“Yes,” Harriet slid her feet to the ground. “By the way to revert to work ... Duncan thinks Mary Miles could be discharged before Christmas.”
“Mary Miles? She is much better and has been getting up for the last few days, but there was some question of her home conditions: her mother works in a restaurant or something.”
“Yes, I know. Duncan was quite adamant that the child shouldn’t spend hours in a steamy kitchen, but he has got that matter under control. Apparently he is taking on Mrs. Miles as housekeeper; he has fixed up a large, airy room for the child, and there is a marvellous garden.” Harriet gave her deep laugh. “He must have spent hours working up enough courage to sack that woman he had; only his interest and pride in Mary’s recovery could have inspired him to tackle her.”
“What splendid news! Mrs. Miles must be thrilled. She was terribly worried last visiting day, she said that she couldn’t get a suitable job anywhere.” Jill’s happiness for Mrs. Miles was genuine, but even then it was little compared to the pleasure that Duncan McRey’s action afforded her. She had thought him callous, disinterested once his part of the work was finished. How wrong she had been. Like so much else about this man, his curt manner was a pose, and every day she was becoming more aware of the latent kindliness which lay beneath that foreboding exterior.
“Here is Duncan. I can see him through the window just leaving O.P’s. I’ll go and meet him.” Harriet smoothed out the creases in her skirt and turned towards the door. “Have we many cases to see this afternoon?” she looked back to enquire.
“No, it will be a short round.” In a way Jill was glad of the diversion which Harriet’s early arrival had caused. She had not had the opportunity to give a thought to Duncan McRey’s impending ward round, and now, apart from the quickened heart-beats which the sight of this tall figure had evoked, she found herself calm and self-possessed. While Harriet went to meet him she busied herself with final instructions to Brenda and by the time Duncan McRey entered her office she was ready waiting, his white coat folded over her arm.
With a brief nod he took it from her hand, not pausing in the discussion he was having with Harriet. Jill didn’t know what it was about, but she was more conscious than ever of the easy intimacy which existed between them. “Thanks.” He broke off to address Jill as she placed the tweed jacket he had discarded carefully over the chair. “Now what have you for me to-day?”
Jill handed him her list, but he had already turned again to Harriet. “Mrs. Miles is a treasure, gave me the best breakfast this morning that I’ve had in years ... That was a pretty clever move of mine, getting her as housekeeper.”
“You old humbug! You know perfectly well you’d have taken her if she’d been an incapable half-wit!” Harriet chided him “You weren’t thinking of yourself at all.” Her hand rested for a moment on his arm. “I’m more than glad if for once you get some benefit from one of your quixotic actions.”
The smile of understanding that flashed between them haunted Jill as she followed them round the ward. With all her heart she envied Harriet’s easy camaraderie with Duncan McRey. If only she herself had been in a position to meet him on equal grounds, but in his eyes she was only one of many nurses to do his bidding, no more than a mere cog in the machinery which ensured the smooth running and efficiency of the hospital.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Jill leaned forward for Philip Traven to light her cigarette, then, relaxing in her chair, glanced round the dining-room of the Marine Hotel. It still needed ten days to Christmas, but the hotel already showed signs of rousing itself from its state of apathy. Fresh covers brightened the lounge chairs; the almost empty shelves behind the bar now boasted an assortment of bottles of every shape and colour screens which normally divided off half the floor space had been removed, displaying the full proportions of the semi-circular dining-room with its wide windows overlooking the bay. For the Marine Hotel, Christmas was an important event in the dreary monotony of the winter months a few days when laughter and merry voices would re-echo through, the public rooms ... a reminder of the summer seasons gone, but shortly to return again.
“Jill, while we are dissecting this chicken, I’d like to pick a metaphorical bone with you.” Philip’s words broke in on Jill’s reverie.
“What about, Philip? What have I done?”
“At Brent you told me definitely that you had no intention of leaving St. Joseph’s; now it’s general knowledge that you are. Even allowing for hospital rumour, everyone can’t be wrong.” He spoke a trifle aggrievedly.
