by Jill Patten
“I made you a promise and I’m not one to break my promises. It hurts me to see you upset.” He held my face in his gentle hands. “I’m not coming home until I find her,” he said with pure determination.
Tears threatened to spill again. “But it could be days before you come back…or never,” I whispered. The thought of him leaving me was frightening. I’d become attached. I never got attached to anyone or anything. It made you weak. I was fragile…pathetic.
He nodded, “Yes, it could be, but I don’t think it will take that long,” he paused and looked in my eyes. His stare was deep. He was reading my mind; I could feel it. “As long as you’ll have me, I will never leave you. Have faith, Lennox.”
Before I could blink, Aaron’s lips were pressed against mine. It felt so surreal. Not realizing my eyes had closed upon impulse, I opened them to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. His tongue slipped into my mouth, and his sweet flavor burst upon my tongue. There was no way this was a dream. It felt too real. It tasted too real. The low moan in his throat sounded too real. My past dreams were coming to life.
His hands still palmed my face, and I gingerly angled my head to deepen the kiss. My pulse accelerated. Aaron’s loving affection hugged my heart. I felt safe with him. Protected. Almost loved, if that was what love felt like by another man.
Aaron ended our deep kiss with small tender kisses on and around my lips. He stopped, his nose barely touching mine and gazed at me lovingly. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” he said with a breathy voice, then lightly pecked the tip of my nose.
Words were lost in my throat. My insides were jumping with excitement.
“You don’t have to say anything; I can see it in your soul.” He smiled at me unquestionably. “You have so much love held captive in that precious beating heart of yours,” he said, laying his hand over my chest, “it’s time to set it free. Let it go.”
I shook my head. How can he know? He’s weakening me. He’s causing me to crumble.
He saw through me. He could see past all my barriers. I should’ve known this from the moment he told me he wasn’t alive. The whole mourning package was coming back again, but I wasn’t tough enough to fight it anymore. Or, maybe I was. The harder I swallowed the more I felt it dissipate. Anger started to fill me. I could feel it slowly pumping back into my veins. Yes. That’s better.
Aaron grabbed my wrists. “No!” he said sternly. “You’re not doing this, Lennox. You’re not shutting me out like you have everyone else in your life. I know how you feel about me. I sometimes hear you, and when I’m not listening, I feel it. I’m a spirit, remember? I sense these things. You can’t hide it from me.” He loosened his grip. “You may be able to fool everyone else but you can’t fool me. Share your love. If not with me, then with someone else who deserves it. Someone living.” He dropped his head and looked down at the ground.
My chest heaved as the last ten minutes or so ran through my mind. He was right. Everything he was saying was right. He possibly knew me better than I knew myself. He was brought into my life for a reason. I’d been given a gift. In my heart, I was beginning to believe it was so I could reconnect with my mom. And possibly find love. Even if it was a love that could never be. “There is no one else…but you,” I said, grabbing his hand then interlacing my fingers through his.
Aaron turned his head up and looked at me. A crooked grin found his lips. He pulled me against him for a hug and buried his face in my neck. He didn’t say anything back, but it was one of those moments when words were not needed. Every time he touched me or even looked at me, my nerves pulsated with effervescent energy. It was always exhilarating.
After a long embrace, he lifted his head and a cool breeze bit against my neck. “It’s time to go. It’s been a long day.” He smiled at me adoringly. “I promise you, I will find your mom,” he said with all the confidence in the world. He leaned down and his soft lips brushed against mine tenderly. “See you soon.”
I smiled with another threat of tears behind my eyes. I sure hoped he was right.
Chapter 17
Five days had passed, and there was still no sign of Aaron. I was about to go stir crazy not knowing if he was okay. Was it possible for a ghost to be harmed? As much as I wanted to be reunited with my mother right now, his return was more important. It sounded crazy for me to think that way, but he was special to me…there were feelings there. Real feelings. The kind I think could perhaps cause you to fall in love. But, the old selfish side of me wanted him to return because he was my only ticket to reuniting with my mom.
