She looked up at him, haunted and stricken. “I’m so scared.”
He didn’t hesitate to kneel and pull her into his arms. She shook against him and rage threatened to overtake him. Men were not supposed to harm women. What Robert was doing was against everything Jared believed. He nearly quivered with the need to do something. He rubbed her back, petting her in long strokes. After a few moments, he could feel her relaxing in his arms.
“Sometimes I think this is just a nightmare and I’ll wake to find everything back the way it was. Then I think about all we’ve done together and realize I’m glad it’s not a dream.” She sighed. “Okay. I’m okay. I don’t need to worry about going back for two more days, so let’s go do some fishing. It’s still my vacation and screw Robert. I’m not cutting this short for anything. It’s the first fun I’ve had in years.”
Her strength amazed him. Within a few heartbeats she’d gone from forlorn and scared to pissed off. He chuckled while continuing to stroke her back. “Babe, remind me I never want to be on the receiving end of your anger.”
She sat up in his lap, turned and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. Her lips were warm and dry on his skin. “You and Brent are what make me strong. This is all new for me. Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me for something anyone would have done, Arin.” He helped her to stand. “Go find Brent and fill him in. I’m going to get our gear ready for a hike later. It will do all of us good to get out of here.”
She gave him a sad little smile before heading toward the office, her back straight and head held high. At least she was still rebounding from the fear, but how long could she take hearing about Robert’s antics before she felt she needed to run to save her friends?
Jared rubbed his chin and tried to think of something he could do to fix the whole situation. He didn’t know anyone in Pennsylvania, so it wasn’t as if he could get the asshole arrested. He was angered by how useless he felt. The caveman part of his brain wanted him to grab her, throw her over his shoulder and protect her. But that wouldn’t get him anywhere with her. All he could hope for was a few more days and that Robert-the-dickwad finally stopped his harassment.
His mind still spun as he stomped his way to the shed outside. There wasn’t anything any of them could do, not really. He spent some time gathering their gear and using the task to calm his anger. They’d just take it day by day and see what happened.
Chapter Nineteen
Arin squared her shoulders as she walked down the hall. She’d decided that Robert would not drive her to leave early and definitely wasn’t going to ruin the last days of her vacation.
“Fucking stupid software.” Brent’s grumbling had Arin grinning before she even stepped into the office.
As she entered the tidy office space Brent and Jared shared, she wondered again at the conversations she’d had with them over the last twenty-four hours. Sure, in a perfectly romantic world she thought love at first sight might exist. She’d never heard of anyone actually admitting to it happening for them, but someplace in the world it must have. But for the three of them to fall head-over-heels in a few days just seemed impossible. Sure, they loved the outdoors, fishing, computers, kidding around…all those things that used to be important to her. But really, did she know them well enough to decide to stay?
Her thoughts were stopped in their tracks by the next round of cussing from a very irritated Brent. “What the fuck? I said save, you piece of shit.”
She snickered, catching his eye from over the top of the monitor, then burst out laughing. He looked so surly, staring daggers at the computer. It struck her as funny that the man could work all day outside, drop heavy objects on his toes and not utter a single bad word, but put him in front of technology and he turned into a potty-mouth.
“Something I can help with? You seem a little agitated.” She continued to chuckle even when he flipped her the bird. “Oh that’s mature. So what’s the problem?”
He sat back in the black leather chair and glared at her, but the muscles in his cheek flickered enough that she knew he was fighting a grin. His eyes shone with something she wasn’t ready to accept. She glanced away, afraid to show the answering emotion in her own gaze.
She let her eyes wander around the room. Bookshelves covered most of the walls. They held everything from tax books to paperback westerns. There didn’t seem to be much rhyme or reason to the arrangement but it was all neat and orderly. Somehow she knew it was due to Brent’s attentions and not Jared’s. She smiled and wandered closer to one of the shelves. The pictures of two young boys drew her attention.
