“This is my room?”
“Yes. It is.” I ran my fingers along the bedspread.
“Thank you.” He sat on the bed, bouncing.
“I get up at ten in the morning. I expect you to be done with all of your personal… stuff, and have my breakfast up to me by then so you can begin working on my hair.”
“Yes, Miss Cavanaugh.”
“Any questions?”
“No.”
“Good. Let’s go upstairs. I’m famished and my feet need to be rubbed. After that you can drive me into Salt Lake. I need some retail therapy.”
Agony Inside Of Me
Seven
Adam drove the Lykan. Usually I rode in the back of a limousine, but I’d wanted to see how he handled the car. Our outing wasn’t a date. He was my driver.
He knew how to drive and maneuvered the Lykan through traffic expertly. More than once I caught him watching me out of the corner of his eye. I pretended not to notice.
When we arrived at City Creek Center, I had him drop me off at the entrance. “Park the car and make sure nothing happens to it. Then text me. I’ll let you know when I need your help carrying my bags.”
He quickly jumped out of the car and ran around to open my door. “Very good, Miss Cavanaugh.”
I didn’t turn around or respond, but heard him pull away from the curb. .
As soon as I stepped inside the air-conditioned mall the aroma of cinnamon and roasted almonds filled my nose. Usually I picked up a bag. They were my favorite treat. But above the roasted cinnamon smell was that of grilled steak. And something else. It was a new smell. As I walked by people I realized the smell changed slightly with each person and that somehow I was smelling their individual scents. It was weird and it made my head hurt.
I stopped in Victoria’s Secret to purchase some underthings. The scent subsided slightly because of the strong smell of the store’s perfumes. It wasn’t long though before I could still pick up the scent of the people again. Some actually did smell fresh while others smelled of more fat, and there were those who smelled lean and meaty, and delicious. My mouth watered and I started to freak out.
What was freaking happening to me?
I purchased a couple of different matching bras and underwear and quickly left the store. My head had started to buzz and I wondered if maybe I should see a doctor.
I took my phone from my bag and texted Adam.
On the second floor near Victoria’s Secret. Please come. I realized after I’d sent the text that I’d used the word please. What the hell? But I couldn’t take it back. I moved over, out of the way of those passing by and tried to hold my breath so I wouldn’t smell anything—anyone. The escalator was nearby. I leaned against the balcony, checking out the people below. City Creek was busy. People bustled along doing their shopping.
I’d seen the movie Madagascar when I was little and there’d been a scene where the lion saw all the other animals as steak. I was having a similar moment. The people kept changing into different cuts of meat according to their scent. What was worse, the freaking buzzing inside my brain began to intensify. It grew louder and louder. I wanted to scream in pain, but a Cavanaugh didn’t make a spectacle of herself. So I held on, wishing Adam would hurry. Out of the corner of my eye I saw his tall frame maneuvering through the crowd with ease, the same way he’d driven the Lykan.
Adam. I tried to call out, to let him know where I was. I reached out a hand, hoping I could get his attention. At that moment the buzzing exploded into a flash of white light. It was as though a dam broke behind my eyelids.
I felt pain. So much pain.
And then I was falling. Several people screamed. I prepared myself to hit the ground, thinking that at least when I died the pain in my head would stop.
But the ground never came. Instead large arms encircled me. “What happened?” It was Adam’s voice. At least I thought so.
The buzzing subsided, but now there was something worse. It was even more painful than the buzzing and it seemed to attack my head and my heart at once.
Emotions. Thousands upon thousands of them. They came hard and fast, like a baseball in the stomach, over and over again.
Tears filled my eyes. I’d never cried. A Cavanaugh doesn’t cry, I heard my father say. But I couldn’t stop them.
The pain racked my body.
“Beatrice.” Adam’s voice sounded urgent.
I opened my eyes, ashamed that tears were running uncontrolled down my face.
Adam sucked in his breath.
