by Jill Patten
Quickly, I averted my eyes toward the TV when Aaron caught me gawking at him. Shaking his head, he didn’t say anything, but the smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth was enough for me to know he found it amusing.
Ah, shit! He can read my thoughts. Damn! Damn! Damn!
Next thing I knew, I spotted Aaron from the corner of my eye pulling his shorts down.
“Whoa! What are you doing?” I exclaimed, holding my hand out in a stop motion.
“What? I’m changing into my sweats. It’s not like I’m naked,” he said, continuing to take the shorts off.
“But… but… still…” I was lost for words. My mouth suddenly became parched, and all the liquid in my body surged to my nether regions.
By this point, he’d already had the sweat pants pulled up and was now tying the drawstring. “Relax. No harm, no foul. Nobody was hurt in the process other than your modesty.” He smiled broadly then turned around to make up his bed.
He was cute, I’d give him that. He was a little too cute, and I wondered what kind of person he had been when he was alive. Being subjected to tragedies changes a person and I’d say Aaron had been through some tough shit. From the time I’d spent with him he seemed genuine. So far, his motives never left me feeling uneasy of what his intentions were.
We headed to town in search of my mother. Since Aaron was able to hear most of my plans, I didn’t have to clue him in on much more. Thankfully he chose not to mention anything else he’d heard me think earlier. “So what exactly happened to your mother? How did she die?” he asked after turning the volume down to my favorite song.
It was a cool, colorful autumn day. The beautiful weather brought positive vibes down to my bones. Almost as if it were a sign from my mother telling me she was here waiting for me. The toasty sun shone brightly, causing me to squint behind my Ray Bans.
“It was a brain injury. One of those crazy freak accidents. She and my father were attending one of his many fundraisers. They were leaving when she tripped on her evening gown and took a tumble down the concrete steps outside the venue. She fell into a coma from the head trauma. The swelling on her brain caused permanent damage. After a week, my father made the crucial decision to remove her from life support.” I flipped the visor down to help block the sun from my watery eyes.
“I’m sorry,” Aaron said lowly, touching my shoulder with a comforting hand. “It must’ve been hard growing up without a mother.”
I nodded. My words were tangled up in the somber emotions building inside my heart. I could’ve told him I had a stepmother, but I loathed her so much I didn’t consider her a part of my family.
“You look like her, you know?” His thumb caressed my shoulder.
A thousand needles threatened the back of my eyes. “Why didn’t she come looking for me? You know, like you kind of did?” I asked, wiping the moisture from my nose. No matter how disgusting it was, I couldn’t help it.
He reached over and swiped a tear I didn’t know had fallen. “She probably didn’t know she was able to, or maybe she’s crossed over already. It’s hard to say. It’s so different on the other side.” He took out a tissue from my console and handed it to me. “If she’s still here, she could have kept to herself. Some spirits prefer to be loners.”
He took my hand and laced his fingers through mine. It was the first time he was openly affectionate toward me. He eyed me warily, probably expecting me to pull away, but I didn’t. I realized at that moment that I needed him in my life. “Just because you haven’t seen her doesn’t mean she’s not looking for you. I know that’s what you’re thinking, and I’m not even listening in. She might not know she should be looking for you.” He brought my hand up to his mouth and placed a kindhearted kiss on the back of my hand. “Try to stop worrying.”
“Look can we talk about something else. I know we’re looking for my mom but I don’t like talking about it. It’s too painful.”
He nodded, “Just know I’m here for you, Lennox.”
The rest of our drive was silent. Aaron left me alone in my thoughts and I left him to wonder about my mother’s death. I didn’t want to think about that day anymore, or the days that followed. Not a day went by without me wanting to know what my life would’ve been like if I’d had her with me. Gah! Stop, Lennox. Stop thinking about it. Find your mother and don’t think about all the grief you harbored growing up. I’ve worked too hard over the years building a steel wall around my empty heart, he wasn’t about to crack it open.
We pulled into a parking lot across from Thorne Convention Center. It was the place where my mother lost her life.
“Why are we here?” Aaron asked.
“This is the place my mother breathed her last breath on her own. I figured if we began where it all started, we might have a chance of finding her. I’ve read before where spirits linger where their death took place.” I grabbed my purse from the back seat. “Or maybe that was a show.” I added with a shrug.
Aaron placed his hand on my arm, stopping me from getting out of the car. “Lennox, some spirits don’t know to look for people. They don’t know how to show themselves to mediums or they don’t want to be seen. Others are a little bolder, and some are blatantly evil. I’m telling you this because I don’t want you to get frustrated if we don’t find her, but I also want you to be aware of what is out there.”
I nodded as if I understood. “Are the evil ones dangerous?”
“Yes, they can be, and that’s why it’s important for you to never make eye contact with them.” Going out in public was such a different experience for me. The old days of being oblivious and carefree were over.
“The evil ones have bloodshot eyes. Avoid them,” he demanded, his hard stare reaffirming his seriousness. Nodding, I agreed. “I’m scared,” I admitted.