“These are of you and Jared, aren’t they? Look at how cute you guys were. Oh, and mischievous. Wow. You really have known each other since birth.” She continued scanning the photos, laughing at the ridiculous Halloween costumes. They both seemed to be superheroes in most of the pictures. Somehow it fit them so well. After a few photo frames she noticed a theme. Not a single adult was to be seen. Each picture contained just the two boys, always smiling and laughing.
Arin scanned the room looking for other family pictures. It struck her as slightly odd that they’d have so many photos of them together but none of their parents or other siblings. Before she could figure out how to ask about it, she noticed a few extra photographs. Behind Brent were two frames with what looked like the guys with their parents. It looked like their high school graduations. Both of the guys wore caps and gowns while pinned between smiling adults.
She wandered around the desk and picked up the one of Brent. She studied the people she assumed were his parents. She absently traced over his blank face. “You look a lot like your dad. But he looks a lot happier in this picture than you do.”
“There wasn’t much to be happy about back then.” Brent’s voice was low and pained. She felt it twist in her heart. She placed the frame back on the shelf and turned to find him staring out the window, a pensive scowl on his face.
“Want to talk about it?” She knew the answer before the question left her lips, but she wanted to help him, to take away the pain and bring the smiles back.
“No. Thanks. Not yet.”
She nodded, accepting his response as best as she could. “Whenever you’re ready. Okay?”
She watched him take a shaky breath before turning back to her. His eyes held the pain she’d heard in his voice but he hid it well. They watched each other for a few heartbeats before he visibly shook himself and turned back to the computer. “I’m working with this designer out of Texas and she’s pissing me off. Every time I ask for a change she does something else. I’ve already paid her for most of the work, so I was trying to save myself the headache of going back to her with more changes. Now I can’t get the software to save it the right way.”
Arin took the change of topic in stride. She turned and crowded behind the chair, looking over Brent’s shoulder at the screen. The logo design actually wasn’t bad, but it lacked something. She moved, drawn to the problem, until she was nearly sitting in his lap.
“What changes were you looking for?” She leaned forward until she was nearly touching the screen with her nose. “Can you make it bigger? Wait, I’ll do it.”
Arin grabbed the rolling computer chair, pushed it away from the desk and proceeded to plop down on Brent’s lap. He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to groan or laugh. She was fully focused on the screen, chattering under her breath to herself as she pushed his hand off the mouse and started clicking. Sexy as hell. That was what she was when she was in work mode. Technical jargon flowed from her lips like a tantalizing stream of bedroom talk.
He couldn’t help himself. Wrapping his arms around her and dragging her back against his chest, he whispered, “If I asked you to read me the manual for Photoshop while you rode my cock, would you?”
She gasped and turned in his arms, a grin on her lips. Then she turned just as quickly to stare at the screen again and flippantly answered him. “Maybe, but first I’m going to fix this logo for you so it pops instead of
fizzles.”
Her dedication was commendable, but his cock was aching against her ass, and she wiggled more in his lap just to mock him, he was sure of it. He huffed out an exaggerated sigh and smiled at the chuckle that escaped her lips. “Fine. Be that way. Let me up and you can have the chair.”
She stood and didn’t even turn around to watch him get up, her fingers flying on the keyboard. He’d have been jealous if it hadn’t been one of the sexiest things he’d ever seen. She’d already made the design a hundred times better in the few minutes she’d been working. He stared in awe as she took the logo, flipped through options within the software he hadn’t even known existed and created something breathtaking. She didn’t even sit back down once he’d vacated the chair. She stood, awkwardly poised over thin air, and strummed the keyboard like a lover.
He huffed and shoved the chair lightly against the backs of her legs. “Sit. Work. I guess I can find something to entertain myself.”
“A few minutes. That’s all I’ll need,” she absently murmured, but didn’t slow in her work.