Without his presence, my life was slowly falling back into its everyday gloom. I found myself hating on people; snapping at them while in public for no particular reason. It was to the point where I disliked myself, and I was never one to be disgusted with who I saw in the mirror. This madness has to end.
I decided to go downtown to look for Aaron. Sitting at home and not doing anything was putting me in a state of depression. I didn’t like the person I was changing back into, and I knew Aaron wouldn’t appreciate it either. After all his hard work to reform me, I couldn’t sit here and sulk over him and let it all go to waste.
It was early November and the crisp autumn air had a bite of winter chill. I slipped my fur-lined hood over my head to block the wind breezing between the buildings. The streets were busy with store owners dressing up their windows with Thanksgiving decorations.
It would be the best day of my life if I were able to have my mother and Aaron, even if in spirit, with me for Thanksgiving. With my father also by my side, it would truly be a blessing. A memory I could keep with me for a lifetime. Of course, I would have to figure out a way to get rid of Pam, but she was the least of my worries.
As I wandered down the sidewalks, I stared at each person individually, wondering if they were alive or not. Normally, when Aaron was with me, I ignored everyone around me; only focusing on him. It freaked me out too much to continuously stare into the eyes of the dead. The evil ones with their bloodshot eyes frightened the hell out of me. Aaron told me before leaving that the best trick to use was to stare through them, act as if they didn’t exist. It worked quite well for the living because most people found my bitch face unapproachable anyway. So far today, it was working for the spirits too.
Aaron was the furthest from being creepy, of course, I wouldn’t have said that the first day I’d met him, but I found all those other ghosts roaming from here to there, freaky as hell regardless how harmless they looked.
Just as I rounded a corner, I stopped mid-step when I nearly ran into a hot guy wearing a black leather jacket and aviator shades who looked like he just walked out from a biker bar. “Oh shit! I’m so sorry. I should’ve been paying better attention of where I was going,” I apologized with my hand over my chest as if it would calm down my thumping heart.
His eyes widened with wonderment. “You can see me?” He stepped back and shook his head. “No one has been able to see me for months and…and, you…” He bounced around on his feet with excitement. “I can’t fucking believe this. This is fucking crazy!” he exclaimed, his hands jerking on the strands of black hair barely hanging over his collar. “No fucking way!” He started to laugh. I smiled at his happiness but his laugh became more of a maniacal sound and started to frighten me.
My gut told me to run. My gut was usually right. Something didn’t set well with this spirit. His presence felt tainted. Almost evil. I tried to come up with a quick plan or lie but fear was blurring my thoughts.
Aaron, where are you?
I then tried to stop thinking altogether. What if Mr. Biker was able to hear my thoughts like Aaron? What would I do then? Or what if he could smell the fear on me? Would he take advantage? Sick men prey on frightened women.
Dammit, Aaron, I need you!
His lips curved into sinister smile. “Don’t be scared. I won’t hurt you.” His voice was calm and even, and if I hadn’t felt an evil presence around me I would’ve possibly believed him. There was nothin
g about him that screamed friendly.
Aaron! Please! Help me! I screamed repeatedly in my mind. It didn’t matter anymore if he could hear me or not. At this point, I had no other option. Mr. Creepy Biker was probably within minutes or seconds of harming me. My heart thumped in my chest with an unreasonable force. My sense of panic wasn’t normal. Once again, it was one of those gut feelings I’d sometimes get. Maybe it was intuition. Maybe it was another supernatural gift. Whatever it was, I knew it wasn’t going to end well.
Not knowing what else to do, I took off running. It wasn’t the wisest thing for me to do, but I didn’t know how else to escape him.
The harder I ran, the more my muscles seemed to fail me. Gravity was fighting against me. I was becoming lethargic. It was a repeat of a dream where no matter how hard the struggle was, you moved as if you were full of lead.
Before I knew it, I was leaning against the side of a stone building trying to catch my breath. My vision was blurred and my mind felt confused.