“Good,” he said blatantly. “You need the fear of God in you for once in your life,” he said followed with smirky smile.
I whipped my head in his direction and glared at him. All he could do was laugh at me. Jerk. He started laughing harder.
Without waiting on him, I hopped out of the car and made my way to the Thorne Convention Center.
Aaron jogged around the car to join me as I strolled through the parking lot. “So, are we just going to walk around in hopes of spotting her?”
“Why did you just run over here?”
“I didn’t run, I jogged.”
“Still, though. Why go through the trouble?”
He stopped to look at me quizzically. “Go through the trouble of what? I know I said I can read your mind, but I try not to invade people’s thoughts if I don’t have to.”
I started walking again, hoping he would stride along beside me. “That’s good to know,” I mumbled. He smiled at me, stepping back in sync with me. “But why would you bother rushing to catch up to me when you can disappear and reappear beside of me?”
He chuckled in response to my comment. “I still like to be as human as possible. I miss my old life. I miss the normalcy of living. Sure, when I first discovered I was actually dead, I immersed myself in all things supernatural, but after living in a world where you don’t really exist, you crave the realism of life.”
Dropping my head, I watched the cracked concrete pass beneath my boots with each step. “I guess it sucks to be you.” Immediately regretting my words, I tried to cover up my rudeness. “I mean…I didn’t mean for it to come out that way. I just meant it as… I don’t know,” I paused, collecting my words, “sometimes I thought my life would be better if I were standing in your shoes. You know, to be with my mother.” I couldn’t believe I said it out loud.
He stopped walking, causing me to follow suit. “You’ve considered killing yourself?” His face twisted up with distaste. He was appalled.
“Sometimes it just seemed easier. A girl needs her mother during certain times of her life. People always saw me as the rich girl who had everything. What they didn’t know was I envied them. They had the one thing I desired the most — a mo
m. And because I couldn’t have what they had, I became a bitch. I was a mean girl. I ridiculed so many… made them cry… I’m so ashamed of myself.” The autumn breeze cooled the drop of moisture sitting in the corner of my eye.
Aaron’s hand lightly cupped the side of my face. His thumb brushed the tear from my eye. My heart fluttered momentarily from the kind gesture. “Lennox, you’re not a bad person. I don’t care if you told me you killed someone, I still know you’re a beautiful and caring woman. I’m dead. I can feel the love circulating through your veins. You’re just missing a portion of your heart, waiting for that long-awaited motherly love.” His hand lingered on my face a few seconds more before he dropped it back down by his side. His movements seemed hesitant. Almost like he wanted to touch me longer but didn’t know if he should. Strangely, I wanted him to.
“How do you do that?”
He squinted from the sun as he looked at me. “Do what?”
“How can you touch me? How can you touch anything? I’ve heard of spirits moving objects, but I never really believed that stuff.”
He smiled then looked ahead at a girl across the street walking her yellow lab. “It was difficult in the beginning, but as time went by I eventually figured it out,” he said as if it were no big deal.
“But how?”
“Oh. Yeah, right, sorry. To be honest, I’m really not sure. It’s sort of a mind over matter type of thing. In the beginning, I had to focus — no disturbances of any kind or I would lose my connection. But now, hell, it’s like second nature. I can pretty much move anything without even thinking about it. Kind of like this.” He reached over and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me up against him. A little butterfly flapped its wings around my heart. It was so weird how I was able to feel the lean muscles underneath his clothes. He seemed so real to me. So alive.
“Show off,” I said jokingly, not wanting him to let go.
We both laughed then he released me. The vacant feeling left me cold.
“I still don’t quite get it, but if it works then I guess it doesn’t matter,” I said with a shrug.
As people passed by us, I noticed the odd stares I was receiving. At first, I didn’t pay it much attention as I was too engrossed into Aaron’s explanation, but now I was becoming more aware. Suddenly it hit me. I felt completely self-conscious. People were going to think I was schizophrenic. I must’ve looked like a loon jostling around and talking to myself.
“Have you ever seen the movie Ghost with Patrick—,”
“Shh,” I interrupted. “Stop talking,” I whispered out of the corner of my mouth.
“Why?” he asked, looking around with his neck slightly jutted out as if he was trying to listen in on what I was hearing.
I tapped my finger against my temple hoping he would get the hint to read my mind.
His brows furrowed as he stared at me intently, then his eyes widened. He nodded, understanding what I was trying to say. If only the telepathy worked both ways. We could have full conversations in complete silence.
“I’ll talk, you continue to answer in your mind.”
“I don’t like this. What if I think something I don’t want you to know?”
“You just told me to listen to your thoughts. Make up your mind, woman.”
“I just wanted you to for that moment so you would know why I wasn’t talking anymore, but I’m not comfortable with having you in my brain right now. Now go, shoo, get out of here.” I waved my hand at him like I would a dog I didn’t want jumping on my clean clothes.
He laughed. “You’re impossible, you know?”
“I may have been told that a time or two in my life. Now stop talking to me so I don’t have to answer you.” I stopped walking, turned to him and stared at him with widened eyes. Hopefully, he would shut his trap.