He didn’t want to leave her alone, not because he didn’t trust her but because he truly liked spending time with her, even when she was focused on something else. He felt right, centered, when she was around. He’d never been the panicky type, but he definitely hadn’t felt so relaxed in a long time. Having her around made his breathing deeper and his muscles looser. And even he had to admit, he smiled a lot more often since she’d arrived.
Brent moved around the desk and wandered the same path he’d watched Arin take moments before. She’d been enthralled by their boyhood pictures, smiling and chuckling as she moved from photo to photo. He approached them with apprehension. They’d kept them—no, he’d kept them—as a reminder of the good times they’d had before their version of hell had begun. They were his connection to the carefree life before Ronny. Sometimes he’d take one and sit in the chair for long moments, memorizing the subtle shades of color, the pinkness of their cheeks, the wide smiles and unmarred laughs.
He hated talking about the past, about those years. Even after session upon session with a multitude of psychologists, he still had a tough time admitting what had happened. He’d hoped the memories would scab over and heal, leaving him with the mark in his thoughts but as a faded scar. That hadn’t happened. No matter how many days went by, something little would set him off—a sound in the other room or a cry on the television—and the memories would bury him in an avalanche of fear.
Watching Arin work in his space, moving his things around on his desk in an absentminded way, just made the need to spill his past an ache in his chest. He wanted to tell her about it, and that scared him to death. What if she recoiled with revulsion, or worse, what if she gave him the teary-eyed pity that he’d seen from so many? He couldn’t take the tears or her pity. He’d seen it from everyone else. His mother still looked at him as if he’d break apart. His father avoided any talk of his childhood. He didn’t want to see those same things reflected on Arin’s face. But he needed to tell her what had happened, get it out in the open. If he and Jared were to have any future with her she needed to know the darkness that lived in his soul. She needed to know what had caused the rift between him and his family and the need to have Jared in his life.
The mental fight between bringing it up and getting the story out there and swallowing his tongue to keep the past buried was a painful pressure in his chest. He rubbed it absently as he stood watching her. He couldn’t help but chuckle as she mumbled to herself and worked the mouse. A cute scowl pulled her dark brows together. Pouting lips moved as she talked to herself. Her long hair cascaded down her back, for once free of a ponytail. She looked so right sitting in his oversized computer chair, glaring at his computer.
“There. Come look at it.” She smiled triumphantly when she looked up from the computer. “You’re looking mighty serious, Mr. Pritchard. Relax, I’m a professional. Promise.”
Brent knew his smile was forced but he wandered back around the desk and gaped at the changes she’d made. The new logo was spectacular. Well beyond what he’d expected and so much better suited to his customer. “Wow. That is amazing.”
She blushed and grinned, ducking her head. He didn’t know whether it was the praise or the method by which he’d delivered it, and he didn’t know why she was hiding from him. He bent slightly and tucked his finger under her chin. When she finally met his gaze, he whispered, “You do totally awesome work, Arin. That is so far above and beyond what I expected. Thank you so much.”
“You’re welcome. It was easy.”
He made a quick decision and asked before he had time to think. “Do you want to go for a walk and I’ll tell you the story behind the lack of happiness?”
The smile slipped from her lips and she nodded solemnly. She reached out to take his hand. Brent was surprised again by how little her fingers looked when they were intertwined with his. Soft and warm, her palm rested against his, helping to shore up his thoughts. This was right. She needed to know, and if she reacted badly at least he’d know before he fell farther over the moon for her.
Chapter Twenty
Arin waited. She’d seen the haunted look that pinched Brent’s eyes and drained the blood from his cheeks. A friend of hers had been raped in college. Her friend had looked like that for months after the incident, staring off into space with pale skin and dark circles under her eyes. Brent had that drawn look now as he led her outside. She wanted to comfort him and tell him that he didn’t need to share, but she stopped herself. If he felt compelled to talk to her, there was no way she’d silence him. She wasn’t sure what he was driving at but she was going to be there for him in whatever capacity he wanted.
