Dane. "If Honnenheim was watching the signal, he just saw it pop off the grid here. He'll know we're here, or he'll think we're here even after we leave."

  "Not a problem," said Jaya. She walked over to one of the many cabinets at the walls and opened a massive drawer. She fished around in the drawer for a while, then pulled out a flat gadget a little smaller than her hand. She grabbed a belt of tools and made a few hasty adjustments. She nodded to herself, proud of the changes. Then she headed toward the front of the garage and pressed the button for the gate.

  "She seems so prepared," said Abby. "I feel like she should be doing your job, Dane."

  Jaya just let out a single laugh that was more mocking than amused. Dane said nothing. Jaya grabbed what looked like a modified crossbow from the wall next to the gate and walked out onto the street.

  "What is that?" said Dane as he watched Jaya aim at a van driving down the street. It was one of the few vehicles on the street at this late hour. She had plenty of time to aim, since the car was broadcasting its presence with loud music.

  "Signal repeater," said Jaya. "I set it to the frequency your jammer was giving off. We're just going to send the Professor on a wild goose chase."

  "Wait a second!" said Dane. "I'm not sure I like this idea!"

  Jaya pulled the trigger. The signal repeater was flung at the brown van. The repeater hit the van with a thump, sticking to its bumper. The driver either didn't hear the noise or didn't care. The van drove off.

  Turning around and walking back into the garage, Jaya shrugged and said, "Either way, it's done."

  "I don't like some random person being bait to throw off Honnenheim," said Dane.

  "I'm not sure I like that either," said Abby. "That person is innocent."

  Jaya rolled her eyes as she pressed the button to close the gate behind them. "Once the Professor sees that it is not Dane, he won't do anything. He's uncaring, but he's not homicidal. He doesn't kill people just because they were in the wrong place. People die because he decided he needed to seize important electronic assets from a heavily guarded building and the people just happened to be near enough to get caught in the collateral damage. He is very calculating about when he decides to kill, but he also doesn't care at all if someone he didn't decide to kill ends up dead. The driver is in no danger unless he's Dane's identical twin. Besides, the battery on that repeater has been in storage and is fairly run down. I don't think it has more than an hour or two of life. The Professor will follow it a while, see it disappear, and then genuinely have no idea where you are until you use the jammer again. Stop worrying so much. You do far more dangerous things on a regular basis. I doubt you guys made sure nobody was in those two buildings that blew up today."