“Like I said…”
I rolled my eyes. He obviously was one of those who thought they had to have the last word.
Chapter 15
We had spent the better half of the day walking all around downtown. We even took the side streets in hopes of seeing her, but we came up empty handed. Aaron and I kept our conversations to a minimum, and we only talked openly when we were in a secluded area. Not only was I afraid of people thinking I was crazy, I also didn’t want to draw attention to the other spirits roaming through town.
“Do you know how easy it would be if you could hear my thoughts?” Aaron asked. The sun was beginning to settle behind the buildings, and the shaded sections of the sidewalk put a chill in the air.
Thankfully, I’d brought my jacket with me. I slipped it on and zipped it up to block off the cold wind blowing through the tall buildings. Winter was approaching quicker than usual.
“Uh, ya think? It would make public appearances with you a whole lot easier, that’s for sure.” Being as discreet as possible, I tugged on the edge of his shirt. “Wait, is that guy coming up dead?” I muttered in almost a whisper.
Aaron spun around and stopped directly in front of me. “If you ask me one more time who’s dead and who’s not, I’m going to let you find out on your own.”
Pointing to my temple, I talked to him telepathically. I’m sorry, I can’t help it. I’m trying to get a feel of who’s alive and who’s dead so I’ll be better prepared if I’m ever out by myself.
We continued walking so we wouldn’t look so obvious. He didn’t want to bring too much attention to me because he said the spirits would harass me to help them like the guy in the grocery store had. “Most of the time, the best way to tell is by looking at their eyes. If their eyes look glazed over or seem to be in a trance, most of the time they’re dead. And remember, if their eyes are bloodshot, stay away; they’re evil.”
Note taken.
Aaron walked along side of me in comfort with his plain, white t-shirt and sweat pants. If he wasn’t dead, I would’ve demanded him to change his clothes before allowing him to be seen with me. To me, appearance had always been a top priority. It said a lot about you: your character, how you felt about yourself, how you hoped others judged you…
“What are you thinking about over there?” Aaron interrupted my thoughts. Was he really wondering or did he already know and he wanted to test me on how truthful I was?
“You mean you’re not listening in?” I asked.
“I told you I can’t zero in on people’s thoughts unless I really concentrate.” He waved around to the concrete and brick structures lined up on both sides of us. “This here doesn’t make it easy for me to focus. Between the cars, the people, the dead ones, and nature itself, I’m too distracted to think clearly.”
“Oh, here comes somebody. Test me to see if I can figure if they are or not.” With a quick turn, I glanced back over my shoulder when I thought I heard footsteps close behind us. I released a heavy breath when I saw no one there. I guess it was just the wind.
“Are we paranoid?” he asked chuckling. He must’ve noticed my quick reflexes. “Okay, give it a shot, but be careful how you look at them. Don’t challenge them with a stare. I stay neutral so I don’t give off any kind of vibe.”
I pointed to my temple. I’m scared.
“I know you’re not comfortable with being approached by them yet, but don’t worry, I promise I won’t let them hurt you.”
Thank you. I’m still getting used to having you around. If another one bombards me with questions, I’ll probably have a coronary. We stopped at the edge of the sidewalk waiting for the crosswalk to light up in green.
“Could’ve fooled me,” he teased. “You’ve adapted to me fairly well, don’t you think?” He caught me by surprise again when he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me against him. The butterfly made another circle around my heart. He released his hold on me but his hand still lingered, resting on my hip.
For some unknown reason, I didn’t pull away. If I were being honest with myself, I wanted more of him. “It’s only because you feel too real. I mean, my gosh, until you told me, I had no clue you were dead.” I clo
sed my eyes for a brief moment. “Just saying it out loud sounds ludicrous. It’s all so surreal.” It was difficult to wrap my head around it, and most of the time, I tried not to think about it. If I wanted to keep my sanity, I was better off not to.
We headed back to my car as twilight was quickly approaching. “I’m sorry we didn’t see your mother,” he said setting his hand over mine. His gesture was genuine and his voice serene.
I smiled at him. “It’s not your fault. We have more days ahead to search. Today just wasn’t the day.” With a quick turn, my car purred to life. “I’ve gone twenty two years of my life without her, a few more isn’t going to hurt anything.” Aaron’s thumb circled over my knuckles in comfort. It was strange how every time he touched me, his skin always felt the same. No matter what the weather was, or whether we were inside or out, the temperature of his body always matched mine.
“How does that work?” I asked looking down at his large hand covering mine. His eyebrows knitted together.
“What?”
“Every time you touch me, you feel the same. Never colder or hotter…it always mirrors mine.” He remained silent. I guess he had no explanation. How could he explain it? He was dead. That was explanation enough.
We were halfway home and neither of us had spoken. I’d wondered if my comment offended him in some way. It couldn’t be easy being him. To be dead for years, only to be stuck in a world where you didn’t exist. All this time he’d had any kind of life, not in the living sense. He was brought into this side of the world against his will, and until I came along, he was all alone. Yes, he had others who were in the same situation as him, but it still had to be torture.