A cynical laugh danced behind me. The eerie sound muffled all other noises around me.
“Tsk, tsk. You should know better than to run from a spirit,” I heard against my ear. “You can run, but you can never hide.” He peeked around so I could see him, then lowered his sunglasses. His eyes were so bloodshot, there was more red than white.
I clamped my hands over my ears and closed my eyes. If I blocked him from all sight and sound maybe he would go away. Maybe I’d dreamt him up. Maybe I’d become delusional. “He’s not real. He’s not real. He’s not real,” I chanted softly to myself while I rocked back and forth with my head down between my knees.
The gruesome voice snickered by my ear. “Oh, it’s real, baby.” Fingers dug into my arm, and I was slammed up against the brick building with blunt force. “And I’m going to show you just how real it’s going to get.”
I didn’t know what he was talking about and before he was able to show me, he was out of my sight and thrown on the ground in one quick movement. In a blink of an eye, he was gone.
“Lennox, get out of here.” It was Aaron’s voice, but I couldn’t see him.
“Where are you?” I asked, spinning around frantically in search of him.
He flashed in front of me for a few seconds. His hair was disarrayed, and his lip was bleeding. “Just go—,” he was cut off from what I didn’t know. He disappeared into thin air.
My pulse accelerated and I could feel it in my neck, my temple, and my chest. Something was horribly wrong and I couldn’t do anything about it. Aaron was in danger, and I wasn’t leaving him.
I wasn’t sure how long I sat on the cold concrete sidewalk, but I wasn’t going to allow myself to resurface until I knew I was safe. And when I felt the familiar tender touch of Aaron, I knew all would be right in the world…at least for the day.
“Lennox, baby, are you okay?” he asked softly while rubbing my back in a circular motion. He was the one with blood stained lips, dirt and grime all over his face and clothes and here he was asking me if I was okay. I could only shake my head by his selflessness. Silly man.
Happy tears pooled in my eyes before falling down my cheeks to wash over the frightful one’s I’d shed earlier. I raised my head again and stared at the most beautiful, deep, green eyes. A smile fought through my tears. “Yes,” I croaked. “Now that you’re here.”
“Baby, what happened?” He squatted down beside me and wrapped me up in his strong arms. I released a shaky breath. His soft lips repeatedly kissed my temple. “You’re shaking,” he murmured against my skin. Until he’d told me, I hadn’t realized my entire body was shuddering. I wasn’t sure if I was frightened from the fear of losing him or from the deviled spirit.
“He was evil, Aaron,” I whimpered. “I slipped up. I didn’t mean to. It was an accident. I was so careful to not openly stare anyone in the eye, but when I rounded the corner, we ran into each other and when I apologized…” What more could I say? The rest was self-explanatory. Aaron asked me to follow one simple rule, and I failed him. It felt strange to feel like a failure. It was a feeling I hadn’t recalled ever feeling before. Now I understood why so many people got down on themselves. It really did make you feel like shit.
Lifting my head, I looked into his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I screwed up. I’m sorry I came out here looking for you instead of waiting for you to come home. I’m so sorry I put your life in danger,” I apologized, meaning every word from my heart. Apologies weren’t something I handed out. Ever. And from the way Aaron gazed back at me, he knew it too.
“What did he want with me?”
He squeezed his eye shut. “He wanted you. He wanted to enter you; take over your body.” He opened his eyes and his eyebrows stitched together creating a deep crease. “That’s what the evil spirits do. Your body becomes their temple.”
He palmed my cheek in his hand and his thumb swept gently over my lip. “Thank God I got to you before he took you away from me.”
Watching him struggle internally saddened me. Seeing him physically hurt because of my carelessness saddened me more. “Did he attack you? Are you okay? Is he gone? I really am sorry. Please forgive me,” I begged.
His thumb stopped over the center of my lips and pressed down. “Shh…”
Forgiving lips crashed into mine before a sweep of his warm tongue entered my mouth. All too willingly, I accepted all he had to offer. The delectable taste of him danced across my taste buds, and I deepened the kiss to encourage more.