“They aren’t wrong this time. I’ve changed my mind, I am leaving.” Aware of Philip’s obvious surprise, Jill hurried on. “I didn’t know last week-end, it was a sudden decision.”
“I should think so, very sudden I should imagine. And what’s this story about you getting married?”
“That’s not true, but it’s easier to let everyone think so, so you might keep the truth to yourself.”
“Of course I won’t say anything, but what is the truth—the real reason, I mean?”
“I ... I prefer to go back to London ... it’s difficult to get home from here ... I hardly see Terry at all.” Jill sought to find a plausible excuse which would close the discussion.
“I see,” Philip agreed, but without real conviction.
Silence fell between them as the waiter served the sweet course. Of course Jill could have told of the part Brenda had played in her decision, but somehow she felt reluctant to do so; since Philip had once been friendly with Brenda, she didn’t want to say anything to blacken Brenda in his eyes.
Philip, aware that Jill intended to be reticent, abruptly changed the subject.
“Quite a good meal for the ‘Marine’, although they usually do us well on Sunday nights, but it wouldn’t surprise me if they’d got in a new chef for Christmas. The place fills up over the holidays, dance band, fancy dress ball, children’s tea party and all, a positive round of gaiety, you wouldn’t know it!”
“I certainly shouldn’t!” Jill spoke conventionally, hardly aware of what she was saying. Philip’s reminder that to-day was Sunday sent her thoughts spinning back to Harriet and Duncan McRey ... Would they have left Brent Towers yet? Perhaps they’d stayed to dinner ... more likely they were already on the road, side by side, travelling through the darkness ... Had he tucked a rug round Harriet’s knees? But it wasn’t so cool this week, and the new car wouldn’t be draughty ... all day the image of those two had haunted her. She had thought of Terry too, wondering how he was looking now, how quickly he was progressing, and her own inability to get to him smote her afresh.
“It’s been nice having you at St. Joseph’s. I am going to miss you badly.”
Once again Jill brought herself back to the present with an effort of will power. “Of course you won’t miss me. You are thoroughly spoilt, you know perfectly well there are dozens of other girls only too willing to keep you company!” She laughed at his air of dejection. “You’ll soon have forgotten that I’d ever been at St. Joseph’s, and no doubt you’ll be consoling yourself with someone else and almost before my train leaves the station!” Jill forced herself to introduce a note of levity.
“We’ve always got on well together,” Philip persisted, unwilling to have his grievance so readily dismissed.
“... and from what I hear you and Brenda Malling got on well together before I turned up,” Jill remind him with a provocative smile.
“Oh, Brenda!... yes, she’s nice enough...”
“Nice enough?” Jill echoed scoffingly. “She is an extremely attractive girl, and you’ve neglected her shamefully lately!”
“What’s the matter with you?” Philip asked with undisguised astonishment. “I thought you didn’t like her; you always seemed to be at loggerheads with one another.”
“Just a misunderstanding, that’s all,” Jill explained airily. “You said yourself that you had to get to know her.” Jill was surprised at the pleasure—almost relief—which her words evoked, and s
uddenly she knew that her own antipathy to Brenda must have influenced Philip more than she had realized. Looking back she recalled how much he had always depended on her judgment, and her one desire at that moment was to undo any harm she had inadvertently caused. “I know now how charming and helpful Brenda can be. You were right about her, I was wrong, that’s all,” she ended with a disarming smile.
“I’m awfully glad you think so. I could never understand why you two couldn’t hit it off together.”
“She seems to be going through a difficult time, with the responsibility of a niece to support.” Jill looked up to watch his reaction to her remark, and was glad to see that the subject was no surprise to him.
“Yes, Julie is a big responsibility; she’s a pretty girl, came in once for tonsils.” Philip beckoned the waiter to order coffee, then turned again to Jill. “I’ve got to go back by ten, I’m on call,” he explained as he snapped open his cigarette case and handed it across the table.