“It hurts so bad,” I whimpered, turning my body toward his, willing him to take away the pain. There was something hard under his shirt, against his chest. If I hadn’t been hurting so much, I would’ve asked him about it.
He pulled me closer, wrapping me in his arms. I heard whispers around us. People saying things. Adam pushed through them, walking rapidly. I sensed the change in temperature when he stepped outside.
“Hang on,” he whispered.
Even through the pain I couldn’t help but note he wasn’t out of breath. It was true I weighed less than most but I was still over a hundred pounds. That was a lot of weight for anyone to carry for long distances.
“I’m going to set you down.”
I let out a moan. Standing seemed like too much effort. I was drowning in emotion. I’d heard when a person died they saw their life flash before them. In my case, I did see my life, but worse, I felt it too. All of the emotions I should’ve experienced when they happened. There was agony when I broke my arm, pain when I fell out of the tree house and cut my forehead open. Worse than that was the guilt, the shame, and the remorse. More often than I’d been hurt I realized how much I’d hurt other people. And I felt their pain.
“No,” I cried. “Please. No.” The words ripped from my throat. I deserved to be alone, but I didn’t want him to let me go. I thought I might die without Adam’s touch.
“Hang on, Beatrice.” Adam adjusted me in his arms and got the car door open. “I can’t get you home if I don’t drive. I’ve got to put you in the car.”
“No. Please.”
“I’m going to buckle you next to me. You can rest your head in my lap.”
That meant whole seconds without his touch.
“Otherwise I’ll need to call an ambulance. Would you rather I do that?”
“No.” It was the only word I could get out.
He grunted and slid me into the seat and then buckled me in. Then he got in on the driver’s side and the Lykan roared to life. “I’ll hurry.”
I tried to lay my head in his lap but the gearshift was in the way. Another whimper escaped my lips. Shame washed over me, burying all the other emotions momentarily. But like the ocean waves, they came back, crashing through my body, stronger than ever. I felt like I was going to be sick. My head rolled to the side.
“Don’t puke in this car, Beatrice.” His voice was strong, not hard, but forceful. He took my small hand in his large one. My emotions abated slightly.
I covered my mouth with my hand. My face was wet. I realized I was still crying.
After a while the car stopped. Adam let go of my hand. As soon as the pressure of his touch was gone, the emotions came back, fiercer than ever. It was as though each one fought the others to be the strongest. They continued to build and build.
“Adam?” I wanted him to hold my hand. For some reason all of this was easier to deal with when he did. But he didn’t come. Had he just left me in the car?
Feelings of abandonment hurled against my heart. I cried out, the ache was so strong. My fingers found the door handle and I opened it. My knees hit the ground and then the rest of me. The concrete was cool against my hot skin. It helped with the nausea.
But it didn’t help abate the memories and the feelings I should’ve had for the past eighteen years. They kept going and going, like a TV show. Except instead of sound there were feelings. So many of them that I wanted to die if that would make the pain go away.
A distinct voice made its way inside my head. If she lives through the pain caused by the curse, there may be hope for her yet. It sounded like Fizban.
If she dies, all hope for the Vaktare dies with her. That was Greg or Fizban as Greg. It gave me a little satisfaction to realize she was talking to herself. Maybe she was crazier than me. Or maybe I was so off my rocker I just believed I was hearing two people that were actually one who didn’t exist at all.
If that’s what it takes, Fizban said, her voice hard, interrupting my mental ramblings. I wanted to sink my fangs into her wretched neck. Even as I had the thought I wondered where it came from. I didn’t have fangs. Did I?
But one thing was becoming clear. The curse, pretend or not, had wakened emotions I’d never felt before.
“She’s in . . .”
“Where the hell is she, boy?” That was Isaac. He sounded afraid.
“Help. Please.” I called out softly.
Two sets of feet padded closer. I blinked my eyes open. Isaac squatted down. Adam lifted me into his arms from his standing position. Obviously the guy was strong.
“Take her upstairs.”