We were lost in a world we were creating. A world most people didn’t know existed. A world where only the two of us belonged.
Aaron broke the kiss, leaving me panting, hungry for more. “You’re making this so difficult for me,” he said, breathing heavily. It wasn’t his words that so much confused me, it was the way his chest rose and fell. It was as if he’d just finished running a marathon. I gasped for air because he took my breath away. He didn’t really exist among the living so his need for oxygen was non-existent.
“The cops need to do a better job in our community by cleaning up the crack addicts roaming the streets. Look at her, she’s hallucinating,” a woman said to her husband as they walked by. “She even dresses better than us. She must live off the government.” Her voice was pure abhorrence. It reminded me of myself before Aaron came into my life.
Aaron didn’t give me the chance to speak. “Just ignore them. I have something more important for you to focus on.” He pointed my attention toward another direction.
He stood up and reached out his hand for me to grab. “I have something to show you,” he said smiling. His hand tingled against my palm. His body buzzed with excitement. I turned my head back and forth, looking all around me for her. From the way he was acting, I knew he had found my mother.
“She’s ready. Go ahead and come out,” he said smiling.
From out of nowhere, my mother appeared in front of me. She looked exactly the way I remembered her from my pictures. She was breathtakingly beautiful. We both shared the same color red hair. We both had the exact shaped eyes and color. I was a clone of her. Happy tears sprang to my eyes, and a cry only a child could have for their mom burst from within me.
My shoulders shook as I sobbed. Not knowing if I could touch her, I stood still and took in all I could muster from the years I had missed her. A gentle hand caressed my shoulders, and Aaron encouraged me to step closer to her. “It’s okay. You can touch her just the same as you can me.” His words were spoken so softly, I wasn’t sure if he was actually talking or if I was just imagining it.
Mom rushed to me and hugged me with more strength than I could’ve imagined. “Oh, Lennox! Oh, baby girl, it feels so wonderful to touch you again,” she cried. “I’ve dreamed of this day for so many years. I’ve always been with you. You may not have known it, but I’ve been by your side through so many important times of your life.” We both held onto each other so tight, it was as if we wanted to crawl into the other’s body.
I had never exp
erience love like I was at this exact moment. Knowing how all the other girls in school felt when they had their mother by their side was unexplainable. Any darkness I’d had in my heart was no longer there. She wiped my black slate clean and replaced it with the warmest of sunshine. Sure, my father’s love was like no other, and I knew I was blessed to have him in my life as so many people grow up not having one or never knowing there’s. But, there was nothing out there that could replace a mother’s love.
Aaron placed his hand on the small of my back, breaking our special moment together. “C’mon, we should hurry and get out of here before we draw unwanted attention from the other spirits or the living.”
He was right. I didn’t want a repeat of earlier with someone else. My mother’s eyebrows pulled together in question, and I wondered how much she was able to read my mind like Aaron did. Actually, I wondered how many others had the many talents Aaron possessed.
Reluctantly, we extricated ourselves from one another. “I’ll walk you to the car then meet you at your house. I want to stay behind and check things out around here. I need to make sure that guy doesn’t have any other friends lingering around.” He wrapped his fingers behind my neck and kissed me easily on the forehead. “Be careful. I l—. Just be careful. See you soon.”
Before I could process what was about to fall out of his mouth, he disappeared from thin air. It was magical. And, it was a cop-out.
I stood in place, dazed and confused.
He was about to say the L word.
Love.
Love.
Love.
Love.
I couldn’t stop saying it. The way it rolled off my tongue felt foreign. Sure, I’d had many guys in the past to tell me they loved me, but it was never real. It was just their way of hoping I’d turn to putty in their hands so they could take advantage of me.
The way he didn’t say it told me he meant it.
Chapter 18
It was strange watching mom fade in and out in the passenger seat. It reminded me of Mike TV from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory when he scattered into a million pieces before being put back together to fit inside the TV screen.