They circled around to the front of the lodge and wandered down the driveway. She stayed silent, waiting for him to either open up or decide against it. Looking out over the road, she was struck again by the beauty. Mountains and pines filled the horizon. The sound of songbirds flitting through the scattered shrubs loosened something in her chest. She loved it here. Being out in the open and breathing in clean mountain air relaxed stress in her heart she hadn’t even known she carried. Off in the distance she could hear cows mooing and horses neighing. No motors or machinery marred the perfection. She could heal here, and she’d make sure Brent healed as well, from whatever had him emotionally strung-out.
“I was sexually abused by Jared’s cousin.”
Arin whipped around and brought her mind back to Brent. He wasn’t looking at her. He was staring off over the road just as she’d been doing, mouth pinched and brows drawn down. It took everything in her to do the same, but if it made it easier for him, she’d look away as well. She stood waiting.
After a few moments she thought perhaps he wasn’t going to say anything further. She stood, nearly holding her breath, waiting for him to continue. When only silence met her ears for long minutes, she started to turn back toward him. She wanted to see his face even if he didn’t want her to see him.
“No. Don’t look at me yet. There’s more. I just hate talking about it and I don’t want to see your reaction until I’m done.” He sighed loudly and she fought the instinct to turn to him. Instead she reached out and blindly searched for his hand with hers. He wound his fingers through hers and gave them a squeeze before he continued. “It started when we were ten and it went on for over two years. His cousin used to come to Jared’s house all the time and we just couldn’t escape him. Our parents trusted him and paid him to watch us. He turned the basement into a torture chamber, a place of nightmares. Jared and I went through hell that extended well beyond the actual acts. We spent months rehashing it with everyone. It scarred me, Arin. It left me darker in the soul. The asshole robbed me of something and I really only lament the loss of my wholeness now when I so want to offer you something more.”
She continued breathing slowly, measuring her breaths, and kept the tears under wraps as they threatened to spill down her cheeks. The pain in his voice was
enough to buckle her knees. No one should ever have to live through abuse, but to know he’d been just a child when he’d suffered tore at her heart. That he was sharing it with her now meant something to him—to her—and she would keep it together for him. She’d show him that it didn’t change anything, didn’t make her see him as less.
Arin continued to just stand there, holding Brent’s hand and conveying the only way she could that she was there for him. She gave his fingers a gentle squeeze and ran her thumb along his palm. Slight tremors shook through him and into her. She swallowed hard, trying to force back the tears.
“It took me a long time to understand that sex was normal and good between consenting people. I didn’t want to touch anyone intimately, but in college I gave in. Really only because all the other guys were doing it and they started to question why I wasn’t fucking girls. So I forced myself to interact with a few chicks on our floor, taking them to bed, fucking, then pushing them out of my room.” A shuddering breath sounded loud in the stillness around them. “I got off. They seemed to as well, but there was no connection. I had better orgasms by masturbating. Jared was doing better than I was. He had girlfriends and could find a way to be close to them. One night he climbed into bed with me and my current lay. He started kissing down the back of her neck and touching her. The moment our eyes met over her shoulder something changed for me. It gave me permission to feel. Knowing he was there and would keep me safe… After that, I tried to share with him as much as possible.”
Brent turned and she knew he was watching her. She turned slowly and looked into his tortured stare. She gave his hand a squeeze but kept her lips closed. This was his story to tell and she knew there was more. She could see it in the hesitation in his eyes. She had a good idea of what was coming next.
“That was when we decided that sharing someone forever was what we wanted to do. It was a selfish request on my part. Jared would have been fine on his own. He would’ve fallen in love with some girl and gone off and had a family. I knew if I didn’t keep him in my life I’d be a shadow forever. Do you understand, Arin? Without him I’m nothing. I can’t function without Jared in my life. I can enjoy sex but I can’t connect to the woman. Somehow my brain keeps my emotions locked down unless he’s there with me.” He turned from her and mumbled the next thought. “I’m such a bastard for making him agree to the plan.”
AnglingforLove Page 17