“Yes, I know. I’ll stroll back with you, then I think I’ll take a walk along the front before turning in. I haven’t had a spot of fresh air this week, all my off-duty time seems to have been spent sorting out toys, attending meetings, discussing decorations and generally making myself useful.” Jill laughed cheerfully as she filled the coffee cups and passed one across to her companion. “Still, Christmas is great fun even though it entails a lot of extra work, but the children adore everything, and it gives them such pleasure, it more than compensates for the commotion in the wards!” She glanced at her watch. “You ought to be getting the bill, it’s nearly a quarter to ten.”
Five minutes later they were making their way towards the hospital. Philip in friendly fashion slipped an arm through Jill’s “I hope I’m not going to lose touch with you again when you leave here. Promise you’ll let me know where you’re working,” he urged.
“Of course I shall, and you must come to Brent Towers for a week-end in the Spring. I shall probably invite Brenda too!” Jill threatened laughingly.
Philip joined in her laughter, and a short time later they parted at the hospital gates.
With hastened steps Jill walked towards the sea front. It was full moon, and the white paving of the promenade stretched clearly before her; even the distant cliffs were outlined, and the houses along the front stood etched as a dark silhouette against the sky. Almost without volition she found herself making for the jetty; to-night the waves lapped gently against the beach, making a sibilant sound as they sucked back the loose shingle. There was no battle with the elements as there had been on that night with Duncan McRey, no battle but the struggle against the misery which threatened to overwhelm her. Like the wide stretch of ocean, her future seemed to loom ahead, wherever she went, whatever she did. Could she ever find contentment again? Yet she knew now with certainty that Brenda, in forcing the issue, had done her a kindness. Duncan McRey must go out of her life for ever.
Having no wind to contend with, Jill quickly reached the jetty. It seemed alien and strange without the beat of the waves at her back, the contrasting silence eerie and unnatural. Seating herself on the bench, she stared across the smooth waters until she became aware of a sense of peace as if she herself were part of the quiet, enveloping night. For the first time for some days she felt able to think, to co-ordinate her troubled thoughts. She’d apply for a post in London, she decided. At least she’d be near Terry. She’d always loved him, but during the dreadful crisis of his illness, she had realized more than ever how much he filled her heart. Now in his convalescence, when he needed her most, she couldn’t be with him at all. She knew perhaps better than anyone else Lady Hallard’s deficiencies. Lady Hallard would pet and spoil the child, but a streak of selfishness always denied Terry the deep love and care he needed. Nana was Terry’s devoted slave, but as the boy grew older it was hardly fair to expect her to replace a parent’s love. Jill knew it was up to her to give Terry all she herself had lacked in childhood.
She found herself wondering what time Duncan McRey and Harriet would get back from Brent. She had made up her mind to telephone Harriet and ask for news of Terry. If only she could have gone herself ... Jill sighed as she thrust aside the wish; she’d have to be satisfied with Harriet’s report. In a few minutes she’d start back ... surely Harriet would be home by now...
“I thought I might find you here.” Creped-soled shoes had deadened the sound of Duncan McRey’s approach, and Jill looked up with a stifled exclamation as she heard herself addressed. “I saw Traven; he said you’d walked this way.”
“You gave me a shock. I didn’t hear you coming.” Her deep concentration and his muffled footsteps had made her completely unaware of Duncan McRey’s presence until his voice had startled her to life; even now it seemed unreal to see him standing before her as if his tall figure were some spectre conjured from the mist.
“Please move along, I’d like to sit down.”
His laughing reminder that she was occupying the centre of the small bench brought Jill to her senses. With a murmured apology she shifted her position, making room for him at her side. “I’m ... I’m sorry. I was still getting over the surprise of your appearance. I ... I wasn’t expecting anyone.”
“Well, that’s a relief, anyway, I’m glad I’m not breaking in on a rendezvous ... or perhaps tryst is the correct word!” he rejoined with a laugh as he seated himself at her side and began to fill his pipe. “I thought you might like news of your young brother. He is doing splendidly has recuperated very quickly and is getting up for a bit tomorrow.”