“Something seems to be seriously wrong with her. Shouldn’t we take her to the hospital? Let the doctors help her?” As Adam spoke he pressed my body closer to his chest.
“No, Adam. I think you know human doctors can’t help her now.” Isaac said those words, but I must’ve heard him wrong. Why couldn’t they help? If I were going crazy, a special crazy person doctor might be exactly what I needed. Maybe a white jacket, some strong medication. Anything to take away this pain.
“It hurts,” I sobbed.
“Fine. I’ll carry her upstairs.”
“I’ll make her some tea.” That was Mrs. Dotts. Tea was my favorite drink, but even that didn’t sound good. A nice T-bone. That might be better. But as I thought about eating the nausea came back. I leaned into Adam’s chest and puked.
So Completely Evil
Eight
Every time I opened my eyes, Adam was there. Several times he was shirtless. And whoa, he should always be shirtless. It was a crime for him to wear a shirt. His torso was too beautiful to be covered up. It was like hiding a Monet painting.
I think I actually told him as much once while fading in and out of consciousness. His mouth twitched. I wanted to tell him it was okay to smile, but I couldn’t find the words in between all of the emotions filleting my insides.
Whenever Adam held my hand, the pain subsided. His touch was icy relief to my furnace of pain.
Isaac and Mrs. Dotts took turns sitting with me as well, but their touch did nothing, though I did find it comforting to see that they cared even after all the years I’d treated them horribly.
After what seemed like forever, the pain slowly began to shift from all-consuming to a crackling and tearing around just my heart. In certain ways having the pain localized hurt worse.
Some of the worst agony was the most recent. Watching what I’d tried to do with Greg in order to hurt Eva. The way I’d treated Will. How could I have thrown his birthday present into the pool? It was so rude, so completely evil. As I watched my memories, experienced the emotions that should’ve gone along with them, I wondered what my friends and Will gained by continually spending time in my presence. I’d been awful.
“It hurts,” I whispered.
“I’m sorry,” Adam said, lifting his head. His hair was tousled and his lids were heavy.
He must’ve fallen asleep while sitting in the chair next to my bed. His hand covered mine. The pain immediately subsided.
“Thank you,” I said, hoping he could see the sincerity in my expression.
He nodded, wincing.
“Are you uncomfortable? You can lie down on the bed . . .” His eyebrows lifted. “If you want,” I continued, totally humiliated.
Adam climbed on the bed and lay down beside me. He was so close his breath tickled my cheek.
“Is that better?”
“Much,” he said and was about to smile but stopped short.
“Smile whenever you like,” I said, forcing myself to breathe. Even that hurt.
“How are you feeling?” Adam asked, brushing some hair off my face. His finger was like a soothing balm for every place he touched.
“Well that’s just it,” I began. “I’m feeling. Everything. All at once.” Tears sprang to my eyes. “It’s hurts so freaking bad, Adam.”
Adam’s eyes softened. “That must be difficult.”
I nodded, brushing at a wayward tear. “I’ve cried more in the past . . . How long have I been like this?”
Adam checked his watch. “Nearly twenty-four hours.”
“That’s all?” I searched his face. “It feels like ages.”
“What’s going on?” Adam asked.
I shook my head. “I honestly don’t know.” How could I explain that some guy who could transform into a girl with red hair had cursed me?
He smirked. “I can tell you have a lot to say.” He turned so he more fully faced me. “I’ve signed a contract that states I’m required to be your servant until you let me go.”
Guilt swallowed me. I closed my eyes at the hurt. His mom hadn’t stolen the diamond. He didn’t deserve to be here. “I know. I’m sorry.” Tears rolled down my cheeks. “That’s—”
Adam touched my face. I opened my eyes. “It’s okay. I want to help. So tell me what’s going on.”
I smiled, a newfound joy spreading over every inch of my face. The act of smiling so big actually hurt. I reached up and touched one of my cheeks, marveling at the difference between a real and pretend smile. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” I searched his face for any indication he would run if I told him. But I realized I wanted to tell someone. Say the words out loud. If I did maybe it would help me make sense of my situation. And if Adam did leave, I would be okay with that. It was the least of what I deserved.