“Oh, I’m so glad.” Jill clasped her gloved hands together in her lap and turned her glowing face to her companion. “I’ve been wondering all day. I meant to phone and ask Harriet; it’s marvellous to have direct news from you.”
“There are still ten days to Christmas, he’ll be quite fit again by then. Sir Trevor and Lady Hallard leave Brent by the middle of the week, but I understand you’ll meet them in town the day they go.”
“Yes, I promised I’d go up and see them off. It happens to be my off-duty time and, anyway, I want to get to London for some last-minute shopping.” Jill hesitated, then asked. “Please tell me, is Terry very upset at being left alone at Brent over Christmas?”
Ignoring the question, Duncan McRey went on. “You know Terry is an odd child, rather old for his years and given to introspection. He appears to be thrown back too much on his own resources, he is lonely and should have more companionship of his own age.”
“I know,” Jill eagerly agreed, glad to have someone with whom she could share her own doubts. “I feel that too. He needs more outlet for his natural high spirits; he is always with adults and is becoming curiously old-fashioned in some ways.”
“I’ve asked Nurse to bring him over here for Christmas.”
“You’ve ... what?” Jill exclaimed, wondering if she had heard right.
“It seemed an ideal solution,” he continued calmly as if it were the most natural thing in the world, and entirely unaware of Jill’s amazement, went on: “The child needs a change, he’ll be near you, and I’ll be able to keep an eye on him.”
“But ... but it’s too wonderful I can’t believe it.” Jill felt dazed. It didn’t seem possible that by a few simple words Duncan McRey could, as if by magic, conjure Terry to her side. She would after all be able to share his childish excitement as he fumbled to open his Christmas parcels, his little hands pulling impatiently at the string; hear his excited chatter about the wonders of his Christmas stocking, precious moments which up to this year she had never missed. Her heart overflowed with gratitude, and her violet eyes reflected the joy in her heart. “I don’t think I can ever attempt to express my gratitude.”
“There isn’t any question of gratitude.” He dismissed her words with a note of impatience. “Terry needs sea air. It was an obvious solution. No doubt he and his Nurse would be more comfortable at Harriet’s, but we felt her place was too far out. He’ll be far more accessible to you at my house.” Dunca
n McRey drew thoughtfully at his pipe before continuing. You’d better come over when you’ve some free time and have a look round. I’ll leave it to you to see about their rooms and to instruct Mrs. Miles in any way you consider necessary.”
Of course I will ... I ... I wouldn’t like you to be put out in any way ... Nana is very good with Terry. I’m sure she won’t let their visit disturb you.”
There was an almost boyish gesture in the way Duncan McRey threw back his head and laughed at her words. The moonlight revealed the square line of his jaw and the even row of white teeth beneath his curved lips. “You are unduly concerned. I assure you I’ve no intention of being disturbed; on the contrary, I shall enjoy my visitor.” He leaned forward and knocked out the ash of his pipe against the iron rail protecting the jetty, then with an abrupt change of subject turned again to Jill. “Very different to-night from our last visit here?”
“It’s wonderful!” There was a depth of underlying feeling in Jill’s words. Indeed, it was different, not only in the calm of the encompassing night, but in her own being. She had not even dreamed then that this man’s companionship could come to mean so much to her.
“I imagine you are beginning to like Sunsands?” His words were more a statement than a question.
“Like it?” Jill echoed the words as if to assure herself of their meaning. “‘I don’t think it’s the sort of place one likes, it’s so ugly ... I hated it at first ... then I began to see it quite differently. It’s very bleakness became an attraction, the stark outline of the cliffs took on a rugged beauty ... It has somehow grown on me ... and now...” Jill broke off abruptly. There had been something disturbingly familiar about her words. Hadn’t she expressed exactly the same feelings about the man at her side? With a sense of guilt she glanced up at her companion, but his expression was impassive.
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