“Try me.” Adam took my other hand.
The emotional trauma raging in my body all but stopped. I sighed with relief. And then told him everything . . . well, except that I’d tried to put the moves on Greg. All but that. When I finished he sat up, crossing his legs.
“So, let me get this straight. Some guy who can also turn into a girl cursed you?”
“That’s what he said.”
“What did he say, exactly?”
I closed my eyes. It helped me see the words. “He said, ‘For your vanity, your cruelty and your cold, unfeeling heart, a curse I leave upon you. A year shall not pass before your true form will be revealed. You are Vaktare, daughter of royalty, born to deliver your people, created to save your species from the extinction they so rightly deserve . . . You, your father and your mother have been sentenced to die . . . Unless you can learn to give love unconditionally. Only then will your species have a chance.’” I opened my eyes and focused on his blue eyes.
“You are Vaktare. What is that?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never heard the word before.”
Adam stood, letting go of my hands. The pain came back in full force, making my heart ache.
“Do you mind if I use your computer?”
“No,” I whispered, curious about what he was doing, but in too much pain to ask.
He suddenly seemed to notice my pain. “Oh, hey.” He slid his hands into mine and pulled me off my bed. “Let’s research the word Vaktare.” He released one hand and sat at my desk. While he pulled up the Internet, he asked, “And up until now you haven’t had any feelings, like no pain, nothing?”
“That’s right.” I moved to stand behind him.
Adam typed v-a-c-k-t-a-r-e and hit Enter. There were definitions and explanations in a different language. Clicking on Translate, it appeared the word, though spelled v-a-k-t-a-r-e meant security guard in Swedish. “So he cursed you to become a Swedish security guard?”
I laughed out loud. A real laugh. My body seemed to come to life at the sound and the pain squeezing my heart subsided. “Proba
bly not.” I shook my head. Adam’s eyes sparkled. He turned back to the screen and scrolled down, searching for more information. By the third page, it was easy to see there was nothing there. Nothing of use anyway.
He swiveled the chair so he could see me.
“And up until now you haven’t ever felt anything. No emotion whatsoever.”
“Right.” My bottom lip trembled. He rose, taking my hands again.
“And then you got a message from your mom?”
“Yes.”
“But you don’t know where your parents are?”
“No.”
“Can I hear the message?”
My cell phone rested on the bedside table. I picked it up, found the message, and played it on speakerphone.
While my mom spoke I watched Adam’s face. He seemed to be taking all that I’d said very well. He didn’t seem freaked out. He wasn’t treating me differently. At least I didn’t think so.
When my dad told my mom to hang up because she’d already said too much, Adam’s eyes scrunched together, but he didn’t say anything.
“Why aren’t you freaking out?” I asked him. I appreciated that he wanted to honor his contract, but if the roles had been reversed, I would’ve run away already.
Adam shrugged. “To be honest, I think the whole thing is extraordinary.” He took my hands. “When I watched you fall from the second floor of the shopping center I thought you were possibly suicidal.”
“How did you catch me? Why didn’t you get hurt?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I saw you fall and I reacted. I didn’t debate, I just knew I needed to save you.”
A rush of gratitude for Adam filled my insides. “Thank you,” I breathed.
Adam stepped closer. “Of course, Miss Cavanaugh.”
“I think you’ve earned the right to call me Beatrice.”
Adam leaned back, but I held his hands tightly.
“If you want. You don’t have to.” I exhaled. “The truth is you don’t even have to stay.” With the rush of emotions came the realization that I didn’t want to hurt Adam anymore. In fact I couldn’t understand why I’d had such a hateful desire in the first place. And the fact that I’d lied about the diamond made matters worse. I was a rude, immature girl who needed to figure out what Vaktare meant. Adam certainly didn’t need to be a part of whatever was happening to me. “See, your mom, she didn’t—”
A Beauty So Beastly Page 6
